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What leads to fear of commitment in men? watch

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    I'm not sure, but I would say in my opinion its due to a lack of self confidence in being "good enough" or even liked by the woman and I would presume someone else would be better
    Some males are shallow and sex obsessed thus moving on, doesnt particularly interest me I enjoy getting to know someone and having a good time with them (a girl) but maybe keep it chilled
    Society is a tad unfair in that we slut shame but girls are pressurised into feeling sexually available, maybe in order to be with the man only for him to leave
    Idk anymore, been off the dating scene for too long, too many bad break ups, which actually could be another reason as they are emotionally painful and society expects men to be emotionally strong so perhaps they fear this part?
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    (Original post by Juichiro)
    1. Cool, then I agree with the view that most men are afraid of commitment.
    2. How ridiculous. Give me the most complex existing robot and the simplest human brain and the robot will be the most complex one. Hence, you can say that all robots are not as complex as all human brains. That's a generalisation.
    3. You can't dehumanise me any more than you can grab your brain with your hands and taste it with your tongue. The mere idea that you can't just magically remove my status as a member of the human species is ridiculous. Far more ridiculous than the belief that pigs can fly.
    4. They are. They are individuals with a limited capacity for decision making an underestimate of the factors influencing their decision making. A fellow got a Nobel prize for this discovery. You should check him out. "You are not the same as a dog". Nor I am the same as a kid. Nor I am the same as you. Does that mean that I am necessarily better? Of course not.
    5. I doubt so. Not sure how you can quantify factors in your "there are more factors" but I don't think that there are more factors influencing your behaviour than there are influencing the behaviour of an ant. I don't consider myself particularly strong or logical. Even though I strive to be. Logical thinking is what separates us (successful life forms) from other life forms (including other humans).
    6. Yes, and those women are called sluts, ****s and any other negative epithet under the Sun. I highly doubt there are that many women who would want and would lead such lifestyle and would not hide it from friends/society,
    7. Incorrect. Humans (including males) can be changed. Deception, insistence, incentives, they all work to make humans do what you want. Just like meat for dogs and carrots for horses. The essential principles of rational behaviour are the same for the weakest life form and for the strongest. No need to look at our self-replicating molecules to see see our common denominator. It can be found at a more general level.
    8. For the same reason, many women (like you) are so 'frightened' of non-committal sex. Anyway, my first post is getting more and more likes so you might want to read it again.
    9. You need to read my first post again. I already explained this. Maybe you don't understand it? Biology textbooks have more elaborate explanations if you want them. Or are you also 'frightened' of science?
    10. No, it is not. It is way for you to reach your goal: to ensure you have a male committed to you. That's logical.
    11. You make it sound as if you can ascertain, without knowing him, whether a male is a "player" or not. That you cannot do. Otherwise, you would be in a relationship already instead of spending your time in an online forum gathering intel to ensure you accomplish your evolutionary mission.
    12. I always found the 'I love you because you are hot+young but you must not love me because I am rich - you must love me for my possessing of some trait that no one else can have so you have 0% chances of leaving me" hypocritical.
    13. I am guessing you would rather have them being hurt, rinsed and/or not getting enough sex, then?
    14. That's a contentious topic which is still debated, especially because it essentially says that homosexual parents are by definition worse parents than heterosexual parents. As you can see, this is a sexist claim and could be racist if you swapped homosexual/heterosexual with any two ethnicities.
    15. Fair enough
    16. I see. Once again, I directly to my first post, which so many males in TSR have repped. That should give you some food for thought. I also recommend that you read some books/articles on the evolution of sex so you can better understand why is so hard for you to find what you want.
    If you want to believe that you are the same or even inferior to a chimp or a robot then I have no need to engage with you any more. No science doesn't make me scared since I myself am a Chemistry undergrad student...

    For pete's sake this is not about my 'evolutionary mission' I just wanted to talk about some of the reasons that men avoid commitment and also to see where I am going wrong in my own life as I only attract men who do not want relationships - I want to attract men who by their own free will and desire want to be with me make no mistake this is not about converting non-committal men into committal men. But I thought perhaps by learning a little something, learning these men's stories and concerns rather than just dismissing them as just being heartless commitment-phobes or talking down about them that I could see what I perhaps have in common with them rather than always concentrating on what separates us. For instance my relationship with my father is not so great and I suspect many men who grow up with a rubbish father, or none at all, will be also be hurting and scared of relationships and handling the issues in their own way. In spite of this however I have and always will steer clear when I find out a man does not want to be with me.

    I did want ideas about why men are opting out of relationships and creating a space where we could talk about this with the hopes of learning something, it's not about man bashing or woman bashing for that matter, but you have such a vehemence and stubbornness towards me it is unreal. And I am the biased one? I am acknowledging the points of many men posting here agreeing with some, including some of your own, on others challenging the level of the man's own need to take responsibility or take self reflection, acknowledging my own flaws, but I won't support baseless, egotistical nonsense. You have been completely and utterly one dimensional and have shown no critical thinking skills - I fail to see your logic and reasoning to be honest I am seeing a lot of emotion in what you have written contrary to your hard man act.

    I don't know why you are now playing the egalitarian card dragging LGBT+ people and ethnic minorities into the equation. To be honest I don't think you have an interest whatsoever in either group.

    Of course I don't want men to be hurt/rinsed that is the last thing I want I have said this in many other posts but regardless you will continue to assert that I am on some big conspiracy to subjugate men into committing to women so that we can be in evolutionary bliss. So to be honest we should just end it all here since you think and will probably always think so lowly of me.
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    (Original post by JBlad)
    I'm not sure, but I would say in my opinion its due to a lack of self confidence in being "good enough" or even liked by the woman and I would presume someone else would be better
    Some males are shallow and sex obsessed thus moving on, doesnt particularly interest me I enjoy getting to know someone and having a good time with them (a girl) but maybe keep it chilled
    Society is a tad unfair in that we slut shame but girls are pressurised into feeling sexually available, maybe in order to be with the man only for him to leave
    Idk anymore, been off the dating scene for too long, too many bad break ups, which actually could be another reason as they are emotionally painful and society expects men to be emotionally strong so perhaps they fear this part?
    Yes I think the fear of living up to it and being good enough is a big one I certainly have that myself too. I'm guessing maybe some men feel there is a bigger expectation on them that the woman in the relationship, for instance the man is often seen as the leader, the provider etc.
    Yes I find it ironic when promiscuous people slut shame. You can't have your cake, eat it too and then bite the hand that feeds you.
    And yes indeed the emotional impact of a break up I have heard said is often harder on men but yes society expects them to just 'man up' and move onto to the next. Mean while is it socially acceptable for me cry to my girlfriends for hours on the hour, run home to my mum, eat several tubs of ben and jerry's a day, watch chick flicks all day etc. I've not had a break up before but I'm guessing it might be a little something like that But yes it is a serious issue emotional repression...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Mean while is it socially acceptable for me cry to my girlfriends for hours on the hour
    I meant for hours on the phone! I need my sleep :sleep:
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    (Original post by Ladymusiclover)
    I love the attitude and non-judgmental but fair aura of the thread starter.
    Thank you I'm glad someone thinks so I think a fair few are seeing this as an attack when I'm really just asking questions and trying engaging with them maybe I should have titled the thread it better.
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    (Original post by saeed97)
    Kanye puts it best: "Cause when she leave yo ass she gon' leave with half"
    18 years, 18 years and on his 18th birthday he found out it wasnt hiiiiisss?
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    Wow I'm sorry for my terrible grammar and spelling. It's officially bed time
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    (Original post by Betelgeuse-)
    18 years, 18 years and on his 18th birthday he found out it wasnt hiiiiisss?
    Straight fire
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    I think it's failed relationships with a domestic parent or an absent parent. Simply. Because women can have issues with commitment as well.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi I'm just wanting to know people's thoughts on some of the factors that lead to some men being so afraid of commitment. Of course I'm aware that some women have the same fear of commitment but I suspect the reasons are different and I would like to explore the reasons in men.

    In case you are curious I am in my mid 20s and have only ever attracted men who turned out to be emotionally unavailable and fear commitment, and as a result I have never made it to being the girlfriend (no I didn't sleep with any of the men). I'm sick of these men being drawn to me but also acknowledge that there must be a reason I am drawing them into my life. I've been trying to look within to see why this might be and the only thing I can think of is my father is has always been physically present (still married to mother, living with us) but emotionally absent. What can I do?
    many factors.
    well many people think emotions are for women. that every man must be a stoic machine of duty and purpose. think terminator from terminator 2. even sara conner was admiring how the machine would be a good father.

    so as a result men tend to either be groomed or groom themselves into trying to be emotionless, self disciplined and skilled with at least one purpose.

    many women find this masculine and attractive.

    so the man may have artificially groomed himself into being in an emotionally absent state.
    something may have happened in his life like a traumatic event that made him change this way.
    or he may have just been born a psychopath.
    girls like psychopaths. im not joking either.

    but yea so thats causes for the guy.

    girls have reasons that may cause this.



    some girls are also desperate for love but not really attractive. so lots of men will date them for sex or to fill their time with but they don't respect or have any intention of dating the girl officially. its just sex and security. or also just an ego boost.


    also most women are not really worth committing too. in fact im noticing more n more with each younger generation of boys that they are increasingly disillusioned with women from quite a disturbingly early age.

    many girls are irresponsible and see them selves as victims all the time despite making stupid decisions. like how many girls agree to have sex or give oral sex to their boyfriend and make their own "porno" for private use. but then of course it goes on the net.
    or even more stupid is girls just agreeing to be porn stars and then all of a sudden finding really hard to find a man that is committed to them.

    a girl doesn't have to sleep with you. some times you can just tell she'd be loose with someone else. how they dress or how they carry themselves, subtle things like eye contact or how they look at men or how they talk or their body language. its all communication. girls are quite aware of it with other people but rarely are able to be clued up enough to look at themselves with it. or like maaaany girls have a really deluded view of themselves. but then again its hard because other girls lie to other girls all the time just to make em feel good. and guys with a sexual interest in girls lie to get them to feel good to. your never gonna easily sleep with a girl who you say carry's her self like she wants male attention.

    like you go to a concert and a member of the performers entourage will be like "free backstage passes for ladies only!" see how many girls line up.

    i mean i'm probably emotionally distant.
    i don't have faith in any female staying loyal, sensible, responsible or dignified.
    n i have a girl friend. long term. only reason i'm with her is cause i don't like dating and having to pretend to be interested in new people. plus its time consuming and costs money
    and of course each girl you get with is a new risk of drama and problems.
    so im in a relationship but inside. in my heart. i tell myself im single.
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    I think its an issue of men and boys (or more accurately, ****bois) I love to get close with my gf and have great times together and generally open myself up emotionally, I'm sure you know what I mean
    I find it distasteful and frankly immoral that some men choose to just sleep with a girl and then move on, sometimes under the guise perhaps of forming a relationship, this is not "normal" or okay as it leaves the woman hurt and used, and no real man should do that, it shows immaturity in my opinion of not being willing to open up with and share a relationship with a girl
    Yes sex is fun but its not the be all and end all and I don't find it gives me happiness and contentment on its own as compared to a relationship, to sleep around is really just using girls for your own masturbation aid and its really quite pathetic, be a man and be there for your girl don't just aim to get your **** wet
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    (Original post by Juichiro)
    7. Gosh, you really don't know much about males do you? Surely, your experience with your partners must have taught you something. Let me spell it for you: I would say that as a rule of thumb, males value sex more than females do and they value non-committal sex higher than sex in a relationship. Now your average male might also value other things such as having someone to talk to when feeling down, having a partner as a symbol of someone's attractiveness and the like. But none of rate as high as sex. Note that this is a rule of thumb not a fact or universal that applies to every single male. It is merely a trend. That's the reason I only include sex for males and commitment for women (which interestingly enough, you did not question why I only consider commitment as women's only goal in the evolutionary game).
    Ok. Pink mohawks and septum piercings is a trend as well. So?
    Just because this is "normal" or "natural" for men, it doesn't mean it is right or can't be fixed. "This," as in, to value simply sex and to dissociate it from the person with whom they are having sex (surely that isn't normal, it's more so sad and worrying and if anything the reason why relationships are so scary for both sexes).
    As a man, prescribe for OP what to do.

    (Original post by Mick.w)
    many factors.well many people think emotions are for women. that every man must be a stoic machine of duty and purpose. think terminator from terminator 2. even sara conner was admiring how the machine would be a good father.so as a result men tend to either be groomed or groom themselves into trying to be emotionless, self disciplined and skilled with at least one purpose.many women find this masculine and attractive.so the man may have artificially groomed himself into being in an emotionally absent state.something may have happened in his life like a traumatic event that made him change this way.or he may have just been born a psychopath.girls like psychopaths. im not joking either.but yea so thats causes for the guy.girls have reasons that may cause this.some girls are also desperate for love but not really attractive. so lots of men will date them for sex or to fill their time with but they don't respect or have any intention of dating the girl officially. its just sex and security. or also just an ego boost.also most women are not really worth committing too. in fact im noticing more n more with each younger generation of boys that they are increasingly disillusioned with women from quite a disturbingly early age.many girls are irresponsible and see them selves as victims all the time despite making stupid decisions. like how many girls agree to have sex or give oral sex to their boyfriend and make their own "porno" for private use. but then of course it goes on the net.or even more stupid is girls just agreeing to be porn stars and then all of a sudden finding really hard to find a man that is committed to them.a girl doesn't have to sleep with you. some times you can just tell she'd be loose with someone else. how they dress or how they carry themselves, subtle things like eye contact or how they look at men or how they talk or their body language. its all communication. girls are quite aware of it with other people but rarely are able to be clued up enough to look at themselves with it. or like maaaany girls have a really deluded view of themselves. but then again its hard because other girls lie to other girls all the time just to make em feel good. and guys with a sexual interest in girls lie to get them to feel good to. your never gonna easily sleep with a girl who you say carry's her self like she wants male attention.like you go to a concert and a member of the performers entourage will be like "free backstage passes for ladies only!" see how many girls line up.i mean i'm probably emotionally distant.i don't have faith in any female staying loyal, sensible, responsible or dignified.n i have a girl friend. long term. only reason i'm with her is cause i don't like dating and having to pretend to be interested in new people. plus its time consuming and costs moneyand of course each girl you get with is a new risk of drama and problems.so im in a relationship but inside. in my heart. i tell myself im single.
    I feel bad. Not for me. For you.
    And time consuming to date? That's a new one. Pretending to be interested? Also please tell me the chunky bold bit is not your words and an inserted excerpt from reddit.

    Let me, against my better judgement, dare probe someone's mind on a message forum where surely they come just to spew things they'd never say because they know how ridiculous it will sound.

    "Each girl" is a new risk f drama and problems? Hm. Fair enough. But so are men. Now what? Should we just bury ourselves? Pleae break up with your victim-I mean, girlfriend-and never have children. This is why I contemplate becoming lesbian. But of course, that lesbian has serious issues.
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    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    I feel bad. Not for me. For you.
    And time consuming to date? That's a new one. Pretending to be interested? Also please tell me the chunky bold bit is not your words and an inserted excerpt from reddit.

    Let me, against my better judgement, dare probe someone's mind on a message forum where surely they come just to spew things they'd never say because they know how ridiculous it will sound.

    "Each girl" is a new risk f drama and problems? Hm. Fair enough. But so are men. Now what? Should we just bury ourselves?
    yea I used to find dating fun when I was younger. I think the fact that I was still young meant that sexual attraction just made most things girls said and did to be rose tinted. But sexual attraction isn't enough. And now when I date I'm able to see a girl as a person and not be distracted by the magical sparkle that mutual sexual attraction creates between two people. and tbh its boring.
    you doubt a girl but you date her anyway in case fate proves me wrong. but it doesn't. you meet, you talk, switch numbers, talk on the phone, agree to meet up and talk. u got good food, good wine, music n atmosphere is good, girls pretty, nice enough, conversation might be decent but something you could have n forget about on a train journey sat next to someone. its not got any impact shes not inspiring you or saying anything refreshing or different. and even if she is when it all comes to it she doesn't strike you as someone that would choose to have your children. good mother to someone yea. but not great. you can see or here hint's here and there where you're like. uh oh... i don't even wanna ask about that cause i know the answers just gonna disappoint me.

    sometimes it just feels like your talking to the same girl over n over.

    so yea when dating becomes that much of a drag you start to think... hang on... i could spend my time doing something else? watching a documentary maybe? a comedy? something mind broadening or entertaining?

    the words in bold are mine lol. i actually don't read reddit much. perhaps i should check it out.

    probe away. i say these things in real life. obviously only when relevant. a friend of mines little brother has just experienced his first heart break. so i guess its fresh on the mind!

    but im actually very positive when it comes to things that are not based on relationships.

    n despite my nihilistic view at times people do admit i give good relationship advice. especially men.
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    I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that after so many years of confusion, they've finally figured out how to pull women and they want to play with their new toy and see where it can take them. Instead they have to sub out of the game just as they're getting the hang of it.
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    (Original post by Mick.w)
    yea I used to find dating fun when I was younger. I think the fact that I was still young meant that sexual attraction just made most things girls said and did to be rose tinted. But sexual attraction isn't enough. And now when I date I'm able to see a girl as a person and not be distracted by the magical sparkle that mutual sexual attraction creates between two people. and tbh its boring.
    you doubt a girl but you date her anyway in case fate proves me wrong. but it doesn't. you meet, you talk, switch numbers, talk on the phone, agree to meet up and talk. u got good food, good wine, music n atmosphere is good, girls pretty, nice enough, conversation might be decent but something you could have n forget about on a train journey sat next to someone. its not got any impact shes not inspiring you or saying anything refreshing or different. and even if she is when it all comes to it she doesn't strike you as someone that would choose to have your children. good mother to someone yea. but not great. you can see or here hint's here and there where you're like. uh oh... i don't even wanna ask about that cause i know the answers just gonna disappoint me.

    sometimes it just feels like your talking to the same girl over n over.

    so yea when dating becomes that much of a drag you start to think... hang on... i could spend my time doing something else? watching a documentary maybe? a comedy? something mind broadening or entertaining?

    the words in bold are mine lol. i actually don't read reddit much. perhaps i should check it out.

    probe away. i say these things in real life. obviously only when relevant. a friend of mines little brother has just experienced his first heart break. so i guess its fresh on the mind!

    but im actually very positive when it comes to things that are not based on relationships.

    n despite my nihilistic view at times people do admit i give good relationship advice. especially men.
    Firstly reddit is awesome. You can find out how to do anything. From baking a cake to busting a cervix; I happened across a chocolate chip recipe and discovered the location of the mythical G spot on reddit alone.

    Anyway can I ask if "watching a film" is more important than someone's company, affection, a lent ear, a shoulder, a helping hand, a shared mind, a reason to give love to someone else and make them feel good? That should make you feel good in return.

    When you say probe away what are you willing to answer?

    Ok and since the words in bold are yours, I'm going to ignore the psychopath part because that's just crazy but the bit about grooming himself into a robot. As in, hardening himself on purpose, I presume. I see, but I notice you never mentioned the lack of a positive parental guidance in an adult's life (once a child who needed proper guidance). Besides being emotionally absent, to what do you attribute failed relationships and damaged psyche?

    This is all disorienting and discouraging for me. I am 23 and haven't dated (gone with a man to random places and casually learnt about him with some flirtation or intimacy involved) in two years, and haven't had sex since I was 17. Because I am so over the bull**** myself, and I know that's not how it should be. But what I don't want to do and why I avoid men now despite all the attention and options I'm given, is so I don't do what you do and leading someone on. Do you even remotely enjoy this woman's company or brain?
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    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    Firstly reddit is awesome. You can find out how to do anything. From baking a cake to busting a cervix; I happened across a chocolate chip recipe and discovered the location of the mythical G spot on reddit alone.
    from chocolate to g spot? im sold.

    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    Anyway can I ask if "watching a film" is more important than someone's company, affection, a lent ear, a shoulder, a helping hand, a shared mind, a reason to give love to someone else and make them feel good? That should make you feel good in return.
    you may have heard the term bros before hoes. have you heard of Epicurus? he was a greek philosopher that was determined on trying to find a life of happiness. and sadly the recipe he decided on was essentially a load of straight guys living together in a commune who were all good friends. now before you think they were all gay they were not. and if they were they wouldn't be allowed to live in the commune. because the idea was that if you lived with people you were sexually attracted to you would always worry about losing them. and that happiness came from not being in a relationship or having kids.

    obviously people contest his conclusions. but its an interesting notion to entertain.

    so to answer your question you can do all of those things with close friends.

    aside from perhaps giving love. you can be loving without being sexual. and there is a love between friends. but if you mean romantic love then i don't know. real love between a man and a women tends to be very painful. because even when your in love you can fear so much about losing it. which is natural. i mean look at how kids worry about losing their parents or how parents worry about their kids. but sadly 2 adult lovers don't have the same level of commitment yet all the same insecurities.

    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    When you say probe away what are you willing to answer?
    I'm willing to answer most things really. I mean I will always try as best I can to answer the question. I'd be surprised if you asked a question I didn't want to answer. worst comes to worst if it's something i don't want to post to the world i can always pm the answer to u.

    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    Ok and since the words in bold are yours, I'm going to ignore the psychopath part because that's just crazy but the bit about grooming himself into a robot. As in, hardening himself on purpose, I presume. I see, but I notice you never mentioned the lack of a positive parental guidance in an adult's life (once a child who needed proper guidance). Besides being emotionally absent, to what do you attribute failed relationships and damaged psyche?
    hmm I guess a lack of parental guidance could be the the cause for an emotional shut down. but tbh I've noticed that the world leans in favour of hardening men up like that. I mean women tend be emotionally free. therefore in a relationship you don't really need two emotionally free people. people tend to go for their missing parts. so hard people go for soft people etc... or at least thats the typical way of looking at relationships. but not just that. even women in aggressive cut throat environments learn that when your open people think they can navigate you better. when they feel they can navigate you they will try more manipulation against you. whereas people who are cold and hold their cards close to their chest tend to make people hesitate before trying to exploit them in some way. the typical stereotype is that when guys get humiliated it almost destroys them. but that with girls they cry and then recover much easier. in life i've noticed that stereotype to be generally true.

    hmm failed relationships and damaged psyche. I think social training covers up a whooole load of damage. and therefore helps people blend more.

    I think old timers had a long of things right with societal norms n customs.
    if you look at other cultures where there are very strong notions of how a man and women should be, people when they are damaged and lost can look at those "bench marks" and work towards normalizing themselves. the two people in a relationship therefore can work towards covering up their unpleasant sides. but i think in our society theres no rules on how people are supposed to be. but then there kind of half are. the result is quite a confusing mess. people are so individual now that its hard to find compatible. I think everyone has their psychological issues. n they all effect relationships differently. i think it all depends on the psychological issue. some are worse than others. but it also depends on who your with. I mean i've dated a bipolar girl before and it was some of the worst stress i've had in my life. not sure if i've answered your question. if i havent then just take another run up n ask me again in another way n i'll give it another go.


    (Original post by Cherie Amour)
    This is all disorienting and discouraging for me. I am 23 and haven't dated (gone with a man to random places and casually learnt about him with some flirtation or intimacy involved) in two years, and haven't had sex since I was 17. Because I am so over the bull**** myself, and I know that's not how it should be. But what I don't want to do and why I avoid men now despite all the attention and options I'm given, is so I don't do what you do and leading someone on. Do you even remotely enjoy this woman's company or brain?
    hmm interesting. when you say sex do you mean all sexual acts or just regular penetrative sex. I no a lot of girls to class the sexual acts that aren't regular sex as counting. i ask that not be invasive but to just see how severe the lines of cut off were. cuz i find it hard to imagine u did nothing since 17. did you stop dating when you went to uni?

    so over the b.s your self. yes. uno... i moan about dating women but when i think to the men i meet around i imagine the pickings are slim for good men. they are very boyish in their maturity.

    as for me leading on the girl i'm with. i guess i don't view it as me leading her on.

    I guess i really enjoyed being in her company. I think girls i've been with in the past have all made a habit of nagging & complaining about things and trying to adopt some dominant mother position. which is just like... yea. im done here... this is unpleasant. whearas she was fun to be with.

    but i had zero faith in her. and the more i grew to like her, the more the lack of faith in her commitment to me hurt.

    now this isnt her thats the issue. i just have a lack of faith in every girl really. i've been with too many girls and too many friends who have had their hearts broken and too many female friends have used me as a free therapist to confess their dirty deeds to. for me to have faith in women's sexual loyalty.

    so in a way i guess i think she's leading me on. and im just preempting the betrayal?

    if i just let my emotions rule me i would be constantly grilling her about her life. paranoid about what shes up to. but im emotionally dishonest and tell her everythings fine. cuz she tells me everything fine too. n maybe it is for her.
    i see myself as single emotionally. but i wouldn't cheat on her.
    as i've already hinted the idea of sex without sustenance is dull to me.

    but its interesting how your at a similar state to me from the female angle.
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    i fear commitment as i know i'm not good enough and would spend more time focused on my business than on my partner so i don't even try with women as i know what will happen in the long run
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    because nothing lasts forever and everything is pointless

    cry
    cry
    cry
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    (Original post by Mick.w)
    from chocolate to g spot? im sold.


    you may have heard the term bros before hoes. have you heard of Epicurus? he was a greek philosopher that was determined on trying to find a life of happiness. and sadly the recipe he decided on was essentially a load of straight guys living together in a commune who were all good friends. now before you think they were all gay they were not. and if they were they wouldn't be allowed to live in the commune. because the idea was that if you lived with people you were sexually attracted to you would always worry about losing them. and that happiness came from not being in a relationship or having kids.

    obviously people contest his conclusions. but its an interesting notion to entertain.

    so to answer your question you can do all of those things with close friends.

    aside from perhaps giving love. you can be loving without being sexual. and there is a love between friends. but if you mean romantic love then i don't know. real love between a man and a women tends to be very painful. because even when your in love you can fear so much about losing it. which is natural. i mean look at how kids worry about losing their parents or how parents worry about their kids. but sadly 2 adult lovers don't have the same level of commitment yet all the same insecurities.


    I'm willing to answer most things really. I mean I will always try as best I can to answer the question. I'd be surprised if you asked a question I didn't want to answer. worst comes to worst if it's something i don't want to post to the world i can always pm the answer to u.


    hmm I guess a lack of parental guidance could be the the cause for an emotional shut down. but tbh I've noticed that the world leans in favour of hardening men up like that. I mean women tend be emotionally free. therefore in a relationship you don't really need two emotionally free people. people tend to go for their missing parts. so hard people go for soft people etc... or at least thats the typical way of looking at relationships. but not just that. even women in aggressive cut throat environments learn that when your open people think they can navigate you better. when they feel they can navigate you they will try more manipulation against you. whereas people who are cold and hold their cards close to their chest tend to make people hesitate before trying to exploit them in some way. the typical stereotype is that when guys get humiliated it almost destroys them. but that with girls they cry and then recover much easier. in life i've noticed that stereotype to be generally true.

    hmm failed relationships and damaged psyche. I think social training covers up a whooole load of damage. and therefore helps people blend more.

    I think old timers had a long of things right with societal norms n customs.
    if you look at other cultures where there are very strong notions of how a man and women should be, people when they are damaged and lost can look at those "bench marks" and work towards normalizing themselves. the two people in a relationship therefore can work towards covering up their unpleasant sides. but i think in our society theres no rules on how people are supposed to be. but then there kind of half are. the result is quite a confusing mess. people are so individual now that its hard to find compatible. I think everyone has their psychological issues. n they all effect relationships differently. i think it all depends on the psychological issue. some are worse than others. but it also depends on who your with. I mean i've dated a bipolar girl before and it was some of the worst stress i've had in my life. not sure if i've answered your question. if i havent then just take another run up n ask me again in another way n i'll give it another go.




    hmm interesting. when you say sex do you mean all sexual acts or just regular penetrative sex. I no a lot of girls to class the sexual acts that aren't regular sex as counting. i ask that not be invasive but to just see how severe the lines of cut off were. cuz i find it hard to imagine u did nothing since 17. did you stop dating when you went to uni?

    so over the b.s your self. yes. uno... i moan about dating women but when i think to the men i meet around i imagine the pickings are slim for good men. they are very boyish in their maturity.

    as for me leading on the girl i'm with. i guess i don't view it as me leading her on.

    I guess i really enjoyed being in her company. I think girls i've been with in the past have all made a habit of nagging & complaining about things and trying to adopt some dominant mother position. which is just like... yea. im done here... this is unpleasant. whearas she was fun to be with.

    but i had zero faith in her. and the more i grew to like her, the more the lack of faith in her commitment to me hurt.

    now this isnt her thats the issue. i just have a lack of faith in every girl really. i've been with too many girls and too many friends who have had their hearts broken and too many female friends have used me as a free therapist to confess their dirty deeds to. for me to have faith in women's sexual loyalty.

    so in a way i guess i think she's leading me on. and im just preempting the betrayal?

    if i just let my emotions rule me i would be constantly grilling her about her life. paranoid about what shes up to. but im emotionally dishonest and tell her everythings fine. cuz she tells me everything fine too. n maybe it is for her.
    i see myself as single emotionally. but i wouldn't cheat on her.
    as i've already hinted the idea of sex without sustenance is dull to me.

    but its interesting how your at a similar state to me from the female angle.
    I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

    About your Epicurus thing. Well the Greeks I believe have different types of love. There's eros which is sex. And something else which is brotherly love. And then a third love I think, for the parent to child. I feel each person should have each kind of love in them. Why not? I can lose a friend and be hurt as well. Or a child. Or my mother. Should I be a recluse to avoid pain? It reminds me of this Spongebob episode (yes, Spongebob). He was afraid of getting physically hurt and so he stayed indoors all day. And when he got lonely and bored and realised how stupid this was, he engaged in socialising again. I know it's a cartoon but as a kid it had some significance for me. I can't hide and not live or try because I'm afraid of pain. Which oddly I am doing now. But now it's not because of fear, it's because I can't be bothered to care about affection anymore. I actually don't talk to my mother as much because I tell myself casually when I'm like washing dishes or something, "at least I won't miss her when she goes." I don't think I can handle it. But is it right? No, it's ridiculous. But ok, you are dating someone so you're better than I am I guess. It's not like men don't want me, I just don't want the heartache or headache. I can't handle it. I'm not even sad about it anymore. You can stop reading if this gets too cringe. I might have opened a wound when it was you who I was interrogating.

    My thing about not dating anymore is because I have a high sex drive, and I know this because I have always since a kid fantasised about sex and almost took my own virginity. I'm dying laughing as I write that because I didn't realise what was happening until it began to hurt. So to answer your question, I literally have done nothing, except masturbation, which I considered getting counseling for. But I've weaned myself off it in recent years. I've never given a blow job and can't remember how penetration feels.

    Anyway about the sex drive, yes I masturbate it away or keep busy or get stone faced when a good looking man approaches me or adamantly pursues me. I've inoculated myself against the pleasure of being with a man. I walk down the street almost like :mad: just so men won't talk to me. If men didn't have glorious penises I would be asexual. I really don't think about the future or being married of having kids. I daydream about it but do not think it'll happen for me nor do I plan for it. This is probably not helping my case with you about how horrible women are. But I agree 100% with hardening myself in society to avoid being seen as vulnerable or being taken advantage of. I'm not mean, I haven't lost my sense of humour or instinct to protect or anything, I haven't lost desire to be with a man sexually, I just have lost desire of being committed. I actually feel like gagging thinking about it.

    Give me an example of a culture where people normalise after falling from grace? Do you mean like ancient tribes or Islam or something? I don't disagree, just looking for a pointer. I agree that in this society where everyone can do what they want there is no standard for how to be and when two people get together there's no foundation to build anything on, whereas in a more traditional society, there's a norm and then outsiders. I mean we have that in the west as well but not really. Like you can be ostracised in one part of town for not being like everyone in the area but then you move to another part of town in search of acceptance and can find a totally different world. But I'm sure in like Afghanistan, one end is like the other lol. There's no escape, you have to adhere to a set of principles or else. I might not agree with their principles but I agree with the concept. Love games here is too much of a dice toss and I'm COMPLETELY UNinterested and it's ****ed, I know. I'd either have to find someone as uninterested and just in it for sex, or some kind of hero. Ugh.
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    (Original post by Mick.w)
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    Oh and the only reason I daydream about having kids is because I daydream simply about people complimenting me on how cute my kid is. Not because I want a man and a family. I suppose I don't.
 
 
 
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