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Female, 23 and muslim - feel like I'll forever be single... Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Twice now I've ended up being friends with muslim guys I really liked. With the second guy, I fell hard, but he just wanted to hang out, watch netflix and go out for lunch every week and just wasn't really into me.
    There are many problems I'm facing right now. Firstly, I started uni this year (late I know) after realising I wanted to be a teacher. This means I'm surrounded by mostly younger guys. Also, I'm part of probably the smallest muslim ethnic group in the country, and as most prefer to marry their own race, it makes it hard. As I don't wear a hijab (cover my hair) I don't stand out as muslim. I'm also constantly told I don't look ethnically muslim.
    I'm lucky to have open-minded parents, who despite fasting 5 times daily, have said they wouldn't get mad if I don't marry a muslim guy (tbh I think they'd just rather not see me die alone as they know the problem I'm facing). I do however want to find a muslim guy to marry, but I'm starting to lose hope and become depressed. I turn down non-muslim guys I find attractive, but I fear I'll be alone forever
    Thanks for reading if you got this far
    Some sort of Muslim dating site?


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    Im 23 aswell and a guy, I dont think its an issue, if its meant to be it will happen, if its not then its not. Like you say your a muslim so at the end of the day god has written it. Nowadays marraige doesnt happen that early ie age wise.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't want to say exactly where and risk giving my identity away. Not far from a major city and close to another area which does have a fairly big muslim population, but of a completely different ethnicity.

    Most of the british muslim population have dark skin, so aren't used to seeing fair-skinned muslims like myself, and are surprised when I tell them I am.

    I have thought about joining one, but not gonna lie, the idea makes me cringe a little.

    Thanks for the encouragement, it's just hard when you're nearing your mid 20s and haven't experienced what most people have in life :/
    I think have got a similar problem as well. I graduated last year and working at the moment. I'm black by the way and muslim as well, but people are shocked when I tell them I am a muslim. They always tell me I don't look like one (Shocking isn't it?). When it comes to dating the muslim girls that I've met just assume I'm not as well.
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    #1

    (Original post by Proxenus)
    do you only date muslims
    Yes, or rather I would if I could find a guy to date that I liked and liked me back.
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    #1

    (Original post by HucktheForde)
    Common sense says remove everything that causes you trouble and difficulties and attempt to limit you from achieving full potential in life so you get to live a better life.

    If islam is that thing, remove it. This world has no lack of oppressive ideologies that seeks to bring pain to mankind.

    It is just a simple fact that if you widen your dating pool, you have a better chance. It does not make any sense to try to overcome this problem by further reducing your chances. Acknowledging that it is wrong to marry outside of your faith because some book says so, but unable to weigh in the pros and cons and thus take consideration of its effect and consequences, and make independent judgement based on each individual case is not logic, its blindness.

    Only OP can be responsible for her life, not you not me and certainly not allah or muhamed. Dont ruin her life by giving her irresponsible advice. Dont tell someone who has diabetes "eat more sugar, eat more sugar".
    I understand completely what you're saying, but I am muslim and would like to marry and be with someone who has the same values as me. I think I'd have a deeper connection with a muslim guy for that reason. They'd "get" me better and understand my way of life, as it would be theirs too.
    When I have tried picturing myself with a non-muslim guy (properly), guilt sets in and my gut tells me that it's wrong. It's so difficult to go against something you've been brought up to believe.
    My personality probably plays a part too. It's not in my nature to "break the rules", so to speak.
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    Heyy I think it's great that your sticking to your beliefs and values and thinking of marrying a muslim. Don't worry you will meet your partner when the time is right. I'm a 24 yr old female, graduated with a maths degree and still haven't found a guy but I'm in no rush. I think God will send him when the time is right. As for dating I wouldn't actually date just have a few meetings prior to marriage to get to know the guy better and his family - maybe you could try it that way.
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    (Original post by muzi786)
    u shud have tht intention atleast in your later life try to wear it for Gods sake.

    Hijab is not a big issue the way people make it out 2 be. Iv studied Islam for over 5 yrs Hijab u shud wear it but its not a major sin it doesnt even come in the top 50 major sins etc. Hijab is 2 protect the woman .

    Its not about "looking Muslim" Its about being Muslim
    Islam is in your heart and praying fasting etc thts a Muslim .

    Avoid non Muslim men as much as possible by the way where are u from originally ?
    what do you mean intention in later life?
    she could die tomorrow, next week, next year.
    the sooner you wear it the better, she might not get that chance again

    not big issue?
    you know hijab is COMPULSORY right?
    its good you've studied islam for so long but come on, you should know the basics.

    looking muslim can include wearing hijab for women or having a beard for men
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    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    This is one of the reasons why I say never to rush into such decisions. Get to know the person, know yourself and know that you want to spend a long-term relationship with them - once you're confident, then go for it and be happy. You do have time. If you find a wider range of ethnicities attractive too, then consider embracing it rather than creating a barrier. Forget the identity issues regarding children, you're not even there yet, and once you reach that stage you'll realise how silly that sounded in the past.



    As you wish. I would not want to be identified either. You're free to PM in confidence, however.



    I suppose people who think they know me, view me as a Muslim. I'm actually an ex-Muslim and have been for almost a decade I guess... hmm come to think of it, yes - wow time flies. For now, being ex-Muslim; that's something for only me to know.

    On the face of it, everything was of course done in accordance with Islam. Regarding the divorce, like yourself, I'd prefer not to discuss it here - but I can tell you this: that I learned so much from the whole terrible ordeal. She wasn't the person I thought, nor were her family who we thought they were. In any case, lesson learned.



    Nothing to be embarrassed about. It's more common than you realise. Besides, you identify yourself as a Muslim don't you?

    Again, why do Muslim dating sites make you cringe?

    EDIT: It's unsurprising to see that it's the Muslims judging you in this thread. A bit harshly in some cases it appears...
    Yes of-course I identify as muslim, but I don't have a single muslim friend who is completely inexperienced, so I feel behind in life, and like I'm missing out.

    I think just the knowledge that other muslims I may know may see that I am on an online dating site. I don't know. I think I will join though. Especially seeing as it's free for females anyway.

    Ha - yes, for all its downsides, the judgement thing is one of the reasons I like living in a non-muslim majority area.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes of-course I identify as muslim, but I don't have a single muslim friend who is completely inexperienced, so I feel behind in life, and like I'm missing out.

    I think just the knowledge that other muslims I may know may see that I am on an online dating site. I don't know. I think I will join though. Especially seeing as it's free for females anyway.

    Ha - yes, for all its downsides, the judgement thing is one of the reasons I like living in a non-muslim majority area.
    Yep, I really hated that aspect. It's such a rip-off in costs to males... urgh. Although there's also other sites that cost for both if I recall. Haven't check for a long while, so I'm not very up-to-date with this.

    I was also worried about other people finding myself on these dating sites, but I kept my username obscure, private images library - a feature setup in a way where both parties have access to each others images when they both agree. There are privacy controls in place that you can customise and you can also use the report feature. Like any such site, there are dodgy profiles, so be careful. Even if by some rare chance someone recognised you, they would have to be a registered themselves - so don't let that hold you back - they'd more likely want to avoid bringing anything up. Sometimes the people you think are living perfectly well and content in their lives, have their own skeletons. Nothing is ever as it seems.

    Some of the other aspects I liked were meetup events (they are organised in as best a halal way as possible). I never explored this opportunity, but have read experiences.

    I hope you have found this thread both constructive and helpful. I'm not going to give you false hope, nor impractical advice (you will have noticed some advising you of ignorance and return to scripture, which I find neither helpful nor practical in this modern age). Some of it may be harsh, but it's up to you to heed any advice given and look at it truly from an objective point of view. I wish you all the best, in any case.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what do you mean intention in later life?
    she could die tomorrow, next week, next year.
    the sooner you wear it the better, she might not get that chance again

    not big issue?
    you know hijab is COMPULSORY right?
    its good you've studied islam for so long but come on, you should know the basics.

    looking muslim can include wearing hijab for women or having a beard for men
    Dying without praying salah is 100 times worse than not wearing Hijab.

    True she should wear it asap however it takes time like the early Muslims didnt stop drinking alcohol straight away it took time. For some women hijab takes time. Hijab is ranked among the minor sins in Islam u know that . Hijab did not come straight away it came in the late period in medina. So think about it the prophets migrated to medina a state has been established yet hijab is not the first command he enforced but it came later. If she is praying fasting etc then she should wear the hijab straight away.

    If shes not praying dont talk about hijab yet salah comes first. If u knw wht i mean. Im not saying Hijab is not compulsory it is but the 5 pillars are worth more than the hijab Islam is not built upon the hijab but it is built upon the 5 pillars.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Twice now I've ended up being friends with muslim guys I really liked. With the second guy, I fell hard, but he just wanted to hang out, watch netflix and go out for lunch every week and just wasn't really into me.
    There are many problems I'm facing right now. Firstly, I started uni this year (late I know) after realising I wanted to be a teacher. This means I'm surrounded by mostly younger guys. Also, I'm part of probably the smallest muslim ethnic group in the country, and as most prefer to marry their own race, it makes it hard. As I don't wear a hijab (cover my hair) I don't stand out as muslim. I'm also constantly told I don't look ethnically muslim.
    I'm lucky to have open-minded parents, who despite fasting 5 times daily, have said they wouldn't get mad if I don't marry a muslim guy (tbh I think they'd just rather not see me die alone as they know the problem I'm facing). I do however want to find a muslim guy to marry, but I'm starting to lose hope and become depressed. I turn down non-muslim guys I find attractive, but I fear I'll be alone forever
    Thanks for reading if you got this far
    What ethnic background are you from?

    It must be difficult, but keep faith in Allah. Maybe try Shaadi.com? Or maybe your younger friends at uni have older brothers you don't know about? That's why it's good to keep a lot of friends and keep your options open.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by Final Fantasy)
    Yep, I really hated that aspect. It's such a rip-off in costs to males... urgh. Although there's also other sites that cost for both if I recall. Haven't check for a long while, so I'm not very up-to-date with this.

    I was also worried about other people finding myself on these dating sites, but I kept my username obscure, private images library - a feature setup in a way where both parties have access to each others images when they both agree. There are privacy controls in place that you can customise and you can also use the report feature. Like any such site, there are dodgy profiles, so be careful. Even if by some rare chance someone recognised you, they would have to be a registered themselves - so don't let that hold you back - they'd more likely want to avoid bringing anything up. Sometimes the people you think are living perfectly well and content in their lives, have their own skeletons. Nothing is ever as it seems.

    Some of the other aspects I liked were meetup events (they are organised in as best a halal way as possible). I never explored this opportunity, but have read experiences.

    I hope you have found this thread both constructive and helpful. I'm not going to give you false hope, nor impractical advice (you will have noticed some advising you of ignorance and return to scripture, which I find neither helpful nor practical in this modern age). Some of it may be harsh, but it's up to you to heed any advice given and look at it truly from an objective point of view. I wish you all the best, in any case.
    Apologies for the really late reply. I think the website are free for women as it's mainly men signing up. Think the opposite is true for meet up events though, or so I've heard. I'll look into this too as I'd not really considered it before.
    Thank you so much for understanding. You've really made some helpful suggestions that have given me some hope.
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    (Original post by am_blue)
    What ethnic background are you from?

    It must be difficult, but keep faith in Allah. Maybe try Shaadi.com? Or maybe your younger friends at uni have older brothers you don't know about? That's why it's good to keep a lot of friends and keep your options open.

    Good luck
    Sorry for the late reply. I can't state my ethnicity here, as I don't my identity to be revealed. I would say 70% of my friends are non-muslim, which is probably why I'm going to struggle in terms of using contacts for help, but I'll definitely explore that option.
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    Hey don't even stress about it silly. We've all been in situations where we've fallen for someone who didn't feel the same way or rejected someone because they're not muslim or just not very good for us.

    Its totally awesome that have open minded parents, it always helps. I do too

    Be patient, keep praying. Most of the time you find your answer in prayer, it'll help with the depression too. God says 'I created you in pairs' you'll find your other half and even the mountains won't be able to keep you and your other half apart.

    Most of the time, this person comes along when you're not looking or least expecting and when they finally do come along. You'll realise why it never worked out with anyone else.

    Tbh this person is probably wondering where you are right now lol.

    I know its not much but I hoped that helped, even if it was a little bit

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    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry for the late reply. I can't state my ethnicity here, as I don't my identity to be revealed. I would say 70% of my friends are non-muslim, which is probably why I'm going to struggle in terms of using contacts for help, but I'll definitely explore that option.
    Are you actually taking the piss? Revealing your ethnicity is going to reveal you lol? Are you the only person of your ethnicity in the UK?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Are you actually taking the piss? Revealing your ethnicity is going to reveal you lol? Are you the only person of your ethnicity in the UK?
    Ignore the hateful comments

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    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by 08hasraf)
    Ignore the hateful comments

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    It's not hateful, I want to help her out too as a muslim but she is really weird
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    I understand it's just the manner in which you came across. She clearly isn't comfortable with revealing it. If she wants to then she will
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    Don't worry too much about it! I am the same but It's not like I am sad that no one likes me... I meet people and network alot. Your guy will come to you and without you knowing he's the one

    I have friends who all have girl friends and boyfriends etc and they as me why are you still single etc, I told them it's not like I'm looking for someone, if someone nice comes along and we get closer then why not give it a shot and see how it goes regardless of religion or race etc!

    Just enjoy your life and the company of those that are close to you! I like to travel alot and meet people perhaps you should attend more events etc with groups of your university to get to know more people than the ones you already hang around with!
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    There are a thousands people in this world and you will definitely find someone. People have different taste with each other and you will find someone who is into you. Be patient and don't worry about it.
 
 
 
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