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Explaining asexuality to sexuals Watch

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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    You don't have to justify why you don't like people touching you, although there is more pressure for non-physical to become physical rather than the other way around - ever notice that?
    It's like pressure in introverts to become extroverts. It's seen as the norm to be affectionate it seems, I probably take it beyond some but hugs and such are expected I suppose. As usual many people cannot seem to, and do not try, relate to behaviour different from their own.
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    Sorry missed this one. A good point..my scale has no room for fetishs/sexual paraphilia..my own scale doesn't work on myself...how foolish in hindsight.

    Fine...there is a scale and there is a wheel. The sliding scale decides your attraction to the sexes, so gay to bi to straight, and strongly you sit in which area.

    The wheel is then spun, it has thousands of possible results although "null" and quite common things are generally landed upon. However there is scope on the wheel for anything, you could land on attraction to people dressed as butterflies, or to rubbing animal excrement on yourself.
    You're still using the terms bi, homo and hetero sexual.

    Two of which presume sex is binary.
    Hetero and bi.
    Homo (correct me if I'm wrong) means same. Although in context to the other two then it is also evidence of viewing sex as binary.

    Your sliding scale still presupposes that attraction is necessarily based on the sex of someone or thing.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    Could be wrong, but I don't think the majority of people that enjoy masturbating are doing it because they find themselves arousing...
    I dunno, but personally if I found myself ugly I'd find it weird to masturbate, the same way I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who i found unattractive.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    You're still using the terms bi, homo and hetero sexual.

    Two of which presume sex is binary.
    Hetero and bi.
    Homo (correct me if I'm wrong) means same. Although in context to the other two then it is also evidence of viewing sex as binary.

    Your sliding scale still presupposes that attraction is necessarily based on the sex of someone or thing.
    well the sex of someone is surely quite important? There must be a reason that the world isn't totally bi-sexual with males and females having the same sexual feelings for either gender. I have no sexual feelings toward males..and it would seem many males are the same in that regard. In the same light many females are not sexually aroused by other females. The sex of your target seems quite crucial, even if there is the possibility that you can treat each gender equally.

    As for those attracted to non-living things. Well that women who married the Berlin wall gave it a masculine sexuality, calling it him. She did the same with a fence later on, so she seems to want to think objects with no sex are male..which would sort of support the idea the gender you're attracted to can be a separate thing to the fetish you have.
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    well the sex of someone is surely quite important? There must be a reason that the world isn't totally bi-sexual with males and females having the same sexual feelings for either gender. I have no sexual feelings toward males..and it would seem many males are the same in that regard. In the same light many females are not sexually aroused by other females. The sex of your target seems quite crucial, even if there is the possibility that you can treat each gender equally.

    As for those attracted to non-living things. Well that women who married the Berlin wall gave it a masculine sexuality, calling it him. She did the same with a fence later on, so she seems to want to think objects with no sex are male..which would sort of support the idea the gender you're attracted to can be a separate thing to the fetish you have.
    Again, 'bi-sexual' is about 'two' bi=2.
    Like mono=1
    Tri=3.

    You're ignoring intersexuals.

    Also I'm not saying the sex of someone can't be important, but that it isn't necessarily important.
    The common definitions of sex seem somewhat confused in themselves.

    Also you do get that sex=a biological distinction.
    Gender=a cultural/social distinction.
    Right?
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Again, 'bi-sexual' is about 'two' bi=2.
    Like mono=1
    Tri=3.

    You're ignoring intersexuals.

    Also I'm not saying the sex of someone can't be important, but that it isn't necessarily important.
    The common definitions of sex seem somewhat confused in themselves.

    Also you do get that sex=a biological distinction.
    Gender=a cultural/social distinction.
    Right?
    hmm to me intersexual and bi-sexual seem similiar. Ignoring gender bi-sexuals are attracted to males and females...we only have male and female as biological option, so all intersexuality allows for to me is those born with male and female body parts..

    I suppose I am confusing gender with sex but what is gender if it's not a list of characteristics to represent your sex? I mean...take me, if you said I was a male with a female gender..what would that entail? I don't like sport, my friends are all female, I seem to enjoy what are stereotypically female things (lots of shopping, sleep overs etc), does that affect what gender I should be assigned or what? I might be called a slightly feminine male, so does that mean my gender isn't totally male?...gah now I'm thinking about gender and sex are confusing me..
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    hmm to me intersexual and bi-sexual seem similiar. Ignoring gender bi-sexuals are attracted to males and females...we only have male and female as biological option, so all intersexuality allows for to me is those born with male and female body parts..

    I suppose I am confusing gender with sex but what is gender if it's not a list of characteristics to represent your sex? I mean...take me, if you said I was a male with a female gender..what would that entail? I don't like sport, my friends are all female, I seem to enjoy what are stereotypically female things (lots of shopping, sleep overs etc), does that affect what gender I should be assigned or what? I might be called a slightly feminine male, so does that mean my gender isn't totally male?...gah now I'm thinking about gender and sex are confusing me..
    Wow okay, a lot of terminological confusion here, maybe I should have laid this out clearly.

    Sex= a biological distinction.
    "bisexuality" is a perceived type of 'sexual attraction where someone finds 'both' sexes attractive.

    However the biological distinction is not a binary one when analysed properly.
    intersexuals can have a variety of different 'sex' organs.

    There are probably at least 5 sexes.

    Gender is binary, and based on the (mistaken) perception that sex is binary.

    It is different in different cultures, as the [sex] divides are different.
    Some consider actions to be gendered. A symptom of that are sayings like "a woman's work is never done". This is symbolic of house work being the work of a woman and not a man.

    However that also appears to be a gendered identity, by doing the housework one becomes a woman in some respects.
    Of course nowadays it isn't that simple, thank goodness.

    Gendered behaviour as I said before is a cultural distinction, and currently we project onto girls pink and boys blue. A century ago it was actually the inverse of that.

    Intersexuals tend to be 'normalised' with a less abstract projection, they are surgically altered to fit in. They are forced into 'one sex or another'.
    In an earlier post I mentioned personality disorders being a case of 'what is not normal'
    The same is true here, they are not seen as normal, and forced to conform before they have the intellect to decide for themselves.

    If we go by Queer theory (and I'm by no means giving anywhere near a full or complete over view of that) then we have our gender acted onto us by others.
    We are given action men, toy cars, or encouraged to value these things, because we are male, we are boys.

    We are given barbie dolls, doll houses, make up if we are girls/female.

    Of course it extends to more complex things.

    When you think about it this also explains why we perceive sexuality. Girls are meant to be attracted to boys and vice versa according to the social norms.

    This view is changing though.

    However we are still being encouraged to think of 'sexuality' as a divide between what sexes we find attractive.

    This way of looking at the world seems to be based upon massive biases that are hard to escape because we've grown up with them. We can question them, we can argue against them, whether we can break them is another question.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    This way of looking at the world seems to be based upon massive biases that are hard to escape because we've grown up with them. We can question them, we can argue against them, whether we can break them is another question.
    quite deep for a 3:43am conversation! Why are you not sleeping pray tell?

    Anyway I totally understand now. Although I'm not sure of societies gender roles and such didn't exist that bi-sexuality would make a massive leap. I didn't have army men or dolls..thinking about it my upbringing has been rather gender neutral in things like toys, colour schemes etc. I've had no father figure to speak of, so if anything I've had a feminine upbringing, which might explain my soft submissive nature(though my mum is the same, obviously you inherit personality at least a little.) and the fact I am more comfortable in female company. However I have no feminine sexual traits, thinking about male on male sexual antics is totally unappealing to me. I mean for pure homosexuality to exist, which it does seem to and is hardly forced by society (society still doesn't exactly approve of homosexuality), the attraction to the sex of your partners must significantly biological and not from nurturing in my view. Obviously we had the Romans where male on male sex was quite standard...but I'm not sure if that would have increased the number of bi-sexuals. Male on male sex was more tradition, domination etc, the done thing. They still went home to their wives for their romantic relationships, a different sort of relationship then their male protege. Though looking at past and present cultures does show interesting differences in behaviour decided by arbitrary social standards...
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    (Original post by wtfCharlie)
    What, post-orgasm high?

    No, no, no, it's not
    I thought the implication was that there is no sexual desire after orgasm, soz!
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    (Original post by joey11223)
    quite deep for a 3:43am conversation! Why are you not sleeping pray tell?

    Anyway I totally understand now. Although I'm not sure of societies gender roles and such didn't exist that bi-sexuality would make a massive leap. I didn't have army men or dolls..thinking about it my upbringing has been rather gender neutral in things like toys, colour schemes etc. I've had no father figure to speak of, so if anything I've had a feminine upbringing, which might explain my soft submissive nature(though my mum is the same, obviously you inherit personality at least a little.) and the fact I am more comfortable in female company. However I have no feminine sexual traits, thinking about male on male sexual antics is totally unappealing to me. I mean for pure homosexuality to exist, which it does seem to and is hardly forced by society (society still doesn't exactly approve of homosexuality), the attraction to the sex of your partners must significantly biological and not from nurturing in my view. Obviously we had the Romans where male on male sex was quite standard...but I'm not sure if that would have increased the number of bi-sexuals. Male on male sex was more tradition, domination etc, the done thing. They still went home to their wives for their romantic relationships, a different sort of relationship then their male protege. Though looking at past and present cultures does show interesting differences in behaviour decided by arbitrary social standards...
    Well what is it to be homosexual?

    In the same way what is it to be a woman?

    Is to be a woman:
    To have a vagina?
    To have an XX genetic coding?
    To have overies?

    Is it to do the ironing?
    To do keep the house clean?
    To be paid less than a man doing the same job would be?

    What is it to be gay?
    Is it to be attracted to other humans of the same sex?
    Is it to be a bear or a twink?
    Is it to enjoy shopping for clothes?

    When we find out someone is gay, what do we immediately assume of them?
    Do we decide on that that they are promiscuous?
    That they (if male) are enjoy anal sex?
    That they find us attractive because we are the same sex as them?

    I'm still not sure that moving actions from being homosexual or straight to identities was a good idea. Not that I agree with actions being that way, but it seems a step in the wrong direction.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    I'm asexual; it's not usually something I actually discuss with my friends, but a couple have been having sexuality confusion of their own recently and, in discussions, it came out (pun :awesome:) ... and, now, I'm getting probed about it (not a pun.)

    How do you describe asexuality to people that do feel sexual attraction? I can't describe what it's like to have something I've never had - it'd be like a girl describing life without a penis, or a guy describing life without menstruation. You don't know, you've never had it.

    Have any other asexuals hit upon the best way of describing asexuality to sexuals, or have any sexuals had it described to them in a way that made sense?

    Thanks.
    Are you a plant or a kind of vegetation by any chance?
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    Ok so I think I get it, does being asexual mean that u have like no libido (sex drive) & never have any feelings like that u want to have sex?
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    (Original post by naomidawn)
    I thought the implication was that there is no sexual desire after orgasm, soz!
    I think that is what was originally meant, and I have to agree with you. That DOES only work for guys, or for people other than me anyway. It doesn't matter if I just had sex and orgasmed 203845 times, I still have sexual desire.
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    (Original post by Azayki)
    I think that is what was originally meant, and I have to agree with you. That DOES only work for guys, or for people other than me anyway. It doesn't matter if I just had sex and orgasmed 203845 times, I still have sexual desire.
    I've had follow on ****s, just kept going and 5 minutes later released the white sauce...
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    What's asexual? The only thing that brought me to this thread was 'sex' in teh title.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    I've had follow on ****s, just kept going and 5 minutes later released the white sauce...
    WHITE SAUCE? LMFAO. Do you want my cream soda babby? mmm
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    I have no problem with sex with someone I love - doesn't repulse me at all. I just don't feel the desire for it either.
    But, presumably, despite the fact that you don't have a sex drive, you would still consider it a pleasurable thing to do? Like having a nice picnic, or going swimming?
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    (Original post by Great Lord Xenu)
    But, presumably, despite the fact that you don't have a sex drive, you would still consider it a pleasurable thing to do? Like having a nice picnic, or going swimming?
    Well, I'm aquaphobic so swimming isn't the greatest comparison ... but yes, it would be something I would consider pleasant, albeit the reason would be as an expression of trust and intimacy.
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    (Original post by Great Lord Xenu)
    But, presumably, despite the fact that you don't have a sex drive, you would still consider it a pleasurable thing to do? Like having a nice picnic, or going swimming?
    I look at it as they desire it in a similar way to those desires.
    But even then we have issues of when pleasure becomes sexual pleasure. Where is the crossover?
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    I don't get why "sexual" people are so confused about asexuality. I am the former, but I know what it is not to fancy someone and not to feel like having sex. I don't see what is so confusing about it!
 
 
 
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