Your partner going on a clubbing holiday with friends? Watch

Schroedinger's Pandora
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#81
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#81
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well ive been convinced by the responses here that everyone cheats on holiday.
I actually laughed. A few biased replies on a student forum represents the entirety of the human population then, by your reconing? And because of these, biased replies, you think you have a license to cheat on your girlfriend? I've managed many outings with friends where nobody has cheated on anybody, believe it or not. I do have a friend who went to Tenerefe and came back with Herpes, a little holiday momento she won't be forgetting in a hurry.

People who cheat, especially those who want to cheat with promiscuous douchebags don't just put their own health at risk - but that of the innocent party (girlfriend/ boyfriend) back home. That is with or without condom use. The worst STDs (the viral ones, which are incurable and can be devistating to a woman's health and sometimes fertility), are the ones which are spread whether you use a condom or not.

Integrity and loyalty are important for reasons which spread far beyond relationship security.
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Anonymous #1
#82
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#82
(Original post by Schroedinger's Pandora)
I actually laughed. A few biased replies on a student forum represents the entirety of the human population then, by your reconing? And because of these, biased replies, you think you have a license to cheat on your girlfriend? I've managed many outings with friends where nobody has cheated on anybody, believe it or not. I do have a friend who went to Tenerefe and came back with Herpes, a little holiday momento she won't be forgetting in a hurry.

People who cheat, especially those who want to cheat with promiscuous douchebags don't just put their own health at risk - but that of the innocent party (girlfriend/ boyfriend) back home. That is with or without condom use. The worst STDs (the viral ones, which are incurable and can be devistating to a woman's health and sometimes fertility), are the ones which are spread whether you use a condom or not.

Integrity and loyalty are important for reasons which spread far beyond relationship security.

Well then if you were me, what would you do?
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Schroedinger's Pandora
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#83
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#83
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well then if you were me, what would you do?
Why is this such a dilemma for you? Keep your pants on? It's not difficult.
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Anonymous #1
#84
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#84
(Original post by Schroedinger's Pandora)
Why is this such a dilemma for you? Keep your pants on? It's not difficult.
yea but i'd worry too much that she has cheated that i probably will...
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Schroedinger's Pandora
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#85
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#85
(Original post by Anonymous)
yea but i'd worry too much that she has cheated that i probably will...

You then, sir, are a lost cause. How do you ever expect to settle down and be happy with anyone long-term if you want to cheat on your missus every time she goes away, all because of your pathetic insecurity? That's the most absolutely, stultifyingly backwards logic I've ever heard.

I feel genuinely sorry for any sad case who ends up with you.
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connorbrown
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#86
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#86
Iv been on two lads holidays now, on both of them even the lads that had girlfriends pulled other girls. One of them banged another girl, but most of them just pulled. Of course when we went home the party line was that they hadn't done anything.

Not trying to say this is representative, and dunno what its like on a girls holiday, just one lad trying to help out another here.
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rhinger
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#87
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#87
(Original post by *Darcie*)
I'm guessing you are about 12 and your knowledge of these things extends to what you have read on this forum. Just clueless.
Oh please, I probably have more clubbing experience than you and your nerdy social circle combined.

If the girl's going on a clubbing holiday, I'm supposing she's going somewhere which has numerous raves (characteristic of tourist towns), and if it's a group of holiday-goers, obviously there will be action.

Dumb****.
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Calumcalum
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#88
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(Original post by shygirl92)
Sexual disloyalty counts for nothing. Men cannot control that (and kudos to those that can!) as easily. If i was in a relationship and my bf secretly had feelings for someone else but didn't tell me, well that would bother me. Otherwise sex not so much.

If he needs it badly at the time, and he can get it without too much effort and not hurting anyone...then i cannot hold it against him. It's just sex after all. And if said sex leads him to realise he is in love with the girl/wants to be with her..then i fully support that. If i hadn't let him sleep around (in emergancy situations) then he wouldn't have found that true love and be stuck with me.

Am i making sense?? Of course this is just if such a set up suited him.

So far i've found the guys i've been seeing to be rather collected and i'm the one conciously aware of being wetting and wanting to pounce him 24/7. :dontknow:
It can't have been healthy thinking that your being his girlfriend might have been a hindrance to him finding true love :confused: I hope the next guy you're with makes you feel a lot more appreciated and precious than that :dontknow:
(Original post by edd360)
That's just because most people have been socialised into believing it's wrong. think about it, if my and my girlfriend both had this agreement, neither of us would ever get hurt. There's no explanation as to why it is wrong, because it wouldn't mean you love your girlfriend any less would it.
Even if it is just a social norm, do you not think we should take account of social norms when considering our moral behaviour? Arguably, swear words are just 'social norms' - there's nothing intrinsically wrong with those particular words, but *because* they are a social norm, they carry a lot of weight. Would it be acceptable to start calling people disgusting names just because the words themselves are culturally contingent? Similarly, even if monogamy and similar sexual ideas are just social norms, does that mean it's OK to toy with the partner and cause her humiliation by doing something which, in a particular culture, symbolises that kind of disrespect?

Edit: Just read your later post. Glad we're on the same page, even if we disagree over whether it is just a social norm.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hmm, well from this i think i'll cheat while shes away just as like a back up thing like i mentioned before, just easier that way. Plus im young so why not.
I did say to her that i think she could cheat when shes away even if she thinks she wouldnt now, she was very very annoyed and hurt by that. I told her im quite insecure, then she said she thinks i would probably end up cheating while shes away because i think she will do the same.
She said she wouldnt go if it meant saving our relationship, but it is something she has wantede to do way before she met me so i cant stop her living her life.
Most girls would break up over wanting to go on a holiday and the guy not wanting her to. If she's said she'll stay to save the relationship and you're planning to cheat on her, then you don't deserve her.

However, I know what it's like being in this kind of situation and being quite insecure about it, so I do sympathise. But please give her a chance - love, if it does turn out to be that, always risks heartbreak. You're never going to find it if you don't give it a chance. Please don't cheat on her; the worst that will happen is that she cheats and you realise she was a total douche. Don't make it worse by compromising your dignity and sinking to that level.

(Original post by Schroedinger's Pandora)
I actually laughed. A few biased replies on a student forum represents the entirety of the human population then, by your reconing? And because of these, biased replies, you think you have a license to cheat on your girlfriend? I've managed many outings with friends where nobody has cheated on anybody, believe it or not. I do have a friend who went to Tenerefe and came back with Herpes, a little holiday momento she won't be forgetting in a hurry.

People who cheat, especially those who want to cheat with promiscuous douchebags don't just put their own health at risk - but that of the innocent party (girlfriend/ boyfriend) back home. That is with or without condom use. The worst STDs (the viral ones, which are incurable and can be devistating to a woman's health and sometimes fertility), are the ones which are spread whether you use a condom or not.

Integrity and loyalty are important for reasons which spread far beyond relationship security.
You are a hero.

(Not to be too sycophantic).
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Calumcalum
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#89
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#89
RE: the general thread, I find it strange that so many people expect trust to come this easily when, evidently (from the thread), the world actually has a large amount of douches who really don't care about loyalty :confused:
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Tally:)
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#90
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#90
talking from a girls perspective and putting myself in your girlfriends position, i think the issue of whether her friends are in relationships is the main thing. If she was going on holiday with her friends that are also in relationships then that would change the type of holiday it is maybe and the atmosphere.. as opposed to if the rest of them are single.. the aim of the holiday for your girlfriends friends will be to be drunk every night and in clubs getting with guys. If they are in relationships, they are more likely to be going to bars as opposed to clubs and in clubs they would be just meeting new people and having a laugh if you see what i mean? It also depends on the type of girls they are.. that sounds judgemental but i think it counts in a situation like this.

phrased badly i know, but hopefully you understand what i mean? For instance i have a group of my friends in which most of them are single and the 'clubbing type' that always get with guys on a night out. My group of friends at college all have boyfriends and are more up for a chilled drink in a nice bar, or if they go clubbing they just drink and have fun.. do you know what i mean?
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Tally:)
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#91
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#91
(Original post by connorbrown)
Iv been on two lads holidays now, on both of them even the lads that had girlfriends pulled other girls. One of them banged another girl, but most of them just pulled. Of course when we went home the party line was that they hadn't done anything.

Not trying to say this is representative, and dunno what its like on a girls holiday, just one lad trying to help out another here.
This is so so true, ive got a friend whose boyfriend did this exact thing on a lads holiday and all the boys that went kept a pact not to tell her.. and she still does not know..
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Jmzie-Coupe
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#92
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(Original post by Tally:))
This is so so true, ive got a friend whose boyfriend did this exact thing on a lads holiday and all the boys that went kept a pact not to tell her.. and she still does not know..
You should tell her then, being a 'friend' and all.
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Calumcalum
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#93
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#93
(Original post by Jmzie-Coupe)
You should tell her then, being a 'friend' and all.
This.
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Anonymous #5
#94
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#94
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have an example last year:

One of my mates is in a relationship with this girl (only girl he has been with) and turned down 2 girls on holiday including a barmaid. Now, unless he is with this girl for life he WILL regret that decision when older. Whilst we all respected his decisions we all thought the same that he will surely regret this in the future.

Another of my mates in a similar position is in a relationship with another girl. He got with 2 girls on holiday, 1 just made out, and another all the way. He even met with her once sober and i think keeps in contact with now and again just as a pen friend, nothing more. His mentality was the opposite of my mate's in that you only live once and unless you are with that girl for ever then you WILL regret the decision when you're older. He also said if his gf did the same thing he wouldn't have minded at all but what happened on holiday in that regard never gets bought back home.

It's all about your mentality. Do you want regrets when you are older? Do you want a bit of fun and are you that controlling to allow your partner not to have that sort of fun? My mate would never cheat back home, but holiday is seen as a different thing and i kind of am inclined to agree. You're with your mates and well no regrets eh?
Why would you regret not getting with one girl on holiday?! In a few months you probably wouldnt remember what they even looked like, whereas a long term relationship will leave you with so many more memories. If you cant be faithful even when on holiday then theres no point getting into a relationship in the first place!
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tibbles209
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#95
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I feel really sorry for you OP. You're so insecure that you are willing to sabotage your relationship and risk your health just because you have such low self esteem and insecurity that you can't believe someone can go on holiday without shagging around. Yes, she might cheat, but then again if she never has in the past then she very likely won't. Cheating on her will only make your insecurity worse, because if she doesn't cheat on you then you will realise how much you do not deserve her.

Be loyal to her, she obviously cares about you so try to trust her and don't do anything stupid in the meantime that you may regret terribly later on.
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Tabris
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#96
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#96
(Original post by rhinger)
If the girl's going on a clubbing holiday, I'm supposing she's going somewhere which has numerous raves (characteristic of tourist towns), and if it's a group of holiday-goers, obviously there will be action.

Dumb****.
You implied that grinding automatically leads to making out. It doesn't. Grinding isn't even a big deal to be honest.

I've been going out for the best part of 7 years now, I've done the whole shagaluf, zante, ibiza thing already.

Some people are out for sex, but they were going out there for sex anyway. There are those who will remain faithful to their partners whilst they're out. Look, don't touch and all that jazz.
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*Darcie*
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#97
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#97
(Original post by rhinger)
Oh please, I probably have more clubbing experience than you and your nerdy social circle combined.

If the girl's going on a clubbing holiday, I'm supposing she's going somewhere which has numerous raves (characteristic of tourist towns), and if it's a group of holiday-goers, obviously there will be action.

Dumb****.
You are obviously a troll and a **** one at that.
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rhinger
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#98
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#98
(Original post by Tabris)
You implied that grinding automatically leads to making out. It doesn't. Grinding isn't even a big deal to be honest.

I've been going out for the best part of 7 years now, I've done the whole shagaluf, zante, ibiza thing already.

Some people are out for sex, but they were going out there for sex anyway. There are those who will remain faithful to their partners whilst they're out. Look, don't touch and all that jazz.
Grinding can eventually lead to smooching, especially if alcohol is significantly involved - but then again, I am a teenager, attend underage parties, and I have to admit, teens seem more desperate for 'action'.

(Original post by *Darcie*)
You are obviously a troll and a **** one at that.
Shut the **** up, hoe. How dare you criticize trolls, jog on now.
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sarahthegemini
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#99
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#99
(Original post by Anonymous)
She gets silly when drunk, like sort of childish, in an innocent way if that makes sense. Some girls get horny and all over guys, but she just gets immature, so im not sure. Shes more the kind to draw whiskers on her face when shes drunk, stupid things like that lol.
The old me would cheat while shes away as a kind of back up protection device against heart break, but im not sure
...yeah, she's the childish one :rolleyes:
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Tally:)
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#100
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#100
(Original post by Jmzie-Coupe)
You should tell her then, being a 'friend' and all.
No need to get lairy my friend.
The point of my post, sorry that i did not specify for you, was that I am friends with both parties, therefore its a slight loyalty dilemma to both. On one hand i want to tell her, but on the other hand, i didnt find out from the boy in question directly, i found out from one of the other boys, so you can see how complicated it is, whether i have done the right thing or not. As well as that, i would be more interested in encoraging him to tell the truth to her, instead of her having to hear from someone outside of the situation, that would add to the heartbreak and make it worse in my view.
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