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Asians, are you allowed to marry a girl/guy of your choice? Watch

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    (Original post by Consilio Et Animis)
    Well in Punjab, it's common to get married between the same castes. They don't even know the reasons themselves but follow it blindly. I don't think it's even to do with salaries. Like my caste apparently are meant to be landowning types so they don't get married to people who belong to lower castes like shoemakers, barbers etc.
    It hardly even applies now because we aren't in those countries and we don't carry out the same trade as our ancestors like how they used to in the olden days

    Like in your case, no matter how much your earning power has changed, it doesn't really matter. Only your caste. Bare gay. I've even explained to her the islamic POV and how outrageous her comments are but she's really ignorant. Allow her.

    I think all of us should be just viewed equally. None is superior to the other just because of what our ancestors did :wtf:
    How much do these people actually know about their castes? Surely in a culture where there is social mobility many people nowadays will not follow the same professions as their ancestors did? A much larger proportion of the population were employed in subsistence farming 100 years ago compared to now. So it is unlikely that were you from the 'farmer's caste' you would still be able to find a sufficent pool of eligible farmers available now (as a percentage of the population) compared to a century ago.

    Can you not make transitions between castes? What if someone was not born a landowner but through social mobility acquired enough money to own respectable tracts of land?

    Also, how would your grandmother actually know everbody's caste. I'm not actually aware of my caste since it has no bearing on my progress in Al-UK. Would your mother not approve of 'self-made' men and women (e.g. Sir Alan Sugar, Richard Branson, Dhirubhai Ambani) since they have quite easily transcended 'caste' barriers?
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    (Original post by AP1989)
    Culture and religion.
    what religion?
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    (Original post by de_monies)
    I don't think the caste issue is much of an issue in Pakistan administered Kashmir, but it may be so in other parts as you said. That said, you would probably get a few looks if someone came from a shoe making caste and married say a Choudhry or Raja. I think our so called "caste" is supposed to be about owning land etc... as well, but really when people come to the UK every one starts from the bottom

    Im not excusing my Dad's racism, but I can think of some reasons
    1) The Pakistan/Bangladeshi conflict. Young pakistani's and Bengalis living in these countries can quite easily get on. Why can't the older generation?
    2) The Muslim/Hindu conflict in India. Again, the younger generation can get on with each other. Why can't the older generations?-One of my friend is a Hindu
    3) The British rule of present day Pakistan, though admittedly he hasn't said much about the British at all-could be because he's seen sense when most of his customers are British

    Saying that, hes a light racist if one exists as he's made the comment "It doesn't matter if you're Indian, Pakistani, Arab, White etc... Your faith is the only thing that matters" in front of his friends
    Lol you're probably a Jatt too. Snap?
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    I am friends with a few boys lol, i just can't meet up with them in public and stuff. If people see you together they'll tell everyone they saw you with a boy and call you a slut. Then it'll go around the WHOLE community, and get back to your own family. Not that i care, but my parents do, and i don't want to go through the hassle again. It brings "shame" on them because it's like saying that they didn't raise their daughter properly, because she's apparently "promiscuous" and hangs out with boys. It's just seen as a bad thing to hang out with a boy, boys and girls are kind of supposed to be kept seperate. It's like the parents responsibility to keep their daughters away from boys and in the house learning to cook! I know it's ridiculous.

    Hahaha, these auntiya are stupid *****es. Gender equality is NOT prevalent in the Indian community. And they don't acknowledge that having a friend that's a boy is not a big deal, because their lives consist of gossiping about others. I mean, if they see you out with friends at night, that's another thing to gossip about. "Those parents, letting their daughters go out at all hours of the night, it's disgraceful!"
    Haha dude, I understand totally what you're saying. I'm a british born muslim indian, and whilst my parents aren't thaat strict, they're still pretty much old fashioned in most their views. I can only marry someone who is my kind of muslim (shia, and we're a minority). They're not too fussed about exactly where they're from just as long as they're from a good family and same values and shizzle.

    I had my first bf a year ago and i (stupidly, i know) told my dad about it, who told my mum, who blew her top... that relationship didn't last for long :/ they put so much pressure on me to end it. my mum was all like "our reputation will be shattered... people will think i've been brought up badly... i won't be able to marry anyone when i'm older and my sister's lives will be jeopardised because of it..." TOTALL BULL. its the same with guy friends, i haven't made it a secret that i have friends who are guys and my parents have had to accept that. but my mum dislikes that fact, but there's nothing she can do about it.
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    (Original post by de_monies)
    You don't understand the Asian community. The older generation are basically like the police
    Oh really?

    They hold no moral authority in Europe. They do not override British Common Law. And they should be aware of that.
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    (Original post by H.JJJ)
    Asian parents:-

    Stubborn:

    stub·born/?st?b?rn/Adjective
    1. Having or showing dogged determination not to change one's attitude or position on something, esp. in spite of good arguments or reasons to do so.
    When you are financially independent and self-sufficient, why does their stubborness and irrationality actually matter anymore? They can't prosecute you.
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    I don't understand why you cannot become financially independent and move out. Then surely you can marry and see whoever you want? As effofex said, they can't sue you.
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    (Original post by effofex)
    How much do these people actually know about their castes? Surely in a culture where there is social mobility many people nowadays will not follow the same professions as their ancestors did? A much larger proportion of the population were employed in subsistence farming 100 years ago compared to now. So it is unlikely that were you from the 'farmer's caste' you would still be able to find a sufficent pool of eligible farmers available now (as a percentage of the population) compared to a century ago.

    Can you not make transitions between castes? What if someone was not born a landowner but through social mobility acquired enough money to own respectable tracts of land?

    Also, how would your grandmother actually know everbody's caste. I'm not actually aware of my caste since it has no bearing on my progress in Al-UK. Would your mother not approve of 'self-made' men and women (e.g. Sir Alan Sugar, Richard Branson, Dhirubhai Ambani) since they have quite easily transcended 'caste' barriers?
    Obviously she can't know everyone's caste but she does randomly ask people she's just met If you want to get married, that's like one of the first thing she'd probably ask. There are a few common ones in punjabis so it's not like they're going to be unheard of. I agree with you 100%. If someone starts off from a really low caste and work their way up, why still be prejudiced? It's so stupid. My mum isn't that backwards. She'd probably prefer a boy of the same caste but she doesn't think that we're superior to the rest. My gran, allow her. She's not even my real gran so doesn't really get a say My dad is proper open minded on the other hand. He doesn't give a **** about caste or anything. Just idiots reducing the gene pool :rofl:
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    (Original post by hg345)
    I don't understand why you cannot become financially independent and move out. Then surely you can marry and see whoever you want? As effofex said, they can't sue you.
    you can. but your parents could easily break off all ties with you for doing so. and a lot of people are too scared of doing that cause it means you're just on your own.
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    (Original post by effofex)
    So you are effectively prohibited from socializing or interacting with 49% of population then? Do you live in a small town - since if you live in a small town maybe people all know each other fairly well. I live in London where alot of people are anonymous to each other since it is such a large city.

    Are these auntiyas not aware that a boy may often be a friend, lab partner, colleague, sports competitor etc. and not a sexual partner? Why do they assume that it is 'promiscuous' to associate with boys? So in their eyes, does this make any woman who works in a workplace alongisde male colleagues promiscuous? Because if so, surely they would have severe difficulties in getting employment? How do your auntiyas expect multinational corporations to function if there has to be gender segregation? I'm genuinely curious! - have you brought this point up with them before?

    I was born in India and work with Indian colleagues (both male and female) and have not come across this attitude before. Also in my previous workplace I had a female MD, female line manager and female floor manager and I didn't face any issues from South Asian colleagues at all. Do they not have other issues or interests in their lives (e.g. politics, sports, society, shopping, literature, comedy, soaps, TV, films etc.) that they can discuss? Also, what happens if you are in a job where you have to work long hours (my previous hours were 5pm - 1am when I was still at university) - surely this will mean you have to often travel home late at night?

    Also, why the importance on cooking? I'm fairly sure a growing number of men nowadays can cook and have no need for a woman for that, especially given the ready-meal industry.
    Where do i start, lol. I live in a town where there are quite few indians in comparison to other places, so everyone knows everyone. Especially since all the Sikhs congregate at the Temple. So if someone saw you one day, they would know "that's [tgjwetuwath]'s daughter."

    "Are these auntiyas not aware that a boy may often be a friend, lab partner, colleague, sports competitor etc. and not a sexual partner?"
    No.

    "Why do they assume that it is 'promiscuous' to associate with boys? So in their eyes, does this make any woman who works in a workplace alongisde male colleagues promiscuous?"
    I don't know, that's just the way it is, that's the way it's always been. It's seen as slutty to talk to boys who aren't related to you, because they assume you're flirting or whatever. I doubt it, as long as women keep their distance from men and avoid extra conversation. That's literally the way they think. I mean, if you're married, then talking to another man when you don't need to is frowned upon. So of course, if you're young like me, talking to any boy is frowned upon.

    "Have you brought this point up with them before?"
    Do you think i talk to them? Haha, i hate them, i used to avoid going to the Temple because i knew they'd be there lurking, readily waiting to comment on stupid things like what i'm wearing. They also talk about me in Punjabi while i'm there, assuming i can't understand them. Fools!

    "Do they not have other issues or interests in their lives (e.g. politics, sports, society, shopping, literature, comedy, soaps, TV, films etc.) that they can discuss?"
    Quite honestly, they prefer to discuss other people's lives.

    "Also, what happens if you are in a job where you have to work long hours (my previous hours were 5pm - 1am when I was still at university) - surely this will mean you have to often travel home late at night?"
    I don't think they'd be lurking around at 1am but what can i say? It's just a gossipy community and i try to avoid it, but if they see me they'll try to stir up some shiz. It's just the way it is. Remember that these women are all retired, and spend their days moaning about everything like "todays generation"

    "Also, why the importance on cooking?"
    Cutlure - women expected to cook for their husbands. If you think that idea has died out, it certainly hasn't.
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    (Original post by Consilio Et Animis)
    Lol you're probably a Jatt too. Snap?
    Yup. How'd you guess?

    (Original post by effofex)
    Oh really?

    They hold no moral authority in Europe. They do not override British Common Law. And they should be aware of that.
    That wasn't meant to be literal; more metaphorical. In Pakistan, they don't override Pakistani law either, but if someone in the older generation is annoyed, then you are in some trouble.

    On their identity cards, they even made people show their father's name. Wth?
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    (Original post by tania<3)
    Haha dude, I understand totally what you're saying. I'm a british born muslim indian, and whilst my parents aren't thaat strict, they're still pretty much old fashioned in most their views. I can only marry someone who is my kind of muslim (shia, and we're a minority). They're not too fussed about exactly where they're from just as long as they're from a good family and same values and shizzle.

    I had my first bf a year ago and i (stupidly, i know) told my dad about it, who told my mum, who blew her top... that relationship didn't last for long :/ they put so much pressure on me to end it. my mum was all like &quot;our reputation will be shattered... people will think i've been brought up badly... i won't be able to marry anyone when i'm older and my sister's lives will be jeopardised because of it...&quot; TOTALL BULL. its the same with guy friends, i haven't made it a secret that i have friends who are guys and my parents have had to accept that. but my mum dislikes that fact, but there's nothing she can do about it.
    Urgh, that's exactly what i'm told! "No one will want to marry you now" because i've had a boyfriend and performed a sexual act. I say, why would i want to be with some sexist ****er who rejects me just because i've had a boyfriend? But it makes no difference. Hahah i have never met up with a guy friend before cause i just don't want to bloody hassle of it all.


    (Original post by tania<3)
    you can. but your parents could easily break off all ties with you for doing so. and a lot of people are too scared of doing that cause it means you're just on your own.
    Exactly. It's not like we have no solution to our problems, we could leave, reject all these cultural values and norms, we could wait until we're financially independent... but that would mean leaving our families completely, and i don't want to do that.
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    (Original post by effofex)
    When you are financially independent and self-sufficient, why does their stubborness and irrationality actually matter anymore? They can't prosecute you.

    No idea where you got financial independence from, it has nothing to do with cash.
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    I think so...hopefully haha.

    Tsr is making it so easy for me to procrastinate.. stop it :mad: back to your lab report! :work:
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    It depends. I think my parents would expect my husband to be a Muslim and have a decent job. Race is not much of an issue.
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    I am friends with a few boys lol, i just can't meet up with them in public and stuff. If people see you together they'll tell everyone they saw you with a boy and call you a slut. Then it'll go around the WHOLE community, and get back to your own family. Not that i care, but my parents do, and i don't want to go through the hassle again. It brings "shame" on them because it's like saying that they didn't raise their daughter properly, because she's apparently "promiscuous" and hangs out with boys. It's just seen as a bad thing to hang out with a boy, boys and girls are kind of supposed to be kept seperate. It's like the parents responsibility to keep their daughters away from boys and in the house learning to cook! I know it's ridiculous.

    Hahaha, these auntiya are stupid *****es. Gender equality is NOT prevalent in the Indian community. And they don't acknowledge that having a friend that's a boy is not a big deal, because their lives consist of gossiping about others. I mean, if they see you out with friends at night, that's another thing to gossip about. "Those parents, letting their daughters go out at all hours of the night, it's disgraceful!"


    Ever seen "Bend it like Beckham?"
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    (Original post by de_monies)
    You don't understand the Asian community. The older generation are basically like the police
    More like TV Licence officers.

    In reality they have no authority over you. They're only able to control you if you buy into their supposed authority and let them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OMG I love your parents, I wish mine would let me marry anyone who is Muslim I mean why don't they realise that it doesn't matter what colour or race you are being Muslim is the only thing that matters.

    My parents are pretty much fine with me and siblings finding someone but it goes without saying that they have to be Pakistani! I once tried the whole mum you know islam doesn't discriminate against race and it was like she could sense exactly what I was saying she was like don't even think about! DAMN!!

    I can see where they are coming from you know people from the same race are easier to get along with but seriously people we need to intergrate!

    And it sucks for me as I am not attracted to Pakistani or Asian guys they repulse me, so I have no idea what I am going to do
    oh yeah?
    asian guys find you ' bad girl' asian women *****y, ugly, shallow, and morose.
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Actually in my culture it's only really seen as important for a girl to be a virgin before she's married. My brother is able to have a girlfriend and have sex, everyone knows it but nobody cares. This is the case in many other instances, and i'm told "that's just the way it is."

    Well i know that the majority of people don't really care about that nowadays, but those who are still grounded in their culture do. I keep saying that no one will know whether i'm a virgin or not but it doesn't seem to matter. Typically it comes down to what others say; if some old auntiya from the temple see me with a boy, they'll spread the news that i'm not a virgin, which in turn will bring shame on my family. I don't agree with it, don't like it, but i'm just explaining the way it is.
    hi roshnidiya im just wondering what religion u are. judging by the temple thing ur not muslim most likely hindu or sikh or maybe even jain or buddhist lol
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    (Original post by RoshniDiya)
    Urgh, that's exactly what i'm told! "No one will want to marry you now" because i've had a boyfriend and performed a sexual act. I say, why would i want to be with some sexist ****er who rejects me just because i've had a boyfriend? But it makes no difference. Hahah i have never met up with a guy friend before cause i just don't want to bloody hassle of it all.




    Exactly. It's not like we have no solution to our problems, we could leave, reject all these cultural values and norms, we could wait until we're financially independent... but that would mean leaving our families completely, and i don't want to do that.
    i want to marry a girl who is part of my religion, but, i don't want to be forced to marry one race, or be forced to marry a certain girl in our little community
    i mean my religion does not tolerate racism
    it's stupid
    'ohh they have to be pakistani, they have to be asian, they have to be portugese or spanish'

    WHAT THE HELL
 
 
 
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