Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I got my FWB pregnant and she wants to keep it? Watch

    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    OP appears to be under the illusion that the pill is 100% effective 🙄 one in every hundred women will get pregnant whilst using the pill each year.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Incidentally, I must admit that I find it slightly suspect that she has found out she's pregnant after just two weeks. This seems very low to me, but then it's possible she was expecting her period, or she's further gone than she thinks.
    Strictly speaking, 'two weeks pregnant' is not a thing - pregnancy is typically counted from the date of the woman's last period, and given that ovulation usually occurs two weeks after that, 'two weeks pregnant' is pretty much the moment of conception, at which point it's certainly not possible to know whether you are or aren't pregnant. But, I'm assuming the OP/the girl are using the phrase in the sense of 'has been pregnant for two weeks' (i.e. four weeks pregnant as it's typically counted), and while that's very early, a home pregnancy test can definitely give a result by that date (and, in fact, the more sensitive brands can detect pregnancy a few days earlier). Given that most women will have their period about two weeks after ovulation, it's not unreasonable that she would have noticed its absence (especially if she's usually very regular) and done a test.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    See this is why I don't think being friends with benefits is a very good idea. It's important to know someone very well before you start having sex with them. You pretty obviously did not know this person well enough.

    I suggest you tell her what you just told us - that you don't think you're cut out to be a father, you don't want to keep it, you have your career in mind, etc.
    • #10
    #10

    Although you would usually be legally obliged to pay child maintenance, this can only be ordered if it is proved you are the father.

    If you cut off all communications now and tell her you don't want the child, she might be lacking in evidence to have you as the 'assumed father' and a court would be unable to force you into a DNA test.

    If she knows she will have difficulty getting child maintenance from you, she might reconsider having it at all!

    Congrats!
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Persipan)
    Strictly speaking, 'two weeks pregnant' is not a thing - pregnancy is typically counted from the date of the woman's last period, and given that ovulation usually occurs two weeks after that, 'two weeks pregnant' is pretty much the moment of conception, at which point it's certainly not possible to know whether you are or aren't pregnant. But, I'm assuming the OP/the girl are using the phrase in the sense of 'has been pregnant for two weeks' (i.e. four weeks pregnant as it's typically counted), and while that's very early, a home pregnancy test can definitely give a result by that date (and, in fact, the more sensitive brands can detect pregnancy a few days earlier). Given that most women will have their period about two weeks after ovulation, it's not unreasonable that she would have noticed its absence (especially if she's usually very regular) and done a test.
    A valid point, when I discuss pregnancy with people they're typically 13 weeks gone or more, so they've already identified the approximate date with their doctor. As you say, she's likely two weeks late, not necessarily two weeks pregnant.

    Two weeks late would be a reasonable time to think about doing a pregnancy check I would imagine. It's all fairly moot regardless, as even if she was testing herself constantly in the hope of trapping the fella, he's still in the situation he's in and has to deal with it. Regardless of whether deliberate or accidental, he's also more likely to trap flies with honey rather than vinegar.

    To say nothing of potentially being reasonable and caring towards someone who is probably as scared and confused about the situation as he is.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If you cut off all communications now and tell her you don't want the child, she might be lacking in evidence to have you as the 'assumed father' and a court would be unable to force you into a DNA test.
    If he refuses to take a DNA test, my understanding is that the court can still make a decision regarding his liability to pay - and the fact that he won't participate in the test (which, if he wasn't the father, would prove he wasn't the father) would be taken into account. 'La-la-la-I'm-not-playing' is not a get-out-of-child-maintenance-free card.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    Congratulations! Invite us to your baby shower please!





    Spoiler:
    Show
    As another user said on here, why on Earth couldn't you use condoms? They're much easier to get than the pill.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Congratulations! Invite us to your baby shower please!




    Spoiler:
    Show
    As another user said on here, why on Earth couldn't you use condoms? They're much easier to get than the pill.
    He's too big for the obviously.

    I find it hilarious men actually get away with using this as an excuse.

    I have also seen a pregnancy happen because the guy was too incompetent to put one on. After 20 minutes of trying, they gave up and had sex without. Cue baby 9 months later. Ridiculous.
    Offline

    3
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Although you would usually be legally obliged to pay child maintenance, this can only be ordered if it is proved you are the father.

    If you cut off all communications now and tell her you don't want the child, she might be lacking in evidence to have you as the 'assumed father' and a court would be unable to force you into a DNA test.

    If she knows she will have difficulty getting child maintenance from you, she might reconsider having it at all!

    Congrats!
    I am assuming she knows his name and where he lives so i am not sure he can just disappear in an attempt to avoid any potential future payments.

    If she goes ahead with the pregnancy then he has a legal obligation to provide maintenance and the court can and will force him to take a DNA test.

    In anywise running away and sticking your head in the sand is rubbish advise...
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Elivercury)
    He's too big for the obviously.

    I find it hilarious men actually get away with using this as an excuse.

    I have also seen a pregnancy happen because the guy was too incompetent to put one on. After 20 minutes of trying, they gave up and had sex without. Cue baby 9 months later. Ridiculous.
    Wait when you say big are we referring to size of his downstairs or how big his ego is? I've managed to fit my foot in a condom so whenever a guy says that kind of excuse it most probably is BS.

    One thing that disgusts me the most is how OP is planning to leave her to deal with the baby alone even though he is partially responsible. If he advised her on an abortion and she declined, like a mature 21 year old he could try to support her and make sure she's ok. You'd think once people hit in their twenties they'd have an ounce of maturity but some clearly don't.

    I've seen something similar happen too. Sad part was the guy left the girl and she dealt with the baby herself. Nine years later he wants to see the kid but obviously the girl resented him for what he did. If a guy told me that he didn't want to wear a condom I would downright refuse unless I was on the implant or something. I don't trust the pill.
    Offline

    8
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Elivercury)
    She is two weeks pregnant. There is no "baby". There is a pile of random cells and DNA that can be easily aborted.

    He has every right to suggest his preference for an abortion. He has no right to attempt to coerce or force her into having an abortion. Stop being ridiculous.

    Incidentally, I must admit that I find it slightly suspect that she has found out she's pregnant after just two weeks. This seems very low to me, but then it's possible she was expecting her period, or she's further gone than she thinks.
    at two weeks its not the idea of a body being killed that bothers me, its how casual pregnancy has become. sex is for making babies lol that is its scientific purpose like if you're not able to handle that level of maturity then dont have sex or wear like 10 condoms but don't use abortions as a contraceptive.

    but yeah i guess it doesn't really add up unless her period didnt come. i wonder if she is financially/mentally stable or if she just wanted benefits
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    No method of contraception is 100% effective. It's possible she's just been unlucky. It's also possible she forgot a pill or something and didn't realise.

    You should tell her how you feel. Obviously she can force you to pay child support but she should know if you don't plan to be involved or support her with the child so she can make a decision based on the facts.

    Really though, you're a bit screwed now. You can't force her to abort if she decides not to.
    Offline

    13
    (Original post by ivybridge)
    And this, my friends, would be why women think most men are *****.

    You share a hell of a lot of responsibility for engaging in unsafe sex with the girl. You also share partial responsibility for the baby she is now to care for because you were not careful. It is her body and she can decide to do what she pleases. You should grow up, act responsible, and talk to the girl about what's happened - not just abandon her like a selfish bratty child.
    How is it unsafe sex when she told him she was on the pill you melt.

    In my opinion if the girl genuinely lied about being on contraception then the guy has every right to leave her.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    Wait when you say big are we referring to size of his downstairs or how big his ego is? I've managed to fit my foot in a condom so whenever a guy says that kind of excuse it most probably is BS.

    One thing that disgusts me the most is how OP is planning to leave her to deal with the baby alone even though he is partially responsible. If he advised her on an abortion and she declined, like a mature 21 year old he could try to support her and make sure she's ok. You'd think once people hit in their twenties they'd have an ounce of maturity but some clearly don't.

    I've seen something similar happen too. Sad part was the guy left the girl and she dealt with the baby herself. Nine years later he wants to see the kid but obviously the girl resented him for what he did. If a guy told me that he didn't want to wear a condom I would downright refuse unless I was on the implant or something. I don't trust the pill.
    Yes, they are referring to the size of their 'manhood'. And yes it's totally ridiculous, I've fit my entire head/forearm into a condom - if you can't fit into one, it almost certainly isn't going to fit into a woman either.

    I've a little bit of sympathy with the OP. It's a pretty scary experience, and sometimes your brain can jump to the worst conclusions. I likewise have sympathy for the fact they've 'caught this' very early and have multiple options, but ultimately if the woman decides to keep it he will be a father and have to take on varying levels of responsibility (at minimum child support) which he doesn't feel ready for.

    On the other hand, he didn't wrap it and therefore is reaping the consequences. Blaming her because her contraception isn't valid when he didn't bring any of his own. Likewise the concept of accusing her of trying to 'trap him', ditching her and running for the hills is just utterly callous and childish - however true this potential entrapment might have been.

    It really is a shame, I've seen plenty of people who want nothing to do with a child, but feel they can turn up at 18/19 and "take them down to the pub for a drink with their dad". They are not a Dad, they are someone who contributed some DNA, nothing more.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tabstercat)
    How is it unsafe sex when she told him she was on the pill you melt.

    In my opinion if the girl genuinely lied about being on contraception then the guy has every right to leave her.
    How many more times must it be said - no form of contraception is 100% effective.

    And yes, and that is a very big "if".
    Offline

    13
    (Original post by ivybridge)
    How many more times must it be said - no form of contraception is 100% effective.

    And yes, and that is a very big "if".
    I think you're changing the definition of safe. The definition of safe is not 100% efficacy.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Elivercury)
    Yes, they are referring to the size of their 'manhood'. And yes it's totally ridiculous, I've fit my entire head/forearm into a condom - if you can't fit into one, it almost certainly isn't going to fit into a woman either.

    I've a little bit of sympathy with the OP. It's a pretty scary experience, and sometimes your brain can jump to the worst conclusions. I likewise have sympathy for the fact they've 'caught this' very early and have multiple options, but ultimately if the woman decides to keep it he will be a father and have to take on varying levels of responsibility (at minimum child support) which he doesn't feel ready for.

    On the other hand, he didn't wrap it and therefore is reaping the consequences. Blaming her because her contraception isn't valid when he didn't bring any of his own. Likewise the concept of accusing her of trying to 'trap him', ditching her and running for the hills is just utterly callous and childish - however true this potential entrapment might have been.

    It really is a shame, I've seen plenty of people who want nothing to do with a child, but feel they can turn up at 18/19 and "take them down to the pub for a drink with their dad". They are not a Dad, they are someone who contributed some DNA, nothing more.
    Zara Larsson said it right

    http://www.awkwardminute.com/assets/...798cbda58f.jpg


    Yeah I mean finding out you're going to be a dad at 21 is pretty scary. All honesty though, the baby will probably be better without OP being there.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    Wow, the response here is very one-sided.

    I'm all for making him take some of the responsibility, but; THE WOMAN LIED TO HIM. It's blatant deceit, and it's unreasonable to expect him to have used a condom if he trusted her to be honest about being on the pill. The whole point of the pill is that it's supposed to negate the need for a condom.

    OP, I'd seek legal advice if I were you. There might be some way to prove that she deceived you, and get out of it that way. But yes, there is a very real chance that you're just screwed at this point, and you might have to find a way to pay child support. It's not at all fair though, and I really hope you can get out of it or at least make the situation a bit easier for yourself.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Persipan)
    First off, the Pill is like 99% effective - so, if 100 women take it correctly for a year, one of those women will become pregnant.
    LOL

    That's not exactly how statistics work mate
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    :toofunny:
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 8, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Would you like to hibernate through the winter months?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.