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Girls, would you change your surname to your husband's when you married? watch

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  • View Poll Results: Girls,would you change your surname?;Guys, do you expect your wives to change theirs?
    Yes
    237
    71.82%
    No
    93
    28.18%

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    If he had a surname like Moriarty I'd change in a heartbeat, 'Mrs Moriarty' sounds brilliant!
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    (Original post by Br1stol)
    I really cant stand this. It is tradition and has happened for generation upon generation. I think it is purely offensive to refuse to someone who you are planning on spending the rest of your life with a tradition which their ancestors has followed simply because of your 'strong' views on this. If it was the other was around and it was the man who took the women's name, I would gladly accept and respect the tradition that goes along with it. I think today soo many people have lost the importance of tradition, and this whole feminism can be taken way too far.
    Traditions are ever-changing and the irrelevant ones are discarded over time. That's how a society evolves. By your logic, we could still go on following the tradition of the chastity belt or not allowing women to inherit property and so on because after all, that was what the ancestors followed. Surname change was an important tradition in the past because marriage was an institution that enabled stronger family ties and more power. Oh, and yeah, women were passed on as property from one man to another in exchange for goats/sheep/cows/[insert relevant animal]. Since marriage is not a way to increase your clan's power and a woman's worth is no longer in animals, this tradition is kind of redundant.

    By the way, I am from India. In my part of the country, there's a strong rural "tradition" of female foeticide/infanticide that has been followed for centuries. I don't believe that it is offensive if someone opposes this tradition because they feel strongly against it even if it has been followed by their ancestors.
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    (Original post by dring)
    Oh noes, people have lost their sense of tradition, leading to terrible crimes like (*gasp*) women not taking their husbands names when they marry.

    I can't really understand why you'd even think 'we have done X for a long time' equates to 'X should continue being done'. It isn't logical, it has no particular value, there are even reasons not to do it...but for some reason you attach value to it because of the word 'tradition'.

    Thats hardly my point. I just think that there shouldn't be a huge debate for something as trivial as a surname when you have found someone you want to start a family with. And yes traditions are important it is a way of doing things which is handed down from generation to generation. Obviously there are some things which need to adapt for modern society, but for something like a last name come on!
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    As long as their surname isn't more generic than mine, sure, why not. If it is more generic, I've had 20 years of being mixed up with several other girls, I'm not letting it get worse!
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    (Original post by Cicerao)
    If we're going to take what happened 1000 years ago as relevant today then why would you get married at all?
    I don't know about a thousand years ago. Women couldn't vote until 1918 you know. The idea of women as their husbands' or fathers' property isn't that far behind us in history, and the idea that women need to be guided by their husbands and subservient to them was certainly common in, for example, Victorian times, and even later than that. Even during much of the 20th century the husband was viewed as naturally head of the household, and in some places still is. I actually did consider objecting to marriage altogether, but I think that it's unecessary. As women become self-sufficient economically an equal relationship between the sexes has become achieveable, and I feel that marriage can be reimagined to reflect a true partnership rather than an unequal bond. I personally don't feel it's necessary, but in the right circumstances I would like to get married, as it is a pleasant way to celebrate your relationship in the presence of your family and friends and to make a clear statement of your committment to each other. If you remove the patriarchal trappings, it's quite nice really
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    (Original post by Br1stol)
    Thats hardly my point. I just think that there shouldn't be a huge debate for something as trivial as a surname when you have found someone you want to start a family with. And yes traditions are important it is a way of doing things which is handed down from generation to generation. Obviously there are some things which need to adapt for modern society, but for something like a last name come on!
    You've just said exactly what you claim isn't your point. Again.
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    (Original post by Br1stol)
    I really cant stand this. It is tradition and has happened for generation upon generation. I think it is purely offensive to refuse to someone who you are planning on spending the rest of your life with a tradition which their ancestors has followed simply because of your 'strong' views on this. If it was the other was around and it was the man who took the women's name, I would gladly accept and respect the tradition that goes along with it. I think today soo many people have lost the importance of tradition, and this whole feminism can be taken way too far.
    It's nothing to do with "strong" views. I'm half-Italian, and my partner is Greek. In Italy, a woman keeps the name she was given at birth, we don't change our name, but sometimes informally we'll be double barrelled (kind of). In Greece the women doesn't change their name at all. And the English half of me agrees with the Italian half of me that it's outdated. If I married an English guy, he'd have to accept that I see no reason for me to take his name. I am not a traditionalist, I wouldn't even marry in a church, if at all, so I imagine the person I am with (if it's not my current partner who is of the same beliefs as me) would respect my decision and understand that it comes with the package. I couldn't marry someone who held a grudge against me for not taking his name, the relationship would not work if one is holding a grudge for the entire relationship. But I just find it outdated and tbqh, rather pointless.
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    (Original post by Rothers)
    I wouldn't mind if my wife didn't change her name but if we had kids I would prefer them to have my name but I think the way it works is the kids take the name of their mother regardless :/
    They can have whichever last name you want them to. My parents aren't married and I have my dad's name.
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    (Original post by Antifazian)
    Why then, isn't it also spoilt for a man to decide that he wants the woman to assume his name?
    Surely wanting to keep your own name, AND have someone else take it on as well is more selfish?

    Such a double standard.
    It's tradition for the woman to take the man's last name so no, the man isn't being spoilt. It's out of the ordinary for a woman to not take the man's last name, so the man would be within his rights to question his wife's love for him.

    (Original post by Schmokie Dragon)
    So it's spoilt to want to keep something, but not spoilt to demand someone gives you something?

    What's wrong with being a feminist? Feminists don't refuse to change their name because they think the man will magically own them if they do, they refuse to change their name because there is no sane or rational reason for this imbalance to exist between male and female priviledge and expectations. The man doesn't have a right to *anything* simply because he is a man and the woman isn't selfish or spoilt because she refuses to submit to male priviledge.



    Soooo . . . why shouldn't the man take your name to show his committment?
    There is no male privilege!

    The man is welcome to take the woman's name and the woman is welcome to keep her own name, but I'd definitely question a woman's love for her husband if she refuses to, and I think it's spoilt and kicking up a fuss for the sake of kicking up a fuss, and I will definitely take my boyfriend's last name when we marry because it is tradition and as his wife, it will show I'm part of his family now.
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    I might change mine. I don't like my last name as it's too common, but I'm the end of the line...
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    (Original post by Scout-)
    Traditions are ever-changing and the irrelevant ones are discarded over time. That's how a society evolves. By your logic, we could still go on following the tradition of the chastity belt or not allowing women to inherit property and so on because after all, that was what the ancestors followed. Surname change was an important tradition in the past because marriage was an institution that enabled stronger family ties and more power. Oh, and yeah, women were passed on as property from one man to another in exchange for goats/sheep/cows/[insert relevant animal]. Since marriage is not a way to increase your clan's power and a woman's worth is no longer in animals, this tradition is kind of redundant.

    By the way, I am from India. In my part of the country, there's a strong rural "tradition" of female foeticide/infanticide that has been followed for centuries. I don't believe that it is offensive if someone opposes this tradition because they feel strongly against it even if it has been followed by their ancestors.
    Yes I agree that some traditions are outdated and need to change for modern society. But at the same time it shows where we have come from and how far we have come. I just think that for someone to say that under no circumstance would i ever take my partners name to be petty and disrespectful. I mean I know for sure I would have no problem taking my partners name because of at the end of the day that's all it is, a name.
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    no! my surname is awesome tbh.

    I've also worked really hard using this name. When I graduate I want to be Dr Lekky, not Dr someone-elses-name.
    I'm the last one in my line (in England), I don't want the name to die out.
    And I do love my last name.
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    I've always assumed that when I got married, my wife would take my name. I've also always been a little disappointed that I was given my mothers surname and not my fathers, to me it feels as though I'll be discontinuing his lineage. I don't really think that it matters to most women if they have to change their name, whereas for men, it's often something important to signify the marriage.
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    (Original post by madders94)
    It's tradition for the woman to take the man's last name so no, the man isn't being spoilt. It's out of the ordinary for a woman to not take the man's last name, so the man would be within his rights to question his wife's love for him.



    There is no male privilege!

    The man is welcome to take the woman's name and the woman is welcome to keep her own name, but I'd definitely question a woman's love for her husband if she refuses to, and I think it's spoilt and kicking up a fuss for the sake of kicking up a fuss, and I will definitely take my boyfriend's last name when we marry because it is tradition and as his wife, it will show I'm part of his family now.
    I see you're going to University. I hope your boyfriend is questioning whether you love him because that's definitely not following tradition.
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    (Original post by madders94)
    It's tradition for the woman to take the man's last name so no, the man isn't being spoilt. It's out of the ordinary for a woman to not take the man's last name, so the man would be within his rights to question his wife's love for him.



    There is no male privilege!

    The man is welcome to take the woman's name and the woman is welcome to keep her own name, but I'd definitely question a woman's love for her husband if she refuses to, and I think it's spoilt and kicking up a fuss for the sake of kicking up a fuss, and I will definitely take my boyfriend's last name when we marry because it is tradition and as his wife, it will show I'm part of his family now.
    A man should question his future wife's love if she wants to keep her own name?? Talk about kicking up a fuss.

    also, lol @ 'There is no male privilege'. I wish I could live in your world.
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    (Original post by blu tack)
    A man should question his future wife's love if she wants to keep her own name?? Talk about kicking up a fuss.

    also, lol @ 'There is no male priviledge'. I wish I could live in your world.
    There is no male priviledge...
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    (Original post by Br1stol)
    Yes I agree that some traditions are outdated and need to change for modern society. But at the same time it shows where we have come from and how far we have come. I just think that for someone to say that under no circumstance would i ever take my partners name to be petty and disrespectful. I mean I know for sure I would have no problem taking my partners name because of at the end of the day that's all it is, a name.
    If it's only a name, then why the fuss? Why is it such a big issue then for the husband to make sure that his wife should distinctly "show her respect" for him by effacing her identity? And if respect is such a big issue here, honestly, I don't think the man is helping his case by harping on about "just a name".

    Okay, what about matriarchal societies? If a guy from a patriarchal society marries a girl from a matriarchal one, by your argument, neither of them would be "respectful" of the other as they'd both want to follow their ancestral traditions.

    The simplest way out is always the most opposed. Just let the woman's name be or let her change it if she wants to but don't sit and moan about "respect" and "honour" and "traditions" if she wants to keep her opinion and her name.
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    (Original post by Its A Catch 22)
    There is no male priviledge...
    Addressing my spelling instead of my point, awesome.
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    Yes I would. Because I would like everyone to know that I am his wife and I would be proud to have his name.
    Also my bf's surname is much nicer then mine.
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    (Original post by blu tack)
    Addressing my spelling instead of my point, awesome.
    I don't know what your point is.
 
 
 
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