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    Can't sleep keep worrying about my mum getting the letter and how she'll react. It'll be bad, I know it.


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    (Original post by alexs2602)
    How's it going, people? Pushing out all my good feelings to you all. Hope you're met well.

    I've just been to a concert, finding my way back soon-ish.
    Very tired Just off to bed now

    Oh yes you said! Hope it was good :woo:

    (Original post by PandaWho)
    Just feeling so **** recently, like horrifically awful and urgh.

    Dont see the point in so much, cant even discuss it on here :bawling:
    (Original post by lauraaaaa)
    Feeling all panicky tonight hm...
    :hugs: to you both. :jumphug:

    ----------------------------------


    So tired :eek: Had a fairly afternoon/evening. Almost went for a drive but was 5ish/rush hour, so went to cove instead Had a nice time just sitting and listening to ipod (was going to read but didn't get round to it - haven't read anything in like a whole year (besides snoopy ))
    Watched Lego movie tonight too with cousin


    Good night all :grouphugs:
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    Sleep is still not happening so I made a me with an app thing

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    So I've been dating her for nearly a year now but we've recently started fighting with me a lot and making petty arguments about things that never bothered us before and so on and so forth. So recently she said to me in summation "you're losing your place in the friends group and you're only here because you're my plus one and go out with me" and I'd never felt so hurt. It was by far the worse thing she's ever said to me. I have problems socialising and making new friends and I don't find it incredibly easy but I still try because I dont want to be alone and I've told her this being alone is my biggest fear. But she's always made me feel guilty for the fact I'm not as social as she is and dont have the same social skills. She says she loves me but I just can't really believe this is what someone who loves me would say knowing my state of mind. Any advice, its only recently I've started putting this relationship into perspective and I'm not really liking what I'm seeing. Any advice please thanks
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Oh wow! ages then :eek: I only really started like last May (2013) properly, though also a bit on an app before then/since 2011 maybe Not much at all though
    I love laughing at my silly kid moments. Still got plenty of time!
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Very tired Just off to bed now

    Oh yes you said! Hope it was good :woo:]
    It really was good. May have had a bit too much but got a limited edition poster and signed by the lead singer. So that was cool. Although I did naïvely get taken advantage of by a junkie so swings and roundabouts.
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    :hi: Not great
    How are you? :dance: Haven't seen you around in a while
    Awww whats up? :hugs:

    Yeah I'm quite good thanks. I've been awfully busy recently though. It's been hectic!
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    sorry I haven't replied to anyone since yesterday morning, not been doing great, feeling very down about the future and talked myself out of the interview yesterday really.

    not really sure what I want to do anymore, I don't know what I feel able to do y'know? I just feel so lost & confused about myself and my future right now.

    gotta this psychologist appointment next Wednesday which hopefully will help me sort through my thoughts, then next Saturday I have this event thing in Bristol I am looking forward too, not sure if I should just put things on hold till then or if I should make a decision about studying this year before then

    I just feel so confused, I wish someone would just tell me who I am and what to do and for my brain to just accept it or something
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    (Original post by Jean-Luc Picard)
    sorry I haven't replied to anyone since yesterday morning, not been doing great, feeling very down about the future and talked myself out of the interview yesterday really.

    not really sure what I want to do anymore, I don't know what I feel able to do y'know? I just feel so lost & confused about myself and my future right now.

    gotta this psychologist appointment next Wednesday which hopefully will help me sort through my thoughts, then next Saturday I have this event thing in Bristol I am looking forward too, not sure if I should just put things on hold till then or if I should make a decision about studying this year before then

    I just feel so confused, I wish someone would just tell me who I am and what to do and for my brain to just accept it or something
    Take your time when making important decisions, making the correct one is far more important than making a quick one really. Ultimately you have to be realistic about what you really want and about what you are able to do so you can take the most viable step forward. You don't have to progress in any predefined way and shouldn't feel compelled to do something because other people are doing it you just have to focus on reconciling your goals with a realistic appraisal of your current ability to achieve them. This is easier said than done and it might take a longer time than you would like but if you can avoid getting frustrated with yourself you might find more clarity than you expected going forward. At least that would be the hope.
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    (Original post by ByronicHero)
    Take your time when making important decisions, making the correct one is far more important than making a quick one really. Ultimately you have to be realistic about what you really want and about what you are able to do so you can take the most viable step forward. You don't have to progress in any predefined way and shouldn't feel compelled to do something because other people are doing it you just have to focus on reconciling your goals with a realistic appraisal of your current ability to achieve them. This is easier said than done and it might take a longer time than you would like but if you can avoid getting frustrated with yourself you might find more clarity than you expected going forward. At least that would be the hope.
    yeah I guess so, I know I want to go back into education, the problem is knowing if I am ready to do a course yet or not, with the way my mood has been lately & my sleep still being awful I really don't know if I could manage a course, especially not one as intensive as the ones I've been looking at :/ I just wish I didn't have all these things to worry about like my ear and MH, but they will affect me so it's pointless for me to think about doing things without considering whether or not they will stop me doing them. I think the psychologist will help, I can talk to them about a lot of the thoughts and stuff and hopefully they will understand things so can help me figure them out, I think once I know what's going on in my head then I will feel much more able to do things & hopefully my mood'll improve, gonna ask my GP for a change of meds as well cause the ones I am on really don't help and the side effects from them could be making other stuff worse as well. just gotta sit down and figure things out I guess.
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    (Original post by Jean-Luc Picard)
    yeah I guess so, I know I want to go back into education, the problem is knowing if I am ready to do a course yet or not, with the way my mood has been lately & my sleep still being awful I really don't know if I could manage a course, especially not one as intensive as the ones I've been looking at :/ I just wish I didn't have all these things to worry about like my ear and MH, but they will affect me so it's pointless for me to think about doing things without considering whether or not they will stop me doing them. I think the psychologist will help, I can talk to them about a lot of the thoughts and stuff and hopefully they will understand things so can help me figure them out, I think once I know what's going on in my head then I will feel much more able to do things & hopefully my mood'll improve, gonna ask my GP for a change of meds as well cause the ones I am on really don't help and the side effects from them could be making other stuff worse as well. just gotta sit down and figure things out I guess.
    Could you not do a module or two with the OU, that way you could simply work when you felt like it with very little in the way of pressure.
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    (Original post by ByronicHero)
    Could you not do a module or two with the OU, that way you could simply work when you felt like it with very little in the way of pressure.
    not sure, I'd have to look into it, would it cost though? have like £0 atm but if it's affordable then yeah that might work

    I could do a-levels at one of the colleges in Bristol but the travel would make it difficult, though I think doing 2 A-levels I would manage much easier than doing an access course so I'm not sure.
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    (Original post by Jean-Luc Picard)
    not sure, I'd have to look into it, would it cost though? have like £0 atm but if it's affordable then yeah that might work

    I could do a-levels at one of the colleges in Bristol but the travel would make it difficult, though I think doing 2 A-levels I would manage much easier than doing an access course so I'm not sure.
    It would cost a fair amount, yes. Doing 60 credits (1/2 a year's worth) would cost around 2.5k I think though you would be able to pay it in installments.
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    (Original post by ByronicHero)
    It would cost a fair amount, yes. Doing 60 credits (1/2 a year's worth) would cost around 2.5k I think though you would be able to pay it in installments.
    ah okay :/ well maybe I can look at it in a years time, might have more money by then if ATOS ever do this ESA assessment thing
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    (Original post by Jean-Luc Picard)
    ah okay :/ well maybe I can look at it in a years time, might have more money by then if ATOS ever do this ESA assessment thing
    Yea, no rush
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    (Original post by purple-duck)
    Haha Oh I'm sorry A citroen C1? Parents', but they put me on insurance occasionally Oh great! Glad it was all simple-ish/do-able Oh please don't worry :console: Anything in particular or just generally everything?

    Yeah I think the whole system's sort of stupid I mean if a family has 4 children, but earns 60k (10k per family member) then one of them going off to Uni gets substantially less than a family with 1 kid, on 45k (15k per member) Maybe that's a bad example/thing, but just seems odd the way it works out. Though at the same time I think it's really important that people from low income families get enough support - it's just that everyone else should, too
    That's good I was shocked with warwick for the annual price difference for accommodation - the cheapest is 2400, most expensive almost 6 grand! :eek: (30 week and 39 week let respectively, but still)

    :lol: Haha, I might well ask for help on here next term or something My auntie cooked some chilli, so had that instead - pasta bol bake survived for another day oo have fun! :teeth:

    :lol: I was just scared writing mine - I still haven't really got a proper signature sorted - just write down my name/make it more swirly currently
    Oh I'm sorry What happened?
    I'll reply to you later m'dear, I'm just rushing to get ready for work, and I'm not wanting to leave the house today
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    Woo my Stella academic diary came today now I can plan ahead and work out some revision


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    ROB ROB ROB YOUR MUM SENT ME FLOWERS




    Aaaaaargh have to keep them alive :afraid:
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    (Original post by iloveteddy14)
    Woo my Stella academic diary came today now I can plan ahead and work out some revision


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    As in the lager?
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    Spoilered for it's length and pathetic ranting:

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    I've been struggling to see the point the past couple of days... well, more so than general. I haven't felt numb/ empty in so long and actually want to because I'm just so tired of feeling so sad. Although if I was feeling empty I'd probably end up moaning about that!

    There's also so much self-hatred about anything and everything. I feel like a total failure. I hate myself for missing out on 'life' so much. I'm a boring excuse of a person with no personality. I just feel like I'm here for no reason. I love my family but often hate being home, I have no friends who care enough to keep in touch and it gets to the point where I feel self conscious and embarrassed contacting them when they don't care enough to reply to a previous message... I probably come across as a needy burden. I wouldn't want me in my life if I was one of my friends. My appearance never used to bother me... I know I'm ugly but I didn't care. Now, I just hate how I look. As much as I try to be or think I am, I am not a good or decent person at all. I could go on ...

    I lied about feeling ill the other day so I could stay in bed and even though being completely alone meant my thoughts went into overdrive, I just couldn't face being around anyone. I met a friend the same day in the evening but left after 30 mins and on the walk home I just wanted to carry on walking and dissappear. It's times like that I'm actually ok with not driving because, if I could, I would have just driven to god knows where.

    It doesn't feel like things are going to get better anytime soon, which is horrible enough but even more worrying since my postgraduate is starting in a two weeks and the main thing I've heard/read the course is how stressful and hard it is. I'm struggling doing barely nothing so how will I cope with my course? I'm thinking of seeing if I can defer it till next year but then I'm just worried about doing nothing for year and feeling even more worse.
    But I'm also having huge doubts about it so having a year out of education for the first time since I started nursery would be good to look at my options and get experience in career paths I'm thinking of.

    If someone was in my position I would advise them to get help, take a year out and focus on themselves. But, when it comes to me, I'm an idiot and tell myself to just push through it :sigh:
 
 
 
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