Depression Society MkII Watch

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Khodu
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#9261
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#9261
(Original post by death.drop)
just went home and my mum was there making a meal for tonight (very rare occasion). starts complaining as soon as i get through the door. the last straw was when she said "i've done my bloody hardest as a mother" and I felt like screaming at her that if that's her best she should never have had kids. I feel like telling her everything and it's not because i think it'll help me, it's just because i want her to feel guilty. I wish she knew everything that happened and the gravity of how i feel and felt just a little bit like she's failed me. where the **** was she when i needed a mother to notice that I was bruised, and wonder why when i needed a mother to bother phoning my friends parents to check I was there and at some pricks house having all that **** done to me.
well anyway, I left. I'm at webber's now while he's at work. not sure what to do, i just feel like total crap.

:s:
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Vienna Cannon
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#9262
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#9262
I'm a shell again and will be forever.
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Nothos
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#9263
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#9263
I'm a horrible person, why do I always hurt people? :cry:
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Vienna Cannon
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#9264
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#9264
This is strange now, to feel nothing. everything is blank, and I know its for good, emptiness is the ultimate answer to my problems, I have no urges to harm myself, its a strange way to be but its best
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Nothos
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#9265
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#9265
(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
This is strange now, to feel nothing. everything is blank, and I know its for good, emptiness is the ultimate answer to my problems, I have no urges to harm myself, its a strange way to be but its best
It isn't.
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DancingCorpse
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#9266
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#9266
:hugs:

**** day today and barely any sleep grr! Worst combination :mad:

Hope everyone's day is going well!
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Vienna Cannon
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#9267
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#9267
(Original post by BruceTaylor)
It isn't.
How would you know whats best for me? is it best that i cut myself to a million shreds? because I dont think it is and being this empty i have no want to hurt myself, being like this is perfect. to feel nothing for the actions you do, to feel nothing for anyone, constantly being promised then let down is a pain i never have to feel again.

No one could understand this until they experience it. heh there was me planning to go to the doctors but I dont need them any more. Not when I feel at peace now. I could die tomorrow and I would die freely.

I have a small sort of job, of which i am indifferent too. its a chance to get some scrap of money.

My head is telling me to go back to southampton, back to mark, it wouldnt bother me because I feel nothing.
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Vienna Cannon
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#9268
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#9268
(Original post by DancingCorpse)
:hugs:

**** day today and barely any sleep grr! Worst combination :mad:

Hope everyone's day is going well!
What has happened to make it ****?
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death.drop
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#9269
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#9269
(Original post by BruceTaylor)
I'm a horrible person, why do I always hurt people? :cry:
what's happened?
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death.drop
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#9270
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#9270
(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
This is strange now, to feel nothing. everything is blank, and I know its for good, emptiness is the ultimate answer to my problems, I have no urges to harm myself, its a strange way to be but its best
although i agree with the sentiment that it's better to feel nothing than to feel pain, and it is an answer to your problems, surely a better answer to your problems is to keep trying to work through the tough times and get to a point where you feel happy. it might feel hopeless at the moment but surely it's worth trying?
is it some medication that's making you feel like that or something else?
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xXMessedUpXx
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#9271
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#9271
haven't been on here in ages, since i was last on i've been diagnoised as having boderline personailty disorder as well as depression.

am being kept busying by having to pack in prepartaion for moving house so don't seem to have time to be down! that and new meds are actually working
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Pocket Calculator
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#9272
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#9272
i've just realised i might have low blood pressure. if i did, it would explain why i'm so horrifically pale, and why i'm slow-witted and dizzy half the time. the latter is half the reason i feel so isolated and unaccepted. goddamn. i should blag a diagnosis and try and sort this out!
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Vienna Cannon
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#9273
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#9273
(Original post by death.drop)
although i agree with the sentiment that it's better to feel nothing than to feel pain, and it is an answer to your problems, surely a better answer to your problems is to keep trying to work through the tough times and get to a point where you feel happy. it might feel hopeless at the moment but surely it's worth trying?
is it some medication that's making you feel like that or something else?
I am not on medication. I do not need it now.
I found my life realisation, and I am at peace. I do not need to feel anything, I dont even know why I post in here now.
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Pocket Calculator
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#9274
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#9274
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
i've just realised i might have low blood pressure. if i did, it would explain why i'm so horrifically pale, and why i'm slow-witted and dizzy half the time. the latter is half the reason i feel so isolated and unaccepted. goddamn. i should blag a diagnosis and try and sort this out!
does anyone know if you can inherit anaemia?
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xxkaylsxx
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#9275
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#9275
(Original post by Pocket Calculator)
does anyone know if you can inherit anaemia?
I don't think so but i don't know much about it, have you tried google?
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Elements
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#9276
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#9276
Has anyone seen or heard from Starchild recently? Does anyone have a list of her friends on here (I know a few- will be getting in contact with them in due course) so that I can ask them? Cos I haven't heard from or spoken to her in ages; really miss her!
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Vienna Cannon
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#9277
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#9277
(Original post by Elements)
Has anyone seen or heard from Starchild recently? Does anyone have a list of her friends on here (I know a few- will be getting in contact with them in due course) so that I can ask them? Cos I haven't heard from or spoken to her in ages; really miss her!
I have her on msn, she's been busy etc. have heard from her yesterday. but she wont return to dep soc.
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Laus
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#9278
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#9278
(Original post by Elements)
Has anyone seen or heard from Starchild recently? Does anyone have a list of her friends on here (I know a few- will be getting in contact with them in due course) so that I can ask them? Cos I haven't heard from or spoken to her in ages; really miss her!
She is OK. She has just come back from a 2-week holiday with her boyfriend. :yep:

Do you have facebook? It's a good way of keeping in touch with people.
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Laus
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#9279
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#9279
(Original post by Vienna Cannon)
This is strange now, to feel nothing. everything is blank, and I know its for good, emptiness is the ultimate answer to my problems, I have no urges to harm myself, its a strange way to be but its best
Despite Bruce's doubts, I understand how you feel, and what you say does make sense. It's called disassociation; it's like your minds way of dealing with everything that is going on (mentally). It can't cope so it dissociates you from how you feel. It's a nice place to be, when the alternative is to feel depressed and suicidal... but it isn't good to stay that way. I often have a bad comedown after an episode like this. I feel dissociated now, but I'm trying not to think about how I might feel down the line. I just take one day at a time, because it's all I can do.
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Vienna Cannon
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#9280
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#9280
(Original post by Laus)
Despite Bruce's doubts, I understand how you feel, and what you say does make sense. It's called disassociation; it's like your minds way of dealing with everything that is going on (mentally). It can't cope so it dissociates you from how you feel. It's a nice place to be, when the alternative is to feel depressed and suicidal... but it isn't good to stay that way. I often have a bad comedown after an episode like this. I feel dissociated now, but I'm trying not to think about how I might feel down the line. I just take one day at a time, because it's all I can do.
I actually feel comfortable this way. I still have had no urges to harm, and after having a "nightmare" the other night i still slept a full 8 uninterupted hours and no pain tears or hurt when I woke up. I would be quite content/ confortable to remain this way.
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