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    (Original post by Acsel)
    Can't honestly say I'm in the same position as I'm sure if I needed money I'd have family to rely on.However I've motivated myself to get into a position where I'm entirely independent. I spent 4 years at college and took a gap year, so 5 years before starting Uni this September. I spent 4 of those working, range of part and full time hours. I saved all the money I need myself, to ensure I'd be entirely self sustaining. Rather than a lack of help from family, I refuse to rely on them.

    I feel like if you're in a position where you can't afford uni (e.g. getting lowest level loans, no financial support, etc.) then be practical. Take a year out and save money so that you aren't relying on what isn't there. That's my honest advice. If you won't be able to afford it and won't be getting support from anyone then wait a bit longer. At some point you'll have to become completely independent and stop relying on parents. It's not necessarily what a lot of 18 year olds want to hear and it certainly isn't the situation I'd want anyone to be in. But if you are in that situation you need to take responsibility for it. If you outright can't go to uni due to circumstances then do something about that. If that circumstance is that your parents won't support you then earn the money yourself.

    It seriously doesn't matter whether you go to uni now or take a year or 2 out to work. Do whatever suits your situation. It sucks but some people need the wake up call that it's their responsibility.

    This is entirely generic advice and not aimed at anyone specific.
    How does one go to college for 4 years? 😅
    I think the advice is well founded but most people a) do A-Levels in two b) find rent too high to make working worth it. Working on a low wage whilst paying rent and all other bills basically leaves nothing for saving
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    (Original post by AlphaCenturion)
    That's funny, because there are literally hundreds of universities poping up everywhere and anywhere. The institution that is the university has become a mass capitalised business and most of you are just fools, scammed out of a lot of money, money some of you will never see again. Unless you are doing a worthwhile degree, in a worthwhile "respected" university, don't bother and save your money.

    Sir.. You're assuming that to have unsupportive parents means that we are all doing fashion degrees at our local colleges. You're wrong in your assumption and I'm not sure what gives you the right to make such statements.
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    (Original post by 97Y)
    I think this is where drive outstrips those people trying to hold you back. I don't know.. It's just hard sometimes doing everything alone, for yourself with no one to offer any sort of support when they're genetically programmed to
    Do you think drive is enough? If you do it all on your own, you can become quite tired.
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    My parents are supportive so can't emphasise/sympathise here sox

    But good luck tho
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    (Original post by peaaceandl0ve)
    I agree with you so much! Unfortunately so many people nowadays have a negative mentality where they take everything for granted and allow themselves to be completely financially reliant. My parents have offered to give me money for my studies, but I know how hard they've worked for it themselves (we're a low-income family), and instead have funded myself on my own wages, SF & university bursaries. You feel a lot prouder when you know you work hard and earned that money yourself, and it's your money to spend as you please.
    Most definitely. I see people complain that they can't afford to go to University and have to question why. Yes there are some people with extenuating circumstances. But the majority of people can go out, get a job and earn the money themselves. University isn't designed to be too expensive and turn the majority away.

    Or I see people attend and then complain when they run out of money. Whose fault is that? If you can't afford it, don't go. Don't just attend university and hope it'll work out. Because that mentality won't work when you've got rent and other bills to pay, food to buy and so on.

    If your parents want to help you out that's great. But don't go in with the assumption they will. For most people university is the first time they'll be acting as adults and living away from home. You won't expect your parents to bail you out every 5 minutes when your 30 so why expect it at 18?
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    same!
    although my dad couldnt be prouder, my mum on the otherhand couldnt express her feelings enough when she said its a waste of time, money and not worth it
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    (Original post by 97Y)
    Just wanted to make a forum/post to people like me, who may be looking at forums and advice documents where it just assumes that your parents are 100% behind you.
    You're not alone in not having parents who won't give you a penny towards your studies/living and who didn't ask how any of your exams went.
    It can be difficult seeing "and you'll visit for Christmas" because I know that I won't and others may be in the same position too.

    Hey guys! Please make yourself known, because I am sure that I am not alone
    You are not alone
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    (Original post by Platopus)
    My mum isn't financially supporting me but I figure, why should she? She spent the first 18 years if my life supporting me. Now I'm an adult, it's my turn to shoulder the burden.
    Because you're their daughter
    I find it so shocking when parents are able to suddenly shirk responsibility after an arbitrary set of years.

    It's like when a kid hits 18 and instead of celebrating, has to start paying rent. Even when their family doesn't even need the extra money
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    (Original post by 97Y)
    How does one go to college for 4 years? 😅
    I think the advice is well founded but most people a) do A-Levels in two b) find rent too high to make working worth it. Working on a low wage whilst paying rent and all other bills basically leaves nothing for saving
    Well I went to college for 2 years, then went for another 2 years

    But seriously I went for 2 years, had no idea what I wanted to do afterwards so I decided the best thing to do would be go back for another 2 years (since it was still free education) and try some other courses. Hence I ended up spending 4 years at college and coming out with 4 A Levels and a triple BTEC. So effectively 7 A Levels. I don't expect that to make any major difference but the alternative was work full time and that wouldn't have given me any ideas as to what I wanted to do. My first year courses were a BTEC in Software Dev and Maths so I wanted to try alternative courses to see if they'd give me more career ideas. Hence I took Computing, Psychology and Graphic Design. I don't regret it in the slightest, even if it didn't necessarily put me in the right direction.

    I think it really depends on your situation. For example I was working part time while I was at college. Only getting about £300 a month so barely anything. Despite that though I was still able to save enough to pay for all my driving lessons, my car, insurance and a ton of expensive IT gear. And I was still able to put some money away for savings. If you're working full time and can only just afford rent and bills then either something is wrong with your sending habits or there's some other extenuating circumstances. I for example could have chosen to move out and live by myself but it was cheaper to live at home and save money.

    But regardless it still really proves my point. If you're totally unable to save then don't try to go to uni. Maybe that means you have to spend 5 years working and go to uni in your 20's because your savings grow so slowly. That's totally fine. You'd have plenty of time to look for cheaper accommodation, progress at work or look for better paying jobs and so on. There's only a small group of people who really can do no more to help themselves.

    If you look at your savings are really find they're not growing, ask yourself why. Where is all your money going? What isn't a necessity? Save £10 a week walking to work instead of driving or using public transport. £10 a week over 5 years is £2500. Stop going to coffee shops for expensive coffee. Stop going out drinking, smoking or whatever. Get a cheaper phone. Get a cheaper home broadband deal. Find somewhere cheaper to live (that may even mean living with friends and family). If you're unwilling to make sacrifices then you won't make it to university at all.

    99% of people can, if necessary, make their money stretch further. Most people, despite financial difficulty can make changes to their lifestyle to save money. And if your one of those people that can't look for financial assistance. You can get loans and so on. I could quite happily live off my loan if I had to. I'd have to be really frugal but it'd be possible.
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    (Original post by FrogLad)
    Because you're their daughter
    I find it so shocking when parents are able to suddenly shirk responsibility after an arbitrary set of years.

    It's like when a kid hits 18 and instead of celebrating, has to start paying rent. Even when their family doesn't even need the extra money
    Celebrating when you are 18 means that you have moved into the world of becoming independent, and part of that is being able to contribute to the household. It isn't a case of whether the parents can afford it or not.
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    (Original post by 97Y)
    Sir.. You're assuming that to have unsupportive parents means that we are all doing fashion degrees at our local colleges. You're wrong in your assumption and I'm not sure what gives you the right to make such statements.
    I don't give a damn if your parents are supportive or not. What I'm saying is, you should all think twice before plunging yourselves into high levels of debt, roughly £50,000 on average. And for what? A degree, something that doesn't guarantee a job. What if something goes wrong during your studies? You're screwed. If you don't get a 1 or atleast a 2:1 then forget about it. To much risk for not enough reward. And if your parents can't help you, grow up. It's their choice to do what they want with their own money. I'm sure they would rather use their money for something they want, rather then paying for their child to drink, party and shag for several years, probably to only come back home afterwards anyway.
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    I would be too embarrassed to ask my family for money. I'm hoping to get a part-time job.
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    It's the other way around for me. I have 7 children and they support me through university.
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    (Original post by FrogLad)
    Because you're their daughter
    I find it so shocking when parents are able to suddenly shirk responsibility after an arbitrary set of years.

    It's like when a kid hits 18 and instead of celebrating, has to start paying rent. Even when their family doesn't even need the extra money
    Hmm but my mum is not rich. She couldn't afford to put my brother and I through uni without incurring massive debt on herself. Up until this point, education has been both compulsory and free for me. Now, it is neither. It is my choice to continue with it, so I feel that I should pay.
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    (Original post by Platopus)
    Hmm but my mum is not rich. She couldn't afford to put my brother and I through uni without incurring massive debt on herself. Up until this point, education has been both compulsory and free for me. Now, it is neither. It is my choice to continue with it, so I feel that I should pay.
    That's fine imo, I thought they just didn't want to pay because you were 18 and wasn't their problem anymore
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    (Original post by FrogLad)
    That's fine imo, I thought they just didn't want to pay because you were 18 and wasn't their problem anymore
    Well, no... Actually, my mum does still want to pay. She says she'd rather get into debt than have me in debt. But, I told her I wouldn't accept her money and would take a maintenance loan instead as we are eligible for a very large one. Even if she could afford to put me through uni without getting into debt, I wouldn't let her though. I see university as my choice and hence, my financial responsibility.
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    Things like this you need to keep a record of. Personally, if I had parents like that, I'd simply say "I home you have life insurance cause I'm not paying for your funeral." Why have kids if you're not gonna support them until their financially stable. We're the ones having to go to uni and etc to sort of their generations' mess they caused for it. We have to reap what they didn't sow and the least of all, they can help out their kids. My goodness!This isn't an attack on your or anything but it really does my heading. If your child is in need, why doesn't the parents help as best as possible, rather than refusing!

    My mother knows to help me cause if she wouldn't she knows I'm that sort of ***** that wouldn't help her when she's all old and crooked. An eye for an eye.
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    (Original post by Cazcardiff)
    I'll share my story, even though it was many years ago..

    My parents divorced right in middle of my A'levels, I lived with my mum who did not support me a single bit. During revision she would shout up "quick, quick, come here, quick" when I went down, she would say "make me a cup of tea" 😡. My boyfriend would testify to this..we lived in a small village in nowhere so I had no chance to go elsewhere to study.
    My mum just wanted me to get a job and give her money.
    Anyway, I failed my A'levels, came out with 3 U grades, school were no help at all, parents didn't give a damn, as long as I was now able to get a job to give them money...
    My boyfriends parents took me in for a few months, I managed to get into Uni to do an HND. I moved out of home and when I went back over summer, I went to my boyfriends parents.
    I left uni, got a full time job, bought a house, then went back to uni for 2years and got my degree from Lancaster. And the mortgage was only £149 per month!!
    Anyway, long story short, it was a nightmare trying to get funding for uni because while I was independent, they still needed my parents income details because we were not legally irrovocably estranged, and I was under 25. Obviously they refused to disclose, so I basically lived on student loans only. I went to the same uni as my boyfriend so he moved in my house and we both lived VERY cheap through uni. (He did a PhD).
    23 years and 3 kids later, we're still together, my in laws I class as my surrogate parents 😂, and I ask NOTHING from my parents.
    The best bit was, my mum really wanted to come to my HND graduation, I let her, and then it turned out she didn't even see me..she was infatuated with another girl who graduated same uni and day as me, that she used to work with, and didn't give a fudge about her! 😳😡
    My degree graduation, my in-laws came along, and to watch ME. 🙂

    I know times are different now, so it is harder to be more independent through uni with housing etc.. But there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
    I sat my A'levels in 1994, Graduated Lancaster 2001, and going to Uni again in September for a career change! I'm now 40, and even now, without kids, finances wanted my parents financial details! 😳😳. Thankfully, with 3 kids, I'm sorted 😂.
    I wasn't even born in 1994. I was born a year after.

    Are you two married? How was the wedding? Did you invite your parents?

    If there's any advice to give to these kids who have estranged relationships or complicated ones with their parents, what advice would you give? Would you tell them to keep doing what they're doing or to try and fix it before it truly breaks?
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    (Original post by cpaige21)
    I don't think my parents will be quite as bad as you put it but they definitely will not be supporting me financially. I get the least student finance and it only just covers my accommodation so I can see us falling out at some point during university over money.
    my loan didnt cover may halls and i had maxed out my overdraft before even moving to uni..
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    (Original post by MrsSheldonCooper)
    My parents really want me to go to university in London so I can stay at home and commute. But I honestly don't and I've been told that if I leave, I'm completely on my own, which is fair enough as far as it goes because I know what they're like with me wanting to go to Bristol/Nottingham for uni. What irritates me the most is that they're willing to fund my brother just because he wants to do a Science degree at university and I want to do an Arts. I remember when we went on an open day to Bristol my mum said to me, "Why do you want to move away just for an Arts degree? It's completely worthless. I'd rather fund your brother because at least his degree is worth moving away for."

    They're completely insensitive about what I feel so I've decided that I'll rely on my student loans and work part time to keep going.
    No it's not fair enough. You should not sell yourself so short! An ultimatum NEVER works out well. It's just stupid. And a parent shouldn't say "it's our way or no way". That is ridiculous and horrible, in my opinion.

    Keep doing what you're doing and you'll reap the rewards. What degree will you be studying?
 
 
 
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