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Guys, would you marry a single mother or accept her as a long term partner? Watch

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    ok so here's what I asked you...

    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    You accuse me of being naive. based off what?

    can you provide any quote of mine that you think illustrates your points that I am:
    Naive
    Live In a Bubble

    because without highlighting anything I've said as a reason behind your opinion then its just a cheap empty statement.
    right so lets go a head and look at what you've said.

    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    Those were the only plausible points you made in your original post. The rest is quite literally almost incoherent nonsense I'm afraid. You base all of your assumptions on individual on black and white stereotypes portrayed to you in films and in the media, as opposed to actually studying the structures of societies and those that inhabit it. As someone who has been through many of the motions you have suggested, I can confirm outright that I myself, nor my family, nor any of the individuals I have met who meet the definitions of a single mother with child, meet the quite ludicrous amateur psychiatric evaluation you're so eager to provide.

    Remember, when it comes to leaving your house for the first time don't stay out for too long. I wouldn't want you to be overwhelmed.
    well will you look at that? more cheap empty statements.

    oh youve quoted me on what you AGREE with.

    but you've avoided picking on even ONE line in my quote to deconstruct and say why you think its wrong.

    quotes provided to exemplify how i am naive? zero
    quotes provided to exemplify how i live in a bubble? zero.

    well done. let me guess? your next reply is going to continue avoiding quoting anything i've said. your going to continue to avoid picking a line and saying why you think its wrong. and your going to continue vaguely say that you think im wrong. with again... nothing to even illustrate it.

    well done with your cheap playground argument technique. im sure people were really impressed with the clever "when you leave your house try not be overwhelmed line" i even heard the audience say "oooooooh, oh no she didnt!"

    please...
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    (Original post by minimarshmallow)
    She's always at least 50%, but then if she's more than 50%, he's less. So why is she always at least 50% responsible, and he isn't always at least 50% responsible, if they're 50/50?
    Surely then they must always both be exactly 50% responsible.
    you got me there. i shouldnt of said at least. i guess i said it cause it sounded good in my mind. but your correct it is inaccurate.

    its 50/50.
    not AT LEAST 50%.
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    Some of the comments on here are immature I'm a mum to a toddler, I know a few single mothers and what do you do if the guy walks out on you& the kids? It's up to the woman to care for the children she would lambasted for giving them up & lambasted for raising them single-handily, you cant win but a single father gets treated like a god... The guys on here are mostly teens and early twenties so don't have any life experience , I wouldn't want to get into a relationship for a long time if I split with my fiance , a lot of guys have the issue that kid comes first, thats what being a good parent is about, he wouldn't ever be my first priority and I think a lot of guys wouldn't like that.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    ok so here's what I asked you...



    right so lets go a head and look at what you've said.



    well will you look at that? more cheap empty statements.

    oh youve quoted me on what you AGREE with.

    but you've avoided picking on even ONE line in my quote to deconstruct and say why you think its wrong.

    quotes provided to exemplify how i am naive? zero
    quotes provided to exemplify how i live in a bubble? zero.

    well done. let me guess? your next reply is going to continue avoiding quoting anything i've said. your going to continue to avoid picking a line and saying why you think its wrong. and your going to continue vaguely say that you think im wrong. with again... nothing to even illustrate it.

    well done with your cheap playground argument technique. im sure people were really impressed with the clever "when you leave your house try not be overwhelmed line" i even heard the audience say "oooooooh, oh no she didnt!"

    please...
    I stand nothing to gain from debating with you on the topic, as you pose an argument that anyone that has taken any sociology or psychology classes will know is complete and utter mindless drivel. I'm instead going to allocate the time I would've otherwise spent deconstructing your points (to little avail, your opinion won't change in the absence of reading), to showering and heading off to the library to study. I'd highly recommend it, you might learn a thing or two. I know that the many single mothers who go there and take out books are certainly enhancing and expanding their minds.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    I don't think human beings are simple at all.
    ok cool
    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    You seem to sure of everything you say. I'm not sure at all by anything you have said.
    well maybe you should go to a meeting. i have/do
    (Original post by SophieSmall)

    Very big assumptions you are making.
    it was a hypothetical scenario. one of many. as i said theres many things that could of been in there. but i find your story of everything was cool then one day a switch flipped and he started drunkenly beating your mom.

    (Original post by SophieSmall)

    Not even in the slightest my nan is a lovely woman and she was a wonderful mother, my father had a very good childhood and upbringing, he says so himself he loves his mum. Again you are aiming baseless assumptions. Also my father does not hate women, he has an alcohol problem and did bad things but that doesn't make him an woman hater for all of eternity.
    alcoholics dont beat women. there are alcoholics that beat women though.
    to beat a pregnant women takes a lot. being drunk doesnt remove you that far from who you are. yea your nan is lovely now. and yea he loves his mom. but surely you could assume that things werent always so rosey?
    when i meet my grand parents its all sunshine and rainbows. but i know in the realities of growing up that they werent always like that.

    and people can love their parents and hate them at the same time. in fact they can hate themselves for hating their parents. because someone who loves their parents would hate anyone that hates their parents. even themself. so to deal with that mind-f*ck it wouldnt surprise me that he drank. thats just ONE of maaaany hypothetical causes and outcomes.

    my point isnt that im trying to psychologically evaluate your dads behaviour.

    my point is there is a lot of things that could be the case and a lot the may not be the case. there's no way of me knowing.

    but i know for sure that it doesnt just come out of the blue.
    and thats my main point.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    ok cool

    well maybe you should go to a meeting. i have/do

    it was a hypothetical scenario. one of many. as i said theres many things that could of been in there. but i find your story of everything was cool then one day a switch flipped and he started drunkenly beating your mom.



    alcoholics dont beat women. there are alcoholics that beat women though.
    to beat a pregnant women takes a lot. being drunk doesnt remove you that far from who you are. yea your nan is lovely now. and yea he loves his mom. but surely you could assume that things werent always so rosey?
    when i meet my grand parents its all sunshine and rainbows. but i know in the realities of growing up that they werent always like that.

    and people can love their parents and hate them at the same time. in fact they can hate themselves for hating their parents. because someone who loves their parents would hate anyone that hates their parents. even themself. so to deal with that mind-f*ck it wouldnt surprise me that he drank. thats just ONE of maaaany hypothetical causes and outcomes.

    my point isnt that im trying to psychologically evaluate your dads behaviour.

    my point is there is a lot of things that could be the case and a lot the may not be the case. there's no way of me knowing.

    but i know for sure that it doesnt just come out of the blue.
    and thats my main point.
    For god sakes it's like you don't read. I have acknowledged that it wasn't actually out of the blue to him, but for the people around him it certainly seemed out of the blue.

    As an example of something that seems out of the blue but actually isn't. I suffer from depression and have suicidal tendencies, it does not appear that way to anyone who knows me or loves me because I keep it very much hidden, I have once tried to take my life and that came as a massive shock to anyone who knew me who found out (most people did not find out). Many people with mental illnesses put up a very convincing façade.

    So it seemed out of the blue but it wasn't.
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    If I truly met someone I loved and cared for deeply, then it wouldn't bother me if they were a mother at all. I'd accept their child as my own, because every child needs a father in their lives.
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    The way I see it, if I came across a girl I ended up liking, caring about and eventually loving, then I should be prepared to be able to deal with every scenario that could come up. If that turns out to be that she has a kid, then so be it.
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    (Original post by Reece Sure)
    I stand nothing to gain from debating with you on the topic, as you pose an argument that anyone that has taken any sociology or psychology classes will know is complete and utter mindless drivel. I'm instead going to allocate the time I would've otherwise spent deconstructing your points (to little avail, your opinion won't change in the absence of reading), to showering and heading off to the library to study. I'd highly recommend it, you might learn a thing or two. I know that the many single mothers who go there and take out books are certainly enhancing and expanding their minds.
    yea. so you spend your time saying im wrong without challenging my points. and then spend the rest of the time trying to avoid challenging my points to the climatic end of actually running away.

    and you of course know what people in sociology or psychology classes know. because of course... you are what... the lecturer? why not...

    anyway good luck avoiding arguments in future. your very smart and very brave.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    For god sakes it's like you don't read. I have acknowledged that it wasn't actually out of the blue to him, but for the people around him it certainly seemed out of the blue.

    As an example of something that seems out of the blue but actually isn't. I suffer from depression and have suicidal tendencies, it does not appear that way to anyone who knows me or loves me because I keep it very much hidden, I have once tried to take my life and that came as a massive shock to anyone who knew me who found out (most people did not find out). Many people with mental illnesses put up a very convincing façade.

    So it seemed out of the blue but it wasn't.
    ok cool we have shared understanding then.

    also i can read i'm just a bit of an ass.

    just curious though. would you not feel hurt if your husband of 5 years had no idea bout what was building up in your head? like don't you think a partner should be able to pick up on that before having a kid with someone.
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    (Original post by chukster97)
    Nah, shows your not responsible
    Not really
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    ok cool we have shared understanding then.

    also i can read i'm just a bit of an ass.

    just curious though. would you not feel hurt if your husband of 5 years had no idea bout what was building up in your head? like don't you think a partner should be able to pick up on that before having a kid with someone.
    I noticed, at least you admit it.

    I wouldn't feel hurt that my partner didn't pick up on it if I kept it to myself and hid it as well as I do. It'd be completely unfair for me to expect him to read my mind when I appear 100% great on the outside.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    I noticed, at least you admit it.

    I wouldn't feel hurt that my partner didn't pick up on it if I kept it to myself and hid it as well as I do. It'd be completely unfair for me to expect him to read my mind when I appear 100% great on the outside.
    Mr 'Punk' is deluding himself and setting himself up for one or two nasty surprises that will hit him out-of-the-blue. He will only have himself to blame.
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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    Mr 'Punk' is deluding himself and setting himself up for one or two nasty surprises that will hit him out-of-the-blue. He will only have himself to blame.
    I agree, though as long as he at least takes what I have to say on board and considered the possibility he may be wrong at least in some cases then I'm happy with that.
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    Yes I would.


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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    Mr 'Punk' is deluding himself and setting himself up for one or two nasty surprises that will hit him out-of-the-blue. He will only have himself to blame.
    u got any advice?
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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    I would not have put it so mildly.

    My instinct tells me these would be the same people who would do a runner and wriggle out of responsibility if they suddenly found out their girlfriend was pregnant.

    I suspect the same guy's treat women with disdain, to be used and thrown away as it suits and therefore responsible for the majority of single parents with children living in poverty.
    :congrats:
    Rep given.
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    (Original post by Shaolin Punk)
    u got any advice?
    From direct experience of friends who have started relationships with single parents (and progressed to life partnerships or marriage from there); it's all about pace and making informed decisions based on longer term observation of how that person deals with life, their children and their values. I am deliberately not making this gender specific because it works both ways.

    Friendship groups, wider family support (especially grandparents), values, behaviour and attitude towards the children, work ethic, goals and aspirations all play a role in defining character.

    But this is true of ANY relationship irrespective of whether children are involved or not. When children are involved, it makes it all the more important to be sure you enter the relationship knowing that you will have an impact on their lives as well. So you had better be a well rounded adult which also means treating the children as if they were your own and be prepared to put them first.

    As Sophie said, it is impossible to know what will happen in the future until you are faced with that situation in reality. Everyone will react in different ways to stress and everyone has a breaking point.

    Of course there will be excess baggage to deal with and inevitable complications. But life is a compromise and you can only take out what you put in.

    (Close family friends whom I have witnessed include a Lieutenant Colonel married a divorcee with a daughter and went on to have two more children together. They have been married for over 20 years now. Also a Wing Commander who again had a relationship with and then married a divorcee with two boys. They have been together for 15 years and married 6 years ago with no more children).
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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    From direct experience of friends who have started relationships with single parents (and progressed to life partnerships or marriage from there); it's all about pace and making informed decisions based on longer term observation of how that person deals with life, their children and their values. I am deliberately not making this gender specific because it works both ways.

    Friendship groups, wider family support (especially grandparents), values, behaviour and attitude towards the children, work ethic, goals and aspirations all play a role in defining character.

    But this is true of ANY relationship irrespective of whether children are involved or not. When children are involved, it makes it all the more important to be sure you enter the relationship knowing that you will have an impact on their lives as well. So you had better be a well rounded adult which also means treating the children as if they were your own and be prepared to put them first.

    As Sophie said, it is impossible to know what will happen in the future until you are faced with that situation in reality. Everyone will react in different ways to stress and everyone has a breaking point.

    Of course there will be excess baggage to deal with and inevitable complications. But life is a compromise and you can only take out what you put in.

    (Close family friends whom I have witnessed include a Lieutenant Colonel married a divorcee with a daughter and went on to have two more children together. They have been married for over 20 years now. Also a Wing Commander who again had a relationship with and then married a divorcee with two boys. They have been together for 15 years and married 6 years ago with no more children).
    This is a fantastic perspective and way to look at it.
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    Yes, on the off chance that I ever consider marriage.
 
 
 
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