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How to tame an alpha male? Watch

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    (Original post by 2ndClass)
    No, No and NO lucia. You really don't understand guys.
    I should note that I never try to fully explain men on here or speak on their behalf. I'm merely explicating that people get the term 'alpha male' confused. They think that arrogant douchebags who are obsessed with the gym and talk endlessly about scoring with women are alpha males, but they aren't. True alpha males aren't like that. They don't need to big themselves up because they are already popular and charismatic and well-liked. They don't need to brag to assert their status. And they don't brag about sleeping with lots of women because their prowess is already evident to everyone around them. When I observe groups of men interacting, it's quite easy for me to figure out who's alpha and who isn't. But I wouldn't say there's a heavy dichotomy between alpha and beta. I'd say that most men are in-between.

    I have a friend who's an alpha male. He is married. He is too classy a guy to ever have gone around bedding lots of women but he's always won respect from people easily because he is quite charismatic. Lots of women find him very charming and he'd probably have a lot of choice if he was available to them. He knows what he wants out of life and he goes for it and has the confidence behind it to make what he does achievable. I learnt a lot from him, which I'm quite thankful for. You don't get a lot of people who see what they want out of life of life and really go for it whilst managing to win the respect of everyone around them. I keep faltering but I try to follow his mindset because I can see how it brings him success. But just being alpha does not make a guy irresistible to all woman. Alphas get rejected, but they shrug it off and don't let it affect them at all. They don't go around telling people about it either. Solution: Do what you do but never reveal to people how you do it. People will admire you because there's more mystery to you. Alphas (male and female) are skilled at communicating with others. They are very successful but they are also good at selling themselves. They know when not to speak and they know how to build themselves up in the best possible way.

    (Original post by 2ndClass)
    For one, guys don't look up to other guys. That's incredibly emasculating and quite frankly nonsensical. Second, "Alpha" guys who "lead" a social circle aren't particularly liked. I don't understand where this notion comes from to be honest. Men generally don't like to be dominated by other men
    I'd say men do look up to other men but this is largely subconscious. It is difficult for me to pinpoint but it definitely happens.
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    (Original post by ybbil)
    I recently just read the long thread on 'why girls go for alpha males'. As much as I hated the mysogyny of some posts on that thread, I can't really deny that I am attracted to alpha males.

    I think as I have got older (now being 19), I am more aware of the types of guys I like, as well as being more picky, where as when I was younger, I was still 'testing the water' in a kind of way. I just tend to go for alpha males now, but it doesn't work out because I won't allow myself to be emotionally degraded and toyed in the way that alpha males can potentially so please.

    SO, HOW TO GIRLS TAME ALPHA MALES?
    You can only tame an alpha male by becoming an alpha of alphas. But you can't because you are not a male.
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    I don't know if I already posted this but you get more interest from alpha males if you don't do what other girls do - basically, let them lead. Don't be the girl who chases after them. Act less impressed. And let them lead 'cause if you disrupt it by taking some lead yourself, they'll probably be put off.
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    Hi Qwenty,

    I guess we'll agree to disagree. I don't think someone's sexual predilections necessarily have anything to with whether they are alpha or not. For example you get plenty of alpha women who like to be dominated in the bedroom.

    But I definitely agree with what you said about Cosmopolitan. I've tried reading askmen.com. Is that any more accurate ,do you think?

    And I just want to say that fantasies don't always reflect reality. All I know is that when I like someone, I know it. I don't give much thought to how I interact with men and what particular men I find sexually appealing. So I think we should cut each other some slack because we can't help who we find attractive. Like I have this obsession with rugby players at the moment? Hey maybe it'll die down. I don't know. Oh I'm embarrassed now because I'm drunk, probably using poor grammar and revealing truths I don't want to reveal (as per usual).

    I'm in a confused state of mind. I think this is usual for people in their twenties. None of us really know who we are or what we want really. Do we?
    I don't know if you saw, but the point about the Rugby captain was just a humourous one. The point I was trying to make is that the world isn't black and white and I don't think you can divide men into alphas and betas. I don't believe in that. rather, I think everyone has a list of pros and cons that they deal with on a daily basis. What marks out those who are successful is that they find a way of dealing with their disadvantages better than those who can't (obviously!). You could have a guy who is a physical Adonis, has a great job, is a great lover etc. but is shy and can't talk to women. I actually know someone like this. I've known loads of girls who fancy him, but he just can't pick up on it.

    If I decide too play along and if we're going by definitions of 'alpha' and 'beta', then based on persona; experience and from what I know in general, then a lot of 'alpha' males do boast - arrogance is a side-effect of confidence -> a typical 'alpha' trait. While on this, a lot of men brag about their sexual conquests, it's part of that annoying sub-culture we call 'lad banter' or showing off to impress one's peers. A lot of guys do it, including 'alpha' and 'beta'.

    You'll find lots of rugby players who don't fit into the mould you describe/desire! I'm an avid rugby player/supporter yet myself and many other men are a far cry from (if you choose to subscribe to this notion) 'alpha' types. Which just goes to show you that it's not as clear-cut as we think.

    Look, don't feel embarrassed about anything (especially not about your grammar, which is great). We're constantly learning through-out our lives and we never stop. I make these observations because I'm 25 and I've been around the block (not in that way! :P ) having been a teen, a youth and a student. I've still got a lot to learn though. I still have no idea of what I'm looking for, but these things take time and continual observance of the opposite gender.
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    I don't think arrogance is a side-effect of confidence, in fact quite the opposite. Arrogance is what happens when people lacking in confidence try to overcompensate.

    Alpha and Beta are not two independent subspecies, but rather two ends of a spectrum of behavioural patterns defined by higher or lower levels of status within a social grouping. The terminology may be clumsy and frequently misunderstood, but its still a useful framework within which to analyse the social dynamics of a sub-group.
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    My mother has always told me never to enter into a relationship expecting to change someone. If you're hoping to change, or tame them, in order to make a succesful relationship, the chances are you shouldn't be together. There are plenty of women who thrive off relationships with dominant men and vice versa, don't waste your time 'taming' where there are plenty of other men who do not need it.
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    Stop going for morons?
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    I don't think arrogance is a side-effect of confidence, in fact quite the opposite. Arrogance is what happens when people lacking in confidence try to overcompensate.

    Alpha and Beta are not two independent subspecies, but rather two ends of a spectrum of behavioural patterns defined by higher or lower levels of status within a social grouping. The terminology may be clumsy and frequently misunderstood, but its still a useful framework within which to analyse the social dynamics of a sub-group.
    I've learnt a lot from reading your posts over the years. :moon:
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    (Original post by Spontogical)
    I've learnt a lot from reading your posts over the years. :moon:
    Really? Thanks
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    Its not a case of separation, its a case of their being a sliding scale with normal, happy, confident, successful people with high self esteem and social status at the "alpha" end, and various losers at the other (basement dwellers, internet mods, pickup artists etc).
    Actually this isn't even close to true.

    There absolutely is a black-and-white divide between alpha and beta males, at least at any given snapshot of a social gathering. Its perfectly possible to be a happy, confident, successful beta male (and know it and be content with it). Its also possible to be an unhappy unsuccessful alpha male.

    Alpha males have a combination of leadership qualities, strong extroversion and charisma. Alpha males make decisions, both for themselves and, when they think it appropriate, for other people.

    You can spot an alpha male in a group because they are the one recounting an anecdote which everyone is listening to, or the one other people keep bringing drinks for. Beta males often want approval and validation from alpha males. Alpha males have presence, and are often "cool".

    Thats not to say that any of the above qualities make you an alpha male - most of them are possible to have while being a beta or worse (outcast etc).


    Theres biological and evolutionary backing to most of this behaviour.
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    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    Actually this isn't even close to true.

    There absolutely is a black-and-white divide between alpha and beta males, at least at any given snapshot of a social gathering. Its perfectly possible to be a happy, confident, successful beta male (and know it and be content with it). Its also possible to be an unhappy unsuccessful alpha male.

    Alpha males have a combination of leadership qualities, strong extroversion and charisma. Alpha males make decisions, both for themselves and, when they think it appropriate, for other people.

    You can spot an alpha male in a group because they are the one recounting an anecdote which everyone is listening to, or the one other people keep bringing drinks for. Beta males often want approval and validation from alpha males. Alpha males have presence, and are often "cool".


    Theres biological and evolutionary backing to most of this behaviour.

    What is your definition of an alpha male HR? Simply social status?

    Do you not think there is a degree of hierarchy? For example, in your example if you had 5 beta males and one alpha male and the alpha disappeared off for some reason, would one of the beta males not unconsciously step up and assume his position in his absence?
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    (Original post by py0alb)
    What is your definition of an alpha male HR? Simply social status?

    Do you not think there is a degree of hierarchy? For example, in your example if you had 5 beta males and one alpha male and the alpha disappeared off for some reason, would one of the beta males not unconsciously step up and assume his position in his absence?
    It is entirely down to hierarchy but the existance of a hierarchy does not imply a continuous scale.

    I think you'd find in your example that the most likely event is that one of the beta males would actually change their behaviour to become alpha, from an objective standpoint, in the absence of an alpha male. I dont think they are "automatically" alpha just by being the next-most-confident or whatever. ITs quite possible to have a gathering where everyone is beta (though note that there are alpha nerds, alpha goths etc, with their own rules for alphadom within their own sphere).
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    Most alpha males aren't really true alpha males, they just think that by chasing all the women and shouting louder than everyone else this makes them "alpha". No, This just makes them immature and obnoxious without any self discipline or restraint. The opposite of the qualities an alpha male should have.

    Most of these guys are in fact Beta's trying desperately to be Alpha's by taking the cheap shortcut.

    I would say a Rennaisance man is more like a good example of a true alpha male than these fake hoons.
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    (Original post by HistoryRepeating)
    It is entirely down to hierarchy but the existance of a hierarchy does not imply a continuous scale.

    I think you'd find in your example that the most likely event is that one of the beta males would actually change their behaviour to become alpha, from an objective standpoint, in the absence of an alpha male. I dont think they are "automatically" alpha just by being the next-most-confident or whatever. ITs quite possible to have a gathering where everyone is beta (though note that there are alpha nerds, alpha goths etc, with their own rules for alphadom within their own sphere).
    Well not exactly continuous, because human beings are discrete individuals. But the presence of a hierarchy implies that there are degrees of alphaness and betaness, rather than two separate but internally indistinguishable sets.

    Is the difference in alphaness between the most alpha alpha and the least alpha alpha greater than the difference in alphaness between the least alpha alpha than the most alpha beta? I would suggest so.

    If I am correct, then a sliding scale model is considerable more appropriate than a discrete set model.
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    A true alpha male cannot be tamed because he truly does not give two s*** about women, he doesn't base his life around women and looks to accomplish his own goals in life. An alpha will dump any woman who seeks to 'tame' him and restrict his life. Women merely compliment his life as opposed to betas [ie 99% of the male population, in my experience], who spend their time chasing after women and revolve a large part of their life around women.
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    Im an alpha male.

    Id prove it to you, but im alpha, so I dont have to.

    Therefore I am alpha.
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    :whip:
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    (Original post by Lucia.)
    I should note that I never try to fully explain men on here or speak on their behalf. I'm merely explicating that people get the term 'alpha male' confused. They think that arrogant douchebags who are obsessed with the gym and talk endlessly about scoring with women are alpha males, but they aren't. True alpha males aren't like that. They don't need to big themselves up because they are already popular and charismatic and well-liked. They don't need to brag to assert their status. And they don't brag about sleeping with lots of women because their prowess is already evident to everyone around them. When I observe groups of men interacting, it's quite easy for me to figure out who's alpha and who isn't. But I wouldn't say there's a heavy dichotomy between alpha and beta. I'd say that most men are in-between.

    I have a friend who's an alpha male. He is married. He is too classy a guy to ever have gone around bedding lots of women but he's always won respect from people easily because he is quite charismatic. Lots of women find him very charming and he'd probably have a lot of choice if he was available to them. He knows what he wants out of life and he goes for it and has the confidence behind it to make what he does achievable. I learnt a lot from him, which I'm quite thankful for. You don't get a lot of people who see what they want out of life of life and really go for it whilst managing to win the respect of everyone around them. I keep faltering but I try to follow his mindset because I can see how it brings him success. But just being alpha does not make a guy irresistible to all woman. Alphas get rejected, but they shrug it off and don't let it affect them at all. They don't go around telling people about it either. Solution: Do what you do but never reveal to people how you do it. People will admire you because there's more mystery to you. Alphas (male and female) are skilled at communicating with others. They are very successful but they are also good at selling themselves. They know when not to speak and they know how to build themselves up in the best possible way.



    I'd say men do look up to other men but this is largely subconscious. It is difficult for me to pinpoint but it definitely happens.
    Doesn't it almost sound to start with like you objectively get what a truly alpha male is? then I realise that you don't. because Like everyone else you are subjective. Unless you were not reliant on certain attributes that alpha males have that could cloud your judegment though your hidden needs
    you wouldn't recognise what a truly alpha male is.

    Generally the very young and the very old seem to be relatively good at spotting what a truly alpha male is. Those inbetween these ages are too busy trying to be 'sarcastic', 'getting ahead', 'pseudo intellectual rather than truly emotional person'. Only with their own crashing failure might they appreciate the quietly subversive, considered, dry humour of the true alpha male.

    You could say that this makes a truly alpha male 'timeless'. I'm thinking the likes of classic gentleman actors such as Harrison Ford, Cary Grant. They often seem to share these qualities:

    a) they aspire to be the urbane image of the intellectual but they would never do anything as crass as making fun of either the unintellectual or the top tier of intellectuals. They wouldn't poke fun at someone in private for seeming very shy or geeky for instance.

    b) they might appear almost boringly traditional to some but in fact, in their youth at least, they will always certainly have had one foot in being at the cutting edge of their field - or at least been acutely aware of what is regarded as the cutting edge or the fashion (certainly not necessarily the same) and whether they associate themselves with it.

    I disagree with your idea about 'selling' themselves. The pseudo alpha male always gives a better impression of doing this because they are always trying so damned hard to impress even very mundane people in to liking them because they know that, secretly, they are rather mundane at their core. The true alpha male, by my idea of him, may spin a good yarn but he will never be afraid of telling the absolute truth of the matter in sure knowledge that it cannot dent his inner alpha status by doing so.
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    The whole point with alpha males is that they know the games and tricks girls use. If you can tame him, he was never an alpha male, he was a pretender. If he is a true alpha male, he can't be tamed.

    By the way I'm not saying girls are devious it's I know certain power plays and head bangs that girls do that a dude would never do.
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    (Original post by Desperate Prayer)
    Im an alpha male.

    Id prove it to you, but im alpha, so I dont have to.

    Therefore I am alpha.
    1st rule of alpha. Don't speak about being an alpha.

    2nd rule of alpha. If someone says they are alpha, they are not alpha.
 
 
 
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