When will I finally find a boyfriend!?!?!? Watch

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sparklenshine
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#81
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#81
(Original post by DLau88)
Approach a guy
Laugh at everything they say
stroke their arm a little
Job done.
Haha I would feel silly doing any of those things especially laughing at everything a guy says. I am not interested in stroking a man's ego just to get a date.
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sparklenshine
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#82
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#82
(Original post by Anonymous)
If I lived in your country and know that your culture fits with mine, I would ask you out and probably marry you. I am honest by the way and I even don't know how you look. You seem to be fine, just don't be so deperate and sad. We all seek for warmth and tenderness, you are not alone.
Thanks for your kind words.
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DLau88
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#83
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#83
(Original post by sparklenshine)
Haha I would feel silly doing any of those things especially laughing at everything a guy says. I am not interested in stroking a man's ego just to get a date.
Eye contact and smiling at guys you like? i don't understand why you wouldn't be approached at a club though if you are attractive since their will be drunk guys (liquid courage).It's different when people are sober though as it can be daunting to approach any stranger never mind a good looking girl.The things i mentioned should be intuitive anyway if you like him.
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sparklenshine
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#84
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#84
(Original post by Nicholas Nelson)
I'm sorry to hear that, from what I've read you sound like a nice person unfortunatly I'm not the person to give advise in this field. (or spelling for that matter)

Hope things get better.
Thanks
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mikeA1
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#85
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#85
Darling! You have that attitude. That attitude most guys don't like. You don't know, but it's obvious the more you write. Believe it or not, you already fit into some stereotypes. Change your attitude. Where you from if you don't mind me asking?
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Eboracum
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#86
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#86
(Original post by lou_100)
See I just think guys get bitter and say rude things like "girls are picky" and "the guy was decent and she didn't give him a chance". Some guys go as far as to phrase it like the girl did something wrong. When really, it's just bitterness because she just didn't fancy him. If an average looking guy goes out looking for any pull vs. an average looking girl going out for any random pull, the girl would get a guy far quicker than the guy would get a girl in the night. They'd probably both still get someone in the end, the girl would just find it easier/quicker.

But guys can be quite gross in the sense they can even lower their standards by far to get a kick out of pulling anyone they can. Why should girls have to get comments like the above said about them just because they actually aren't looking for any random pull of any random guy. Maybe a guy is "decent" as you say, but if she doesn't fancy him she doesn't fancy him. Guys don't need to get rude about it.
It's difficult isn't it, because I could turn that round and say girls get bitter when they say that the only blokes hitting on them are drunk weirdos. It might not be the case, it might be that somebody attractive is hitting on them, but maybe just not as attractive as their friends boyfriend.

But where we do agree is that I think its ridiculous to just pull for the sake of it, just for the sex.
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sparklenshine
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#87
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#87
(Original post by Eboracum)
Thanks for your message. This is an interesting debate.

The problem here, is that you've only addressed things from a girls point of view. So yes, I agree, a girl has to dress nicely (possibly a touch provocatively), put on make up, be a little flirty...I accept that and agree with you. So you are a girl and see things from a girls perspective, but I am a boy and see things from a boys perspective. Have you stopped to consider what a boy has to do?

First, theres going to be the question of height and build, which in many case a boy can't do anything about. You might have it a prerequisite of muscles/six pack...but what if one doesn't like going down the gym? Then theres the question of confidence, a boy would have to have the confidence to initiate, which from your post you probably take as a given, but it can be extremely intimidating to initiate a conversation and hold it with a beautiful woman, and can be nearly impossible if it's a group of women. If you're a girl, eventually you'll get hit on, but if you're a boy, you might go through your teens and maybe all the way through your 20s without having a relationship if you don't have this confidence. There's also issues such as being an alpha male, avoiding the friendzone...so there's a lot you have to consider from a mans point of view...it doesn't come naturally to a lot of men that one is six foot, well built and full of confidence, some will never be that. I think to say guys never struggle is very unfair.

In terms of yourself, you seem very nice in some of your posts, and your PHD makes me think you're very intelligent, so try to display these qualities more and you'll do better but also, try to understand men more...see things from the other side.

One final point, you must have had approaches? Or would you say they were all from weirdos only. Were they all weird? Did you give them a proper chance?
I agree, I have only addressed things from a girl's perspective but I have thought about it from a guy's perspective as well in the past. I still do not believe it is easier for a girl, I think it is much easier for a guy. It is just a known thing that a man will approach a woman. A girl won't wonder why a guy is approaching her but a guy may think the girl was really interested in him/desperate. Also as I mentioned in another post, if a girl doesn't like a guy, she will let him know and not lead him on but often a guy will date a girl who approaches him because its fun and he doesn't really care that he isn't attracted to her. It's just fun for him and nothing serious. How is a girl to know whether a guy is serious and interested in her if she approaches and isn't just saying yes for the fun of it? A guy has a powerful role in the dating scene and it is unfortunate and true. Other girls may have it easier if they have very vibrant social lives but I do not. I have a couple friends but I don't always go out and socialise. I like tos pend time on my own as well. I am not a party girl and do not constaantly socialise. For girls like me, it is the worst. Having said all this though, I will agree that guys date down a lot. I have seen some handsome men with sloppy and unattractive women. It is quite shocking actually to see how mismatched they look. I know personality is extremely important so I don't really bother too much about it but I rarely see an attractive women with an unattractive man. Men always say this happens a lot but I never see it.
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YamStudent
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#88
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#88
Idk, ive been reading some of your replies and im seeing a lot of attitude, and as a guy I can tell you that we can spot that a mile off. I personally don't like it, like a lot of other guys.

Also, if you want a boyfriend so bad, do some work too. Approach more guys, you say you have, but approach more and it will come in time
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YamStudent
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#89
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#89
(Original post by sparklenshine)
I agree, I have only addressed things from a girl's perspective but I have thought about it from a guy's perspective as well in the past. I still do not believe it is easier for a girl, I think it is much easier for a guy. It is just a known thing that a man will approach a woman. A girl won't wonder why a guy is approaching her but a guy may think the girl was really interested in him/desperate. Also as I mentioned in another post, if a girl doesn't like a guy, she will let him know and not lead him on but often a guy will date a girl who approaches him because its fun and he doesn't really care that he isn't attracted to her. It's just fun for him and nothing serious. How is a girl to know whether a guy is serious and interested in her if she approaches and isn't just saying yes for the fun of it? A guy has a powerful role in the dating scene and it is unfortunate and true. Other girls may have it easier if they have very vibrant social lives but I do not. I have a couple friends but I don't always go out and socialise. I like tos pend time on my own as well. I am not a party girl and do not constaantly socialise. For girls like me, it is the worst. Having said all this though, I will agree that guys date down a lot. I have seen some handsome men with sloppy and unattractive women. It is quite shocking actually to see how mismatched they look. I know personality is extremely important so I don't really bother too much about it but I rarely see an attractive women with an unattractive man. Men always say this happens a lot but I never see it.
You missed the last question, I am intrigued by it too, care to answer?
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sparklenshine
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#90
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#90
(Original post by mikeA1)
Darling! You have that attitude. That attitude most guys don't like. You don't know, but it's obvious the more you write. Believe it or not, you already fit into some stereotypes. Change your attitude. Where you from if you don't mind me asking?
Hi, thanks for your comment
Can you please tell me more? What stereotypes and what attitude that guys don't like? I am genuinely interested to know because this might help me.
And London.
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sparklenshine
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#91
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#91
(Original post by YamStudent)
You missed the last question, I am intrigued by it too, care to answer?
I have been approached only a few times, and often by older men in their 40s-60s or guys in my own age group who are nothing like me. I am educated and smart and these guys were uneducated and not very well spoken. I could never connect with such guys. I am never approached by the right guy. I do not get approached often at all but I do get stared at by guys all the time.
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sparklenshine
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#92
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#92
(Original post by MattyR2895)
ITT, female OP sees what it's like to be an average man

Brb feeling awkward standing next to females in bars an clubs
Brb not even a glance
Brb start talking an they look at you then look away
Brb just be confident they said
Brb feelsbadman

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So are you happy about that? Let me tell you something. A female has to worry about safety when approaching a man. We never know if they are decent or not until we really get to know them. It is not realistic for us to approach a random man. You can approach random women because women may be crazy sometimes but are hardly dangerous. Secondly if a woman doesn't like you, she makes it clear. We don't go out with guys we don't like. But guys often joke with their friends when they're dating a girl they don't really like but are in it for other reasons. Your post was very rude. You as a man have way more power in this situation than me. A man is supposed to ask out a woman. Why can't you do that?
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YamStudent
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#93
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#93
(Original post by sparklenshine)
I have been approached only a few times, and often by older men in their 40s-60s or guys in my own age group who are nothing like me. I am educated and smart and these guys were uneducated and not very well spoken. I could never connect with such guys. I am never approached by the right guy. I do not get approached often at all but I do get stared at by guys all the time.
BAM! there, smile back and he'll get it
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sparklenshine
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#94
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#94
(Original post by mikeA1)
Your current attitude. It kinda stinks - no offence
Yeah and I asked you why. Don't judge me by a tsr thread.
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Eboracum
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#95
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#95
(Original post by sparklenshine)
I agree, I have only addressed things from a girl's perspective but I have thought about it from a guy's perspective as well in the past. I still do not believe it is easier for a girl, I think it is much easier for a guy. It is just a known thing that a man will approach a woman. A girl won't wonder why a guy is approaching her but a guy may think the girl was really interested in him/desperate. Also as I mentioned in another post, if a girl doesn't like a guy, she will let him know and not lead him on but often a guy will date a girl who approaches him because its fun and he doesn't really care that he isn't attracted to her. It's just fun for him and nothing serious. How is a girl to know whether a guy is serious and interested in her if she approaches and isn't just saying yes for the fun of it? A guy has a powerful role in the dating scene and it is unfortunate and true. Other girls may have it easier if they have very vibrant social lives but I do not. I have a couple friends but I don't always go out and socialise. I like tos pend time on my own as well. I am not a party girl and do not constaantly socialise. For girls like me, it is the worst. Having said all this though, I will agree that guys date down a lot. I have seen some handsome men with sloppy and unattractive women. It is quite shocking actually to see how mismatched they look. I know personality is extremely important so I don't really bother too much about it but I rarely see an attractive women with an unattractive man. Men always say this happens a lot but I never see it.
Again, you are making assumptions, and perhaps you don't even realise you are doing it? You say "it's just a known thing" that a man will approach a woman. What if the man is nervous, lacks the confidence? It's not a known thing at all. And making that assumption, would be just as rash as me making an assumption like "it's just the known thing that a woman gets at least 3-5 approaches a night". You see my point?

You talk about the concept of the powerful role a man has on the dating scene, I'd probably argue the woman has the powerful role. The woman is almost like the employer, sifting through applications for her affections, where as the man is currently the unemployed trying to get hired.

I think your attitudes wrong about mismatching as well. These ideas of "league tables" in dating are just nonsense. I've seen what you'd probably call really ugly or geeky looking blokes with absolute stunning girlfriends, it might be the case that the guy has other attractive traits; ambition, humour, confidence etc.

Just try to see things aren't perhaps as simple as you assume.
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Black Cat
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#96
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#96
(Original post by sparklenshine)
No! I'm not that kind of person. I am old fashioned about that stuff. And I don't know any girl who does approach men. All of them get the guy anyway.
Hold on your not that kind of person and old fashioned? Lets assume you have plans to become a housewife after finishing your PhD? :rolleyes:
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BullViagra
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#97
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#97
(Original post by sparklenshine)
No I am a very good looking girl. I am not going to get into the details of how I know this because most people would just assume I am making it up but I am. I also own a mirror so I can see my reflection daily and I am a conventionally attractive female. I am not hot though. I would just say I am beautiful. I don't want to imitate girls seen as attractive by men. I don't like their looks with all the makeup and slutty clothing. I like my style and my sophisticated and elegant and feminine dress sense. I don't want to look like them. I cannot take your advice. sorry.
raise a few cats
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sparklenshine
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#98
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#98
(Original post by BullViagra)
raise a few cats
I already do
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sparklenshine
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#99
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#99
(Original post by Black Cat)
Hold on your not that kind of person and old fashioned? Lets assume you have plans to become a housewife after finishing your PhD? :rolleyes:
Hahaha Well, I am just a bit old fashioned when it comes to romance/dating.
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sparklenshine
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#100
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#100
(Original post by Eboracum)
Again, you are making assumptions, and perhaps you don't even realise you are doing it? You say "it's just a known thing" that a man will approach a woman. What if the man is nervous, lacks the confidence? It's not a known thing at all. And making that assumption, would be just as rash as me making an assumption like "it's just the known thing that a woman gets at least 3-5 approaches a night". You see my point?

You talk about the concept of the powerful role a man has on the dating scene, I'd probably argue the woman has the powerful role. The woman is almost like the employer, sifting through applications for her affections, where as the man is currently the unemployed trying to get hired.

I think your attitudes wrong about mismatching as well. These ideas of "league tables" in dating are just nonsense. I've seen what you'd probably call really ugly or geeky looking blokes with absolute stunning girlfriends, it might be the case that the guy has other attractive traits; ambition, humour, confidence etc.

Just try to see things aren't perhaps as simple as you assume.
Fair enough. But what I am basically trying to say is that if it were the opposite and women were meant to ask out men, I would have a very different opinion of my situation. I would feel like it is more of my problem whereas now I don't feel like it is my problem.
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