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Please be honest: would you date a girl who has had one night stands? watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No I don't want one and he would probably run a mile from me anyway so I suppose this is a bit of a filter in some ways. It's funny you mention it and this is going to sound crazy for a while I was attracted in some strange way to very sexist guys because I knew they would chastise me and hate me for what I did. I've thought about it and I think maybe it was because I knew these guys would be emotionally unavailable for me as I felt I deserved rejection of the worst kind i.e. been called a wh**e, good for nothing etc. I know I'm weird I'm just being honest!
    It's sad the way that society, particularly religious elements, can mess up people's heads. I hope things go well in your relationship, and you get a healthier view on sex, that it's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing like a healthy sex life for your mental health when you've had experiences like this.

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    True strictly speaking I have only had sex with one. Some see the rest as fooling around and forget about it but my guilt won't let me let it go.
    That's definitely the standard most people use. If a guy said he'd shagged ten girls, then admitted seven were only blow jobs, he'd be ridiculed.

    Which means you'll actually probably shock most guys with how few guys you've shagged.
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    (Original post by Starvation13)
    Though just to be clear, I'm not into the extreme BDSM stuff like forced-bi, whipping and chastity, that stuff is crazy.
    Yeah I know what you mean! Even in BDSM everyone will still have their preferences and boundaries I asked I as was just curious myself I used to look up to more dominant women as someone who is quite timid myself there's something about them for sure but now I've just accepted myself as I am little old me haha.
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    (Original post by chocolate hottie)
    Good! :-)

    Yes you DO need to forgive yourself. Because you didn't do anything wrong! Sex is a perfectly normal human desire. Yes it is more fulfilling with someone you love, but it is not the big deal you seem to feel it to have had some meaningless rolls in the hay...

    You say you are quite religious. Is a part of this a sense that sex outside marriage is somehow sinful?

    The other thing is that the fact that the men so wanted you shows that you are very attractive. And it is clear from how you write that you are an interesting, intelligent person capable of self awareness and of love. Who has good values, decent values.

    Here's some more advice. Build up your self esteem of course, and make yourself in a position, confidence wise to attract the right guy. It is 90% confidence.

    But when you think you may have found it still don't talk about your sexual history too early. Make sure you can trust him before you share.

    Another thought. If you think about it a man who loves you and whom you love has more cause to be jealous of someone you were in love with rather than just slept with.

    You kept your love for him alone. Of course a lot of guys have to put up with previous lovers not just partners!

    We can cope with whatever it is, for the right girl.. :-)
    Yeah I was basically taught that anything other than unprotected missionary sex for procreation purposes within marriage was acceptable - so no manual, oral, anal etc they were even funny about kissing. And of course no porn or masturbation! My sex education consisted of being shown slide shows of pictures aborted babies and high-def shots of STDs. It certainly kept my legs closed for a long time!

    Thank you it gives me hope that attraction/relationships are 90% confidence as that is something I can work on I'm sure I will get there in time!

    Yeah true there's no chance of me running off with exes that I'm still in love with! And I've sewn my wild oats, absolutely hated it so there's probably a lesser chance of me wandering astray.
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    (Original post by Bealzibub)
    I definitely wouldn't but I am only 19 though. At age 25+ a lot of single people will have had them and if anyone says they haven't, I would straight up think they are lieing.
    Yeah I think age group is a big factor. A good proportion of the men and women I know that have been to uni especially have had at least one casual encounter.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I was basically taught that anything other than unprotected missionary sex for procreation purposes within marriage was acceptable - so no manual, oral, anal etc they were even funny about kissing. And of course no porn or masturbation! My sex education consisted of being shown slide shows of pictures aborted babies and high-def shots of STDs. It certainly kept my legs closed for a long time!

    Thank you it gives me hope that attraction/relationships are 90% confidence as that is something I can work on I'm sure I will get there in time!

    Yeah true there's no chance of me running off with exes that I'm still in love with! And I've sewn my wild oats, absolutely hated it so there's probably a lesser chance of me wandering astray.
    Well you are going to be amazed how great sex can be with someone you love. You are just going to have the most wonderful time, something to look forward to.

    (Maybe you will have to work on those deep seated associations of sex and guilt before though? Something to think about. There is nothing wrong with sex and why would God not want you to have pleasure??)

    No masturbation? You poor thing, no wonder you got frustrated.
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    No.
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    Yes, so long as the one before I come along is her last.
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    1) I also value honesty in a relationship but I see no need to discuss past partners. What does it achieve? I've never had that conversation except when initiated by girls who are insecure about it, which in itself puts me off more than their sexual history would.

    2) Most people on this forum are 21 and under (and also a large proportion are a certain type of person), and have skewed ideals about potential partners being honest, pure virgins. In reality, and especially for other 25+ year olds, it's pretty unimportant, especially with a number as low as five! You think that's high??

    3) I would be more put off by somebody being insecure about my sexual history or their own, or overly guilty about relatively innocuous behaviour in their youth. If I were you I would work on dealing with your current issues with your past, so you can move on from it without seeing it as a potential problem for future relationships.
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    (Original post by e aí rapaz)
    1) I also value honesty in a relationship but I see no need to discuss past partners. What does it achieve? I've never had that conversation except when initiated by girls who are insecure about it, which in itself puts me off more than their sexual history would.
    That's true. I don't know what is most common, but I don't think it's normal to give all the details. When me and my girlfriend were drunk not long after we started going out, she asked me for my sexual history (which wasn't much, three girls, but she was a virgin). The next day she said she really regretted it. There's no need for details.
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    (Original post by chocolate hottie)
    Well you are going to be amazed how great sex can be with someone you love. You are just going to have the most wonderful time, something to look forward to.

    (Maybe you will have to work on those deep seated associations of sex and guilt before though? Something to think about. There is nothing wrong with sex and why would God not want you to have pleasure??)

    No masturbation? You poor thing, no wonder you got frustrated.
    Yeah exactly I even feel guilty when I masturbate. I didn't start until I was like 21 and I do it maybe only once every 2 months as I end up in tears after orgasming. I definitely have something deep rooted might even be worth seeking some therapy related to that. Got to get my relationship with my own body sorted before I can realistically have one with someone else!
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    That's true. I don't know what is most common, but I don't think it's normal to give all the details. When me and my girlfriend were drunk not long after we started going out, she asked me for my sexual history (which wasn't much, three girls, but she was a virgin). The next day she said she really regretted it. There's no need for details.

    I'm sure it's pretty common to have the conversation, and to go into detail. But that's because most people are insecure about it.
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    (Original post by Mr JB)
    No.
    Sure okay. Can you explain a bit as to why you feel this way please?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sure okay. Can you explain a bit as to why you feel this way please?
    No.
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    (Original post by Ser Alex Toyne)
    Yes, so long as the one before I come along is her last.
    In my case I definitely learned my lesson that I'm not cut out for it.
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    (Original post by Mr JB)
    No.
    Okay good bye then. Thanks for stopping by
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    (Original post by e aí rapaz)
    I'm sure it's pretty common to have the conversation, and to go into detail. But that's because most people are insecure about it.
    Yeah, I think she wanted to know, because she had this idea that I was a lot more of a player than I was. My guess is it's much more common in younger people.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah exactly I even feel guilty when I masturbate. I didn't start until I was like 21 and I do it maybe only once every 2 months as I end up in tears after orgasming. I definitely have something deep rooted might even be worth seeking some therapy related to that. Got to get my relationship with my own body sorted before I can realistically have one with someone else!
    Actually guilt over masturbation is quite common apparently? It used to be more so because of the supposedly "sinful" aspect of it.

    If you want to discuss any of this privately PM me. I don't pretend to be an expert but am a good listener so they tell me. Been through a lot myself sigh.

    If not, have a good night and take care!
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    I don't think I would date a girl who lives that kind of lifestyle.

    Those guys could be carrying diseases that can pass down to the girl and other people as well.

    It's like a domino effect.
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    (Original post by falloutboyyy)
    If someone didn't date you because you'd gone wild in the past they aren't worth it, you were SINGLE
    Being I'm a relationship is different, I'm serious don't worry honey I had a somewhat similar situation to you and im not even in my 20s if anyone were to judge me I'd tell them to F off they aren't worth it

    When you're single you can do that and people should not not date you because of it xx

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    Yes thank you that's a good point I was single. I would rather have had 10 one night stands as a single person than cheated on one person in a relationship. I'm glad that you stand up for yourself
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    Hmm tough one....I would maybe date her if i found her attractive (a big maybe though) but to be honest i wouldn't regard her as 'wifey' material....I would just end up thinking she was easy and had no standards for herself.
 
 
 
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