Depression Society MkII Watch

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ice_dragoness274
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#8341
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#8341
(Original post by special1ne)
Not too good. I woke up at 5 this morning and stared up at the ceiling because I didn't want to go to college today, to spend yet another day with people that care about me truly because I'm a failure. Plus I was meant to sit two mock exams today and that really stopped me from wanting to go to college. An influx of negative things always manages to mess me up. God, I hate being like this; and my thoughts are much, much worse as well.

aww *Hugs* :console:

I'm like that pretty much every day since I made the mistake of moving (to a private) school, I feel soooo down and am finding it hard to revise for exams and shizz. Btw you're at Woodhouse?! I got rejected by them :mad: lol. I'm pretty annoyed coz my predicted grades were better than loads who did get in, and i live 10 mins bus away from there!

Hope things brighten up soon anyway
^_^
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kiss_me_now9
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#8342
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#8342
(Original post by sian_bedford)
:hugs: I feel crappy too. Just hug it out. Is this the holiday you weren't informed about? Try not to let it get you down, log out of facebook or whereever and leave it for a bit :hugs:
Yeah. She's signed onto MSN as well but hasn't started a conversation with me... She's done that a few days in a row, she talked to me for five minutes this morning but I was about to get into the shower so it was literally a hi, sorry gtg kinda affair.

I'm trying to focus on some positive things for my new job, starting to look into what kind of car I want, where I'm going to take it etc. Fun fun.

:hugs:
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special1ne
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#8343
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#8343
It's a bit different for me. I'm terrified people will find out at college. Thank God I left my old school; that would destroy me. And yeah I get that feeling as well, that one comment will set me off and all will come out in an orchestra of screaming, shouting and lame attempts to physically hurt people. I don't have that many friends anyway, so no one will care, but people distancing themselves from me is a daunting possibility.
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diamonddust
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#8344
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#8344
I keep sleeping as soon as I get home from college and skipping dinner. I dont mean to but college takes a lot out of me. I have a real Biology written practical exam on Friday and I haven't opened a book to prepare for it. I got called negative three times today because I made the mistake of saying how I really feel about my lack of regard for exams (we got our statements of entry today) and one of my friends said I was 'emo' which made me want to slap her and start shouting at her but I just walked away.
I'm finding it really hard to take this one day at a time. All I want to do is stay in bed, I couldn't care less about anything but for some reason I have to go to college and do exams that don't matter and pretend to people that I'm 'really worried about exams' when frankly I don't give a ****. I can't stand not being able to do what I want to do just so I can protect other people who will forget about me anyway. I need to speak to my doctor. I can't let this kill me. But I can't help but think it will anyway.
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diamonddust
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#8345
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#8345
(Original post by special1ne)
It's a bit different for me. I'm terrified people will find out at college. Thank God I left my old school; that would destroy me. And yeah I get that feeling as well, that one comment will set me off and all will come out in an orchestra of screaming, shouting and lame attempts to physically hurt people. I don't have that many friends anyway, so no one will care, but people distancing themselves from me is a daunting possibility.
You do have friends, me for one. I'm not gonna leave. And where were you today? Did you not come in? And ditto about the feeling. I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams, I'm meant to be level headed and not angry but it doesn't work. I just keep it in and take it out on myself.
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special1ne
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#8346
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#8346
I was at home wondering why I even go to college (this was at 5 in the morning). Then I overslept and woke up at 12:37, and decided it's not worth going to college. And yeah we do go same college Sian. I think I know who called you an 'emo' Michal. And thanks for sticking by me. I really do need you around me, you help me out a lot, better than other 'friends' who pretend they care.
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Bangers+Mash
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#8347
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#8347
I have wasted so much now.
All I have done is watch time without a thought about anything.
I really need to change things and quickly.
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vapid slut magician
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#8348
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#8348
I wish I was dead.
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Vienna Cannon
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#8349
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#8349
Argh god this is so frustrating. My dad split from my mum nearly 14 years ago, and its getting ever closer to my birthday... and I got a card through (haven't opened it) Me and my mum didnt recognise the handwriting and so I asked her if she knew anyone from the norfolk area because I didn't. Its from (likely guess) my nan on my dad's side. After fourteen years of not wanting to know us they are now sending birthday cards and trying to get in touch with me. Its getting to me so much. Because for so long I wanted them to get in touch and they didn't, when i finally lose hope they send me a birthday card.
I have no Idea what I should do. If they have left an adress should I write to them. Should I ignore it. Should i pay no attention to it.

Its thrown me a lot having them do this now. I got so many problems right now and all they seem to do is add to it. I have no ide where i stand with it all.

My family are driving me insane I can't stand them. My brother and sister constantly at each others throats screaming hitting fighting. both of them upsetting my little brother so much its like a war zone with them around and its always when my mum and dad are out because they know they can get away with it because i don't see no point in saying anything about it to my mum because she never belives me or just does nothing. Its so frustrating.

I still Havent been able to find a job its getting increasingly difficult and i am completely out of money. I tried extending my over draft just by a small bit and they said that they were considering reducing it to £100 and then I'd be in debt again. I still owe money on my credit card and i have no way of paying it off until i get a job and I have my ex's phone bills to pay off, and he owes me so much money but refuses to pay up. :'(
It all gets too much. He came by last week to return the last of my stuff but he didn't return it all he refused to give me all my electrical goods so i have nothing to trade in at a cash converters etc. and its getting increasingly difficult to live because each day brings me closer to attempt suicide again, and One day I know that the final straw will be drawn and I won't stop myself.

It feels like my family really don't care about me. My sister is wanting me to get her a birthday present. I can't afford it. its not like she ever bothered with me for the past 4 years, even when I always got her something. She's stealing my cigarettes again and I just want to hit her. She never pays me back and keeps trying to borrow money off me when she already gets **** loads in benefits. Yet her kids always look a right state. My niece and nephew never wearing any socks in filthy clothes and her house... is so ******* disgusting sometimes I think she doesnt deserve those kids.

sorry for my rant I just needed to get that off of me.
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Sabertooth
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#8350
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#8350
I can't work :sad: I feel so stupid posting this, you all have real problems and I'm complaining about my complete inability to do any work. I just cry everytime I sit down to do it. I feel so pathetic and useless, I'm going to fail again and it's my fault because I'm not doing any work yet I can't: I read like a page immediately forget what I've read, don't understand it anyway and then can't make notes on it so end up crying instead. I'm a pathetic waste of space. I knew I'm not cut out for uni but I was stubborn enough to try again anyway, so ******* stupid.
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Vienna Cannon
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#8351
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#8351
How ******* wonderful I have now caused my brother a little accident all because I asked him to hold buster's lead ******* useless. I'm glad it wasn't too serious but still its all my stupid useless self fault. I can't do anything right
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wallflower*
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#8352
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#8352
(Original post by Sabertooth)
I can't work :sad: I feel so stupid posting this, you all have real problems and I'm complaining about my complete inability to do any work. I just cry everytime I sit down to do it. I feel so pathetic and useless, I'm going to fail again and it's my fault because I'm not doing any work yet I can't: I read like a page immediately forget what I've read, don't understand it anyway and then can't make notes on it so end up crying instead. I'm a pathetic waste of space. I knew I'm not cut out for uni but I was stubborn enough to try again anyway, so ******* stupid.
Have you spoken to your tutors or advisor about how hard you are finding things?
You're not stupid, a lot of people find it hard and if you aren't feeling too good anyway things can be even harder. A technique i've developed for when i can't understand what i have to read is to read it a sentance at a time and make notes on it as i go along, rewording and translating it in to language i can understand. It takes time, but if there is something im really struggling with it's worth it. It may or may not work for you, point is you are trying to do the work and understand it which is more than a lot of people at uni do, so i definately would not say you're not cut out for uni :yep:

But i can relate to how you are feeling, i had coursework due yesterday and i couldn't do it, i'm still trying to figure it out now and don't know how i'm ever going to get it done. This work is worth 50% of the module and i feel like i have really let myself down by messing up like this. All i want to do is go to bed but i am stuck on this stupid essay, and i don't even see the point anymore, my dream to do an MA but to be honest i don't think i'm good enough. I'm going to struggle to get a degree at all and it all seems a bit pointless right now. The worst bit is i'm not even stressed anymore, i just feel numb and don't even care
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diamonddust
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#8353
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#8353
(Original post by Sabertooth)
I can't work :sad: I feel so stupid posting this, you all have real problems and I'm complaining about my complete inability to do any work. I just cry everytime I sit down to do it. I feel so pathetic and useless, I'm going to fail again and it's my fault because I'm not doing any work yet I can't: I read like a page immediately forget what I've read, don't understand it anyway and then can't make notes on it so end up crying instead. I'm a pathetic waste of space. I knew I'm not cut out for uni but I was stubborn enough to try again anyway, so ******* stupid.
I can't offer you any comfort because the exact same thing happens to me but everything you are saying about yourself is a lie. You aren't stupid at all. You're strong for daring to try again. Don't put yourself down. If work is making you feel useless, take a break from it. Don't force yourself to do it when you have other things on your mind because you'll only resent yourself for not being better, smarter, stronger, when in reality you are capable of doing it. And don't feel guilty for posting here, anything that's affecting you and making you feel depressed is a problem. :hugs:

I wish I could take my own advice. I have an important exam tomorrow and two Chemistry write-ups to do by tomorrow and I know I won't be able to sleep at night which means I'll have to redbull my exam and I just got a call from my sister who basically told me I have to sort myself out because I can't sleep on her floor forever (she thinks if I fail my A levels I'll be too depressed to do anything and will end up sleeping on her floor which really isn't too far off the mark) and I'm playing with my future. I'm too exhausted to tell her I don't care anymore. I managed to fuction relatively well in college today but I almost started crying in English Lit for no reason but I hid it so it was ok. I don't know why I'm wallowing when I have nothing to be upset about. Other people have it so much worse than me. It doesn't help knowing that, I just feel even more like I don't deserve to live because I'm so disgustingly weak. I don't think my wanting to die is ever going to go away. I know it's going to get to the point where it really does get too much and going to sleep and hiding away won't be enough.
I hate this. It's weird how quickly I've come to care about you guys here. I want you all to be ok.

Oh yeah, whoever repped me and didn't leave their name- thank you.

Oh Vienna. I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault whatever happened, it was an accident. I hope your brother is ok and please don't blame yourself.
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jonathan122
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#8354
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#8354
(Original post by vapid slut magician)
I wish I was dead.
:hugs:

What's up?
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jonathan122
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#8355
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#8355
(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
Argh god this is so frustrating. My dad split from my mum nearly 14 years ago, and its getting ever closer to my birthday... and I got a card through (haven't opened it) Me and my mum didnt recognise the handwriting and so I asked her if she knew anyone from the norfolk area because I didn't. Its from (likely guess) my nan on my dad's side. After fourteen years of not wanting to know us they are now sending birthday cards and trying to get in touch with me. Its getting to me so much. Because for so long I wanted them to get in touch and they didn't, when i finally lose hope they send me a birthday card.
I have no Idea what I should do. If they have left an adress should I write to them. Should I ignore it. Should i pay no attention to it.

Its thrown me a lot having them do this now. I got so many problems right now and all they seem to do is add to it. I have no ide where i stand with it all.

My family are driving me insane I can't stand them. My brother and sister constantly at each others throats screaming hitting fighting. both of them upsetting my little brother so much its like a war zone with them around and its always when my mum and dad are out because they know they can get away with it because i don't see no point in saying anything about it to my mum because she never belives me or just does nothing. Its so frustrating.

I still Havent been able to find a job its getting increasingly difficult and i am completely out of money. I tried extending my over draft just by a small bit and they said that they were considering reducing it to £100 and then I'd be in debt again. I still owe money on my credit card and i have no way of paying it off until i get a job and I have my ex's phone bills to pay off, and he owes me so much money but refuses to pay up. :'(
It all gets too much. He came by last week to return the last of my stuff but he didn't return it all he refused to give me all my electrical goods so i have nothing to trade in at a cash converters etc. and its getting increasingly difficult to live because each day brings me closer to attempt suicide again, and One day I know that the final straw will be drawn and I won't stop myself.

It feels like my family really don't care about me. My sister is wanting me to get her a birthday present. I can't afford it. its not like she ever bothered with me for the past 4 years, even when I always got her something. She's stealing my cigarettes again and I just want to hit her. She never pays me back and keeps trying to borrow money off me when she already gets **** loads in benefits. Yet her kids always look a right state. My niece and nephew never wearing any socks in filthy clothes and her house... is so ******* disgusting sometimes I think she doesnt deserve those kids.

sorry for my rant I just needed to get that off of me.

I'm confused, why do you have to pay your ex's phone bills when he owes you money? I really think you should get in touch with the police about him.

Also, I really think it would be worthwhile signing on for benefits until you find a job, just so you've got some money to live on.

:hugs:
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Vienna Cannon
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#8356
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#8356
(Original post by jonathan122)
I'm confused, why do you have to pay your ex's phone bills when he owes you money? I really think you should get in touch with the police about him.

Also, I really think it would be worthwhile signing on for benefits until you find a job, just so you've got some money to live on.

:hugs:
Because I took them out in my name when we were together and he over used it by a lot even when he had unlimited texts and 800 minutes, so i have to pay it off and he refuses to pay up.
I'm trying to get on jsa but its proving a little difficult because technically I willingly left my job
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Vienna Cannon
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#8357
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#8357
diamonddust, I blame myself because i should have been holding the dog and if i had been he wouldnt of been pulled over, I am so glad all we can tell so far is a bit of a bump and bruise. though the force he hit the floor at I was scared he had broken his neck he bounced off his head and flipped If anything worse had happened I couldn't live with myseelf. I already cause everyone enough emotional pain I dont want to be the cause of lots of physically pain
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jonathan122
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#8358
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#8358
(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
Because I took them out in my name when we were together and he over used it by a lot even when he had unlimited texts and 800 minutes, so i have to pay it off and he refuses to pay up.
I'm trying to get on jsa but its proving a little difficult because technically I willingly left my job
Seriously, get the police on to him.

Surely no-one can expect you to still be doing a job which you had to give up for health reasons in a place where you no longer live?

Have you looked at disability benefits at all?
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Sabertooth
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#8359
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#8359
(Original post by wallflower*)
Have you spoken to your tutors or advisor about how hard you are finding things?
You're not stupid, a lot of people find it hard and if you aren't feeling too good anyway things can be even harder. A technique i've developed for when i can't understand what i have to read is to read it a sentance at a time and make notes on it as i go along, rewording and translating it in to language i can understand. It takes time, but if there is something im really struggling with it's worth it. It may or may not work for you, point is you are trying to do the work and understand it which is more than a lot of people at uni do, so i definately would not say you're not cut out for uni :yep:

But i can relate to how you are feeling, i had coursework due yesterday and i couldn't do it, i'm still trying to figure it out now and don't know how i'm ever going to get it done. This work is worth 50% of the module and i feel like i have really let myself down by messing up like this. All i want to do is go to bed but i am stuck on this stupid essay, and i don't even see the point anymore, my dream to do an MA but to be honest i don't think i'm good enough. I'm going to struggle to get a degree at all and it all seems a bit pointless right now. The worst bit is i'm not even stressed anymore, i just feel numb and don't even care
Thanks for the reply. Yeah I've spoken to my tutor and the disability people and they say I can have extra time in exams but I feel really bad about taking it and also it seems kind of useless; if I don't know the work, I don't know it, extra time won't help. The numbness and not caring is how I feel half the time (when I'm not crying over it) so I definitely sympathise with you there. I will try your technique, thanks. One of the big problems is how pretentious so many academic writers come across, I've found myself resorting to "intro to..." books and even wikipedia (which seems really good on my subject) because I can't make head or tail of the books and articles on the bibliography.

Tbh I don't see why you wouldn't be able to do an MA just because of one bit of work from one module, keep going and I'm sure you can get there. :hugs: Perhaps you could do a bit of work then use bed as a reward afterwards? Dunno if this will work, I'm trying the same with computer as a reward but it makes no difference. I haven't done an MA (:p:) but I know a few people who have and if you're at a half decent uni getting alright marks you should be able to cope with one from what I've heard, I don't know where you're at uni or anything but if it's your dream you should go for it even if worse comes to worse and you do fail at least you tried otherwise you'll never know. :hugs:
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Sabertooth
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#8360
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#8360
(Original post by diamonddust)
I can't offer you any comfort because the exact same thing happens to me but everything you are saying about yourself is a lie. You aren't stupid at all. You're strong for daring to try again. Don't put yourself down. If work is making you feel useless, take a break from it. Don't force yourself to do it when you have other things on your mind because you'll only resent yourself for not being better, smarter, stronger, when in reality you are capable of doing it. And don't feel guilty for posting here, anything that's affecting you and making you feel depressed is a problem. :hugs:

I wish I could take my own advice. I have an important exam tomorrow and two Chemistry write-ups to do by tomorrow and I know I won't be able to sleep at night which means I'll have to redbull my exam and I just got a call from my sister who basically told me I have to sort myself out because I can't sleep on her floor forever (she thinks if I fail my A levels I'll be too depressed to do anything and will end up sleeping on her floor which really isn't too far off the mark) and I'm playing with my future. I'm too exhausted to tell her I don't care anymore. I managed to fuction relatively well in college today but I almost started crying in English Lit for no reason but I hid it so it was ok. I don't know why I'm wallowing when I have nothing to be upset about. Other people have it so much worse than me. It doesn't help knowing that, I just feel even more like I don't deserve to live because I'm so disgustingly weak. I don't think my wanting to die is ever going to go away. I know it's going to get to the point where it really does get too much and going to sleep and hiding away won't be enough.
I hate this. It's weird how quickly I've come to care about you guys here. I want you all to be ok.

Oh yeah, whoever repped me and didn't leave their name- thank you.

Oh Vienna. I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault whatever happened, it was an accident. I hope your brother is ok and please don't blame yourself.
I've now failed twice, this will be my third attempt at uni, how many people have 3 attempts at university and still manage to **** up? :sad: People keep saying to me to take a break if I can't do it but I can't really focus on anything else either, all I seem to do is nap or sit on tsr because I can't even concentrate on computer games. Thanks for the advice though, it never ceases to amaze me how nice people are here, I wish I could meet people irl who are as nice.

Do you have anything to help you sleep? Not great to rely on but if you ask your doctor saying you have sleeping problems he'd probably give you something, a decent night's sleep really makes a difference in exams.

Aw I hate crying for no reason :hugs: I'm glad to hear you managed at college alright today apart from that though. You're not wallowing either. Don't worry about other people, everyone handles things differently, you don't know how they'd act if they were in your shoes, you're not weak at all you're going to college despite feeling like ****, you're managing to do tests at college, you're coming on here helping other people, that's not weak. Also, I know it's really hard to try and see there is hope, but you don't know where things are going to go, counselling, CBT or meds might really help you not feel this way anymore. :hugs:
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