GF doesnt wants sex, been together 2 years now Watch

Desperate Prayer
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#81
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#81
(Original post by Sanity Panda)
It's just your typical relationship. It's like asking why people would go through LDRs just to stay together.



Certainly not true.
Values, culture, fear can all play factors in here.
True enough. But you will often find those things fall away quickly from a person, if they love you deeply.
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Desperate Prayer
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#82
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(Original post by Angrybanana)
I'm amazed how many people here are telling the guy to wait until she's ready. The guy has been waiting for her for 2 years. I'm not suggesting he takes her by force or anything but if you really love and fancy someone it's normally a struggle to keep your hands off them. It sounds like she doesn't want to lose her virginity to him for whatever reason, and if she won't even discuss it with him then it's probably time to move on. It seems like she doesn't really care too much about his needs even though he's trying so hard to meet hers.
Exactly!
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The_Bear
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#83
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When she says no, do you ask why?

Then we might know the problem. Of course what you dont want to hear is "I used to be a guy"
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Anonymous #4
#84
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Gosh, it's scary just how similar the OP and my situations are, with the exception that it's a year and a half in my case.

And I'm afraid I can't shed any light on any of the questions such as;
(Original post by Desperate Prayer)
One could come to the conclusion that she doesnt like you enough to take that final step
(Original post by mr-breaker)
If you were everything she wanted, she would have already had sex with you
Just throwing in my two pennies as sympathy to the OP, that he's not the only man out there in this kind of circumstance!

Anon as she knows I go on here :p:
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Desperate Prayer
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#85
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(Original post by The_Bear)
When she says no, do you ask why?

Then we might know the problem. Of course what you dont want to hear is "I used to be a guy"
Oh man, I would totally dig that :p:
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hazzypants
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#86
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Maybe she's waiting for marriage...
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Desperate Prayer
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#87
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(Original post by hazzypants)
Maybe she's waiting for marriage...
Maybe she should have told him.
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alenax
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#88
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Oh, I see the anti-sex brigade is here already
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Charlski
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#89
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Well, my bf and I were both virgins when we met at 16 (me) and 19 (him). We had sex first four months into the relationship, and both of us were very definitely ready. I think you need to have a serious chat with your gf about this, as it could have a very bad effect on your relationship to have such opposing views. Find out if there's a particular reason why she doesn't want it, but please, don't force her.
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storminaDcup
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#90
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yeah...2 years is a long long time without an explanation with more depth than "i'm not ready"
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Desperate Prayer
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#91
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(Original post by alenax)
Oh, I see the anti-sex brigade is here already
It hardly hurts for have views from both sides :P

Although it *would* be nice for people to cease baseless conjecture...
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live.laugh.love
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#92
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Does she know how much you love and care for her? Maybe she's scared about having sex yet because she wants to make sure it's with someone who wouldn't hurt her or use her.
Assure her that she means a lot to you and that you think you're relationship is strong enough to start becoming sexual.
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Jelkin
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#93
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(Original post by Local_United_Fan)
Well I know you mean mine. Yea, you're a 16 yr old girl with little experience. I'm a 20 year old guy with a lot. Hmmmm, best advice giver? Lemme think....

I mean come on, just stop trying to make him feel better will you and look at the facts:

2 years and nothing, even though he REALLY wants to have sex.
Both really young and in the prime of their lives/sexual "peak".
Both virgins - obviously don't lnow what they are missing.

Anyone in their right mind would know the right advice to give. Split up and find someone who makes him happy. You're just plaim dumb if you can't see and accept this, love. No offence.
Ha ha, 16?!? Where did you get that from? I'm 21. And you've got to be pretty arrogant to think you'll give better advice just because of your "experience", by which you presumably meant sexual. Yeah, I realise he REALLY wants to have sex. Duh. Though actually I think you'll find that a woman doesn't hit her sexual peak until much, much later.

You're the one who's dumb if you can't see that sex has different value for different people and that there are some people who prioritise love over sex, so if they have love they're not going to give up on it just so that they can get laid. After all, the girl could need just a little bit more time to be ready, then they can have lots of sex AND be in love. She clearly DOES make him happy, else he wouldn't have waited this long.

EDIT: I think the people who are saying you need to work on your intimacy have it spot on. Can you talk openly and frankly about sex? After two years it seems like the kind of stage you should have reached (long ago, in fact). You need to get that sorted out. And don't, don't, don't "ask" for sex. Firstly, pressure is likely to make her withdraw further (I speak from experience), and secondly, you need to start trying to get her to engage in slighter sexual activity. Ask her why you can't go down on her. Ask her why she won't discuss it with you. After two years you should be close enough for this. Otherwise, can you not just use your fingers? [I actually prefer that.] By the way, someone on one of the first two pages explained a bit about not being "ready" - that sex is much more invasive to women, and much more likely to be painful the first time. It's a massive step. You need baby steps first.
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AussieKat
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#94
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I waited 3 months x
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Phantom Phoenix
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#95
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OP, your girlfriend may well suffer from vaginismus. I do; it's a psychological condition that causes physical symptoms, meaning I'm not currently capable of having sex. I've been with my boyfriend two years (almost) and I'm still a virgin because of this. Your girlfriend may have this condition because she is afraid of the pain of first-time sex, has previously been abused or had the impression that sex is 'dirty' or 'wrong' at an early age (this may also account for her being wary of all other sexual activity). She may not even know what's wrong with her. So everyone who is saying that the OP's girlfriend clearly doesn't like him that much just because they haven't slept together is talking through their hat; there are possible reasons which don't involve her 'using him' (for what, exactly?) or her not liking him.

That said, OP, it's not right that your girlfriend isn't discussing this with you. I suggest you sit her down and explain that you'd like to know what's wrong; be sensitive and supportive. You have a right to know why you aren't sleeping together; while there are good reasons not to, it's not fair that you want to and she doesn't, and she refuses to explain why.
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tropicalcoconuts3
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(Original post by Phantom Phoenix)
OP, your girlfriend may well suffer from vaginismus. I do; it's a psychological condition that causes physical symptoms, meaning I'm not currently capable of having sex. I've been with my boyfriend two years (almost) and I'm still a virgin because of this. Your girlfriend may have this condition because she is afraid of the pain of first-time sex, has previously been abused or had the impression that sex is 'dirty' or 'wrong' at an early age (this may also account for her being wary of all other sexual activity). She may not even know what's wrong with her. So everyone who is saying that the OP's girlfriend clearly doesn't like him that much just because they haven't slept together is talking through their hat; there are possible reasons which don't involve her 'using him' (for what, exactly?) or her not liking him.

That said, OP, it's not right that your girlfriend isn't discussing this with you. I suggest you sit her down and explain that you'd like to know what's wrong; be sensitive and supportive. You have a right to know why you aren't sleeping together; while there are good reasons not to, it's not fair that you want to and she doesn't, and she refuses to explain why.
how would she know exactly that she has vaginismus if they haven't even tryed anything yet?
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h82think
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#97
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You said that when you try to touch her down there she pulls away, but is she willing to touch you down there?

If she is unwilling to stimulate your penis, then I can't believe you are still with her!

If she is willing, then perhaps you should focus on that and spice that up until she is fully ready to have sex with you (for more graphic info, pm me with questions).
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Phantom Phoenix
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(Original post by tropicalcoconuts3)
how would she know exactly that she has vaginismus if they haven't even tryed anything yet?
She may have tried penetration herself, she may have had previous boyfriends who tried to sleep with her...one of the most common causes is inability to use tampons because insertion is impossible. Lots of possible ways. Not that I'm saying this is the problem, just that it could be and that judging this girl harshly because she's not ready to have sex is unfair. The only thing this girl is doing wrong is failing to talk to her boyfriend about it.
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Anonymous #5
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I had a similar problem wen i had sex with my first bf, i ws really worried about doin nething physical bcs he ws my first proper serious relationship n i ws caught up with not being innocent nemore.

try doing other things with her first and work ur way up, b sure to reassure her that u love her and take it slow.

but i wouldnt worry too much, now my bf says im verging on acute nymphomania :P
we hav a very happy n fulfilling sex life.

she'll come round when shes ready.
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tropicalcoconuts3
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(Original post by Phantom Phoenix)
She may have tried penetration herself, she may have had previous boyfriends who tried to sleep with her...one of the most common causes is inability to use tampons because insertion is impossible. Lots of possible ways. Not that I'm saying this is the problem, just that it could be and that judging this girl harshly because she's not ready to have sex is unfair. The only thing this girl is doing wrong is failing to talk to her boyfriend about it.
Nah the OP said they are both virgins, but yeah could be possible. I thought that vaginismus was only from penetration with someone, but I wouldn't know really.
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