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    Spent the evening in a&e :sigh: Girlfriend took me there, saw the Psych team, they are gonna try and chase my care up. They did originally say to work with HTT but then they decided that I only got discharged from them a week ago that it wasn't appropriate. I did get referred to the local recovery team (a long term CMHT) but they haven't allocated me a care coordinator, they haven't told me when I'm seeing a psychiatrist and haven't told me about when I'm seeing anyone. It's just hard, I'm having money problems, struggling with alcohol, struggling with low mood, hallucinations and dissociation but I don't have any real support atm. I can feel things slipping back to the point where I got sectioned last year. I don't want to go there again, but I just want someone to help. Everything feels so unstable at the minute, even the stable things seem wobbly. I'm trying to move on from my mental health problems and focus on my new life, but I just can't seem to shake it off at the moment. I'm fed up of hospitals and psychiatrists and risk assessments and medication. I just wish I had my old social worker back, he was the one who knew how to give me a friendly kick up the arse and get me moving towards recovery again.

    The thing that has kept me going is my social work course and my special constable application. However, my GP is telling the Occupational Health people about my very recent 3 week home treatment episode and my relapse, so I'm so scared I'm going to lose those things


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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    Spent the evening in a&e :sigh: Girlfriend took me there, saw the Psych team, they are gonna try and chase my care up. They did originally say to work with HTT but then they decided that I only got discharged from them a week ago that it wasn't appropriate. I did get referred to the local recovery team (a long term CMHT) but they haven't allocated me a care coordinator, they haven't told me when I'm seeing a psychiatrist and haven't told me about when I'm seeing anyone. It's just hard, I'm having money problems, struggling with alcohol, struggling with low mood, hallucinations and dissociation but I don't have any real support atm. I can feel things slipping back to the point where I got sectioned last year. I don't want to go there again, but I just want someone to help. Everything feels so unstable at the minute, even the stable things seem wobbly. I'm trying to move on from my mental health problems and focus on my new life, but I just can't seem to shake it off at the moment. I'm fed up of hospitals and psychiatrists and risk assessments and medication. I just wish I had my old social worker back, he was the one who knew how to give me a friendly kick up the arse and get me moving towards recovery again.

    The thing that has kept me going is my social work course and my special constable application. However, my GP is telling the Occupational Health people about my very recent 3 week home treatment episode and my relapse, so I'm so scared I'm going to lose those things


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    i completely sympathise with the lack of support from professionals, but you CAN do this, i promise. hopefully after last night things might move forward faster, and its really good you have your girlfriend to help you out

    OH wont stop your uni course, they will do assessments to make sure you are still fit, are you on placement this year?
    i was on placement when things first went wrong for me, and uni were fully aware of what was going on and actually supported me even more than before! hey they even let me finish my degree!
    so i PROMISE things will be ok :yep:

    :jumphug:
    • #60
    #60

    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Dont google side effects!
    Iv been on it since june maybe and cant even think of any side effects that i had


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    Haha yeah that was a stupid idea! I think it should be fine, it won't really be properly in my system after taking it twice anyway? Also, since you're on it, do you know if there's a recommended time to take it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Haha yeah that was a stupid idea! I think it should be fine, it won't really be properly in my system after taking it twice anyway? Also, since you're on it, do you know if there's a recommended time to take it?
    Yeah you should be fine
    Urrm i tend to take mine when i wake up with my other meds just for ease


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    My bf was meant to be coming to see me either tomorrow or friday and staying for the weekend after he wrote his essay. He's having a migrane though so that doesn't seem at all likely. He's asked for an extension on his essay and it looks like i'm going to have to visit him this weekend if I want to see him. This involves me traveling at night on a train by myself and means I don't get to spend as long with him. It also means all the food I have in my fridge is going to go off before I can eat it. Sounds petty (and it is compared to the joy of getting to see him again) but it's still annoying.

    I have an essay due in tomorrow which I haven't yet started. It's only a small essay and won't be put towards our final grade, but all the same it's becoming rather a big deal for me.

    I was also meant to have an appointment with a sort of MH helper from my uni but due to strikes she has cancled. This sucks! I was going to use my appointment with her to talk about my difficulty attending lectures.

    Hopefully this will all get easier next term when my DSA allowance will have come into effects and I will have software to help me with my reading, but at the moment i'm not feeling all that posotive about things.

    I'm also back to one meal a day. I either don't wake up in time for or stupidly forget to go for lunch and i'm ending up making my own dinner quite a bit cos I forget to go down for it.

    I can't wait till I get to go home and not have to worry about work or getting up or remembering to eat for a while.

    I need to man up and try to go out and socialise. Currently the only people I talk to are my parents and bf over skype (and my flatmates really briefly if I bump into them).

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    Day two and my ****ty body wins again :sad:
    Cant get to sleep either and my boyfriends fast asleep due to sleeping pills
    Just so tired but so worked up and so blank to life atm its currently a massive uphill struggle!
    Can i stop the world and jump off yet?


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    (Original post by bullettheory)
    Spent the evening in a&e :sigh: Girlfriend took me there, saw the Psych team, they are gonna try and chase my care up. They did originally say to work with HTT but then they decided that I only got discharged from them a week ago that it wasn't appropriate. I did get referred to the local recovery team (a long term CMHT) but they haven't allocated me a care coordinator, they haven't told me when I'm seeing a psychiatrist and haven't told me about when I'm seeing anyone. It's just hard, I'm having money problems, struggling with alcohol, struggling with low mood, hallucinations and dissociation but I don't have any real support atm. I can feel things slipping back to the point where I got sectioned last year. I don't want to go there again, but I just want someone to help. Everything feels so unstable at the minute, even the stable things seem wobbly. I'm trying to move on from my mental health problems and focus on my new life, but I just can't seem to shake it off at the moment. I'm fed up of hospitals and psychiatrists and risk assessments and medication. I just wish I had my old social worker back, he was the one who knew how to give me a friendly kick up the arse and get me moving towards recovery again.

    The thing that has kept me going is my social work course and my special constable application. However, my GP is telling the Occupational Health people about my very recent 3 week home treatment episode and my relapse, so I'm so scared I'm going to lose those things


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Sorry to hear you were in A&E but try not to be so hard on yourself. Given the lack of care around you, you seem to be doing a good job of trying to keep going, which is all anyone can realistically expect or ask of you at the end of the day! :hugs:

    CMHTs can be ****, can't they? They took ages to set me up with a psychiatrist and for quite a while, I thought the locum had set me up with a male one, despite my dad insisting I need a female one, and I was too shy to say anything about it :o: My mum and sister prodded me into ringing up to complain, only to find that it IS a lady psychiatrist I'm seeing (and apparently she's very nice :dontknow: ) :yes:

    Not quite sure why I'm rambling at you about all that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that there CAN be hope for the future and it might be possible that the new people you end up working with are even BETTER than the people you had before. So try not to lose hope! :hugs:


    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Day two and my ****ty body wins again :sad:
    Cant get to sleep either and my boyfriends fast asleep due to sleeping pills
    Just so tired but so worked up and so blank to life atm its currently a massive uphill struggle!
    Can i stop the world and jump off yet?


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    :sad: :console: :hugs:
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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    i promise you are safe hun, i really really do!
    :hugs:
    also your not bad :nah:
    Didn't stay safe at all last night :sad: the staff know and now planning an emergency review about me with everyone :hide: I don't like what's happening hun at all..




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    Can't find the notebook I've been writing everything down in
    Panicking a bit, don't know where it could be

    On the whole been doing a lot better, think it was just a phase, luckily. Thank you everyone for the support :hugs:

    But where is it?! Hmmm

    Edit: Panic over, found it
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    Accidently slept until lunch time ... :sleep::unsure:
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    its far too cold, wearing a jacket, socks and cuddling a hot water bottle!

    on the upside I slept okay last couple of nights, need to be in a better sleep pattern for next week, moving next weekend, be living with my girlfriend so being all grown up :eek:

    just hope our new flat has heating haha!
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    I should be graduating today
    But instead im hiding from the world cos im a pathetic human being


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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    I should be graduating today
    I should have been graduating so many times and I know, it is so hard to keep the discipline to go on.

    But instead im hiding from the world cos im a pathetic human being
    We both know, that that is not true. Although pathetic also simply means, that you are not in a good state, so you are not hiding because you are pathetic, but you are pathetic, because you are hiding and the negative connotation of being pathetic is due to our current use of the world, it could be equally mean: this person simply needs a bit help.
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    Urgh. So fed up of my body being ****. Just had a really nasty low blood sugar which I didn't even notice because it just felt like derealisation/extreme dissociation. Wasn't until I tried to open a door and realised I physically couldn't that I realised there was something physically wrong, and that's not very good cos I was at a level that could have made me pass out or have a seizure. And I was in my room so nobody would have found me until way too late.

    The whole reason this is happening is because I've come off the pill, which was raising my blood sugar a lot so I had been taking a lot more insulin to deal with that. Since coming off the pill my blood sugars are generally more stable which means less bodily damage etc. And, presumably because I have testosterone active in my system again (the pill I was on blocks testosterone), I've started gaining muscle way more from exercise, which is great and means my performance is improving faster.

    But I was on the pill for a reason, and having periods properly again (and unpredictably) is so problematic and triggering for PTSD, flashbacks, etc. And acne and body hair are coming back in a big way, and it's making me feel more self-conscious and uncomfortable being with people - acne stuff always triggers feelings of being dirty and contaminated, which then triggers PTSD stuff as well..

    This is so ****ing frustrating. Not sure if I should go back on the pill and accept that it's going to increase my chance of diabetes complications and probably decrease my lifespan (not even sure I care that much? but maybe one day I will), along with making me less muscular and increasing BP and chance of blood clots and whatever. Or whether I should stay off it and be healthier generally (fitness and blood sugar) but a week every month where I'm ridiculously triggered and have lots of flashbacks, and really low confidence in my skin etc.?

    Stupid conflicting health issues suck. Nobody will even advise me properly because diabetes consultants say I should do what is best for diabetes, psych consultants say I should do whatever will make me least risk to myself, and GPs just throw their hands in the air and admit they don't know how to deal with the conflict. :s
    • #1
    #1

    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Urgh. So fed up of my body being ****. Just had a really nasty low blood sugar which I didn't even notice because it just felt like derealisation/extreme dissociation. Wasn't until I tried to open a door and realised I physically couldn't that I realised there was something physically wrong, and that's not very good cos I was at a level that could have made me pass out or have a seizure. And I was in my room so nobody would have found me until way too late.

    The whole reason this is happening is because I've come off the pill, which was raising my blood sugar a lot so I had been taking a lot more insulin to deal with that. Since coming off the pill my blood sugars are generally more stable which means less bodily damage etc. And, presumably because I have testosterone active in my system again (the pill I was on blocks testosterone), I've started gaining muscle way more from exercise, which is great and means my performance is improving faster.

    But I was on the pill for a reason, and having periods properly again (and unpredictably) is so problematic and triggering for PTSD, flashbacks, etc. And acne and body hair are coming back in a big way, and it's making me feel more self-conscious and uncomfortable being with people - acne stuff always triggers feelings of being dirty and contaminated, which then triggers PTSD stuff as well..

    This is so ****ing frustrating. Not sure if I should go back on the pill and accept that it's going to increase my chance of diabetes complications and probably decrease my lifespan (not even sure I care that much? but maybe one day I will), along with making me less muscular and increasing BP and chance of blood clots and whatever. Or whether I should stay off it and be healthier generally (fitness and blood sugar) but a week every month where I'm ridiculously triggered and have lots of flashbacks, and really low confidence in my skin etc.?

    Stupid conflicting health issues suck. Nobody will even advise me properly because diabetes consultants say I should do what is best for diabetes, psych consultants say I should do whatever will make me least risk to myself, and GPs just throw their hands in the air and admit they don't know how to deal with the conflict. :s
    :jumphug: Were you on the combined Pill? It could be worth discussing being on the progesterone-only Pill, or discussing the implant/injection to help your periods?
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    Interesting day today, had a MRI scan for health problems and didnt actually mind it in fact for the first time in over a week felt normal before and after.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    :jumphug: Were you on the combined Pill? It could be worth discussing being on the progesterone-only Pill, or discussing the implant/injection to help your periods?
    Yeah, that's true actually. Need to remind myself not to be all-or-nothing (). I tend to automatically look at the contraception methods which improve PCOS symptoms, because I was originally put on the pill for acne, and that limits to a couple of particularly pills, the most effective of which is apparently much 'stronger' than most BC pills. So maybe if I decide I don't care that much about my skin I can look into other contraceptive options to deal with ****ty periods... I have a GP appointment on Monday so will attempt to discuss it then, hopefully this guy knows his stuff

    Hope you're doing a bit better today :hugs:
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    Can't do this. :cry2:
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    (Original post by asdfgah)
    Yeah, that's true actually. Need to remind myself not to be all-or-nothing (). I tend to automatically look at the contraception methods which improve PCOS symptoms, because I was originally put on the pill for acne, and that limits to a couple of particularly pills, the most effective of which is apparently much 'stronger' than most BC pills. So maybe if I decide I don't care that much about my skin I can look into other contraceptive options to deal with ****ty periods... I have a GP appointment on Monday so will attempt to discuss it then, hopefully this guy knows his stuff

    Hope you're doing a bit better today :hugs:
    Re: acne have a look into an antibiotic called dixycycline its a long effect one so your one it for months, but it helps massively, i was (and still should be) on it and my skin was amazing after being on it, therefore you can look at other contraception types.


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    (Original post by PonchoKid)
    Re: acne have a look into an antibiotic called dixycycline its a long effect one so your one it for months, but it helps massively, i was (and still should be) on it and my skin was amazing after being on it, therefore you can look at other contraception types.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Thanks, yeah I've been on 3 different antibiotics and none of them helped sadly - one of them was doxycycline I think so assuming that's the same? I was on it for about 6 months but it didn't really improve things so they said it was likely hormonal rather than bacterial or something. Dianette, which is the pill I was on for a couple of years, totally cleared the acne up which was amazing and generally made life less painful but it's frustrating that it's problematic for other areas of health..

    Sorry I seem to have brought physical health problems into MHSS.. grr interactions.
 
 
 
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