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Got a boyfriend and I'm having a sleepover (with my guy friend) Watch

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    (Original post by Sir Fox)
    In a serious, committed relationship there should be enough trust, so WHO CARES?!
    I don't think you know what trust means.

    If a man trusts a woman completely and she cheats - either from a drunken mistake or simply decides to cheat - then should the man care? Or should we still keep screaming "TRUST!!!!! WHO CARES??!?!!?? TRUST TRUST!!!!!!".

    More to the point, the lack of trust is rarely with the girlfriend and entirely with the male friend.
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    (Original post by icup12)
    What do you think of this?
    What are your thoughts and opinions on this?
    Is it okay?
    What about if it's vice versa?

    I'm 19 and he's 20 and I told him I'm having a sleepover with a guy and he was pissed. He's just a friend - nothing more. What can I do?
    Sleeping over with another guy when you're in a relationship is a pretty rookie mistake, but you ARE a rookie only being 19 and all.

    Relationships come with responsibilities as much as benefits. For the security and fidelity of a single guy you have to give up a few little things, like freedom to 'sleepover' with other guys.

    Best of luck with what remains of your current relationship, it shouldn't be too long.
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    More to the point, the lack of trust is rarely with the girlfriend and entirely with the male friend.
    So you worry that the friend will rape your gf?
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    (Original post by redferry)
    You two are in wonderfully successful relationships then I take it?
    Yes. My sentiments also appear to have wide support.
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    (Original post by e aí rapaz)
    So you worry that the friend will rape your gf?
    If the man was unknown to me and/or if drinking was involved? It would certainly cross my mind. I'm not sure if you are well researched on rape statistics but the majority of rapists attack victims that they know.

    90% of rape victims know the rapist and, depending on the source you use, around 30-40% are friends.

    https://www.gov.uk/government/statis...land-and-wales
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    To be honest I really dont see the big deal it's not like your doin anything behind his back, I youre just mates I don't see why he's getting so arsey, if my gf wanted to have a sleep over with her best mate who she's known longer than me I wouldn't say anything because I trust her
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    (Original post by Tpx)
    You equally seem to be assuming that the guy is only visiting because he's expecting a shagathon
    That's not an assumption, it's a presumption and only forms one of several reasons I have provided to explain why this situation ought to be avoided.
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    It's not just about trust. Do you understand what respect is? Or masculinity? You are undermining both.

    Real males are proud animals - in another lifetime we were hunters of dangerous game and guardians of our community. We thrive on leadership and taking care of close ones. We hold respect and courage above all other virtues. We will die ourselves lest our women and children be harmed.

    And your reply to this is: "kk cool, can I go spend the night with another man?"
    Any guy who calls themself a proud animal deserve a punch in the face haha
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    (Original post by icup12)
    What do you think of this?
    What are your thoughts and opinions on this?
    Is it okay?
    What about if it's vice versa?

    I'm 19 and he's 20 and I told him I'm having a sleepover with a guy and he was pissed. He's just a friend - nothing more. What can I do?
    I can't quite believe the amount of people saying that you are in the wrong here and your boyfriend is right to be pissed off.

    One simple question for you:

    Are you planning on shagging your friend?

    If the answer is yes then you're a horrible person.

    If the answer is no then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and your boyfriend is being completely and utterly pathetic about the whole thing and needs to get a ****ing grip.
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    (Original post by 3309will)
    What has society come to.
    Mutual respect. It's a pretty simple and well-known boundary that in monogamous relationships you don't run off for one-on-one nights with other guys/girls.

    I know you're trying to appear all cool and 'no ****s given' and 'enlightened' but as someone who has absolutely no issue with guy friends or guys hitting on my g/f, it's just sloppy form, a poor show and a rookie mistake. There are some of her guy friends I have no issue with, but I am not comfortable with sleepovers. My girlfriend knows this. I don't 'sleepover' at my female friend's places, she doesn't sleepover with her guy mates. If there is something 'dodgey' coming up we actually talk to each other and if it is seen to create too much discomfort usually it's nixed because we consider each other. At the least it helps to be consulted on these sort of things. It's called mutual respect and it works wonders.


    It's about putting yourself in your partner's shoes. How would they feel if I decided to run off to have a 'sleepover' with one of my girl mates?

    Yes people are allowed to have friends, but even open relationships tend to come with some basic ground rules, and monogamous relationships are strictly and broadly governed.


    This tends to not be such a big issue for adults because we tend to be aware that it's inappropriate for sleep-overs, 'stay-overs' or whatever you want to call it where one partner spends a whole day and/or night alone with a member of the opposite sex.
    If your partner is fine with it then maybe, but if your partner is uncomfortable you have a responsibility of respect to reconsider.

    After all if you can do what you want regardless of their feelings then they are equally then 'justified' in ignoring yours and doing things you don't like.

    Eye for an eye and the whole world's blind, etc.



    I can forgive the OP for not knowing better, she's 19 and doesn't 'get it' yet. Chances are her current relationship is hardly destined for happy ever after. But still. Considering your partner in your decisions that effect both of you is a basic adult skill which she needs to pick up sooner rather than later.


    This goes for the rest of you who seem to think that a healthy relationship = YOU get to do what you want, when you want to do it regardless of the feelings of your partner.
    You are free to do as you wish, it just means they're free to see you as the inconsiderate idiot you are and dump you.
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    I'm sorry but that is a bad idea.

    However much he trusts you he will forever be thinking 'why is she having a guy to sleepover, why not her friends who are a girl?'

    This is such a bad idea on so many levels. Going to grab a coffee or a bite to eat with someone of the opposite gender sure, but a sleepover? Hell no.
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    I don't think you know what trust means.
    I don't think you know the difference between cheating and just sleeping in the same room together.
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    (Original post by Sir Fox)
    I don't think you know the difference between cheating and just sleeping in the same room together.
    You have completely missed the point.

    Yes, you have described the situation, i.e. a sleepover. You have not provided any reasoning or analysis to support how this isn't indicative of lack of respect or conducive to cheating so I can only refer you back to my original reply to your post.
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    You have completely missed the point.

    Yes, you have described the situation, i.e. a sleepover. You have not provided any reasoning or analysis to support how this isn't indicative of lack of respect or conducive to cheating so I can only refer you back to my original reply to your post.
    Sleeping in a room with a person of the opposite gender is so disrespectful. If you want to do that, you shouldn't have a boyfriend to begin with imo! So I agree with u
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    (Original post by icup12)
    What do you think of this?
    What are your thoughts and opinions on this?
    Is it okay?
    What about if it's vice versa?

    I'm 19 and he's 20 and I told him I'm having a sleepover with a guy and he was pissed. He's just a friend - nothing more. What can I do?
    Okay why are you having a guy friend sleep over? What's the reason anyway?
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    (Original post by Jack182)
    I'm sorry but that is a bad idea.

    However much he trusts you he will forever be thinking 'why is she having a guy to sleepover, why not her friends who are a girl?'

    This is such a bad idea on so many levels. Going to grab a coffee or a bite to eat with someone of the opposite gender sure, but a sleepover? Hell no.
    Even a coffee could be be taken the wrong way..
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    It's ironic that people are telling the OP to grow up. Girls and guys can be friends without any kind of sexual feelings. If there's no sexual connection, then there's no problem imo. People need to learn to be less paranoid.
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    (Original post by elmosandy)
    Even a coffee could be be taken the wrong way..
    Only if you're super paranoid and have low self esteem
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    (Original post by Jack182)
    Only if you're super paranoid and have low self esteem
    Yeah lmao :P
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    This thread is rather easy.. he's right, your wrong.
    While women are not property these days, it is entirely unreasonable that somebody sleep with another man while in a relationship. He is well within his rights to impose boundaries for the relationship, just as you are.
    Which I'm sure devastates you.
 
 
 
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