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my gf said I should take her name if we get married Watch

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    Without trying to sound confrontational - why is it so important to either of you that children have a name that gets passed on? It doesn't guarantee that it'll be passed on for future generations and at the moment, it sounds as though it's a matter of 'it's important because it. just. is' but is that really good enough for either of you?
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    (Original post by DOA)
    Its the fact we both was to pass our names on and hate double names. If i dont pass mine on, my family names in worse trouble than hers is now because she has male cousins but i dont
    You gotta keep up your surname then...
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    (Original post by Jonty99)
    Surely that's a fairly good reason that your name should be the one you pass on?

    I don't see how she could argue against that.
    I think that will be my main point but she might think its too far to be consider her branch
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    Either keep your own names or have double-barrelled names. Then if it's the first option, if it's a boy first keep yours and if it's a girl first then keep hers OR Double barrelled names for the kids too...?
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    I hope you can deal with your surname being "*****-face" :P lul'd
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    (Original post by DOA)
    My main arguement is the fact im the only male so am the only one who can pass it on and my name would be as much trouble as hers is now
    I understand, she has other sisters who can keep the surname, whilst your the only 1 that can keep yours. If she understands it i dont see why she cant compromise, 1 of her sisters can promise to keep the surname, especially if they marry a bloke who doesnt mind keeping hers.
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    (Original post by Silver fern)
    Without trying to sound confrontational - why is it so important to either of you that children have a name that gets passed on? It doesn't guarantee that it'll be passed on for future generations and at the moment, it sounds as though it's a matter of 'it's important because it. just. is' but is that really good enough for either of you?
    Its just i want to know i did my bit to pass it on
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    (Original post by Tempa)
    Give the b1tch (no offence) a slap for even raising this question.
    Tosser.
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    (Original post by Spexzzz)
    I understand, she has other sisters who can keep the surname, whilst your the only 1 that can keep yours. If she understands it i dont see why she cant compromise, 1 of her sisters can promise to keep the surname, especially if they marry a bloke who doesnt mind keeping hers.
    One of my sisters could do what shes doing but im the best place to pass it
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    (Original post by menagerie)
    No it doesn't. Changing from Jones to Smith is very different than changing from John to Sandra. I'm not advocating either option, but I don't think your comparison is reasonable.

    I don't see how either the man or woman has a 'dominant' role, whatever that means. Each person has different strengths and weaknesses and brings different things to the relationship.

    I don't think there should be an expectation for either partner to take the other's name in marriage.
    :sigh: you're a girl you wouldn't understand, for any guy it's a big deal.

    i agree that each person brings different things, but the guy should still be the guy in the relationship, not become submissive to his girlfriend, which taking her surname is the ultimate admission of.

    if you're not going to take my surname, for me at least, there wont be a marriage. Fortunately most girls take and enjoy taking the guys name
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    (Original post by DOA)
    Its just i want to know i did my bit to pass it on
    That's fair enough, but it doesn't sound like either of you will back down on this, and I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to do so just because you're the guy and it's the tradition (not your words, what some of the others have said on this thread).

    I don't know if anyone suggested this, but instead of a hyphenated surname, have one of your surnames as a middle name? It still creates that tug of war of which name becomes the middle name ( ), but it gives the kid the option of choosing which one it prefers when it's older.
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      Why not retain both your names? As in she keeps her surname etc and then when you have children they can have the double barrel names.
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      (Original post by Yawn11)
      This is what happens when women are let loose out of bounds of the kitchen and rest of household.

      They get these silly ideas in their heads.

      what the **** is the world coming to
      Seriously, just imagine what you just said, but put black slave in instead of women! you just wouldn't that? and you shouldn't! Wft, are people like you still prepetuaing sexism, it is ridiculous. Therefore I say this in the nicest of ways, stop being a Prick.
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      if you're not going to take my surname, for me at least, there wont be a marriage.
      That's pretty much what my ex said. But then, he was a lousy boyfriend, he would have been an even lousier husband, so all isn't lost when presented with that little conundrum
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      (Original post by jcas)
      Seriously, just imagine what you just said, but put black slave in instead of women! you just wouldn't that? and you shouldn't! Wft, are people like you still prepetuaing sexism, it is ridiculous. Therefore I say this in the nicest of ways, stop being a Prick.
      White man and black man shook hands and settled their differences.

      Realizing that the woman could just do all the house work instead.
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      (Original post by Yawn11)
      White man and black man shook hands and settled their differences.

      Realizing that the woman could just do all the house work instead.

      Oh so you don't condone Racism but fully support Sexism! Oh glad I cleared that up. Brillant to know people like this still exist today!
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      What are both of your surnames?

      Post a poll in H&R and we'll pick.
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      I think a reasonable solution would be a portmanteau.
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      (Original post by Drumzilla)
      :sigh: you're a girl you wouldn't understand, for any guy it's a big deal.

      i agree that each person brings different things, but the guy should still be the guy in the relationship, not become submissive to his girlfriend, which taking her surname is the ultimate admission of.

      if you're not going to take my surname, for me at least, there wont be a marriage. Fortunately most girls take and enjoy taking the guys name
      Why would you put an ultimatum on it? If you respect and want to marry her and she wants to keep her name why would you insist she changes it or the wedding doesn't happen? Isn't it about more than a surname?

      And no, I don't understand. Fair enough you don't want to change your name, but can't you then see how hypocritical you're being?
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      (Original post by menagerie)
      Why would you put an ultimatum on it? If you respect and want to marry her and she wants to keep her name why would you insist she changes it or the wedding doesn't happen? Isn't it about more than a surname?

      And no, I don't understand. Fair enough you don't want to change your name, but can't you then see how hypocritical you're being?
      it's not the name itself but what it represents

      for me specifically, i have quite strong family ties, in fact i am currently wearing a signet ring that gets given to every male in my family when they turn 18, and there is no way I'm breaking that tradition for any woman.

      but even if that weren't true and i had your bog standard surname, smith or something. the desire to keep the name is still part of who i am, and if she can't accept that, then she can't accept me. I'm not saying i'd break up with her, but if we were going to get married we'd have to take my name.

      perhaps it is a little irrational, and it is only a name, but it's important to me and evidently to many other men.
     
     
     
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