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Do I need to be discreet about how many men I've slept with? Watch

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    Whatever the reasons are for the contrast between how men and women are treated (probably has an evolutionary base), they are there and most men will think the same way. You can be realistic or politically correct about it, but reality is that men will not be impressed if you tell them you've had loads of partners.

    There's nothing more off-putting for a man than a woman talking about her times with other males.

    If u think about it, up until about 1960 there was no way a woman could have slept with more than a few men, it was just suicide in survival terms or socially unacceptable! So the effect of it hasn't worn off yet.

    Having said all that, if a fella really liked you he would accept it.

    My advice would be to avoid the question and say "nothing out of the ordinary" or just plain lie like nearly all girls and divide it by 3!!

    If you're healthy, that's much more important anyway, so forget about it!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The point is you don't know from just looking at a persons number if they have standards or not. Thats why I'm not sure if future boyfriends will be like you and just assume I'm easy, or will be more open to the idea that its not that simple.

    Anyway I've already said I'm going to hide it because people are too judgemental. I'm only going to say my ltr number (6).
    Out of curiosity did you cheat, and how many times if so?
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    Imo I think if the question arises and you feel you WANT to tell the guy that perhaps you're going to, then maybe would be the time to tell him but otherwise I don't think it's necessary.

    I think it'll be more important to mention it to someone you feel strongly about, when you find that sex isn't just to satisfy your desires, but to express a culmination of emotions. This would be the best time to consider, if anything.

    It's good that you're wanting to move away from just casual sex. You're obviously maturing and wanting something on a serious basis.

    Also, @ HARRY PUTAH... you keep emphasizing quantity over quality, yet YOU yourself have had casual sex in the past which is just the exact same as the OP.

    Also, I think it's **** people saying it's slutty etc yet it isn't so much considering her age and the fact that the view changes depending on the person's gender!
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    Out of curiosity did you cheat, and how many times if so?
    Yes, once when I was 16. I learnt my lesson and never cheated again.

    You're a girl who has slept with a lot of guys and has low standards and probably low self esteem
    Erm I already said I don't have low standards. I'm 23 now and started when I was 15, so I don't think my number is that bad, but obviously people think here otherwise. I'll take that on board as perhaps people aren't as sexually open as me (no, I am not knocking other people, before you jump to conclusions).

    My self esteem is very healthy thank you, probably a lot better than yours.
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    (Original post by Mousickle)
    but then I think you have to be able to roll with the punches to take that kind of approach becasue you are going to get some people who just see a number.
    Thanks for your post. Its hard for me to roll with the punches because I'm a very conservative person personality wise. I'm quiet and don't party much. I dress conservatively/plainly and I'm very sensitive. The only thing that sort of doesn't match is that I have a high sex drive and am very open about it, like you. I find it hard but reading some of the responses here has made me realise I do need to be discreet, for my own sanity.
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    IMO unless he asks, don't talk about it. if or when he does, just tell the truth.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes, once when I was 16. I learnt my lesson and never cheated again.



    Erm I already said I don't have low standards. I'm 23 now and started when I was 15, so I don't think my number is that bad, but obviously people think here otherwise. I'll take that on board as perhaps people aren't as sexually open as me (no, I am not knocking other people, before you jump to conclusions).

    My self esteem is very healthy thank you, probably a lot better than yours.

    OK...well that's fine then. I still think 21 strongly implies you have low standards - if you have high standards you have longer relationships and you commit yourself emotionally; very often you don't want someone else after a breakup for a bit - everyone fools around a bit but 15 one night stands at your age and a 21 overall figure is taking the mick. 6 relationships is fine, some one night stands are ok - I guess it's the number of one night stands you've had which suggests you have low standards whatever you might say - as I've said if you had high standards you would have made an effort to turn them into relationships because you would have really liked the guys.
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    as I've said if you had high standards you would have made an effort to turn them into relationships because you would have really liked the guys.
    That's what you would do in my situation. You're assuming all humans think alike.

    Just because I fancy someone physically, mentally, and also trust them enough to share my body with them (i.e. they pass my test for being a good quality person), does not mean I want to spend the rest of my life or even more than a few months with them, constantly in their presence. Very few of my hooks up are one offs, the rest were casual flings that were spread out over a few months. I'm very independent and don't need male company as much as most women, surprisingly.

    :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    That's what you would do in my situation. You're assuming all humans think alike.

    Just because I fancy someone physically, mentally, and also trust them enough to share my body with them (i.e. they pass my test for being a good quality person), does not mean I want to spend the rest of my life or even more than a few months with them, constantly in their presence. Very few of my hooks up are one offs, the rest were casual flings that were spread out over a few months. I'm very independent and don't need male company as much as most women, surprisingly.

    :rolleyes:
    You don't even seem to like men, which is something I suspected earlier. You seem to be using them for sex.

    There's nothing wrong with a high sex drive, there's nothing wrong with wanting sex, there's nothing wrong with having a one night stand.

    But you're contradictory in what you're saying.

    You're saying - and I think this is true - you're very horny, you see a guy who looks cute, you'll do him.

    But you're saying you have high standards and look for the mental. Rubbish, you say you have a high sex drive - you're thinking with your clit. You don't even want the guy's company afterwards.

    I think you have low self esteem - I think you're a pretty smart person who doesn't go out very much, you have a high sex drive and you have low standards.

    And that all makes guys run and that's what we all really think when we hear the number - you plead that you're an exception to the rule and it's really everyone else's problem - I think you should at least consider the possibility you went overboard.

    My girlfriend has been with 6 guys - at least 2 she regrets heavily. It's the same for most girls - often they will make a drunken mistake. All girls tend to have made some mistakes on their much smaller numbers and they learn from them and make smarter choices in the future. But you seem to have not only have slept with many times more than most girls but also made no mistakes; which I don't believe for a second.

    6 doesn't bother anyone at all and it's a normal number. She has high self esteem and every time we go to a club she'll get hit on over 10 times a night - she has a high sex drive - getting laid for her is easy as pie if she wanted. She has high standards, she doesn't just go for any guy. She also likes emotional attachment - she actually likes men, she loves men - and she's a generous, warm and kind person who wants to share life with another person.

    This is why she is a girl men want to go out with, and you are not.
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    (Original post by TheRealDarthVader)
    Yes, but that is not a problem that I created. Generalisations are generally there for a reason, and that is because past behaviours all mount up. Not every black person likes fried chicken, not every Asian is good at maths, not every Spaniard is lazy, and not every Australian is a convict.
    Yes, but this is taking it a bit too far. I honestly doubt that the majority of women who have casual sex have emotional issues or anything of that sort.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am fully aware that men who have slept around vs women are viewed in a very different way, and although I strongly disagree with that idea and challenge it where ever I can, I need to sometimes work within these awful social boundaries so as to not draw too much attention to myself.

    I'm in my early twenties and have slept with 20 different men and 1 woman. Starting to settle down a bit now and longing for a longer term boyfriend (previous ones were all short term partners or one offs)...should I artificially reduce my number or outright lie, or do you think a smart bloke can handle it?

    I know the answer seems obvious (a smart guy will not be bothered, you'd think!) but I've not come across many men who don't react in an odd way to the number. I didn't even think it was that high!
    What ever anyone says, if it deviates from this opinion, it is wrong. The right thing to do and the sensible thing to do are not the same thing. If people tell you that ' the right man won't care', they are lieing. If they care about you, they will care about the partners you've had in the past, however numerous. 20 is quite alot, enough to be off putting. I would lie if i was you. They will never find out every single partner you've had...


    See you on Jeremy Kyle xxx
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    I think being discrete would be a good idea, for clarity.

    Although being discreet is entirely your choice.
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    But you're saying you have high standards and look for the mental. Rubbish, you say you have a high sex drive - you're thinking with your clit. You don't even want the guy's company afterwards.
    AGAIN putting words into my mouth. I have had long term relationships where I enjoy the man's company. But in my casual flings I still spend a lot of time with that person (otherwise it's literally a case of turn up, shag, nd leave, which is disgusting to me). I am friends with all the men I sleep with. I love emotionally attachment. I would never sleep with a man I did not feel anything for.

    God talking to you is so boring. I give up.

    This is why she is a girl men want to go out with, and you are not.
    I've met plenty of men who wanted to date me long term. Men, not boys like you.
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    You don't even seem to like men, which is something I suspected earlier. You seem to be using them for sex.
    Because men never do that
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    YESS you do, lie if you have to.

    IMHO as a guy, If you tell me a highier (worse if significantly highier) number than myself here is what goes through my mind, this is if i truly CARE about you...
    How many were bigger?
    How many were better?
    How many bigger and better?lol.
    How easy is she?
    If she's easy, she'll cheat?
    Im seeing a whore!!!! (not that bad but along the lines..)

    Another point, i'll give an example; a girl im sleeping with once let it slip that one of the guys she slept was "big big big (doing the hand gesture to illustrate the size).." but it didnt bother me at all because i dont really care about her that much..

    Point is every guy that CARES/LOVes you wants to be the BEST you've EVER had, and any high number of sexually partners on your part just brings it to reality he might not be the best.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am fully aware that men who have slept around vs women are viewed in a very different way, and although I strongly disagree with that idea and challenge it where ever I can, I need to sometimes work within these awful social boundaries so as to not draw too much attention to myself.

    I'm in my early twenties and have slept with 20 different men and 1 woman. Starting to settle down a bit now and longing for a longer term boyfriend (previous ones were all short term partners or one offs)...should I artificially reduce my number or outright lie, or do you think a smart bloke can handle it?

    I know the answer seems obvious (a smart guy will not be bothered, you'd think!) but I've not come across many men who don't react in an odd way to the number. I didn't even think it was that high!
    OP at your age you’re going to run into guys that are still virgins and others that have been with so many that they can honestly say they do not know how many partners they’ve been with.

    I’m a man, but if I were a girl and my bf asked how many, I would probably respond with ‘a couple more than I would like’. If he pressed the issue I would refuse to answer until he told me how many he had been with.

    Once he has told you how many he has been with there are two things to consider.
    1. Males would like for everyone to believe that they are the new and upcoming Casanova so they tend to inflate the numbers to be something they believe will convince you (and others) that they have ‘plenty of experience’.
    2. Although we often pretend to be the dominant male with a significant string of conquest, we often have fragile egos, so you number can never be higher than his.

    As a rule of thumb I would claim that I had ~half their number of partners.

    So I guess if the guy said five my response would be three or four. On the other hand if he said ‘I don’t know, maybe a hundred’, then my response would be twenty-one.

    Best wishes
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    AGAIN putting words into my mouth. I have had long term relationships where I enjoy the man's company. But in my casual flings I still spend a lot of time with that person (otherwise it's literally a case of turn up, shag, nd leave, which is disgusting to me). I am friends with all the men I sleep with. I love emotionally attachment. I would never sleep with a man I did not feel anything for.

    God talking to you is so boring. I give up.



    I've met plenty of men who wanted to date me long term. Men, not boys like you.
    Yeah I was about to say the same thing - I really don't like you anonymous - and that's saying something on this forum particularly - because of your attitude towards sex, men and also towards other people generally - you are so conceited everyone else has to be wrong or emotionally simple. But I've given you my honest answer and told you what most guys think - and what's more you realise that they do and you plan on lying to guys in the future to cover your tracks. You just can't seem to accept my opinion and leave it alone - you always want to reply back and have the last word. Let's be clear - I would dump you - god I hope I would never date a girl like you - and most men would - there's a reason why men are doing it do you, there's a reason you made this thread - it's because my opinion is shared throughout this thread. What you are saying is incongruent - long term relationships mean years, but you're 23 - and you claim to have had 6....and 15 casual flings...and you know what, I'm not religious, I've slept with over 10 girls - quality girls I worked for like any other guy - and I'm already accused of being a manwhore. It's just you take things to extremes - guys don't care if you've been with other guys, they'd be hypocritical not to - they care if you've gone round and screwed the entire rugby team at school and sleep with hoards of men - which you have done. And your attitude about it, as I've said, is pretty woeful.
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    Lol this thread is funny
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    slut
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    (Original post by Rancorous)
    Yeah I was about to say the same thing - I really don't like you anonymous - and that's saying something on this forum particularly - because of your attitude towards sex, men and also towards other people generally - you are so conceited everyone else has to be wrong or emotionally simple. But I've given you my honest answer and told you what most guys think - and what's more you realise that they do and you plan on lying to guys in the future to cover your tracks. You just can't seem to accept my opinion and leave it alone - you always want to reply back and have the last word. Let's be clear - I would dump you - god I hope I would never date a girl like you - and most men would - there's a reason why men are doing it do you, there's a reason you made this thread - it's because my opinion is shared throughout this thread. What you are saying is incongruent - long term relationships mean years, but you're 23 - and you claim to have had 6....and 15 casual flings...and you know what, I'm not religious, I've slept with over 10 girls - quality girls I worked for like any other guy - and I'm already accused of being a manwhore. It's just you take things to extremes - guys don't care if you've been with other guys, they'd be hypocritical not to - they care if you've gone round and screwed the entire rugby team at school and sleep with hoards of men - which you have done. And your attitude about it, as I've said, is pretty woeful.
    Well everyone on this thread is telling me to. I do actually read what people write and take it on board and respect it, unlike you. :rolleyes:

    So 10 is ok for and 21 is suddenly extreme? PMSL get over yourself.
 
 
 
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