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Do I need to be discreet about how many men I've slept with? Watch

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    i don't think maturity is the issue with potential future bf's not liking that she's had so many previous partners (including a woman), imo it's primarily a matter of ones personal perception of morality. I mean sure you might get a loser who just thinks that it's fine if guys do it and girls don't and calls you a slut, but they're not the kinda guys worth anyone's time. Conversely however, just as there are men out there who think a girl with a lot of "experience" is good, there are bound to be those who think that maybe you've had a bit too much experience - it doesn't mean that they're immature guys who aren't 'smart', it's just how they feel. IMO you should wait until you're comfortable in a relationship to let them know though - if it seems like it's the kind of thing that they'd be concerned with then you should tell them when you feel confident enough to
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    If they ask, tell them. Yeah, plenty of guys might be put off, but would you really want to be with them long-term anyway?
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    (Original post by TheRealDarthVader)
    I would be equally disapproving and suggest that they have trust issues. As far as equality goes, men and women are still wired differently.
    Okay, but even then, that's a big generalisation, that women who have casual sex do so because they are trying to fill some psychological holes.
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    First of all I would like to say that I don't think girls who sleep around are sluts,****s or mentally damaged. :p:

    What you have to understand is that, sharing your sexual numbers with a parter is only going to lead to someone feeling insecure / jealous / sexually inexperienced, etc, and women can get laid so much easier than men.

    People shouldn't ask / shouldn't tell, the only relevance is that they are clean.
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    There's a difference between players and sluts. A player has to use a skill set and put a lot of hard work to get laid - I respect that. A slut just has to be in a club and say 'yes' to advances - no work, no talent, just looks and I don't respect that.
    I don't go clubbing.
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    heeehee one woman
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would be inclined to half the figure. I am in a similar situation to you with regards to age and numbers although the figure is a little lower. I lost my virginity 8 years ago and have had 2 long term relationships, one was 2.5 years, one 3 years. That means I have had quite a few one nighters. Although to be honest, mine are almost all drunken encounters which I do regret. I'm not a slut, I don't sleep with everyone who tries it on, I have some standards. I don't like the way I am when i'm too drunk though, hence why I don't drink so much anymore. I say half the number because how is anyone going to find out the real number? Are all your ex partners going to see you out and feel the need to tell your current partner they have slept with you? I would seriously doubt it. I told my ex the real number and although he said in the beginning it didn't bother him towards the end of the relationship he turned it against me and called me easy etc. I know he was a prick, but it made me decide to not be truthful anymore. The past is the past, nobody needs to know the real number if you don't want them to. Having said that, if you don't regret any of the encounters then by all means be honest if you want to!
    I've ha the same experience but with a very very long term boyfriend whom I trusted and respected a LOT. It seems that no matter how emotionally mature you are, being very sexually active seems to trigger something off in certain people and upsets them.

    I think what I will do is not half my figure but keep the one night stand and casual flings out of it, which reduces my number from 21 to 6. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't go clubbing.
    Doesn't matter, it's just an example. That number just shows you put out to anything. I don't respect you for it at all. You have problems; normal girls - any girl - can do this they choose not to. They don't need, for instance, validation because of low self esteem. You're an easy girl who puts out and probably has a plethora of personality disorders. The worst thing is that you even think you're better than other people because you're more 'enlightened' and 'emotionally mature' or something. Jesus. Well, I and every other guy I know, would run a mile.

    Maybe there's a reason you started this thread. Maybe there's a reason many many men all act this way. Maybe there's a reason many on the thread have agreed (also note, I'm not sure I've seen anyone actually support it, just say at best it's in the past). And MAYBE just maybe something isn't wrong with EVERYONE, maybe there is something wrong with YOU.
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    Doesn't matter, it's just an example. That number just shows you put out to anything.
    I've met well over 1000 people in my life and slept with 21, which means I sleep with everyone does it? Try again.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've met well over 1000 people in my life and slept with 21, which means I sleep with everyone does it? Try again.
    No I stick by it - it's laughably easy to get laid as a girl if you want to - ANY girl could have that figure, but they have enough self respect not to.
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    No I stick by it - it's laughably easy to get laid as a girl if you want to - ANY girl could have that figure, but they have enough self respect not to.
    I never doubted its easy to get laid as a woman but I have standards, and could have slept with many more if I had no standards. Just because its easy for girls doesn't mean that ALL girls take all the opportunities afforded to them.
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    I don't think there's any real need to mention it, is there? Whatever happened in the past is just that- in the past!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I never doubted its easy to get laid as a woman but I have standards, and could have slept with many more if I had no standards. Just because its easy for girls doesn't mean that ALL girls take all the opportunities afforded to them.
    Yeah but they're low and that's the problem.
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    Yeah but they're low and that's the problem.
    The point is you don't know from just looking at a persons number if they have standards or not. Thats why I'm not sure if future boyfriends will be like you and just assume I'm easy, or will be more open to the idea that its not that simple.

    Anyway I've already said I'm going to hide it because people are too judgemental. I'm only going to say my ltr number (6).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've ha the same experience but with a very very long term boyfriend whom I trusted and respected a LOT. It seems that no matter how emotionally mature you are, being very sexually active seems to trigger something off in certain people and upsets them.

    I think what I will do is not half my figure but keep the one night stand and casual flings out of it, which reduces my number from 21 to 6. :rolleyes:
    :lolwut: 16 casual encounters.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The point is you don't know from just looking at a persons number if they have standards or not. Thats why I'm not sure if future boyfriends will be like you and just assume I'm easy, or will be more open to the idea that its not that simple.

    Anyway I've already said I'm going to hide it because people are too judgemental. I'm only going to say my ltr number (6).
    As I've said you can't sell your figures - the long term relationships will never add up - 6 by your age...ltrs usually mean years but I don't think you mean that- it suggests you slept with a guy every minute you were single and probably cheated on the guys you were with too? And as someone said above, yeah 15 odd casual encounters...? I mean that says it all.

    You're a girl who has slept with a lot of guys and has low standards and probably low self esteem; you're a girl who calls others judgemental, and blames everyone else instead of actually even entertaining the idea you might be in the wrong. There is a reason many guys have a problem with this and you know you are taking the decision to hide it to cover your behind - you can't just insult the majority of the male species by calling them 'emotionally immature' and so on. You're deluded.
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    (Original post by chocolat321)
    Okay, but even then, that's a big generalisation, that women who have casual sex do so because they are trying to fill some psychological holes.


    Yes, but that is not a problem that I created. Generalisations are generally there for a reason, and that is because past behaviours all mount up. Not every black person likes fried chicken, not every Asian is good at maths, not every Spaniard is lazy, and not every Australian is a convict.
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    I'm sorry to sound brutal, but if you think he is bigoted enough to be upset by how many people you have slept with why the hell are you going out with him?

    Tell the truth and if he acts like an arse you know where he can go. Starting a relationship based on the asumption you should be lying is a terrible thing to do.

    On a side note I expected some guys to act like knobs in this thread but not the number of girls it's strange.
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    There are undoubtedly lots of people who would be bothered and lots of people who wouldn't be bothered. And I don't think that the reaction is based on whether someone is "smart" or "mature", it just depends on what sort of person they are. People who have very strong moral opinions on sex will not be happy, and neither will people who like to imagine themselves as players, as you will then seem less of an impressive conquest. People who are either liberal minded or who never imagined themselves to be players in the first place won't care.
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    My number is something simlar to yours and its a standing joke within my social circle that I cant keep it in my pants (so to speak). But then I am very safe and moral in my encounters, if I am looking for a short term thing I make sure they know what it is and that they are happy with it. And of course always use protection.

    I think because I am very open about it everyone knows all that stuff and so dont think any less of me. I'd rather tell everyone myself and get the truth out there then have it come out as a shocking secret some time later.

    but then I think you have to be able to roll with the punches to take that kind of approach becasue you are going to get some people who just see a number.
 
 
 
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