I want my boyfriend to be more dominant

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Pick your moment to encourage him to do certain things and also otherwise tell him that you kinda like it if a guy is dominant in the bedroom, almost in passing :innocent:

Fair point. Nowt worse than a sexually unfulfilled/repressed feminist! (see feminists of the ranty variety for reference) :mmm:

Perhaps not every other walk, no, but I've yet to date a girl who liked being dominated in the sack and also didn't slot naturally into playing the role of the somewhat deferential date. Vast majority of women tend to like a guy who takes the lead/they feel slightly in awe of :dontknow:

Outside of fantasy land (and mental illness), in my experience lasses who may rebel a bit against gender norms tend to revert back to them, to some extent, sooner or later – in certain conditions/the company of certain characters (whether they’re conscious of/admit to it or not)

Enjoy your 157 PMs :teeth:

Hook me up with an exchange, you nutter! :borat:

Haha, actually I find it kinda hawt to have a girl that doesn't take it lying down.. unless you command her to, (mostly) in private :sexface:

Realising gender is a fiction of society, as opposed to a natural occurence, just makes you realise that everything is a performativity of gender structures (when people do/say obvious stuff like 'you have morals of a man'). It doesn't mean people go against their gender 'norm', because gender is a binary oppositon, strong/weak, caring, nurturing/cold and distant, masculine/feminine etc, you're bound to wind up in one category associated with eachother.

Reply 81

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by keturah

Just tell him. I'm pretty up front about things and told my ex boyfriend that I liked to be pinned down etc, nothing extreme.
Say that when he takes control it really turns you on, then suggest things you'd like him to do :biggrin:

Oh my

Reply 82

Juichiro

Original post by littlenorthernlass

What woman doesn't want to be pinned down and pushed around and talked dirty to and even be smacked?! :mmm:

Maybe he secretly wants to do all these things to you but thinks you won't like it?! Who knows, unless you ask! :wink:

And you are going to be a teacher? :facepalm:

Reply 83

Josb

Original post by WoodyMKC

Oh my

Haha, I knew someone would notice that. :tongue:

Reply 84

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by Josb

Haha, I knew someone would notice that. :tongue:

It was always going to be me, my eye always automatically zones in on that sort of thing :biggrin:

Reply 85

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by Juichiro

And you are going to be a teacher? :facepalm:

It's okay, I'm sure she won't be teaching the kiddies to get their boyfriends to tie them up and slap them about. Here's to hoping not anyway :biggrin:

Reply 86

Juichiro

Original post by WoodyMKC

It's okay, I'm sure she won't be teaching the kiddies to get their boyfriends to tie them up and slap them about. Here's to hoping not anyway :biggrin:

Nope, I am fearing that she will spread around the assumption that all women (by using the negative "what women doesn't like x") like to be treated in a certain way. I assume that the basis of this different treatment is based on sex, thus it is sexism. :fyi:

Reply 87

mackemforever

Original post by halliethestudent

Help!!!! Me and my boyfriends sex life is so so great don't get me wrong but I want him to be more controlling during these times. However I'm the sort of girl who's such a feminist and doesn't let anyone tell me what to do and I put people in their place if I do so this is why I'm so shy and embarrassed to tell him because in the past I've been so embarrassed to admit I like it because of the barrier I put up. But during sexy time I want him to talk dirty to me and I want him to pin me down but he treats me as an equal which I know is great but at that time it's not what I want so I need help!!!

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So essentially "I want him to behave in a particular way in bed but I'm not prepared to tell him that I want him to behave in that way so how can I make him realise that's what I want without saying anything or giving any indication".

How about you stop being so ****ing stupid and just tell him.

Reply 88

addyaxis

Original post by Foo.mp3

”Toys are definitely not allowed in the bedroom”. Sorted :colonhash:

How does that contradict what I said? :dontknow:

So I hear.. :laugh:

Right on the money :borat:

Compensated for this glaring omission above, fret not :u:

What a pretty word :hippie:

Granted, many aspects of gendered identity are (somewhat self-reinforcing) imprinted social constructs but that does not mean that these do not, to some extent, reflect/channel our innate features/animal essence (see behavioural psychology for reference – men and women, not the same)

You fail to appreciate the nuances of gender identity if you seriously conceive of related attributes as necessarily being quite so dichotomous et. categorical. It’s not about absolutism, it’s about rough fits in the context of real social/gender dynamics. Please, for the love of God, get your head out of the waffle blogs of self-absorbed/pitifully confused, embittered and deluded 'third wave feminists'/'social justice warriors' and into the real world. Good night, and good luck

Out of interest, you should look up intersex children and how their gender has never related to their hormones etc.
So someone born with a vagina but who have XY chromosones and male hormones (who later find out they have never been able to grow boobs or have a period etc), act feminine due to their parents believing them to be a girl. It pretty much wipes out psychology theories and 'scientific' proof that different levels of hormones control our personality. Because children who are born with neither or both sexes tend to act the gender their parent assigns them. This is separate from trans people.

Reply 89

grvcex97

Only referring to the weather exchange though haha

Reply 90

nityaaditya

Have you ever tried being more submissive (rather than just feigning interest in sex)? Like specifically saying something like "can I be your little whore (or sex doll) tonight?" or a bit tamer like "spank my ass" or "pull my hair" when in doggy. You can also talk to him before you can actually get down to business. Like texting him at school/work about all the things you want him to do to you when he gets home.
Would tying yourself up on the bed or somewhere and having him find you like that turn him on? Or him watching you get yourself off with anal stimulation? Men tend to be highly visual so maybe if he sees what you've started without him, he'll want to jump right in and join you.

Reply 91

Andy98

Original post by nityaaditya

The latter would definitely work :sexface:

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Reply 92

silverbolt

Original post by halliethestudent

Tell him, How else will he know? If you stay embarressed about it, its not going to improve is it?

Reply 93

TurboCretin

Oh the thirst in this thread.

Reply 94

Maid Marian

Original post by Juichiro

And you are going to be a teacher? :facepalm:

Original post by Juichiro

Nope, I am fearing that she will spread around the assumption that all women (by using the negative "what women doesn't like x" :wink:

like to be treated in a certain way. I assume that the basis of this different treatment is based on sex, thus it is sexism. :fyi:

What

Go away, little boy, and find your tinfoil hat. :wtf:

Reply 95

kant_touch_this

go to ann summers, buy this black silk rope and just... give it to him without saying a word (or gift wrap it,) if he doesn't clock on what to do after that then my condolences

rope is a great way to experiment with soft domination and may be a good ice breaker for you as a couple exploring kinkier things

Reply 96

Juichiro

Original post by littlenorthernlass

What

Go away, little boy, and find your tinfoil hat. :wtf:

That's not an answer, Little Bunny. :redface:

Reply 97

garfeeled

Original post by Juichiro

Don't you feel that's a bit unlike. What teacher talks to their pupils about sex. Besides I'm sure her language was intended as humour and not as a serious statement that all women like to smacked.

Reply 98

Juichiro

Original post by garfeeled

Don't you feel that's a bit unlike. What teacher talks to their pupils about sex. Besides I'm sure her language was intended as humour and not as a serious statement that all women like to smacked.

It's not about sex in particular that I was talking but about her statement that all members of a particular sex like to be treated in a certain way based on their membership to that sex. What you believe is the case is irrelevant (unless your certainty is at 1/1). Else, like you do with any sexist/ageist/racist statement, you take it as it is and do not assume that the racist/ageist/sexist statement was meant as humour.

So nope, it's not unlike. Especially when I have seen her expressing similar views in the past.

Reply 99

addyaxis

Original post by Foo.mp3

Know many intersex kids do thee? :holmes:

Nope. You'll still find that, once you strip away 'the act', these people will generally conform to behavioural type e.g. as per their limbic and hormonal systems

Different levels of psychoactive hormones certainly do influence our behaviour,* but personality is of course a function of factors including neuroplasticity, as well as neuroendocrine neurochemistry

For sure, but over time, with freedom of individual expression, people will tend to wind up acting in accordance with their physiological essence. You're talking to someone with a fair amount of knowledge of integrative physiology, as well as dating coaching/relationship counselling, so I'm afraid you're not going to convince me that our psyche is not innately governed, to a considerable extent, by our sexually dimorphic physiologies