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I have a problem with my girlfriends previous promiscuity in first year Watch

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    (Original post by Willbean)
    Wow, I really wouldn't date her, just imagine walking into a pub and she has shagged everyone in that pub? Just too awkward and god knows what has been stuffed into that vagina of hers and you have no idea if she did use protection, she could of easily lied.

    Not worth it, once that worry about her promiscuous behavior is in your head, it won't go away. You can't make a hoe a wife.

    But bloody hell, 30 partners?! Did she just spread her legs, laid down and men just ined up for their 30 minute shag?
    I'm afraid I'm going to have to correct you on the Dre quote:

    You can't make a hoe a housewife
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    (Original post by Schichtoe)
    This personally would repel me like a foul stink, I'm sorry.

    I know that people are free to have casual sex etc and it's a free country, each to their own etc but the total marginalisation of it, having a competition and sleeping with people you're not even attracted to or don't know... that's so utterly converse to my own views on what sex should entail that I think we'd be such different people morally and that would condemn the relationship for me. I'd never see her as the girl I wanted.

    I did have a situation somewhat like this in my own Second Year, girlfriend with a promiscuous past in her first year. I tried not to let it bother me but I never felt comfortable with how many people had slept with her. Ultimately she cheated on me with 5 guys in 10 days. This isn't going to happen to you, it was just a bad experience and bad luck for me. Just qualifying why I perhaps have stronger views that I may otherwise have had.

    If it effects you, if you're unhappy to the point where it bothers you, then it's a problem and you should consider the relationship and whether, long term, she's the girl you want. You can't find the right person if you're with the wrong person.

    Best of luck. x
    I agree, its just personal opinion - only OP can decide - but I think it wrong that she allowed sex to become a 'competition'.
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    (Original post by Calpurnia)
    I definitely wouldn't consider the issue resolved. I've been there, OP. I heard the spiel about self-respect, and being a new person, and blah blah blah. But the thing that tipped me off was how much pleasure she took in talking about these things with her friends.

    I was in no doubt that she loved me at the time, but she started to miss being such a free spirit after a while (not necessarily the casual sex, but the context of it; parties/friends/reliving wild stories etc etc). That relationship eventually ended, so you may want to take what I'm saying with a pinch of very bitter salt, but I wish you all the best regardless.
    As someone who also enjoyed the single life, I do miss it, I also like reminiscing with friends. But if you meet the right person, it's an easy choice. Maybe you just weren't right for each other. I still party and have my crazy nights, as does she, we are both club rats, so you can have your cake and eat it too to an extent.

    I just feel I should stand up for all my fellow "sluts"- things can turn out ok!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    She told me that in first year she had slept with close to 30 different guys. She also talked about how she had a competition with her friends during freshers where they would sleep with blokes of different sizes and ethnicities (e.g small asian guy, big black guy and so on).
    If that isnt a deal breaker I dont know what is.
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    (Original post by Potential Trigger)
    This would make me extremely uncomfortable if I really liked this girl and it was a serious relationship! I would force myself to detach from her emotionally.

    People who say the past is the past are wrong. We are shaped by our experiences and they offer an insight into our personality. For whatever reason, this girl decided to let 30 guys have their way with her within her first 2 years at uni.

    I see no future with someone like this. It would cause me nightmares that someone i love let people do this. Would see her as lacking in basic morals and stability. Therefore not a very pleasant future with her.

    Sad but true. If some guy got over it fair enough.
    I completely agree with you on this Sir!
    Firstly, I just want to state to those that commented and the OP that personally, I see no issue with casual sex. That's fair enough, its her choice, however, before people pull me up on this fact of it being her 'choice', you have to consider the actual amount of men she has bedded! 30!?!?

    Really and truly, thirty men in a year is revolting, and as I had read the thread initially I was hesitating whether to shout and swear heavily about this and really voice an opinion, but I decided against this! It absolutely gets under my skin when people advocate this sort of activity. Yes, OK, it is the twenty-first century, but where are morals here?

    I am so shocked, call me sheltered or whatever, in actuality I could not care less. I see no issue with casual encounters as stated above, nor do I particularly have issues with sex outside of wedlock. You have to try before you buy so to speak. People need to know whether they are compatible partners. Furthermore, occasional fun in terms of casual sex in moderation is absolutely normal and fine. But any right-minded person would question why a girl has been with thirty blokes. I'm sorry as to offend some folks. But if my potential GF had done such a thing, I would have a difficult time seeing all those guys and imaging all those 'members' being inside her.

    It is both distasteful and sickening to think about. I am grateful I am the one not having sex with this girl, having said that, I still feel for the OP. Do you really see yourself settling with a girl that, whenever you have intercourse you have to think about the fact that these men have had their dirty little way with her? Furthermore, she has consented to this??

    Physicality with a woman demands a complete trust in her, and with this in mind, how would you know if she doesn't do this again?

    What pissed me off furthermore is the fact she did it with different racial/ethnic backgrounds. I'm not sure how to phrase this but, I'm pretty sure that's very vain. Presumably, she was doing so because of the sizes of their package...which again highlights the vain nature. Above all, isn't this a little bit discriminating or otherwise racially damaging?
    I would be offended if a girl I was with had a competition, because she wanted a bigger one, and also did it at such a high volume of men. I would be certainly self conscious about my size also, if I was in your shoes (not because of your size) but in the shear nature of her interracial pursuits.

    The questions I would ask yourself is, do you want to be with somebody that actually even considers such a sexual pursuit with thirty men, to try and see how many sizes she can fit in her?? Does this make her incredibly vain and materialistic in doing this??

    Do I see a future with her, knowing that, I will have to see all the potential males shes banged? When your having sex with her could you cope with this?

    Finally, this is in no way intended to be a sexist reply. But can you imagine it in the reverse? Would she still date you if you slept with thirty girls to see how tight they were?? No, I doubt it. Do yourself a favor mate, kick her to the curb, find yourself a real woman! You don't need this stress and upset.
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    (Original post by Olivia Sullivan)
    Im not saying she should feel ashamed but what youre saying is also wrong by the way my dad works at a sexual health clinic and even if you use a condom you still can catch herpes and genital warts even if the disease isn't currently active...having had casual sex with someone she doesn't know is putting both herself and her BF at risk ...thats why she should feel bad about it especially since she's a smart girl its not because it's morally wrong thats not what i'm saying at all it's just a plain health risk
    But tbh you could use that argument for anyone you have or plan to sleep with, husbands, partners etc.

    I get your point a bit better now, however i still dont believe someone should be in regret for the rest of their lives for something like casual sex.

    (Also i genuinely didnt know you could catch herpes still using a condom, so thank you )
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    As someone who also enjoyed the single life, I do miss it, I also like reminiscing with friends. But if you meet the right person, it's an easy choice. Maybe you just weren't right for each other. I still party and have my crazy nights, as does she, we are both club rats, so you can have your cake and eat it too to an extent.

    I just feel I should stand up for all my fellow "sluts"- things can turn out ok!
    Interesting! Yeah, I can imagine it working if both people are coming from the same place.

    And yes, I'm fairly confident that we weren't meant to be
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    I think the most eloquent way in which I can express my thoughts concerning this matter is; "Screw dat ****" figuratively of course. She has elevated the term ****/slut/whore to a whole new meaning.
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    To those people that say "It is just sex" way to downplay the most intimate physical thing two individuals can do. The acceptance of high promiscuity has far reaching effects its not just "two individuals doing no one harm" no man is an island the social effect of this is felt by all and the only thing you need to do is look back at what your society has become. I for one would not want my kids raised in such a messed up environment.

    Sorry for kind of derailing the thread, but it has to be said.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    THIRTY ****ING GUYS!! :afraid:
    As others have said it is your choice, but I personally would have to think very hard about whether the relationship was worth continuing with.
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    The only person whose opinion really counts, OP, is your own.

    As you can see, the issue is very much divisive in this forum, which only strengthens my above point. It's ultimately down to what you feel. I personally think that I would be affected in a similar manner to yourself, while others clearly think they would not.

    That being said, I've never been in that situation, so I can't say for sure how I would react. Having read through this thread, there are one or two people who have been in that situation, so perhaps your attention is best directed to their experiences. Remember, though, there is no template for relationships; each is its own animal.

    Ignore those saying 'the past is the past' etc., because evidently this isn't the way you feel about it (or else there'd be no thread here.) And you can't just bury a feeling and forget about it at the request of someone posting on a forum.

    Give it time, and see what happens. The unease may go away, or it may keep nagging at you. Whichever it is, you'll know the best route forward.
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    To be honest i would not have a problem with the lack of intimacy because sex is fun but i would struggle to trust a girl who had that many partners so recently.
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    (Original post by Gray Wolf)
    To those people that say "It is just sex" way to downplay the most intimate physical thing two individuals can do. The acceptance of high promiscuity has far reaching effects its not just "two individuals doing no one harm" no man is an island the social effect of this is felt by all and the only thing you need to do is look back at what your society has become. I for one would not want my kids raised in such a messed up environment.

    Sorry for kind of derailing the thread, but it has to be said.
    It doesn't have to be intimate though. There's a difference between f*cking and making love.

    I assume most people who are anti promiscuity have at least kissed someone casually. Compare that to kissing someone you love, it's totally different. Just like this girl having fun, casual f*cking doesn't mean she can't make love to her boyfriend.

    Yeah, look at what liberalism has done, bring back open racism, accepted wife beating and marital rape!
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    It doesn't have to be intimate though. There's a difference between f*cking and making love.

    I assume most people who are anti promiscuity have at least kissed someone casually. Compare that to kissing someone you love, it's totally different. Just like this girl having fun, casual f*cking doesn't mean she can't make love to her boyfriend.

    Yeah, look at what liberalism has done, bring back open racism, accepted wife beating and marital rape!
    The way liberals defend themselves is like so " Your are a racist/sexist/rapist/homophobic or you want racism/sexism/rapisim(not even a word in society."

    I laugh at these remarks,liberalism actually meant something back in the day, now its just another excuse to "YOLO" in other peoples expense.Every ideology has its bad side who is to say we can't extract the good from the bad. Do you have your honey with the wax?
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    (Original post by Gray Wolf)
    The way liberals defend themselves is like so " Your are a racist/sexist/rapist/homophobic or you want racism/sexism/rapisim(not even a word in society."

    I laugh at these remarks,liberalism actually meant something back in the day, now its just another excuse to "YOLO" in other peoples expense.Every ideology has its bad side who is to say we can't extract the good from the bad. Do you have your honey with the wax?
    What? All I did was give three examples of positive social change liberalism has given us.

    If you want to learn more about liberalism, I suggest On Liberty by John Stuart Mill.
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    If you love her, you'll get over it
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    Why are you still with this girl? Once a sloot, always a sloot
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    How can you complain about slut shaming when they are calling her a slut? She's actually committed to a long term relationship, and been honest about her past when she could easily have lied.

    It's a legitimate concern, but the language used by some people has been horrible.
    Cause that's all that I ever hear regardless of whether people have used the word "slut" or not...

    And I think you meant "how can you complain about the people that bring up the term slut shaming".
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    (Original post by Ice Constricter)
    Cause that's all that I ever hear regardless of whether people have used the word "slut" or not...

    And I think you meant "how can you complain about the people that bring up the term slut shaming".
    So you're annoyed people have complained about the slut shaming, even though there has been slut shaming, because in other instances people complain about slut shaming when there's no slut shaming. Right.

    For what it's worth, I don't think you have to use the word slut, whore is basically the same in these contexts. The anti slut shaming movement is about more than trying to ban a word.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    So you're annoyed people have complained about the slut shaming, even though there has been slut shaming, because in other instances people complain about slut shaming when there's no slut shaming. Right.

    For what it's worth, I don't think you have to use the word slut, whore is basically the same in these contexts. The anti slut shaming movement is about more than trying to ban a word.
    No I'm annoyed at the knee jerk reactions people seem to have in threads like this. It's that simple, so drop the sarcasm.

    And I'm not talking about the anti slut shaming movement as a whole so let's not diverge into that.
 
 
 
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