Depression Society MkII Watch

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blackfish
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#9441
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#9441
I'm so tempted to walk down to Taunton Railway station and just bugg3r off somewhere. I have been saying this for quite some time now that I need some "me" time. And the more I think I need it, the busier I get and the less time I have to myself. In a way thats a good thing as I know that if left on my own long enough, I'll do something stupid. But equally I just need some space.

I sometimes feel like I am not ment to have a personal life, and that my soul purpose in the world is to provide for other people! Well you know I'm so sick of it i'm tempted to resign from my new job, move to Shropshire or nearby where my family are... (Weird that, I'm closer to my aunts, uncles and cousins than I am to my own parents sometimes) and start a new life. I would have a job made instantly available, and I would have places to live

Sometimes I really do think it's a good idea. And you know what, why not? I'm going to see how things go for 6 months and then decide if I really want to move on and start again. But equally how many new starts have I had that have gone wrong everytime because people don't like the fact i'm different?? More times than you've had hot dinners.

I'm going to go now as I know I must be talking out my @rse! Sorry if that didnt make any sense, my insomnia has kicked in recently and I have slept now for about 70 hours...! Ah well, i'm going to the hospital now to see my friend who's there (with a possible stomach ulcer) I can always admit myself if I need to

Cheers
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username156445
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#9442
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I've been readint through many of the posts on this thred and I can relate to them a lot.

I have been suffering from depression since my early teens (I'm 21 now). I have had some really low moments but also some moments where I've been proud of my self because I've been able to fight my depression and start to enjoy life again.

However, the last 12 months, I've been very depressed and got worse through out the year, its affected my uniiversity results, I got 60%, the year before I got 69%, that year, I was relatively happy and more motivated with life.

I had a **** summer last year, stayed in bed, did nothing, was so down and low - relationship problems etc... resulted on my depression returning and it did with a vengence.

In order to not let last summer repeat its self I decided to book a course in Spain to work in a hotel whilst learning Spanish. I went a few weeks ago but I came home a few days later. Reason being, I was very anxious, it completely overwhelmed me. I would lock my self in my room and be too scared to see the manager or the other work people. I left. I regret it so much but at the time I had to leave, I was far too down and fed up.

Situation is now - I remain very down and fed up but I'm at home - which I hate. It makes me depressed a lot, for numerous reasons, perhaps too long to list here for the time being.

Anyway - I was wondering what you guys would do in my situation? Would you go back to Spain and do the course again or would you fear your depressin would ruin it again and affecting your moral even further - however, staying at home does the same thing. I dunno what is best.
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Pocket Calculator
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#9443
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(Original post by Elements)
Do you know how much it costs to send a letter or package from England to Canada? Because if it's around a tenner then I could write you a nice long letter/send a painting your way to brighten up the basement but moreso for you. Or is your phone triband? Because mine is and that means that it works in the UK, USA and Canada. :yes: So I could send you an interesting text or so every day if you wanted. :yes:
haha awwww, if you wanted to send me something!
no idea how much it costs to post. my last phone was triband but the one i have now doesn't work here at all, for some reason. you can have my address if you want though
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Nothos
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#9444
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#9444
Why does life have to plunge so quickly into a mire of ****? :cry:
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Immunity
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#9445
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Am sorry for not replying sabertooth, caroline and deathdrop. Have had a really rough few days. I feel so low. Like there is a weight in side of me, am in so much pain. It hurts so ****ing much. Every heartbeat is such an effort, it feels almost as if my blood has turned to treacle. :cry:

Bruce, :hugs: I don't know what else to say. Sorry.

orangeboy I am not too sure what to suggest. Try to not let your depression effect your life, try to get out of bed and do something. I know it is easier said than done.

:hugs: for anyone else who needs them
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Sabertooth
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(Original post by orangeboy)
I've been readint through many of the posts on this thred and I can relate to them a lot.

I have been suffering from depression since my early teens (I'm 21 now). I have had some really low moments but also some moments where I've been proud of my self because I've been able to fight my depression and start to enjoy life again.

However, the last 12 months, I've been very depressed and got worse through out the year, its affected my uniiversity results, I got 60%, the year before I got 69%, that year, I was relatively happy and more motivated with life.

I had a **** summer last year, stayed in bed, did nothing, was so down and low - relationship problems etc... resulted on my depression returning and it did with a vengence.

In order to not let last summer repeat its self I decided to book a course in Spain to work in a hotel whilst learning Spanish. I went a few weeks ago but I came home a few days later. Reason being, I was very anxious, it completely overwhelmed me. I would lock my self in my room and be too scared to see the manager or the other work people. I left. I regret it so much but at the time I had to leave, I was far too down and fed up.

Situation is now - I remain very down and fed up but I'm at home - which I hate. It makes me depressed a lot, for numerous reasons, perhaps too long to list here for the time being.

Anyway - I was wondering what you guys would do in my situation? Would you go back to Spain and do the course again or would you fear your depressin would ruin it again and affecting your moral even further - however, staying at home does the same thing. I dunno what is best.
Hey.

Sounds like you're in a bit of a **** situation, depression sucks, and I can relate a lot to what you're saying. Regarding the Spain thing which seems to be your main concern here, correct me if I'm wrong, I'd say probably don't do it. At least, that's what I'd be inclined to do. If you can feel your depression worsening then there's a possibility you'll not be able to do it second time either leading to you feeling even worse, wasting more money, time and effort. Are you getting any help for depression? You could focus your efforts for now on trying to get better, surely the Spain thing will still be there next year? Are you back at uni in september? Perhaps you could do an evening language course at your uni. But I think the priority now is to get help and hopefully start to feel better. You could get a few language books and try teaching yourself to start off, it wouldn't be as overwhelming as going to Spain to learn. Sure, you wouldn't have the experience either, but there's always next year for that by which time you might be feeling better and a bit better at Spanish too. Make sure you're not just bumming about though if you decide not to go back to Spain, that's terrible for depression, do anything, join a gym, sports club, music group, get the books on Spanish etc, anything to make sure you're not bored and have time to dwell on matters if you don't go.

I dunno tbh :p: Just my thoughts on reading your post. Of course it's up to you, you should do what you think best, maybe ask in h&r to get some other people's perspectives on it?

Whatever you do, good luck
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Sabertooth
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(Original post by Immunity)
Am sorry for not replying sabertooth, caroline and deathdrop. Have had a really rough few days. I feel so low. Like there is a weight in side of me, am in so much pain. It hurts so ****ing much. Every heartbeat is such an effort, it feels almost as if my blood has turned to treacle. :cry:

Bruce, :hugs: I don't know what else to say. Sorry.

orangeboy I am not too sure what to suggest. Try to not let your depression effect your life, try to get out of bed and do something. I know it is easier said than done.

:hugs: for anyone else who needs them
Hi Immunity. :hugs: Sorry to hear you've had a bad few days. Do you know what's made you feel this way? Have you managed to eat anything?
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Immunity
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(Original post by Sabertooth)
Hi Immunity. :hugs: Sorry to hear you've had a bad few days. Do you know what's made you feel this way? Have you managed to eat anything?
I sent you a pm :cry:
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DancingCorpse
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#9449
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I can relate a lot to what you said orangeboy as i've been there before and it's a terrible place I think staying confined inside and risking getting more down in a hole is a dangerous thing, as it can go a long way and can go on for some time. You just need something to keep you occupied and try and get things going again after such a relapse. Maybe travelling all the way to Spain is a too stressful thing at this moment, i don't know what to suggest though. I just hope you'll keep yourself well and on track.

I hope this for everyone else too and a :hugs: to you all.
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starchild
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#9450
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Didnt sleep well last night, well i thought I did but im still exhausted. I dont know why I am all the time, this is getting ridiculous. The doctor wont do anything about it because she doesnt know whats causing it. After some blood tests its been decided that its nothing lacking/far too much of in my blood, so it must be stressed. But I dont know if i am, im coping ok... its just being exhausted which is making me stressed.
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username156445
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#9451
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(Original post by Sabertooth)
Hey.

Sounds like you're in a bit of a **** situation, depression sucks, and I can relate a lot to what you're saying. Regarding the Spain thing which seems to be your main concern here, correct me if I'm wrong, I'd say probably don't do it. At least, that's what I'd be inclined to do. If you can feel your depression worsening then there's a possibility you'll not be able to do it second time either leading to you feeling even worse, wasting more money, time and effort. Are you getting any help for depression? You could focus your efforts for now on trying to get better, surely the Spain thing will still be there next year? Are you back at uni in september? Perhaps you could do an evening language course at your uni. But I think the priority now is to get help and hopefully start to feel better. You could get a few language books and try teaching yourself to start off, it wouldn't be as overwhelming as going to Spain to learn. Sure, you wouldn't have the experience either, but there's always next year for that by which time you might be feeling better and a bit better at Spanish too. Make sure you're not just bumming about though if you decide not to go back to Spain, that's terrible for depression, do anything, join a gym, sports club, music group, get the books on Spanish etc, anything to make sure you're not bored and have time to dwell on matters if you don't go.

I dunno tbh :p: Just my thoughts on reading your post. Of course it's up to you, you should do what you think best, maybe ask in h&r to get some other people's perspectives on it?

Whatever you do, good luck
First of all, thanks for the reply.

I think you speak a lot of sense here.

I've got to be honest with my self - I really don't feel ready for Spain at all, I'd only be going because I've spent money on the course and because I'll be doing nothing during the summer (I've looked for work, they don't reply, ever and I really don't like living at home).

Anyway - putting that aside, I'm depressed and suffer from everything everyone else does here, anxiety, extreme tiredness (I'm always tired, I have nightmares most nights).

I think I shouold use the summer to make my self feel a bit happier at least, I have done it before so I can do it again.

Learning Spanish here in England perhaps is the ebst thing at the moment. The people who run my course say they will let me go in the enxt 12 months at no extra cost - which is nice of them. However, this brings a few more problems up.... I graduate next summer. I really don't want to miss graduation ceremony, therefore if I went back to Spain, it would be in July 2010, that's 13 months (Maybe I could contact the placement and see if they are willing to wait this long).
Plus I might have a graduate job lined up for me...

For them two reasons - it makes me want to go Spain this year.

But what if I get there and the same thing happens again - the money on flights has been lost and I'll feel even worse. I dunno what's best there.

I am getting help at the moment, well that's not completely true. I have an excellent doctor at uni who has helped me a lot and referred me to the hospital. But since I am back aty home now this has stalled and got to wait until September to get the hospital treatment.

I probably won't do it though to be honest - the thought of me failing it again and it's a high possibility - is too much to pay.

I haven't told any of my uni mates I have come back - they're think I'm useless or laugh at me. They don't know about mny depression and I don't want them to know.

With depression - most people don't understand it. If half of my head was cut off people would understand but because it's in my head, people don't understand it.
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#9452
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(Original post by starchild)
Didnt sleep well last night, well i thought I did but im still exhausted. I dont know why I am all the time, this is getting ridiculous. The doctor wont do anything about it because she doesnt know whats causing it. After some blood tests its been decided that its nothing lacking/far too much of in my blood, so it must be stressed. But I dont know if i am, im coping ok... its just being exhausted which is making me stressed.
I have exactly the same problem.

Everytime I wake up I feel just as tired as when I went to sleep. causing you to feel knackered all day, low concentration etc and it ruins your day.

Do you dream a lot and sometimes are really heavy ones?

The reason why this is happening is because of depression. Your mind is over active and unable to chill out.

Cure? Wish there was a quick solution. Its going to take a while. You have firstly got to get into a decent sleep pattern, then relax as much as you can (2 hours before bed) and the biggy.... compact the depression. The last one - I probably wouldn't be here if I knew how to do this.
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username156445
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(Original post by DancingCorpse)
I can relate a lot to what you said orangeboy as i've been there before and it's a terrible place I think staying confined inside and risking getting more down in a hole is a dangerous thing, as it can go a long way and can go on for some time. You just need something to keep you occupied and try and get things going again after such a relapse. Maybe travelling all the way to Spain is a too stressful thing at this moment, i don't know what to suggest though. I just hope you'll keep yourself well and on track.

I hope this for everyone else too and a :hugs: to you all.
I just loicked my self in my hotel room and refused to speak to anyone... it sounds crazy but my mind just won't let me go. I just feel like something very bad is going to happen or I'll make a tit out of my self.

Spain - it does sound like too much stress for me at the moment. I have to admit it but as I've said in other posts - there are factors that are wanting me to go.
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FM08
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(Original post by BruceTaylor)
Why does life have to plunge so quickly into a mire of ****? :cry:
life IS a mire of ****
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Nothos
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#9455
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Thanks for the kind words from all those who replied to vienna's PMs :hugs:
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FM08
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Am I allowed to ask who Esther is?
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DancingCorpse
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#9457
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(Original post by orangeboy)
I just loicked my self in my hotel room and refused to speak to anyone... it sounds crazy but my mind just won't let me go. I just feel like something very bad is going to happen or I'll make a tit out of my self.

Spain - it does sound like too much stress for me at the moment. I have to admit it but as I've said in other posts - there are factors that are wanting me to go.
I understand that totally, sometimes you just get so scared of everything that you become a prisoner in your own mind and it's so difficult to be free of that. I think you have to weigh up the positives and negatives and really think whether it would be beneficial to try to head to Spain again, cause you don't want to make things worse at all. :yes:
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starchild
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(Original post by orangeboy)
I have exactly the same problem.

Everytime I wake up I feel just as tired as when I went to sleep. causing you to feel knackered all day, low concentration etc and it ruins your day.

Do you dream a lot and sometimes are really heavy ones?

The reason why this is happening is because of depression. Your mind is over active and unable to chill out.

Cure? Wish there was a quick solution. Its going to take a while. You have firstly got to get into a decent sleep pattern, then relax as much as you can (2 hours before bed) and the biggy.... compact the depression. The last one - I probably wouldn't be here if I knew how to do this.

Thanks for your advice, I do chill out before bed though. I wach friends for an hour and then try and sleep but I cant

I do dream and they are sometimes heavy, and sometimes, they arent. I just seem to be getting vivid ones. Often im being chased, and i hate it because I wake up scared and euch.

How do you relax?

I dont think we've met, im Sitara, a.k.a Siti, call me whatever you prefer, most people call me siti on here, so i dont mind if you call me that. Do you study at uni or college etc? I would like to get to know you if thats ok.

Siti xxx :hugs:
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Antimatter
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#9459
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I hate Somerset.
That is all =)
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username156445
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(Original post by starchild)
Thanks for your advice, I do chill out before bed though. I wach friends for an hour and then try and sleep but I cant

I do dream and they are sometimes heavy, and sometimes, they arent. I just seem to be getting vivid ones. Often im being chased, and i hate it because I wake up scared and euch.

How do you relax?

I dont think we've met, im Sitara, a.k.a Siti, call me whatever you prefer, most people call me siti on here, so i dont mind if you call me that. Do you study at uni or college etc? I would like to get to know you if thats ok.

Siti xxx :hugs:
I haven't managed to get it right yet, I have a real problem with getting a decent nights sleep. I think just sitting in bed half an hour before you think you'll drift off is a good start. Perhaps a shower before you go to sleep (I find that it makes me very tired) also advoid anything that will cause you to think, even stuff like reading the news I have found keeps me awake for a while because I think about it.
Regarding television - I think it might OK if the programme is easy to watch or something you've seen before but people don't recommend it.

My sleep sounds similar to yours I think. I have had the most vivid dreams were I have felt being burnt a live or being punched or attacked. I wake up with a headache or somtimes in bad moods because my dreams have felt that real. I wake up feeling very tired and as though I have run a 1,000 miles, body aches and I have black under my eyes.

Hi Sitara, or a.k.a Siti.

Yeah, of course you can get to know me, well both benefit.

I'm 21 at university, just finished my second year at uiversity. I began university in 2006 but I dropped out in December and started again in 2007 and stayed this time. I'm starting my third year in October.
My depression has been particualrly bad in 2006, begining of 2007, and started again and got hold of me in the summer of 2008 and it's now summer 2009 and it's paralysed me, I haven't felt so down for so long, for over 12 months now.

I have seen countless doctors and been hospital a few times, mostly been useless. I am a firm believer in self help and believe I will one day beat this my self.
However, I do have a great doctor at university, she's really understanding but my contact with her as ended at the moment, until I go uni again. She's referred me to hospital where I have been offered Cognitive Therapy.

How about yourself?
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