Turn on thread page Beta

Do you girls hate being approached in clubs? watch

    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Haha, yeah gay clubs rock - I always have the best time coz we just go out and have fun, have a laugh and it's really cool.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MattRD)
    It seems to me the us guys just can't win.

    Some girls I talk to actually admit they will always have metting someone at the back of their minds when going out clubbing even if they are there mainly to have a laugh with some mates - and so they want to be aproached.

    Its just, they didnt want to be approached by THAT guy, the slightly overweight, leering undesirable.
    Where has this idea come from that it's all down to the guy's appearance? :confused: Most of the time, it's either down to the girl being unavailable, or how the guy acts in his attempt to get attention.
    Sure, some girls are just there to pull the local Brad Pitt (urgh), but most of us are there just to have some fun.
    If a guy approaches a girl in a respectable manner, then one of these situations are likely to occur:
    *girl is unavailable, so tries to brush him off gently
    *girl is unavailable, but gives him a friendly dance and/or chat anyway
    *girl is available, but not looking for anyone so brushes him off gently
    *girl is available, but not looking for anyone but still gives him a friendly dance/chat anyway
    *girl is available and interested, so happily dances/chats with the guy.
    *girl is available and not interested, so brushes him off gently
    *girl is available and not interested, but dances/chats anyway

    We are girls, and thus it's a lot more complicated than just "Oh, he's a bit overweight so I'm going to brush him off".

    (Original post by ClarkZhang)
    To believe that a lot of girls go clubbing for just having fun and want no guys' attention is to be convinced that if one opens up a club for girls exclusively, he will be a multi-millionaire after a few months of the business.

    It is bull**** that girls go to clubs without wanting guy's attention. Why don't they just get their female friends around and dance in their rooms in a circle? Noone will ever try to break that circle.

    It is known that girls are emotional and are very inconsistent and perhaps in denial. I don't even think that the girls above really remember what they had in mind when they get dressed up and went out full stop.
    Oh, riiiight... Just like it's "known" that guys are egotistical ********s who can't take "no" for an answer? :rolleyes:

    Saying stuff like that is like saying that people only go out to eat/order takeaways because they have secret desires to do things with the takeaway boxes - I'm sure people like this exist, but I'd say that they're not exactly common.

    Dancing in a circle at home means that you've got to sort your own music, - using the limited tracks in your personal collection - stock up your minibar with all of the possible drinks that you could get at the club and then serve yourself. You've got to push the furniture against the wall to get enough room to dance, and be careful not to knock stuff over, and then at the end of the night you've got to tidy it all up. I don't know about you, but my room last year was just about big enough to lay down a Twister mat, and then I had to keep things very quiet anyway so that I didn't disturb my neighbours. You see, clubs are there for people to have carefree fun, not just to host a load of horny young adults while they try to pull.

    (Original post by hang_your_heart)
    Sure you can win. Approach if you like, but be observant and learn how to tell when you're not wanted. We're usually not all that subtle about it.
    Exactly. If a guy wants to approach a girl, then feel free to do so as long as you're polite about it. Don't suddenly go up and start touching her, or leering at her - instead, give her a bit of space and dance along. If you're any good with body language* then you should soon see whether or not you've got a chance with her, and if you haven't, then just move on and don't take it personally.

    *Please be aware that if you've been drinking, then your ability to read body language will have been seriously reduced. Thus, it's recommended that if you're planning on pulling at all, then keep the alcohol to a minimum.

    (Original post by danni_bella)
    Haha, yeah gay clubs rock - I always have the best time coz we just go out and have fun, have a laugh and it's really cool.
    Agreed!
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TopSortedMadForIt)
    Comments like this make me laugh. You go somewhere where it's dark (so youlook better), hot, where the music is the kind that ppl grind/have sex to, in your skimpiest clothes and full make up......WHAT DO YOU EXPECT???

    Its like going to Old Trafford and feeling 'uncomfortable' when you hear ppl chanting, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN???

    I genuinely believe girls go to clubs not to 'have fun', as most girls have more fun b.itching about ppl to their mates, which you can't really do in a loud club, but to boost their ego. i.e get approached and have the power to turn the poor guy down.

    Well all you prudes and frigid girls know this, there are some guys, like me, who are playing a straight up numbers game, and if WE approach you in a club its only because we think you look like an easy shag....when you rejectus we're straight on to the next one.....ponder that next time you string a guy along, only to crush him in front of your giggling girlfriends.
    Actually I'm not a bit like that. I dont string guys along, I chat to guys as friends but if they want any more than that then I brush them off GENTLY. If I were with my friends, then it wouldnt be my fault that I brushed them off in front of my friends....maybe they shouldnt have approached me in the first place if they didnt want to be publicly humiliated and I hadnt given any signs, which I don't, cos I'm not available anyway!
    The only time I've been to clubs is for 6th form parties etc, and still it gets gatecrashed by stupid guys who go to get in with the girls who are only there to celebrate christmas, leaving day etc with their mates.
    I dont go in my skimpiest clothes, last time I went I didnt even wear make up, and I dont care how dark it is or not.

    Whats wrong with going to a club to have a good time, a dance cos you find it fun, and not wanting continuous harrassment from guys who think they're all that cos they've had a bit to drink and overdone on the aftershave.
    A club does not automatically mean "hunting ground to get laid" to everyone, only a few people who have to go to places like that to get some (lol, like yourself). I see a club as a place to have fun with my mates, cos I enjoy dancing and having a drink, if there was an all girls club in my town then I would go there much more often to avoid unwanted harrassment from guys.
    Am I the only one who thinks this?

    "I genuinely believe girls go to clubs not to 'have fun', as most girls have more fun b.itching about ppl to their mates, which you can't really do in a loud club, but to boost their ego. i.e get approached and have the power to turn the poor guy down."

    Um.... NO! Thats your opinion and your entitled to it, but not every girl is like that, including me, so why respond to my post according to your biased stereotypes?
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by loopymeg)
    I can understand why some guys may get the wrong impression when a girl is wearing a handkerchief as a top and a belt for a skirt, but there's no excuse when a girl is in a long, modest dress or smart top with trousers and minimal make-up (if any). Seriously, how can that be misleading? I've lost count how many guys have tried it on either with me or one of my mates even when we've got almost every inch of flesh covered, and so there's no reason why we should expect a guy to go too far. Not to mention when you're dancing along to cheesy tunes like Grease Lightning, or even the classic Bohemian Rhapsody.




    I genuinely believe - and know - that a lot of girls do go to clubs just to have fun. To have a drink and a dance with their girly friends, because - believe it or not - we enjoy that type of thing. If I wanted to boost my ego and grab the attention of a bunch of guys then I'd dance half-naked at the front of the lecture theatre, and not dance in a circle of mates in a dark room.


    Sure, there are girls who do go clubbing just to get attention - my flatmate is one of them, although she goes out in a tshirt, jeans and biker boots. One of my friends got quite upset when a guy kept insisting on grabbing her arse/wrapping his arms around her/grinding against her, even though she had given him a firm "No". We'll happily get on with life if the guy is polite about it and gets the point when we're not interested, but it can really ruin the night when some ******* just won't leave you alone, or when they get abusive when they're rejected.

    If you're one of the more respectful guys who's lighthearted enough not to care when rejected, then good for you, and I wish that more guys were like you. But please, don't say that girls just go out to boost their own egos.
    I completely agree!
    That guy is way off.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by loopymeg)
    We are girls, and thus it's a lot more complicated than just "Oh, he's a bit overweight so I'm going to brush him off".
    Outside of a club, where people can talk normally and initiate conversations, I can understand that the first impression made purely based on looks isn't as important, however in clubs - you cannot really talk (unless you bring a megaphone in your pocket) and so what else have you got to go on?

    The first thing you're going to decide on is how they are physically (you'll find out if we are polite, respectable later).

    I'm not saying anyone is vain, its just an instinct.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Helenia)
    Come to Cambridge. Especially Wednesday nights in term time...
    Right, I am coming out with you.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    I think there's a certain number of things you need to do.

    Don't assume that the person would want to dance with you. Instead, catch their eye when you're not dancing. If they hold it, or look away then back, then you can approach them and ask them if they would like to dance. Or offer them a drink. If they accept then great. It not, then leave it. Unless they've been rude to you in which case I suggest you clear your nostils on them.

    Do not assume that dancing behind a girl is terribly nice. My mates and I have developed a way to get away from people who do this. We simply grab the poor girl's hand, and make them do a spin, and thus remove them from the thrusting **** jockey who had decided to wave their crotch around near my mate in the deperate hope that she might find this attractive.

    Learn to read body language. If someone is up for dancing with you, then they will. Do not "accidentally" bump into them, repeatedly. You will look like a desperate tool and will probably end up being one of those lone men in their 50s who go to nightclubs, holding a Breezer, and stand by the edge of the dancefloor watching everyone dance whilst they lick their lips and have horrid mind orgasms about what they would do to said dancers if dancers were blind and deaf and had no olfactory glands.

    It's not rocket science. If you saw a fit girl on the street, would you follow her around treading on her heels? No. You'd look like a ****, and probably get a punch in the face.

    Someone clearly pulls guys aside at a certain age and says "Right, chicks LOVE this". But we don't. Same goes for grabbing someone on the ass - WTF?? How is THAT gonna endear you to us? I've had blokes stick their hand up my skirt for some horrid reason.

    I know not all guys do this, but geez. It shows you have manners and grace if you can approach, ask to dance and then dance. Not poking the air with your love truncheon.


    /rant
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MattRD)
    Outside of a club, where people can talk normally and initiate conversations, I can understand that the first impression made purely based on looks isn't as important, however in clubs - you cannot really talk (unless you bring a megaphone in your pocket) and so what else have you got to go on?

    The first thing you're going to decide on is how they are physically (you'll find out if we are polite, respectable later).

    I'm not saying anyone is vain, its just an instinct.
    Like I've been trying to tell you, we tend to go by how a guy acts in a club, rather than how he looks. So for example, if a fit bloke came upto me and started grinding on me - whether I'm available or not - then he's just going to succeed in pissing me off and being told to get lost.

    If you go about it all in the wrong way, then we will just assume that you're not polite or respectable, because we're not going to waste our time meeting up with you afterwards if we've not been initially impressed.

    I know it may seem like an impossible task, but you've got to make us feel like you're a "nice guy" without much in terms of conversation or even appearance - keep in mind that it's dark in clubs, so appearance can be deceptive. Of course, there are girls who prefer the "bad man" type, and so it's upto you to attempt to judge which of the girls are like this, because if you get it wrong then you just won't get anywhere.

    What I'm trying to say is that in clubs, it's mainly about how you treat her. Once you've got this sorted, you can amaze her with your dazzling looks and verbal skills later when you meet up.


    EDIT:
    (Original post by Segat1)
    I think there's a certain number of things you need to do.

    Don't assume that the person would want to dance with you. Instead, catch their eye when you're not dancing. If they hold it, or look away then back, then you can approach them and ask them if they would like to dance. Or offer them a drink. If they accept then great. It not, then leave it. Unless they've been rude to you in which case I suggest you clear your nostils on them.

    Do not assume that dancing behind a girl is terribly nice. My mates and I have developed a way to get away from people who do this. We simply grab the poor girl's hand, and make them do a spin, and thus remove them from the thrusting **** jockey who had decided to wave their crotch around near my mate in the deperate hope that she might find this attractive.

    Learn to read body language. If someone is up for dancing with you, then they will. Do not "accidentally" bump into them, repeatedly. You will look like a desperate tool and will probably end up being one of those lone men in their 50s who go to nightclubs, holding a Breezer, and stand by the edge of the dancefloor watching everyone dance whilst they lick their lips and have horrid mind orgasms about what they would do to said dancers if dancers were blind and deaf and had no olfactory glands.

    It's not rocket science. If you saw a fit girl on the street, would you follow her around treading on her heels? No. You'd look like a ****, and probably get a punch in the face.

    Someone clearly pulls guys aside at a certain age and says "Right, chicks LOVE this". But we don't. Same goes for grabbing someone on the ass - WTF?? How is THAT gonna endear you to us? I've had blokes stick their hand up my skirt for some horrid reason.

    I know not all guys do this, but geez. It shows you have manners and grace if you can approach, ask to dance and then dance. Not poking the air with your love truncheon.


    /rant
    ;laugh; Spot on, as always!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Right this post does include some generalisation and repitition of a theme I've mentioned before, but bare with me. There's 2 different types of 'clubs' with 2 different types of ppl, and I think most of the girls on this thread are one kind.

    1. Student nightclubs. Play pop and rock music as well as proper nightclub music like dance and hiphop. Usually frequented by at least 90% students, all of whom are reasonably intelligent, well educated etc etc.

    2. Proper nightclubs, play only hip hop and dance, more expensive, slightly older crowd, regular, non students frequent them.

    In club number 1, IME its harder to initiate a dance, pull or anything else cos the girls are mostly 'good girl' types and/or in a relationship. They place less emphasis on physical appearance and more on personality, which is impossible to convey in a club, hence less action.

    In club number 2, the girls are all type of girls, some 'chavs', some good girls, some ****s, some really cool girls who like to have sex. This crowd in general is more concerned with physical appearance, and it is much easier to get a dance, pull etc if you look good (height and build is important in this situation). These girls (in general) are less concerned about what ppl will think if they sleep with you that night, plus there's not the same sense of "everyone knows everyone else's business" which is present in a university community.

    Yes, generalisations, but accurate ones IMO. I think it helps to explain the attitudes of some of the girls on here, and to any clubbing newbies wanting to get laid:

    GO TO PROPER NIGHTCLUBS. CHAIN NIGHTCLUBS ARE A GOOD BET, such as Toast, M2, B2, J2, etc etc.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by loopymeg)
    Like I've been trying to tell you, we tend to go by how a guy acts in a club, rather than how he looks. So for example, if a fit bloke came upto me and started grinding on me - whether I'm available or not - then he's just going to succeed in pissing me off and being told to get lost.
    Well, anyone go up randomly and do that, sure some have to be more drunk than others but any can be a **** and start baiting their crotch in all directions

    But who's going to catch that someone's eye and get that initial inviting look? Probably the fitter guy
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Heh I absolutely hate it It's extremely annoying especially when they don't take the hint and piss off.

    The only time I don't mind being approached when I'm out is by people I'm friendly with ;yes;
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by lessthanthree)
    :wtf?:

    I've got a boyfriend. I go to clubs all the time without the intention of copping off. When I was single, I would like a bit of attention, but wouldn't go out with the sole intention of getting a lad to "break the circle". I like the atmosphere, the DJs. Funnily enough, paul van dyke isn't in the habit of coming to do sets in my bedroom.

    I'd be worried if I got dressed up with the intention of going out and then suddenly forgot what I was doing halfway through the nice. Nice try with the anon though. No cigar.

    Then again, it is known that men make silly generalisations, and as for those girls who are are very inconsistent and perhaps in denial - Well, what a good job you are there to put them right and tell them exactly what they want.
    You're on fire at the mo. Loving it. Well pwded.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MattRD)
    But who's going to catch that someone's eye and get that initial inviting look? Probably the fitter guy
    Not necessarily. Besides, how "fit" someone is depends on the judge. For example, I have a mate who goes all gooey at the thought of Brad Pitt, but I simply don't see the attraction with the guy, while another mate has a thing for David Tennant. I'm sure we've had enough debates on TSR by now to realise that there's no official guidelines to define who's the fittest.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by loopymeg)
    Not necessarily. Besides, how "fit" someone is depends on the judge. For example, I have a mate who goes all gooey at the thought of Brad Pitt, but I simply don't see the attraction with the guy, while another mate has a thing for David Tennant. I'm sure we've had enough debates on TSR by now to realise that there's no official guidelines to define who's the fittest.
    It was a gross generalisation sure, but you get the idea
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by MattRD)
    It was a gross generalisation sure, but you get the idea
    Exactly, just like TopSortedMadForIt has wrongly generalised that because of the people in "proper" nightclubs it's easier to make a move.
    University students are just the same as everyone else, and so we have our fair share of chavs, sluts, good girls and "really cool girls who like to have sex" - that one cracks me up

    The only thing that I can see that could possibly make a difference between nightclubs is location. "Proper" nightclubs tend to be in the city, and so the girls in them are more likely to be dressed in skimpy clothes and whatnot due to city fashions. However, the general desires of the girls tend to remain the same. In both rural and city locations you'll find some good girls, and some very, very naughty girls...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    All I'm saying is most girls I know are flattered by male attention and enjoy the ego boost, and this is probably where the confusion for some guys comes in - as someone said earlier that 'they get dragged to the side and told chicks love this'

    but forget the line between showing attention, being persistent and being a nuisance.

    Some of those types of guy make me laugh, especially when I'm out with a mixed group of people dancing together and some wanabe alpha male strides (or slumps) up and starts waving his cod piece in one of my friends faces - fair play for having the balls to do that but seriously, the laugh is at his expense. The girls just use em for free drinks.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Sure, girls can be flattered by a bit of attention, but it's when the guys don't know how to go about it properly, or when to bugger off. It's shocking to see how many guys will keep trying even when it's been made clear that the girl's just not interested
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Foreigners are much worse apparently.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    No, they don't, but clubs aren't great places to meet girls.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sophisticated)
    I dont string guys along, I chat to guys as friends but if they want any more than that then I brush them off GENTLY.
    I get what you're saying, but do you honestly think that any guy who approaches you in a club just wants to be friends?
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 14, 2007
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.