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Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    I wasn't sure if he was actually calling me immoral for giving head to my ex. This is exactly why people of my culture never move forward, because of dumbass dicks who think women should stay virgins until they're married. I agree with you. Firstly, just because you're not married doesn't mean you're not in a stable relationship, and secondly most Indian marriages consist of a faithful woman and a cheating, pathetic drunkard. Real stable, really something i want to wait for and look forward to. So those who continue to oppress women need to **** off back their holes.
    i rate you!

    shall we leave town together?
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    (Original post by Consilio Et Animis)
    I know, right?! She's so deluded!
    It's all about how it is back in PK and that's why some old people like her are still attached to this kind of thinking. It's like Prince William marrying a chav basically in her opinion. People should only marry into those with similar status etc. I told her to **** herself and that I'd marry a good muslim boy, whatever his caste shiz is
    Firstly, how does she know how it is 'back in PK'? Has she actually visited the whole country (I mean NWFP, Punjab, Multan, Sindh, Waziristan, (Azad) Kashmir, Balochistan etc.).

    Also, what if your social status (do you mean earning power?) changes during your lifetime. I was born in a lower-middle class household in South Asia in 1989 but now live in London and work in what is quite a 'middle-class' profession so obviously my relative earning power has increased.

    Does she mean that the male and female salarie should be roughly identical?
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    Not exactly... It's not like my family would banish me should I marry someone that they do not approve of, but they would definitely cut me out of the inheritance to spite me.

    They suggest someone, and I'll probably marry then. Money talks
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    (Original post by jazzy1234)
    My parents don't care what race i marry as long as he's muslim.
    However i know that most aunty jees out there want their daughters to marry an asian man ONLY as they think ( so i'm told) that it would make the marriage easier if both the people are the same culturally and less chance of it breaking up OH and to prevent shame of their daughter marrying out of culture/race ''GOD FORBID''.

    Some asians are pretty backwards!
    OMG I love your parents, I wish mine would let me marry anyone who is Muslim I mean why don't they realise that it doesn't matter what colour or race you are being Muslim is the only thing that matters.

    My parents are pretty much fine with me and siblings finding someone but it goes without saying that they have to be Pakistani! I once tried the whole mum you know islam doesn't discriminate against race and it was like she could sense exactly what I was saying she was like don't even think about! DAMN!!

    I can see where they are coming from you know people from the same race are easier to get along with but seriously people we need to intergrate!

    And it sucks for me as I am not attracted to Pakistani or Asian guys they repulse me, so I have no idea what I am going to do
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    my friend,from Bangladesh,she can barely breath without permission from her parents.
    i was the first friend to take her to cinema,KFC and starbucks..
    Her family is VERY religous.
    I'm muslim,but like more of the modern types..and i still had to lie to her parents that i was a religous obsessed freak so they would let her be friends with me.
    so non-muslim guy=no

    The reason my mum&dads marriage ended =my dad was hindu my mum was muslim.

    my dad first lied he was muslim to go out with my mum but then families got involved and they certainly didnt apporve.
    my mum was openminded byt dads family went kinda crazy,plus the culture was VERY different

    But they dont care what race i marry
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    (Original post by effofex)
    Lol - I'm aware that you probably don't agree with it at all. And as soon as you are in a financially independent position there is very little they can do. I don't understand why on earth you can't be friends with boys though - what if you have a common interest with them - e.g. a sport, computer game, music choice, holidays etc.? Or what if you need to work with them as part of a group project?

    How does it bring shame upon other family members though? I can't understand why they are responsible for your actions anyway. Surely the chances are that if [insert cousins family name] found out about your friendship (Oh MY GODZ!!!!!!) it would be glossed over since it is not exactly as shocking or newsworthy as say, the earthquake in Cumbria recently.

    Also, have your auntiyas not heard of gender equality?
    I am friends with a few boys lol, i just can't meet up with them in public and stuff. If people see you together they'll tell everyone they saw you with a boy and call you a slut. Then it'll go around the WHOLE community, and get back to your own family. Not that i care, but my parents do, and i don't want to go through the hassle again. It brings "shame" on them because it's like saying that they didn't raise their daughter properly, because she's apparently "promiscuous" and hangs out with boys. It's just seen as a bad thing to hang out with a boy, boys and girls are kind of supposed to be kept seperate. It's like the parents responsibility to keep their daughters away from boys and in the house learning to cook! I know it's ridiculous.

    Hahaha, these auntiya are stupid *****es. Gender equality is NOT prevalent in the Indian community. And they don't acknowledge that having a friend that's a boy is not a big deal, because their lives consist of gossiping about others. I mean, if they see you out with friends at night, that's another thing to gossip about. "Those parents, letting their daughters go out at all hours of the night, it's disgraceful!"
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    I am friends with a few boys lol, i just can't meet up with them in public and stuff. If people see you together they'll tell everyone they saw you with a boy and call you a slut. Then it'll go around the WHOLE community, and get back to your own family. Not that i care, but my parents do, and i don't want to go through the hassle again. It brings "shame" on them because it's like saying that they didn't raise their daughter properly, because she's apparently "promiscuous" and hangs out with loads of boys. It's like the parents responsibility to keep their daughters away from boys and in the house learning to cook! I know it's ridiculous.

    Hahaha, these auntiya are stupid *****es. Gender equality is NOT prevalent in the Indian community. And they don't acknowledge that having a friend that's a boy is not a big deal, because their lives consist of gossiping about others. I mean, if they see you out with friends at night, that's another thing to gossip about. "Those parents, letting their daughters go out at all hours of the night, it's disgraceful!"
    Your life sounds a little like East is East :lol:
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    (Original post by effofex)
    Firstly, how does she know how it is 'back in PK'? Has she actually visited the whole country (I mean NWFP, Punjab, Multan, Sindh, Waziristan, (Azad) Kashmir, Balochistan etc.).

    Also, what if your social status (do you mean earning power?) changes during your lifetime. I was born in a lower-middle class household in South Asia in 1989 but now live in London and work in what is quite a 'middle-class' profession so obviously my relative earning power has increased.

    Does she mean that the male and female salarie should be roughly identical?
    Well in Punjab, it's common to get married between the same castes. They don't even know the reasons themselves but follow it blindly. I don't think it's even to do with salaries. Like my caste apparently are meant to be landowning types so they don't get married to people who belong to lower castes like shoemakers, barbers etc.
    It hardly even applies now because we aren't in those countries and we don't carry out the same trade as our ancestors like how they used to in the olden days

    Like in your case, no matter how much your earning power has changed, it doesn't really matter. Only your caste. Bare gay. I've even explained to her the islamic POV and how outrageous her comments are but she's really ignorant. Allow her.

    I think all of us should be just viewed equally. None is superior to the other just because of what our ancestors did :wtf:
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    (Original post by ?!master?!mini?!)
    i rate you!

    shall we leave town together?
    Yes please
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    You're "allowed" to marry anyone you want to if you're an adult, for God's sake. Unless you're planning on living the life of a child forever.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OMG I love your parents, I wish mine would let me marry anyone who is Muslim I mean why don't they realise that it doesn't matter what colour or race you are being Muslim is the only thing that matters.

    My parents are pretty much fine with me and siblings finding someone but it goes without saying that they have to be Pakistani! I once tried the whole mum you know islam doesn't discriminate against race and it was like she could sense exactly what I was saying she was like don't even think about! DAMN!!

    I can see where they are coming from you know people from the same race are easier to get along with but seriously people we need to intergrate!

    And it sucks for me as I am not attracted to Pakistani or Asian guys they repulse me, so I have no idea what I am going to do :(
    Assuming you live in Al-UK, then most males are not of Asian or Pakistani origin. You do have quite alot of choice. Convince your parents of the lack of importance of ethnic origin in finding a partner. Remember that in most workplaces or friendship groups in this country, Pakistani and non-Pakistani people are able to cooperate and work together easily without these massive 'cultural differences' that are cited.

    And if your mother does bring up the issue of 'cultural differences', grill her on what exactly these impediments are, and whether they can be extrapolated to an entire ethnic group. Her argument will most probably lie in tatters after that.
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    Yup i can. Its the 21st century in my family. We've seen too many arranged marraiges go wrong so all faith is lost with what used to be good about that system !

    Allthough the caste system unfortunatley has SOME influence.
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Yes please
    :sexface: let's go.
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    I don't think the caste issue is much of an issue in Pakistan administered Kashmir, but it may be so in other parts as you said. That said, you would probably get a few looks if someone came from a shoe making caste and married say a Choudhry or Raja. I think our so called "caste" is supposed to be about owning land etc... as well, but really when people come to the UK every one starts from the bottom

    Im not excusing my Dad's racism, but I can think of some reasons
    1) The Pakistan/Bangladeshi conflict. Young pakistani's and Bengalis living in these countries can quite easily get on. Why can't the older generation?
    2) The Muslim/Hindu conflict in India. Again, the younger generation can get on with each other. Why can't the older generations?-One of my friend is a Hindu
    3) The British rule of present day Pakistan, though admittedly he hasn't said much about the British at all-could be because he's seen sense when most of his customers are British

    Saying that, hes a light racist if one exists as he's made the comment "It doesn't matter if you're Indian, Pakistani, Arab, White etc... Your faith is the only thing that matters" in front of his friends
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    (Original post by ?!master?!mini?!)
    :sexface: let's go.
    Yay, how romantic! :gah:
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    I am friends with a few boys lol, i just can't meet up with them in public and stuff. If people see you together they'll tell everyone they saw you with a boy and call you a slut. Then it'll go around the WHOLE community, and get back to your own family. Not that i care, but my parents do, and i don't want to go through the hassle again. It brings "shame" on them because it's like saying that they didn't raise their daughter properly, because she's apparently "promiscuous" and hangs out with boys. It's just seen as a bad thing to hang out with a boy, boys and girls are kind of supposed to be kept seperate. It's like the parents responsibility to keep their daughters away from boys and in the house learning to cook! I know it's ridiculous.

    Hahaha, these auntiya are stupid *****es. Gender equality is NOT prevalent in the Indian community. And they don't acknowledge that having a friend that's a boy is not a big deal, because their lives consist of gossiping about others. I mean, if they see you out with friends at night, that's another thing to gossip about. "Those parents, letting their daughters go out at all hours of the night, it's disgraceful!"
    So you are effectively prohibited from socializing or interacting with 49% of population then? Do you live in a small town - since if you live in a small town maybe people all know each other fairly well. I live in London where alot of people are anonymous to each other since it is such a large city.

    Are these auntiyas not aware that a boy may often be a friend, lab partner, colleague, sports competitor etc. and not a sexual partner? Why do they assume that it is 'promiscuous' to associate with boys? So in their eyes, does this make any woman who works in a workplace alongisde male colleagues promiscuous? Because if so, surely they would have severe difficulties in getting employment? How do your auntiyas expect multinational corporations to function if there has to be gender segregation? I'm genuinely curious! - have you brought this point up with them before?

    I was born in India and work with Indian colleagues (both male and female) and have not come across this attitude before. Also in my previous workplace I had a female MD, female line manager and female floor manager and I didn't face any issues from South Asian colleagues at all. Do they not have other issues or interests in their lives (e.g. politics, sports, society, shopping, literature, comedy, soaps, TV, films etc.) that they can discuss? Also, what happens if you are in a job where you have to work long hours (my previous hours were 5pm - 1am when I was still at university) - surely this will mean you have to often travel home late at night?

    Also, why the importance on cooking? I'm fairly sure a growing number of men nowadays can cook and have no need for a woman for that, especially given the ready-meal industry.
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    most Indian marriages consist of a faithful woman and a cheating, pathetic drunkard. Real stable, really something i want to wait for and look forward to. So those who continue to oppress women need to **** off back their holes.
    Generalize much? If those comments were made by a non Indian they would be considered racist. But, you think you can say stuff like that and get away with it?
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    (Original post by effofex)
    Assuming you live in Al-UK, then most males are not of Asian or Pakistani origin. You do have quite alot of choice. Convince your parents of the lack of importance of ethnic origin in finding a partner. Remember that in most workplaces or friendship groups in this country, Pakistani and non-Pakistani people are able to cooperate and work together easily without these massive 'cultural differences' that are cited.

    And if your mother does bring up the issue of 'cultural differences', grill her on what exactly these impediments are, and whether they can be extrapolated to an entire ethnic group. Her argument will most probably lie in tatters after that.

    Asian parents:-

    Stubborn:

    stub·born/?st?b?rn/Adjective
    1. Having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, esp. in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so.
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    (Original post by ManAbout)
    Generalize much? If those comments were made by a non Indian they would be considered racist. But, you think you can say stuff like that and get away with it?
    I don't see how that's racist. Seeing as that was the case with my parents, my grandmother, the generations before her, my cousin's parents, my friend's parents, and many other people, i did feel i was justified in saying most indian marriages consists of this. Not ALL. Maybe not even most, but from what i've seen, i believe most.
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    (Original post by Cicerao)
    You're "allowed" to marry anyone you want to if you're an adult, for God's sake. Unless you're planning on living the life of a child forever.
    You don't understand the Asian community. The older generation are basically like the police
 
 
 
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