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    applied for JSA, its actually quite a scary prospect
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    Massive argument with mum about what we're not allowed to talk about. :cry2: She really knows what buttons to push to get a reaction from me. ****ty ****ty daughter that I am. :cry:
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    Positive Post YAY!
    Woke up today and just felt very like things are possible... Had a more productive day today than I have for the last four weeks put together... Desperately needed after missing two lectures yesterday

    Birthday tomorrow and a club in town is putting on a Willy Wonka club themed night with oompa loompas handing out candyfloss chocolate and sweets :3 who could say no?!

    And to top it all off I'm going home for the weekend to see family and friends... Feeling very good today, sending everyone a million good vibes. :hugs:
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    I keep making all these steps for regaining a living life instead of just a clinging to existence survival and I keep failing every time. It's not like I'm trying any massive hard things, it's all just tiny stuff that most people take for granted as part of their day to day business, like actually attending uni or mild socialising.
    I'm trying to be all like "yeah you're not succeeding, but you are at least trying because you want to which is miles better than how you were just a few months ago" but I don't know if I really do want to. I sort of want to live but equally I don't think that's possible, and I'm just continuously proving that to myself.
    Living with ptsd is so hard. Am swinging wildly between 'ptsd is **** im going to fight it', 'ptsd is ****, don't bother it isn't beatable' and 'im **** of course i will never be ok'. Don't really know what to do. Trying to focus on right now is pretty bad cos right now is still so horrible, but trying to focus on the future is worse because no hope so what am I doing.
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    (Original post by Sultana)
    I keep making all these steps for regaining a living life instead of just a clinging to existence survival and I keep failing every time. It's not like I'm trying any massive hard things, it's all just tiny stuff that most people take for granted as part of their day to day business, like actually attending uni or mild socialising.
    I'm trying to be all like "yeah you're not succeeding, but you are at least trying because you want to which is miles better than how you were just a few months ago" but I don't know if I really do want to. I sort of want to live but equally I don't think that's possible, and I'm just continuously proving that to myself.
    Living with ptsd is so hard. Am swinging wildly between 'ptsd is **** im going to fight it', 'ptsd is ****, don't bother it isn't beatable' and 'im **** of course i will never be ok'. Don't really know what to do. Trying to focus on right now is pretty bad cos right now is still so horrible, but trying to focus on the future is worse because no hope so what am I doing.
    don't even know what to say just so much empathy.

    ---

    had flashback during/after lecture today. couldn't get up and leave so just sat dissociated-shaking-tactiles for half an hour and went into full on flashback basically as soon as people had left the lecture theatre. maybe I am meant to think it's a ****ing achievement that I could hold it off for that length of time. my friend said it is *something* and its more than I could do a few months ago. but I still had to feel it and I don't ****ing want to anymore.

    got so much stuff to arrange for academic things this year and its just making me wonder if there is any point. had a meeting with my mentor and basically came to the conclusion that I need to pull myself together, but it's so ****ing hard. I don't know how i'm meant to do one-to-one meetings with men, it scares the **** out of me, and I don't really have any choice if I want to get my degree. I think it might be too much hard. and I cant even tell anyone that because they will be like "what the **** are you even doing at Cambridge?" if I admit that someone's gender is a really valid reason to stupid ptsd brain to like not be able to function. **** I don't really know what to do.
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    Massive argument with mum about what we're not allowed to talk about. :cry2: She really knows what buttons to push to get a reaction from me. ****ty ****ty daughter that I am. :cry:
    :jumphug: Coming onto Facebook chat, if you're there


    (Original post by asdfgah)
    don't even know what to say just so much empathy.

    ---

    had flashback during/after lecture today. couldn't get up and leave so just sat dissociated-shaking-tactiles for half an hour and went into full on flashback basically as soon as people had left the lecture theatre. maybe I am meant to think it's a ****ing achievement that I could hold it off for that length of time. my friend said it is *something* and its more than I could do a few months ago. but I still had to feel it and I don't ****ing want to anymore.

    got so much stuff to arrange for academic things this year and its just making me wonder if there is any point. had a meeting with my mentor and basically came to the conclusion that I need to pull myself together, but it's so ****ing hard. I don't know how i'm meant to do one-to-one meetings with men, it scares the **** out of me, and I don't really have any choice if I want to get my degree. I think it might be too much hard. and I cant even tell anyone that because they will be like "what the **** are you even doing at Cambridge?" if I admit that someone's gender is a really valid reason to stupid ptsd brain to like not be able to function. **** I don't really know what to do.
    Reply to Tasha applies to you too (see above)


    (Original post by Maddie567)
    Basically, I've been very unhappy for a while. I get incredibly anxious and cry a lot of the time (seeing GP soon, fingers crossed). I've pushed some people away. However, I have (had?) this friend who sent me a message earlier this morning- in short it said- (it was long)

    "Everything you say is so ****ing negative you need to stop or just leave me the **** alone. I've had enough of how horrible you are, don't ever talk to me"

    I absolutely cannot understand why someone would say this to another who they for well know is unhappy/depressive. Do they want to push me over the ****ing edge?

    I sat in a cubicle, crying my eyes out and left. I don't even know what to do. What's the point.

    What do I do. I have no one to talk to.




    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I know you haven' posted the whole message but to me, that snippet suggests two things:

    1) Your friend has no idea that you're ill (let's not beat about the bush here: anxiety and depression are illnessses)

    OR

    2) Your friend is waste of space and you're better off without her

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Hey there

    I'm glad to hear your depression is getting better, I bet that's a huge relief. As for your anxiety, are you getting any help with it? If you talk to your GP you could ask to try medication or therapy such CBT. Both can be pretty effective but it's up to you which one you would want to go for. I'd recommend reading up on each. There's an online CBT course called moodgym you could try if you find the waiting lists too long. Medication wise, there's drugs you take when you face something particularly anxiety-inducing or drugs you take everyday regardless of what you're doing that day. Anxiety is something that can very easily get worse so I'd say talk to your doctor before it does
    hi, sorry for the late response!
    thank you. it really is. i'm a lot happier with life now that i'm recovering. i'm not, no. i'm currently in school so a few months ago i spoke to a counsellor and she never got back to me...the support system at our school for mental health isn't very good. i hate to sound cynical, but i'm completely against medication..i know it's bad but with medication i just feel like it won't be changing me. it'll feel artificial and i won't feel any better, i'd just feel like i was temporarily happier. i've tried cbt in the past
    and it just hasn't done anything for me, however i will look up moodgym i'd like to talk to my gp but i'm underage so i can't speak to her without her having to contact my parents, which i don't want her to do. i don't want them to worry. this is something i've faced day in day out, especially with depression. i ended up just trying to keep it to myself, however it didn't always work.
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    Feeling very failure like today, can't find a job, have no money, no motivation to do my uni work, and no clue what to write, and just want to run away from everything

    Really fallen back into self hatred mode which is not good when I need to be in productive mode if I wanna sort my life out


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    (Original post by octoberbaby)
    Positive Post YAY!
    Woke up today and just felt very like things are possible... Had a more productive day today than I have for the last four weeks put together... Desperately needed after missing two lectures yesterday

    Birthday tomorrow and a club in town is putting on a Willy Wonka club themed night with oompa loompas handing out candyfloss chocolate and sweets :3 who could say no?!

    And to top it all off I'm going home for the weekend to see family and friends... Feeling very good today, sending everyone a million good vibes. :hugs:
    YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :party2::party::nyan: Sounds like a lot of fun!
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Feeling very failure like today, can't find a job, have no money, no motivation to do my uni work, and no clue what to write, and just want to run away from everything

    Really fallen back into self hatred mode which is not good when I need to be in productive mode if I wanna sort my life out


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    You're definitely not a failure. :nah: Can you take a break from it all and go back to it when you're feeling differently about it? :hugs:
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    You're definitely not a failure. :nah: Can you take a break from it all and go back to it when you're feeling differently about it? :hugs:
    Already taken a break for nearly 2 weeks
    Need yet another kick up the backside, but so much is going on currently that I can't cope


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    Do you lot think it's okay that I'm doing 3 AS subjects instead of 4? The voices keep telling me it isn't, it's really stopping me from going to school.
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    (Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd)
    :



    I know you haven' posted the whole message but to me, that snippet suggests two things:

    1) Your friend has no idea that you're ill (let's not beat about the bush here: anxiety and depression are illnessses)

    OR

    2) Your friend is waste of space and you're better off without her

    :hugs:
    But I see her on a daily basis and she thinks I'm in the wrong. How should I go about that?




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    (Original post by lonelybrummie)
    Do you lot think it's okay that I'm doing 3 AS subjects instead of 4? The voices keep telling me it isn't, it's really stopping me from going to school.
    :hugs: Well it really depends on whether the courses you wanna do at uni (if you wanna go to uni!) require 4 AS Levels. Try not to worry about it too much :console:


    (Original post by Maddie567)
    But I see her on a daily basis and she thinks I'm in the wrong. How should I go about that?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    I guess you need to assess how she's come to her conclusions, why she might have said anything, and if there's any truth to what she's said? :dontknow:
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    (Original post by lonelybrummie)
    Do you lot think it's okay that I'm doing 3 AS subjects instead of 4? The voices keep telling me it isn't, it's really stopping me from going to school.
    i only have 2 AS grades and 2 A level grades,

    did 3 in year 12, dropped one and took 2 through to year 13 then picked up another AS...

    so its deffinately ok!
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    (Original post by lonelybrummie)
    Do you lot think it's okay that I'm doing 3 AS subjects instead of 4? The voices keep telling me it isn't, it's really stopping me from going to school.
    Ignore the voices, they're just trying to make you feel bad - and it's working.
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    i only have 2 AS grades and 2 A level grades,
    Same :five:

    ................................ ................................

    Right now I'm feeling **** again, can't believe it. Why does this always happen? :sad:
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    in absolute agony :bawling:
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    (Original post by avhhs)

    Right now I'm feeling **** again, can't believe it. Why does this always happen? :sad:
    :jumphug:

    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    in absolute agony :bawling:
    What's happened?! :hugs:
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    (Original post by tasha96)
    :jumphug:



    What's happened?! :hugs:
    the most horrific womans pain ever made :bawling:
 
 
 
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