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Feel that my gf's going to 'inevitably' grow beyond me and leave me watch

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    (Original post by Riku)
    This is again reassuring, cheers buddy

    Things I need to improve:

    1) My sleep pattern :P
    2) My work ethic
    3) Reducing the amount of time I spend on here
    I think we all need to improve those .

    1) Well, I'm up at 1:40am so clearly my sleep pattern is haywire
    2) I haven't done a single bit of work outside class since I started uni in September - I'm getting very behind but tbh don't have the effort required to work and frankly I don't give a damn because I'm not enjoying my course.
    3) Meh, I spend an average amount of time on here. I do need to go out more though. I hate socialising but I haven't "gone out" (ie go to a pub and got drunk or whatever) at all since I started university. I don't think I'm a very good Fresher .
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    seriously, grow a pair.
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    (Original post by christopher23)
    seriously, grow a pair.
    Tell me why I lack balls then

    Incidentally I repped you for that statement, on the basis I think I need to grow a pair, whereas most say I'm too hard on myself
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    (Original post by Riku)
    Tell me why I lack balls then
    Just take a look at your fitness blog on here... if you don't realise you have a few issues, take a step back and read your posts as if you were someone else.
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    (Original post by Rugby234)
    Just take a look at your fitness blog on here... if you don't realise you have a few issues, take a step back and read your posts as if you were someone else.
    Oh haha yes, I'm in therapy for all that crap. And actually my girlfriend is quite understanding of it all

    Anyway I'm just going to carry on with chugging my huge bag around/badminton/body weight exercises at home for the time being until I'm on top of my studies, and I'll take it from there.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Do you actually think she's a nice person? The fact you think she'd dump you for someone "of higher value" implies you think she's a bit of a *****, I mean would you dump her if you had a chance with someone "of higher value"? Human feelings don't work like that, attraction isn't some empirical value, it's emotional. If you're in a happy and fulfilling relationship, you don't think "hmm, that person is a better mate than my current partner, I'll leave them for this new person".
    I'll be honest, I got the idea 'if she gets in shape and you stay average, she will dump your ass' from the manosphere blogs again, Men's Health, AskMen etc. So my sources aren't biased at all :rolleyes:

    In reality, I know she doesn't feel much about herself even though she's awesome, so even though she has a lovely figure and I think she's really beautiful she'll still call herself 'fat' or 'ugly' or whatever, and it's heartbreaking. So I'd rather she got the chance to exercise when she wanted to, which would probably boost her self-esteem, as if she was a little more confident in who she is right now, she'd be so sexy. And chances are she thinks the same about me whenever I think I need to buff up. So probably her planning to lose weight then dump me, is a bit of a paranoid notion?
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    I don't really know what to say to all this, except you have some serious issues with self-image.

    If she didn't want to stay with you, she wouldn't. Being irrational will simply drive her away, it would be. Be yourself, enjoy your time together. If she's happy, she'll stay with you.

    Don't you want a sexy, confident girlfriend?
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I'll be honest, I got the idea 'if she gets in shape and you stay average, she will dump your ass' from the manosphere blogs again, Men's Health, AskMen etc. So my sources aren't biased at all :rolleyes:

    In reality, I know she doesn't feel much about herself even though she's awesome, so even though she has a lovely figure and I think she's really beautiful she'll still call herself 'fat' or 'ugly' or whatever, and it's heartbreaking. So I'd rather she got the chance to exercise when she wanted to, which would probably boost her self-esteem, as if she was a little more confident in who she is right now, she'd be so sexy. And chances are she thinks the same about me whenever I think I need to buff up. So probably her planning to lose weight then dump me, is a bit of a paranoid notion?
    Have you ever heard of a girl dumping a guy because he "stayed average"? It isn't at all common. If you're trying to meet new people, get that initial attraction, getting in really good shape is always going to help, but in a relationship you don't really ever need to improve your body.

    As a side note, never take the advice of a man who looks more at men's bodys than women's...

    If she talks like that, she will never dump you for "staying average". If she gets a bit thinner, she'll still be insecure about her body, most girls are no matter what they look like. She's probably worried about you finding a thinner girl, not even dreaming of leaving you.

    I have a similar relationship, my girlfriend is very attractive, size twelve, and so body conscious. She gets so much attention from guys, so I don't understand how she's not more secure. I'm a skinny guy, but I've realised that isn't a problem, especially as there's a lot of girls who really aren't into muscles. Acting in a confident way is so much more important to being attractive.
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    I honestly never thought I'd meet a human being who loathes the fact that their partner is becoming a better person and more successful overtime. I'd love to have a girlfriend like yours.

    Something you probably haven't realised. You are an element and a vital facet to her success - if you didn't support her, didn't show love, appreciation and care for her during the entire tenure of your relationship up until this point. She would have left you, long time a go. I think deep down, she attributes some of her positive results to the level of devotion and care that you've provided her.

    In my opinion, you're in a great relationship - however you're sabotaging it with your thoughts and feelings towards it. I mean serious question, deep down - do you want her to fail? To have barely any real friends? To not have a good job, to not be in good shape? To not have balance and a real sense of clarity in her life and the direction it's going?

    Ask her to push you up with her, tell her how you feel and ask her to help propel you forward. A good relationship is one where the parties involved are becoming better people overtime, more successful, more loving etc. You're only blocking yourself from positive change, comparing your beginning to someone else's middle is the last thing you should ever do.

    You are you, and your girlfriend is your girlfriend. Just be the best you that you can be. Comparing yourself endlessly to your girlfriend's results will only hurt you and your relationship in the long time.

    Anyways I don't want to come across like I'm preaching, I just feel you're lucky to have a good partner, cause not many people can say the same. Appreciate the positive you bring in this relationship - because if you didn't have any, she wouldn't be with you atm.
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    If she's the kind of girl that would leave you just because she's found someone more attractive etc then I don't see the reason why you're going out with her in the first place. If she's not the kind of girl to do that, then you need to calm down and act as usual. If she's going to dump you, you're better off without her, and it's ridiculous to try to impress her by working out etc.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    I spoke to my dad about this and he said it's about accepting who you are. Why is it always 'get a six pack'?
    And are you implicitly saying I won't be good enough until I have a six-pack? Because I have a fun history with that mentality
    Yeah, accept who you are - who you are as an individual, but that doesn't mean you can't implement certain elements into your lifestyle. You're dad is right, though.

    It isn't about 'getting a six pack', it's about the challenge of working out! It's an extremely rewarding thing, both physically and mentally. I'm personally not that bothered about abs, I'm more for trying to gain mass size at the moment. Which can prove to be tediously long as a natural lifter! I just love working out though - it's not for anyone else but myself.
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    why does it really matter if a partner goes to gym, gets a better job, has more friends. if you have been with someone and have a bond why does this stuff matter.

    some kind of social hierarchy is just crap. i dont treat anybody any differently, and neither do i feel anybody else does.
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    (Original post by raf123321)
    why does it really matter if a partner goes to gym, gets a better job, has more friends. if you have been with someone and have a bond why does this stuff matter.

    some kind of social hierarchy is just crap. i dont treat anybody any differently, and neither do i feel anybody else does.
    You don't think people treat or judge others differently based on their level of attractiveness, wealth, social status etc. That's incredibly naive, you must be living a very sheltered lifestyle.
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    My girlfriend has been ignoring me out of the blue for 2 days now.
    On Wednesday morning she said 'are you free? I'm not feeling well, I'd love a cuddle', I had to respond [sic] 'I really can't at the moment honey, I have to get this work done, I'm sorry, but I miss you', started sending virtual cuddles and luvvy-duvvy stuff like that (I had coursework in the next day and I'm in third year).

    Since then she's been ignoring me :/ I text her about 3 times a day, when I wake up, afternoon and just before bed, to check if she's alright and get a response, haven't had anything yet.

    I know she's receiving the texts because it comes up as 'Sent' on my phone. I know for a fact she doesn't go out of nights because her family practically have her on curfew, and that's when she usually texts me the most. As perhaps has been explained our relationship's a secret from her family, so it's not as simple as just calling her, and she has a busy lecture schedule. I also know she is still around because I saw her post something random on Facebook the other day.
    I don't know whether this is symptomatic of TOTM, she's lost her phone while it's on work stress (she has deadlines and a lot on atm) or something serious. But the day before she was talking about just how much she loves me etc.

    I feel like I'm in the wrong for placing my studies over her for that day, when I really need to get a decent degree if I want job security. Should I feel guilty? She even said 'that;'s fine, aim to get your work done and let me know when you're coming in'. It's like that was code for 'don't do your coursework, come see me and suffer the penalties/zero mark'

    I don't know what I've done wrong

    edit: Apparently I 'should' have waited 3 days before making contact or it comes across as smothering. Why are there all these stupid rules?
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    Grass is always greener. You've got to change your attitude and build your confidence, the gym is a good place to start.
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    (Original post by Riku)
    My girlfriend has been ignoring me out of the blue for 2 days now.
    On Wednesday morning she said 'are you free? I'm not feeling well, I'd love a cuddle', I had to respond [sic] 'I really can't at the moment honey, I have to get this work done, I'm sorry, but I miss you', started sending virtual cuddles and luvvy-duvvy stuff like that (I had coursework in the next day and I'm in third year).

    Since then she's been ignoring me :/ I text her about 3 times a day, when I wake up, afternoon and just before bed, to check if she's alright and get a response, haven't had anything yet.

    I know she's receiving the texts because it comes up as 'Sent' on my phone. I know for a fact she doesn't go out of nights because her family practically have her on curfew, and that's when she usually texts me the most. As perhaps has been explained our relationship's a secret from her family, so it's not as simple as just calling her, and she has a busy lecture schedule. I also know she is still around because I saw her post something random on Facebook the other day.
    I don't know whether this is symptomatic of TOTM, she's lost her phone while it's on work stress (she has deadlines and a lot on atm) or something serious. But the day before she was talking about just how much she loves me etc.

    I feel like I'm in the wrong for placing my studies over her for that day, when I really need to get a decent degree if I want job security. Should I feel guilty? She even said 'that;'s fine, aim to get your work done and let me know when you're coming in'. It's like that was code for 'don't do your coursework, come see me and suffer the penalties/zero mark'

    I don't know what I've done wrong

    edit: Apparently I 'should' have waited 3 days before making contact or it comes across as smothering. Why are there all these stupid rules?
    No, you shouldn't feel guilty. When deadlines are approaching, you have to give your partner space, like you say this work affects your whole life. Don't go barging in making accusations, as she might have a genuine excuse, but if not you should call her out on ****ty behaviour. You said she knows you get anxious. Don't be a push over and let it go, she'll respect you less.

    Three day rule is for meeting new girls, not texting your girlfriend.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    No, you shouldn't feel guilty. When deadlines are approaching, you have to give your partner space, like you say this work affects your whole life. Don't go barging in making accusations, as she might have a genuine excuse, but if not you should call her out on ****ty behaviour. You said she knows you get anxious. Don't be a push over and let it go, she'll respect you less.

    Three day rule is for meeting new girls, not texting your girlfriend.
    One of the texts explicitly said 'woo handed it in!', and that was a day ago, and still no response :/

    See I don't know whether it is ****ty behaviour on her behalf. She does go quiet/have a change of mood but a) it's never been so bad she's ignored me, b) I don't like putting everything down to 'oh it's her hormones'.
    I'm not sure how to even raise the subject, since I've been saying 'hope you're OK' etc., which is an invitation to talk when she's ready, but there's only so much you can take.
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    Instead of texting her, why not try to uh... call her and see if you can see her?
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    (Original post by Spontogical)
    Instead of texting her, why not try to uh... call her and see if you can see her?
    This would be obvious except for the fact if I call her when her parents are in and they ask, we're ****ed and she'll be really mad at me for being stupid :P
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    (Original post by EonBlueApocalypse)
    Grass is always greener. You've got to change your attitude and build your confidence, the gym is a good place to start.
    If you enjoy the gym fine, but not everyone does, no one needs to go.

    (Original post by Riku)
    One of the texts explicitly said 'woo handed it in!', and that was a day ago, and still no response :/<br />
    <br />
    See I don't know whether it <i>is</i> ****ty behaviour on her behalf. She does go quiet/have a change of mood but a) it's never been so bad she's ignored me, b) I don't like putting everything down to 'oh it's her hormones'.<br />
    I'm not sure how to even raise the subject, since I've been saying 'hope you're OK' etc., which is an invitation to talk when she's ready, but there's only so much you can take.
    Unless there's a good reason, it is definitely is ****ty behaviour. It's basic that you don't just ignore your partner like that. The problem is that your self esteem is too low, so you don't accept anything isn't your fault. That'll make a relationship hard. You need to look at things objectively and recognise when people are out of order.
 
 
 
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