If the relationship is that bad and has that many problems, just don't try to salvage it because it'll hurt you more than it'd hurt to just end it. Basically don't waste your time with a crap relationship when you could be out there having a good time.
Stuff you've learnt from being in a relationship - either good or bad. Watch
- 28-12-2010 16:13
- 28-12-2010 16:25
I've learnt never to have another BF until marriage. They are a waste of time and it always ends in tears. Had 2 BFs so far and don't want another.
- 28-12-2010 16:29
love's a *****. both the best and worst feeling ever...
- 28-12-2010 16:51
Don't make them your world. The individual should always be more important than the relationship. Looking after yourself as a person will keep things healthy.
Relationships need compromise, and lots of it. I learnt that I can't compromise.
You can be madly in love with someone and yet realise you're terrible for each other. Listen to that instinct.
People don't change. Not really. If they do, then it's usually for the wrong reasons. [i.e. because you want them to. For me, that's not enough. They need to have changed because they want to. For example, I wouldn't want a partner to give up drugs for me, I'd want them to change their opinions on drugs...]
At the end of the day, you can't look out for the both of you. If your relationship is falling down amongst your ears, you have to look after your own best interests. No-one wants you to stay with them because you pity them.
If you have problems when single, they'll only become worse in a relationship. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be truly happy with a partner.
The best moment in a relationship is the first time you forget to hold each other's hands walking down the street, or forget to give each other a hello kiss That's when it means it's getting real.
- 28-12-2010 16:59
I feel completely clueless.
I think I've learnt to think more about me and friends and career now. I was in a r-ship with my first proper boyfriend for nearly 3 n half years. My recent ex, we broke up three weeks ago and were together nearing 4 years.
That is far too long to be in r-ships! I was completely heartbroken by the way my recent ex treated me. I really thought we had a great r-ship but he was far too childish and couldn't handle the commitment or anything really.
So yes. All I've learnt is don't rely on them. You have to think about yourself foremost (not in a selfish way and still obviously your family and friends) but you can't put everything into someone else.
- 28-12-2010 17:08
If you're too accommodating, people will take advantage.
- 28-12-2010 17:46
Arguing every single day isn't healthy although occasional arguments are. You can have a healthy relationships without arguments. I also learnt that not all men want sex 24/7, not all men are headfooks and if he doesn't worship you and you don't worship him then it's a waste of time.
- 28-12-2010 17:57
Well i have never been in a relationship yet. But one girl I know was in a relationship for a long time with her BF and I have learnt a lot from them.
The most important thing i can share is that one should not be clingy! Space and trust in a relationship is good.
I am not friends with this girl, but I know of her, and one cringy thing I heard about her was that she made her BF a doctors and dentist appointment. Not only that, it was the fact that she called up his work to let him know right that second! I mean the appointments were weeks away, so I dont see why she had to do that. Anyway long story short she embararessed him by pretending to be his mother, because he was not allowed to take calls unless it was a family emergency. I mean what normal 16 year old girl does that??
You are his girlfriend, not his mother! Be easy going and give the guy space!
- 28-12-2010 17:59
- Decide what you want before you get in one. What sort of future do you want? If she's not in that future, you're better off ending it (when you can, of course) before you ruin that dream completely.
- There is always another boy/girl for you. No matter who you are or what your previous experiences, someone will like you for you.
- Don't bend over backwards. Just, don't. It seems women don't appreciate it and complain all the time about it anyway. Make sure they appreciate what you're doing, and if they don't, leave. They'll know what they missed.
- You're only 19 (or 18/20/21/whatever). That means that you were most likely blissfully ignorant (and probably happy) for the first 12 years of your life, which means you've only had your eyes open to the "real world" for less than 10 years. That's not a long time. In fact, that's peanuts, considering most people live up to 70. You've only been exposed to life for less than a tenth of your life, you still have another 9 tenths to find that special someone. Why does everyone want a companion as soon as they're out of the womb? Give it a break and focus on more important things!
- 03-01-2011 20:09
A few other things I managed to forget to put in my other post *rolls eyes*
- Facebook causes WAY too many arguments in relationships. It's best just to take off any personal stuff, like the Relationship Status, Looking For and Interested In. It's made my life a LOT easier not having it on there. Oh yeah, and on this topic - an album full of 200 photos of you and your partner kissing should be on your computer, not on Facebook.
- Saying "I love you" all the time can make the words lose their meaning. You should also never force someone to say it.
- I don't believe in the concept of "The One" but I do believe it's possible to make a happy relationship with someone you love if you put the effort in. If you don't and just expect things to be happy, they won't be.
- Letting anger fester over mistakes you/the other person have done will destroy the relationship in the end. But it's stupid getting angry over little things, like if your girl/boy was slightly late for a planned night out. Just let it go, people do make silly mistakes.
- Relationship breaks CAN work, but only if you're totally clear on why you're taking the break. You can't just pull a disappearing act and hope things will be better when you come back. For example, if you've got to take some time alone for about a week/two weeks for specific reasons, then this should be respected. But if you just want to string someone along and "test drive" being single, then break up.
- A lot of the time, I hear complaints from coupled-up friends that all they see around them is happy singles. And funnily enough from my single friends, all they say they see is happy couples. You cannot compare yourselves to others, you can only know what you're happy with. But don't fall into the trap of thinking that every couple/single person has got it better than you. Maybe they have, maybe they haven't. But if you spend too much time comparing, you'll lose track of your own happiness.
- People can't change unless they want to - however, this is no excuse for bad behaviour. No-one should ever use, put down, mistreat or be rude to their partner and claim it's "the way they are". Whilst people cannot demand that someone change their lifestyle or values, they can ask to be treated with respect and kindness.
- Disagreeing fairly and rationally without resorting to manipulation is far more effective than arguing to win. Because in the latter situation, neither one will.
- Having a partner for the sake of having one will end in tears. Be with someone because of them, not because they're a girlfriend/boyfriend, or a confidence boost.
- 03-01-2011 20:24
I learned to never go along with a girl just because she fancied me, because she fancied me but she didn't actually seem to have feelings for me.
I learned never to be in a relationship with a girl who's older than me, because they seem to like ****ing with guys' emotions.
And I learned that women are annoying, be it in that they refuse to allow you to tell them that they are attractive when they think they aren't, or that to have feelings for a girl in any way is most unwize, because every girl I've had feeling for and confessed my feelings for has been repulsed by me.
- 03-01-2011 20:25
1. Talk is cheap.
2. Don't blindly trust.
- 03-01-2011 20:49
Mistakes happen, but unless you make them you can't learn from them.
I'm a stronger person than I thought I was
Don't trust too easy.
Make sure you know why you're doing something.
- 03-01-2011 20:52
girls really do take ages to get ready in the morning
- 03-01-2011 20:55
Life's too short to sit and think 'why aren't they texting me?! '
Also, women are evil. I include myself haha.
- 03-01-2011 21:06
- If you're both equally attractive don't constantly praise the other about their looks, it gives them reason to think they "can do better" even if you are totally aware they can't
- Never use the words 'i love you' too much, like someone already said the meaning will vanish, quickly.
- learn to give eachocher time and space, constant calling/texting will result in repetitive conversations and the jokes will die down very fast
- NEVER rely on your partner, and also don't make them 'you're everything' as you should always be prepared for the natural way of life, and that is, that things change, and sometimes things don't work out they way you had them planned.
- planning for the future can be dangerous
- take every day as it comes, never show the other person too much love and affection, (at the beginning this is fine, but its easy to give the 'clingy impression'
-The guy in the relationship must show confidence, also in my opinion, it has to be slightly arrogant. I once saw my best mate (actually a very good looking guy) and his gf's mates burst into the room saying omg "so and so was asking bout u etc' and upon hearing this he goes to his gf " if he floats ur boat, go hit it " very jokingly he got the laugh, and wasn't scared one bit or overprotective over his gf.
- when on the phone, end the convo on a high, always. if the conversations not going particularly well, see if you can crack a joke here or there, and at that very moment, if its a positive response, end it then...if its going really well, keep it short and it will keep the other person wanting more....
- 04-01-2011 02:20
Learn to let go/move on.
- 04-01-2011 02:25
Never apologise when you haven't done anything wrong. Sounds simple, yet you'd be amazed how many men fall prey to this, and it's often devastating in relationships.
- 04-01-2011 02:26
- 04-01-2011 02:27
Trust your instincts over your intellect or emotions.