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    Barman, can I have five bottles of wine please?

    I'll also treat myself to the same amount IRL.
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    No, it's not your punishment and you've done nothing wrong at all (marrying young is not a crime) - make sure that you remember that every time you're feeling low. Living next door to them will only exacerbate your feelings and remind you that they're together. You don't need that so living with your mum would be a good idea and ensure that you have the support you need.

    It will take time to process why he wanted to marry you, perhaps he felt attracted to you and his feelings have changed over time, who knows? It's worth asking him when you've begun to move on, to get that closure you need, but for now, focus on you.

    Yeah, I'm packing my bags as we speak.

    I have suspicions that I was his beard. I've always suspected that he was bisexual, but I thought he actually wanted me. Oh well. He actually claims he wants to be civil, but I don't plan on sticking around long enough!

    One of my best friends is gay, and I really hope this doesn't strain my relationship with him.
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    It was awkward enough beforehand, as he was staying next door to me, with my gay neighbour. See where this is going yet?

    He turned up at my front door earlier, telling me he couldn't pretend to be something he wasn't. He introduced my gay neighbour as his lover, the man with whom he cheated on me. I was taken aback; I always had my suspicions that he was bisexual, however he all but admitted he used me.

    In a moment of outrage, I screamed homophobic slurs and slammed the door. I regret making the homophobic remarks, for I'm in no way homophobic.
    If he didn't have the emotional maturity to sit you down, apologise profusely and tell you that you couldn't be together because he was gay before going off and ****ing someone else, then tbh it's for the best because it wouldn't have worked out in the long term. About the homophobic slurs, as someone on the LGBT+ spectrum I would never normally condone that but don't regret it because you were entirely justified. Again, if he couldn't even respect you enough to tell you what the problem was, you shouldn't be expected to treat him like anything but the prick he is.
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    Yeah, I'm packing my bags as we speak.

    I have suspicions that I was his beard. I've always suspected that he was bisexual, but I thought he actually wanted me. Oh well. He actually claims he wants to be civil, but I don't plan on sticking around long enough!

    One of my best friends is gay, and I really hope this doesn't strain my relationship with him.
    A clean break is good and if you ever need to talk, just drop me a PM or quote me on here.

    I think that the bit in bold is crucial - you invested in your relationship because of that and you suspected he was bisexual, but presumably didn't expect him to act on his attraction to me. What you thought about your relationship, you're now questioning and it's difficult to have your whole world torn down around you.

    I don't think that it will ruin or strain your relationship with your best friend - you're grieving and angry and if he's your best friend, he'll understand that and if he doesn't understand what's going on and doesn't support you, then he was never that much of a good friend to begin with.
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    (Original post by cranbrook_aspie)
    If he didn't have the emotional maturity to sit you down, apologise profusely and tell you that you couldn't be together because he was gay before going off and ****ing someone else, then tbh it's for the best because it wouldn't have worked out in the long term. About the homophobic slurs, as someone on the LGBT+ spectrum I would never normally condone that but don't regret it because you were entirely justified. Again, if he couldn't even respect you enough to tell you what the problem was, you shouldn't be expected to treat him like anything but the prick he is.
    Apparently he was cheating on me since the beginning of the relationship, so I'm confused as to why he wanted to marry me... most likely used me as a beard.

    I'm in no way homophobic, I was just shocked and highly emotional. I support the whole LGBT+ community, and that won't change because of this prick.

    I do understand that it can be difficult to come out, but cheating can't be condoned.
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    A clean break is good and if you ever need to talk, just drop me a PM or quote me on here.

    I think that the bit in bold is crucial - you invested in your relationship because of that and you suspected he was bisexual, but presumably didn't expect him to act on his attraction to me. What you thought about your relationship, you're now questioning and it's difficult to have your whole world torn down around you.

    I don't think that it will ruin or strain your relationship with your best friend - you're grieving and angry and if he's your best friend, he'll understand that and if he doesn't understand what's going on and doesn't support you, then he was never that much of a good friend to begin with.
    Thank you, I appreciate it a lot.

    I guess it'll just take time to think things through. It hurts feeling like I was merely a beard, but that pain will fade in time.

    My best friend is great; he's just had a 'girlfriend' (beard) in the past, which may remind me of hubby. I'm not sure.
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    Apparently he was cheating on me since the beginning of the relationship, so I'm confused as to why he wanted to marry me... most likely used me as a beard.

    I'm in no way homophobic, I was just shocked and highly emotional. I support the whole LGBT+ community, and that won't change because of this prick.

    I do understand that it can be difficult to come out, but cheating can't be condoned.
    Yeah, probably Bit of a **** move tbh, I know from experience that coming out as LGBT+ can be hard but that's not an excuse to just use someone like that. It's really important to remember though that none of this was at any point your fault - not marrying young, not not figuring out he was fully gay, nothing. You must be having such a hard time of it right now - don't put any of the blame for that on you, put it on him.
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    (Original post by cranbrook_aspie)
    Yeah, probably Bit of a **** move tbh, I know from experience that coming out as LGBT+ can be hard but that's not an excuse to just use someone like that. It's really important to remember though that none of this was at any point your fault - not marrying young, not not figuring out he was fully gay, nothing. You must be having such a hard time of it right now - don't put any of the blame for that on you, put it on him.
    Yeah, I know it's not my fault but it still feels like it is. I hope he'll be happy with his new lover, as he evidently wasn't with me.

    I'm excited to spend more time with family, it's just what I need at the moment.

    Thanks everyone, you're all amazing!
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    Thank you, I appreciate it a lot.

    I guess it'll just take time to think things through. It hurts feeling like I was merely a beard, but that pain will fade in time.

    My best friend is great; he's just had a 'girlfriend' (beard) in the past, which may remind me of hubby. I'm not sure.
    It will take time and as I say, it's a process of grief, and everyone grieves differently, just give yourself the time to grieve and to process what's happened.

    In some ways, your best friend may be able to help having gone through it himself, though of course from the other point of view.
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    It will take time and as I say, it's a process of grief, and everyone grieves differently, just give yourself the time to grieve and to process what's happened.

    In some ways, your best friend may be able to help having gone through it himself, though of course from the other point of view.
    Yeah, I definitely will. I'll treat myself for a while too.

    You might be right actually. I'll arrange to meet up with him some time over the week.
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    Yeah, I definitely will. I'll treat myself for a while too.

    You might be right actually. I'll arrange to meet up with him some time over the week.
    Definitely treat yourself, have some me time, and enjoy being with your family. Treat this as an opportunity, a new start. You're away from unhappiness and among people who are there for you and want to support you.

    He could be a real source of support for you and I'm sure that he'll be happy to help you get through this tough time.
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    Definitely treat yourself, have some me time, and enjoy being with your family. Treat this as an opportunity, a new start. You're away from unhappiness and among people who are there for you and want to support you.

    He could be a real source of support for you and I'm sure that he'll be happy to help you get through this tough time.
    I definitely need the time away from the house. I want to sell up, but it's on mortgage, so I guess I'll have to get used to being there.

    Yeah, he's a great guy.
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    I definitely need the time away from the house. I want to sell up, but it's on mortgage, so I guess I'll have to get used to being there.

    Yeah, he's a great guy.
    Could you not rent it out? Get it earning a bit of money for you rather than seeing the house as a burden?

    He sounds like he'll be great support for you, so definitely make him part of your support network during this difficult time. He may also find some relief for himself as well - if he's gone through a similar thing, he may find closure by helping someone who's gone through what his girlfriend went through with him.
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    I watched Nick Robinson's EU documentary and it's funny how nothing has really changed. The British still lament not making the rules and Europe still has an attitude of 'Britain should change for us'.
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    Could you not rent it out? Get it earning a bit of money for you rather than seeing the house as a burden?

    He sounds like he'll be great support for you, so definitely make him part of your support network during this difficult time. He may also find some relief for himself as well - if he's gone through a similar thing, he may find closure by helping someone who's gone through what his girlfriend went through with him.
    That's a good idea; considering it's in an area of fairly high demand, that might be the best way to deal with the issue!

    Like I said, I'll definitely get in touch with him next week. May even pop up tomorrow... but yeah, it could help both of us.

    Thank you for being so supportive.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    I watched Nick Robinson's EU documentary and it's funny how nothing has really changed. The British still lament not making the rules and Europe still has an attitude of 'Britain should change for us'.
    One of us has to make a compromise if we are to work together. That said, Britain could just vote to leave the EU.

    I personally believe that we'd be better off inside the EU.
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    That's a good idea; considering it's in an area of fairly high demand, that might be the best way to deal with the issue!

    Like I said, I'll definitely get in touch with him next week. May even pop up tomorrow... but yeah, it could help both of us.

    Thank you for being so supportive.
    As I say, you get the property working for you, don't have to go back to somewhere you were unhappy and make some money in the process. It then gives you the chance to make a clean break.

    You're welcome - as I say, feel free to PM me/ quote me in here any time if you need to talk and let me know how it goes. I know it's a cliche, but this is a new chapter in your life, so seize the moment!
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    (Original post by toronto353)
    As I say, you get the property working for you, don't have to go back to somewhere you were unhappy and make some money in the process. It then gives you the chance to make a clean break.

    You're welcome - as I say, feel free to PM me/ quote me in here any time if you need to talk and let me know how it goes. I know it's a cliche, but this is a new chapter in your life, so seize the moment!
    I'll definitely keep you updated! I most definitely will seize the moment - I'm young and I have the chance to make my life better!
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    (Original post by Whiggy)
    One of us has to make a compromise if we are to work together. That said, Britain could just vote to leave the EU.

    I personally believe that we'd be better off inside the EU.
    In the short term i agree that we will muddle along and depending on the economy and government relations will wax and wane.

    In the long term though i believe that the Euro-zone is destined to become a federation and at that point, British exit will become inevitable.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    In the short term i agree that we will muddle along and depending on the economy and government relations will wax and wane.

    In the long term though i believe that the Euro-zone is destined to become a federation and at that point, British exit will become inevitable.
    Remaining in the EU appears to be the safest option for us at the moment; we can deal with whatever happens in the future. With any luck, we'll vote to remain in the EU and the EU benefits us for many years to come.
 
 
 
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