Depression Society MkII Watch

This discussion is closed.
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8901
Report 9 years ago
#8901
:cry:
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8902
Report 9 years ago
#8902
I just want people to like me. :cry: I don't know what to do anymore. :cry:
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8903
Report 9 years ago
#8903
:cry:
0
Sabertooth
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8904
Report 9 years ago
#8904
(Original post by jonathan122)
:cry:
:hugs: Aren't you leaving in like a few weeks, try to concentrate on revision and just getting through this.
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8905
Report 9 years ago
#8905
(Original post by Sabertooth)
:hugs: Aren't you leaving in like a few weeks, try to concentrate on revision and just getting through this.
I just have this fear that I'm going to end up in sheltered housing after my parents die because there'll be no-one to take care of me. :cry:

How are you Saber? :hugs: I hope the exams are going ok. x
0
xxkaylsxx
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8906
Report 9 years ago
#8906
Been feeling pretty rubbish lately, its like im just going thorough the motions of school now. i no longer care about my A-levels or the fact that my "friends" are all happy and im not. Im just dont feels anything anymore, except the rare moments i feel like **** and just sit and cry.

Im sorry guys, exams are really getting me down and making me want to quit. How is everbody else?

(:hugs: Jonathan)
0
Antimatter
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#8907
Report 9 years ago
#8907
(Original post by jonathan122)
I just have this fear that I'm going to end up in sheltered housing after my parents die because there'll be no-one to take care of me. :cry:
Are your parents terminally ill? :hugs:
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8908
Report 9 years ago
#8908
(Original post by Antimatter)
Are your parents terminally ill? :hugs:
No, but I just don't see any end in sight to anything. I just feel so unhappy, and I can't see it ever getting any better.
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8909
Report 9 years ago
#8909
I just feel so unhappy, and I can't shake myself out if it. :cry:
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8910
Report 9 years ago
#8910
:cry:
0
Brook Taylor
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8911
Report 9 years ago
#8911
I quite literally have no friends anymore. I've never exactly been 'popular', but have always had at least some friends around me and even more acquaintances who I was able to talk to. For the last year or so though, I've been all alone as all my old friends left to go to uni while I stayed on for year 14 to do extra A levels. I've never been able to talk to anyone in the year below and so my entire time at college has been about work or procrastination. I tried making contact with my old friends via email but they all either fobbed me off or didn't reply (for whatever reason).

I'm not a very sociable person and am not into going out at night drinking, clubbing, socialising, meeting new people, etc. I'm not physically attractive, which just exacerbates my lack of sociability when I think about how I'm not only unattractive on the inside and incapable of making new friends.

I have been in just one relationship in my life, for a little over a year, which ended badly. It took me quite a while but I eventually came to accept that it ended because of how I'd treated her. My feelings never fully went away. After feeling like I'd been pushed back and forwards for six months or so, I was finally told by her that we shouldn't try to be friends as it "wouldn't work" (this is despite the fact that it seemed to me that we'd enjoyed each other's company whenever we'd spent any time together after breaking up). That was just over 6 months ago. She was my best friend.

My overwhelming loneliness got the better of me a few months ago when I finally cracked and broke down into what I guess you'd describe as a fairly catatonic state, where I'd refuse to leave my room, leave the house, talk to my family, work, etc. At night I'd cry myself to sleep while listening to depressing music. I tried to distract myself with homework (but I had lost all motivation to work at all), reading, surfing the internet - anything I could do in my room that didn't involve socialising - but nothing worked. There were one or two days every now and then where I'd forget the fact that aside from my family there was no one else, but it would only be temporary. Combined with frequent, demoralising arguments with my family, and getting into trouble at college for not working, I began to feel suicidal for the first time in my life.

At that point I felt I needed to talk to someone who might be able to understand how I felt, someone who had gone through similar experiences. So I turned to the one and only person left in my life who I thought might be there for me, my ex. I told her how I was feeling but she took it to be a "dirty trick" of mine to get her back, a way to hurt her, just a cry for attention. Of course, this wasn't true, but I'd alienated the one person in my life, aside from my family (for whom I have mutual, unconditional feelings for), who I still cared about. By hurting her and reminding her of her own bad experiences in life, I pushed her even further away to the point where I am now just a bad memory for her. I tried a few times afterward to apologise and make amends, but all was in vain.

Although I feel less like I want to kill myself now, I still have bad days, today of which is an example, where I do. I won't, simply because I couldn't do that to my family. But aside from them, there is no one else. I'm due to go off to uni this autumn which I'm partly looking forward to in order just to get out of here and start afresh. But as I said earlier, I'm not very sociable, and am going to find it incredibly difficult to make any friends. You may tell me that it'll be better once I get there, but I know in my heart of hearts that it's not that easy for me.

Aside from the fact that I also have a few medical conditions which make my life a little more difficult to live, this loneliness and depression has taken over my life to the point where I don't know what to do. I want a friend, a real friend who I can sit with, talk to, have coffee with, go to the cinema with, etc.

It may have sounded earlier like I was suggesting that I feel I don't deserve the "cold treatment" that I've been getting from my ex. That couldn't be further from the truth, and I know I fully deserve what I get (or don't get, rather), because despite my best intentions, and a desire just to have a friend, I keep being too pushy, ending up saying things which sound worse than they mean, and breaking the silence which she asked of me so long ago. I hate myself for doing it, but find it hard to control. I just wish that someone could understand things from my point of view.

I've never felt more miserable in my life, and all I'm doing is hurting the one person used to make me the happiest person alive. And I hate myself for it. I really do. There really is nothing I can do that's right or that can improve things even a little, as everything I do seems to make things worse. The stupid thing is that I know deep deep down that I'm a better person than I used to be, I'm just finding it impossible to show or prove it.

While there are a few other issues in my life that are making things even worse, they are completely out of my control and so I won't mention them here.

To my ex, who may well be reading this: I want you to understand that I have never wanted to hurt you, despite what it may seem. I can't apologise enough for how I've been these past few months, and how I used to be when we were in our relationship. You probably hate me, and rightly so. I wish I could turn the clocks back on everything I've done to you, as it is now more than clear that I never made you happy in the way I thought I did. I would, however, appreciate it if you weren't to reveal who you are on here, because I don't think I could handle any abuse or ridicule from people. I'm sorry, I really am :'(



Edit: Right. Off to vote.
0
FizzBitch
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#8912
Report 9 years ago
#8912
It's weird how one thing can push you off the right track again...I've been feeling a fair bit better since I came off my medicine (about 6 weeks ago I think), and for the last few weeks since my 18th things have been rather good, I've actually genuinely enjoyed myself and had fun, and felt like things are working out for once and that I have things to look forward to.
But for the last few days - this is pathetic btw lol - I've started to feel down again, because of a guy. When we met a few weeks ago we clicked, and at the weekend we kissed (though we were both drunk at the time), and then he talked to me (via facebook) once the day after, but then stopped talking to me. I got my hopes up when I first met him, cos he's the only decent guy I've met in aaages, but I guess I was only a pull to him, so now I feel stupid and miserable. I know it's silly to let something like this get me down, but I guess I'm just still vunerable, considering a few months ago I was at the point of almost killing myself...Right, I'm gonna stop whining now lol.
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8913
Report 9 years ago
#8913
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8914
Report 9 years ago
#8914
:cry:
0
Sabertooth
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8915
Report 9 years ago
#8915
(Original post by jonathan122)
I just have this fear that I'm going to end up in sheltered housing after my parents die because there'll be no-one to take care of me. :cry:

How are you Saber? :hugs: I hope the exams are going ok. x
:hugs: Don't worry that far ahead, things will work out, you're about to finish uni, start a new time in your life make new friends all that, there's a real good chance you could really start feeling a lot better. Just try to concentrate on your exams for now.

I'm alright, exams not too bad thanks Cba to eat, people are in the kitchen so I'm hiding here. :redface:
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8916
Report 9 years ago
#8916
(Original post by sian_bedford)
:hugs: you want to talk about anything?
I don't know what to say really, everything just seems so awful at the moment. I don't know what's worse seeing my ex-friends every day and them ignoring me, or knowing that in a few weeks time I'll never see them again. :cry:
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8917
Report 9 years ago
#8917
(Original post by Sabertooth)
:hugs: Don't worry that far ahead, things will work out, you're about to finish uni, start a new time in your life make new friends all that, there's a real good chance you could really start feeling a lot better. Just try to concentrate on your exams for now.

I'm alright, exams not too bad thanks Cba to eat, people are in the kitchen so I'm hiding here. :redface:
:hugs: Thanks.

I'm glad the exams are going ok. :hugs:
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8918
Report 9 years ago
#8918
(Original post by sian_bedford)
From what you have said before, they don't seem like very nice people. So it may not be a bad thing if you never see them again. Until then, try and avoid them as much as possible. And luck on the bright side, you'll really appreciate real friends when you find them, because you will find some. Have another hug :hugs:
:hugs: Thanks. How are you, Sian?
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8919
Report 9 years ago
#8919
(Original post by sian_bedford)
I'm okay thanks. Keeping busy, I have an exam tomorrow so busy revising. In a way I don't want the exams to be over because then I won't have anything to focus on.
I hope it goes well tomorrow. What's the exam in?
0
jonathan122
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#8920
Report 9 years ago
#8920
(Original post by sian_bedford)
Thanks. It is a further maths exam, yes I am that cool.
I'm doing maths at uni, so I don't think I'm in any position to judge.:p:
0
X
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you registered to vote?

Yes! (124)
39.37%
No - but I will (17)
5.4%
No - I don't want to (20)
6.35%
No - I can't vote (<18, not in UK, etc) (154)
48.89%

Watched Threads

View All