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Explaining asexuality to sexuals Watch

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    (Original post by Jelkin)
    I don't get why "sexual" people are so confused about asexuality. I am the former, but I know what it is not to fancy someone and not to feel like having sex. I don't see what is so confusing about it!
    That's much easier to understand. What people find it harder to understand is that a) asexuals can and do fancy other people and b) some do feel like having sex.
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    I identify as asexual, under the definition that I don't experience sexual attraction. I'm not aromantic; I am romantically attracted to men, but have no interest in sex or sexual activity. However, I'm not averse to a certain amount of physical contact - hugging, cuddling, but not sexually intimate contact.

    I'm not a virgin.
    I don't masturbate, and never have.

    I tried relationships, but never wanted to go all the way, so I'd abruptly back off. I got called frigid by one guy, a prick-tease by another. I tried sex, but got nothing out of it. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. It's only recently - within the last two years or so - that I've accepted my orientation. I never told anyone, because explaining it just seemed too complicated. I finally told my brother (who's gay) and my sister (who's married), and a very close male friend (who didn't 'get it' but accepts it). I've also told a guy who I've gotten close to. He really likes me, and I'm very fond of him, and I wanted him to know up front.

    I can either live without a relationship (which I'm absolutely fine with), find an asexual man where there's a mutual attraction (difficult) or expect a heterosexual male to enter into a relationship where he won't have sex. Not very fair.

    I don't know what's going to happen with the guy I mentioned above. He says he's ok with my asexuality and knows what that means, but we'll see how things go.

    How to explain asexuality? Damn, it's complicated.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    That's much easier to understand. What people find it harder to understand is that a) asexuals can and do fancy other people and b) some do feel like having sex.
    Oh, okay. You're right, that is confusing!
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    (Original post by amaranthus)
    I identify as asexual, under the definition that I don't experience sexual attraction. I'm not aromantic; I am romantically attracted to men, but have no interest in sex or sexual activity. However, I'm not averse to a certain amount of physical contact - hugging, cuddling, but not sexually intimate contact.

    I'm not a virgin.
    I don't masturbate, and never have.

    I tried relationships, but never wanted to go all the way, so I'd abruptly back off. I got called frigid by one guy, a prick-tease by another. I tried sex, but got nothing out of it. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. It's only recently - within the last two years or so - that I've accepted my orientation. I never told anyone, because explaining it just seemed too complicated. I finally told my brother (who's gay) and my sister (who's married), and a very close male friend (who didn't 'get it' but accepts it). I've also told a guy who I've gotten close to. He really likes me, and I'm very fond of him, and I wanted him to know up front.

    I can either live without a relationship (which I'm absolutely fine with), find an asexual man where there's a mutual attraction (difficult) or expect a heterosexual male to enter into a relationship where he won't have sex. Not very fair.

    I don't know what's going to happen with the guy I mentioned above. He says he's ok with my asexuality and knows what that means, but we'll see how things go.

    How to explain asexuality? Damn, it's complicated.
    Do you get anything from giving? Hand/blow jobs?
    I don't mean sexually, but feeling like you're helping scratch an itch, satisfaction in that kind of way?

    Edit: Indirect pleasure because you're pleasuring them.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Do you get anything from giving? Hand/blow jobs?
    I don't mean sexually, but feeling like you're helping scratch an itch, satisfaction in that kind of way?

    Edit: Indirect pleasure because you're pleasuring them.
    No, I've never given a hand/blow job. Not something I've ever wanted to - or would want to - do. In the interest of full disclosure, I have been fingered, but it did nothing for me.
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    (Original post by Yawn11)
    Hmm no. I mean I get what you're trying to say, but that's different. Like I wouldn't really need to having already slept with a woman - and being active.

    I can understand some people having little or no interest in sex, I mean even I go through periods of it like I am now.

    But I can stand the use of asexuality - because in reality it doesn't exist in the human race. We aren't coded to function that way and it goes against evolution.

    And just anticipating that over used argument "yeah but many homosexuals claim to have been born with it".

    I don't believe that either, science hasn't denied or confirmed it.
    It's found in the animal kingdom as well.

    PS. It's not like asexuals can't have children. You could say the same about people who don't believe in love.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    So, is asexuality a biological "disorder" in humans or is it psychological?
    I believe that calling any non heterosexual orientation a disorder is akin to saying there's something wrong with you. Homo, bi, trans or a - they're all valid orientations.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    That's much easier to understand. What people find it harder to understand is that a) asexuals can and do fancy other people and b) some do feel like having sex.
    It's cause of all the various definitions that slide under asexuality. It's like a blanket term that most people haven't really heard of before.

    But even then it's not that difficullt

    There's so many H&R threads about the person who likes the other girl and guy, but isn't sexually attracted to them. After posting though, lots of people just tell that that it's purely platonic friendship.

    When everything is tied up together. There isn't really any need to make the distinction between all the attraction components, so people are often confused about when they come across that sort of problem.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    So, is asexuality a biological "disorder" in humans or is it psychological?
    What would you consider a disorder?

    As for it's origins. It's probably both considering that they are often interlinked.
    Think about it: Is being hetrosexual purely biological/psychological? Probably not.
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    I put it in quotation marks, is that not enough?!

    Okay, I'll rephrase - is this abnormal condition of asexuality, biological or psychological?
    Sorry, but words like 'disorder' and 'abnormal' tend to get my back up. Negative connotations, etc.

    As for whether it's biological or psychological, I don't know. Possibly both. Are sexual orientations as a whole biological or psychological, nature or nurture? Asexuality is an orientation in my mind, so ask the same question of heterosexuality. If there's a definitive answer to that, apply to asexuality. I know that some people might be asexual due to personal experiences, but speaking for myself, that's not the case for me.
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    That's much easier to understand. What people find it harder to understand is that a) asexuals can and do fancy other people and b) some do feel like having sex.
    How does that work, if an asexual person can fancy someone and want to have sex with them..?
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    How does that work, if an asexual person can fancy someone and want to have sex with them..?
    Not want to have sex with them, just want to have sex in general. Asexuality is lack of sexual attraction (other attractions exist) towards people, not lack of a sex drive.
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    (Original post by missygeorgia)
    How does that work, if an asexual person can fancy someone and want to have sex with them..?
    Read this for more info: http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html
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    (Original post by amaranthus)
    No, I've never given a hand/blow job. Not something I've ever wanted to - or would want to - do. In the interest of full disclosure, I have been fingered, but it did nothing for me.
    Not even from an exercise point of view:awesome:.
    I think most people would probably look at you in a bad light based on what you've said. But maybe I'm wrong, I personally think it's fine, it's just a shame that social norms seem to assume everyone is sexual.
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    So can you...reproduce by yourself?
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    (Original post by maskofsanity)
    I put it in quotation marks, is that not enough?!

    Okay, I'll rephrase - is this abnormal condition of asexuality, biological or psychological?
    Does it have to fit into one or another?
    I'm not sure you can boil human existence down into those categories.
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    (Original post by there's too much love)
    Not even from an exercise point of view:awesome:.
    I think most people would probably look at you in a bad light based on what you've said. But maybe I'm wrong, I personally think it's fine, it's just a shame that social norms seem to assume everyone is sexual.
    Exchange 'bad' for 'weird' or 'odd' and you're probably closer But yes, it is a shame.

    (Original post by edd360)
    So can you...reproduce by yourself?
    Yeah, Edd, I regularly partake in a little binary fission :P

    Asexuality - NOT EQUAL TO - Asexual Reproduction
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    (Original post by TheSownRose)
    That's much easier to understand. What people find it harder to understand is that a) asexuals can and do fancy other people and b) some do feel like having sex.
    That's because that doesn't make any sense at all.
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    (Original post by The Boney King of Nowhere)
    That's because that doesn't make any sense at all.
    It kind of does if you think hard about it. So they can "fancy" someone in a romantic, but not sexual way. And they can like the physical feeling of sex. But to them the two aren't linked.
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    (Original post by Psyk)
    It kind of does if you think hard about it. So they can "fancy" someone in a romantic, but not sexual way. And they can like the physical feeling of sex. But to them the two aren't linked.
    Fancying someone to me always implied being sexually attracted to them, the idea of fancying someone in just a romantic way is completely bizarre. I guess being a sex-mad guy I just won't understand
 
 
 
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