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    Why did the chicken hang itself?




    To get to the other side.
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    A man phone's up his local Lib-Dem MP;
    Man - Hi, I'd like a few copies of your manifesto please.
    MP - Sorry, we've sold out.
    Man - I know that, but i'd like a few of your manifestos..
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    (Original post by Lewroll)
    Do you know what the square root of 89 is?
    Ate something
    Fail. The square root of 89 is nine something. I think you mean the square root of 69... :rolleyes:
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    Do you want to hear a joke?
    Women's rights
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    (Original post by Lintu93)
    Fail. The square root of 89 is nine something. I think you mean the square root of 69... :rolleyes:
    woops, typo haha, allow me to ammend that. Thnks for pointin it out
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    This may be long, but I think it's worth it...

    One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."
    Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

    The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

    Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

    The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

    The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"
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    Why does the Pope wear underwear in the bath?

    He doesn't like to look down on the unemployed.
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    Extracts from an English to Chinese phrase book.

    1) Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
    2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
    3) See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
    4) Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
    5) Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
    6) Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
    7) I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
    8) I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
    9) It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
    10) I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
    11) This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
    12) staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
    13) He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
    14) Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
    15) Great... Fa Kin Su Pah

    It is wrong how this is so ancient but remains so funny. I've had it for years and couldn't bring myself to delete it.
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    My snail recently lost in the international snail championships. Rather than buying a new one, I decided to modify my snail to make him faster, so I took off hid shell to make him more aerodynamic.....


    But if anything, it has made him more sluggish
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    (Original post by Lintu93)
    Fail. The square root of 89 is nine something. I think you mean the square root of 69... :rolleyes:
    The Square root of 69 is 8 somethin... right? Cos I've been tryna work it out
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    Cybering

    Girl: I'm going to take them off just for you.
    Guy: Oh baby how i wish you were her
    Girl: Wtf
    Guy: ****, I meant Here. HERE.
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    Knock, Knock
    Who's there
    Kidney
    Kidney who
    Kidney beans

    ( Dont laugh)
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    (Original post by looking)
    Apparently, if you put your location as Newcastle on facebook, you get a 'like' button after every word
    HAHA. Epic. c:

    What dya call a naked man, skinny dipping in the ocean??






    A FREE WILLY!
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    Why did the chicken cross the road?........... To get to the other side xD
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    (Original post by My Life)
    Knock, Knock
    Who's there
    Kidney
    Kidney who
    Kidney beans

    ( Dont laugh)
    Too late
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    your mums so fat that when she sat on her iphone, it turned into an ipad.
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    (Original post by Jacobdatz)
    what did one tampon say to the other

    nothing because they're both stuck up *$%ts
    that is actually true
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    (Original post by ddua_dduges)
    Why did the jockey take his saddle to bed with him?

    Because he was afraid of having nightmares!!
    I don't get it, please explain it to me

    Outside of a dog a man's best friend is his book...




    inside it's too dark to read.
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    James was on the beach, and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls, while he had no luck. So he asked Bob "Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?"

    Bob replied "Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!"

    So James stuffed a potato in his suit and paraded up and down the beach. Several hours later, he still had no woman.

    James went to see Bob again and said "I've tried the potato and it doesn't work!"

    Bob looked at James and asked, "Have you tried putting the potato in the front?"
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    Gold walks into a bar and orders a pint. When it's ready he grabs it and walks briskly out of the bar without paying. The barman notices this and shouts, 'Ay! You!'



    (chemistry joke)
 
 
 
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