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Boyfriend never wants to have sex, tried talking. Doesn't work. Watch

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    (Original post by Atemukay)
    I fail to see where you got this idea from, it seems as though you are deluded in your statement or you enjoy projecting crazy ideas.
    that's right because that's never happened before.maybe you're in denial.you are in a serious relationship with somebody who doesn't want to have sex with you.there obviously is a reason why that is
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    Jeee, so many negative comments here. I am sure he is not cheating on you or is bore of you. Everyone at some point in the live is meant to experience lower sex drive. Talk to him. Maybe he is stressed about him? Maybe something did not go the way he wanted it to and now he is worrying? Family problems? Anxiety issues? Do not jump to the worst conclusions, talk to him and be honest


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless he's drunk that's the only time he really wants it, I can count on one hand the amount of times we've done it in 2 months. He always invites me go stay over, we have a lovely evening together but by the time we go to bed he's always tired. Therefore never wants sex and its really getting me down. I've tried talking to him about it countless times but it doesn't work. If we do end up having sex it's never him who initiates it its always me, and I end up feeling like an idiot when he says no or when we do it and he clearly cba. I've just said to him, what's the point in me staying over, if you go straight to sleep every time and his reply 'I'm tired' and i said I feel rejected and he says he's not rejecting me when he clearly is. I'm lay next to him now, he's asleep and I just feel like getting dressed and going home, I'm on the verge of crying. Because I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me - it makes me feel horrible. I only stay over once a week, so it's not asking a lot.. Seriously fed up and don't know if I can go on like this. Help please.

    Ok Hun, let me start by saying that I am in the exact same situation as you - I have read all your posts and know where you are coming from! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years now, and for the majority of that time he has had an incredibly low sex drive, where I would have considered mine relatively normal. I know for a fact that he is not cheating on me, gay, or asexual; he loves me deeply, but JUST has a low sex drive. At the moment we are having sex once every week-and-a-half, despite me desperately wanting to do anything to change this. I don't know how much help I can be, but I am going to give it my best shot. I hope you see this. If you do then please PM me if you'd like to talk to someone who understands what you are going through and might actually be able to help. I'm also looking for a bit of support with the same thing, so maybe having someone in a similar situation to chat to would be good for both of us?

    I won't go into the extreme details here, but there were originally underlying medical reasons for his low sex drive. What people have said about stress etc could very well be true. There could be a lot of reasons, but for your sake and his please PLEASE don't think that your boyfriend doesn't love you or find you attractive. I am almost certain, at least from my own experience, that this is not the case. I have not left my boyfriend because I deeply love him, and we find other things in the relationship that are more important than sex.

    I would try to talk to him about it in a non-threatening way, in the day time and away from the bedroom when you can. Do not pressure him and don't nag - I make this mistake way too often and 9 times out of 10 it does not solve anything.

    Ok, I have discovered in typing this that I could write a whole essay on this just trying to help you out - please, of you feel that you are comfortable to do so - send me a message on here. I know I am a stranger from a forum but I can sometimes feel as desperately in need of support as you seem to be. I hope we can help each other.


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    (Original post by emobambam)
    that's right because that's never happened before.maybe you're in denial.you are in a serious relationship with somebody who doesn't want to have sex with you.there obviously is a reason why that is
    i disagree, op wants to have sex, her boyfriend may not be ready or may not want to, why is every relationship about sex anyway?
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    (Original post by Louise1787)
    Personally, I think it's unlikely he's cheating on you, I don't think that would cause him to not want to sleep with you unless he is feeling extremely guilty, in which case he would most likely have confessed by now. I suspect the most likely story is that he has some kind of psychological issue going on at the moment, what that is is obviously extremely hard to say with the very little information you have given. He might be nervous about sleeping with you because he is insecure, because he is worried about you judging him negatively. He may be having personal problems that are troubling him and mean that he just doesn't want to have sex at the moment, and the more you push him the worse it gets. He may also have worries about your relationship that are causing him to push you away and be too frightened to say anything.

    My suggestion would be to completely back off and just say to him that you are feeling very hurt by him not wanting to have sex with you, but that you will understand if he just needs some time and to come to you when he's ready. You could also suggest to him that you are happy to listen to anything he's got to say, if he's got any problems etc. Try to talk about other things when you go to bed, see if you can get him talking about the problem without directly asking.

    Ultimately though, if you are feeling unsatisfied and he doesn't ever explain the problem, you will have to tell him that you think you should break up, and see if that prompts a change in behaviour. If not, I'd say take some time apart. Only way I'm afraid! You both deserve to be happy and if you're not, you have to change things. Pushing him will only make him more stubborn and make everything worse.
    This, this and this. As someone suffering from an extremely low sex drive myself, it's very irresponsible to simply conclude that he may be sleeping with someone else without considering everything in the bigger picture. This is something that the OP and her boyfriend need to discuss frankly and openly about together, when the two of them feel ready enough to talk about it, though I now it's not been easy for her to get answers yet. Communication and consideration are the keys.


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    If this was reversed and a guy was complaining about his gf not wanting to have sex with him then everyone would say to back off and give her some time. So just maybe speak to him about it. If it's really not working for you then break it off with him, but you can't force him to do something he doesn't want.

    *sigh* double standards...
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    (Original post by Sherlockedd)
    If this was reversed and a guy was complaining about his gf not wanting to have sex with him then everyone would say to back off and give her some time. So just maybe speak to him about it. If it's really not working for you then break it off with him, but you can't force him to do something he doesn't want.

    *sigh* double standards...
    Did you miss the 'talking doesn't help/he won't talk about it' section in the OP?!
    Obviously trying to talk about it is the first thing anyone should do but if her boyfriend isn't willing to do that (and based on her OP she has already 'given him time') and the situation is making her unhappy then she has every right to leave.

    These aren't double standards, I would say the same thing if the situation was reversed.

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    (Original post by Atemukay)
    i disagree, op wants to have sex, her boyfriend may not be ready or may not want to, why is every relationship about sex anyway?
    Its not bout sex
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    How long have you been together? Sounds horrible but sometimes when you've been together a long time the spark just goes and there's no attraction there any more. Maybe a comfy evening but no sex is his way of saying he likes to hang out and be friends but that's where his feelings end. Perhaps asking him if it's time to call it a day would be an idea just to see what kind of reaction you get out of him, it might be what he's been waiting for.
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    (Original post by emobambam)
    Its not bout sex
    In this case it is.

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    Maybe he has a really weird looking dong
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    (Original post by Sherlockedd)
    If this was reversed and a guy was complaining about his gf not wanting to have sex with him then everyone would say to back off and give her some time.

    *sigh* double standards...
    Seriously, no-one is saying that he should be having sex with her and because he's not he's a terrible boyfriend. I suspect the reason that all the posts about him not having to have sex with her are getting negged is because they are tied to some bull**** about 'libido suppressing drugs' which, FYI, don't exist. Also, just as it is perfectly natural and acceptable for the boyfriend to not want sex, it is also perfectly natural and acceptable that the OP does!! How exactly are drugs going to help, how? Are you seriously trying to tell me that there is some magic drug out there that will help the OP feel perfectly happy and fulfilled despite the deep emotional response she is having to this situation?!

    Seriously, men are forever whinging on about how double standards exist in society, and maybe in a lot of cases that is justified but this is NOT one of them. Get over yourselves. Most people are saying 'back off and give him time, but if you aren't happy then break up' which is what they would say if the OP were a man having problems with his GF.

    Also, you are forgetting the fact that generally in our society, it is believed that men always want to have sex and women often don't. That is why people are saying that he is probably cheating, because it seems inconceivable that a man might just not want sex. This is also why the more sensible posters are saying to talk to him about it and that he probably has an emotional issue that has caused the change in his behaviour. Good luck OP, hopefully your man is more enlightened than some of the daft people on here.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Unless he's drunk that's the only time he really wants it, I can count on one hand the amount of times we've done it in 2 months. He always invites me go stay over, we have a lovely evening together but by the time we go to bed he's always tired. Therefore never wants sex and its really getting me down. I've tried talking to him about it countless times but it doesn't work. If we do end up having sex it's never him who initiates it its always me, and I end up feeling like an idiot when he says no or when we do it and he clearly cba. I've just said to him, what's the point in me staying over, if you go straight to sleep every time and his reply 'I'm tired' and i said I feel rejected and he says he's not rejecting me when he clearly is. I'm lay next to him now, he's asleep and I just feel like getting dressed and going home, I'm on the verge of crying. Because I feel like he doesn't want to have sex with me - it makes me feel horrible. I only stay over once a week, so it's not asking a lot.. Seriously fed up and don't know if I can go on like this. Help please.
    I have been in the very same situation, sat up upset and feeling unwanted while he goes to sleep. I think the main issue is we find it an emotional experience being rejected makes us feel as though it is us, but sometimes it genuinely isn't. I find that talking about it can also makes him feel inadequate and defensive so he tries to avoid the conversation. I have been in a r/s for over 5 years with him now. When we became sexually active we started of having sex twice a day, until eventually I am lucky if it is once a few weeks. It can be frustrating, but as long as you are patient and try and discuss it in a sensible way, preferably not while in bed it may help if he knows how it makes you feel.

    The funny thing is, I know there has been periods in my relationship when I pushed him away too. His libido has increased again and mine has lowered when I was highly stressed or tired, a lot less times than the other way around though.

    I think one thing we as females find more difficult is that the stereotypes of males is that they want sex ten times a day and usually it is the women who are 'too tired'. Females over analyse situations too.

    Be patient, please don't take it to heart, and from experience you can overcome this situation, it may naturally pass too. Ignore people saying he is cheating, or you are not attractive any more I imagine these people have never had a long term relationship and experienced this type of issue.

    I hope things improve
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    (Original post by Atemukay)
    i disagree, op wants to have sex, her boyfriend may not be ready or may not want to, why is every relationship about sex anyway?
    sex is really....nice. :rolleyes:
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    Question his sexuality! Could be batting for the other team!
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    (Original post by SloaneRanger)
    Question his sexuality! Could be batting for the other team!
    that's what I said too
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    He's just not that into you
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    Have you offered him your bottom? He probably wants anal.
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    (Original post by Louise1787)
    Seriously, no-one is saying that he should be having sex with her and because he's not he's a terrible boyfriend. I suspect the reason that all the posts about him not having to have sex with her are getting negged is because they are tied to some bull**** about 'libido suppressing drugs' which, FYI, don't exist. Also, just as it is perfectly natural and acceptable for the boyfriend to not want sex, it is also perfectly natural and acceptable that the OP does!! How exactly are drugs going to help, how? Are you seriously trying to tell me that there is some magic drug out there that will help the OP feel perfectly happy and fulfilled despite the deep emotional response she is having to this situation?!

    Seriously, men are forever whinging on about how double standards exist in society, and maybe in a lot of cases that is justified but this is NOT one of them. Get over yourselves. Most people are saying 'back off and give him time, but if you aren't happy then break up' which is what they would say if the OP were a man having problems with his GF.

    Also, you are forgetting the fact that generally in our society, it is believed that men always want to have sex and women often don't. That is why people are saying that he is probably cheating, because it seems inconceivable that a man might just not want sex. This is also why the more sensible posters are saying to talk to him about it and that he probably has an emotional issue that has caused the change in his behaviour. Good luck OP, hopefully your man is more enlightened than some of the daft people on here.
    Really?

    If so, how do the (heterosexual) guys on the oil rigs nr. Equatorial Guinea and Angola manage? How do the (heterosexual guys) in the construction industry in Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Sharjah, Oman, Saudi and Qatar manage?
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    (Original post by effofex)
    Really?

    If so, how do the (heterosexual) guys on the oil rigs nr. Equatorial Guinea and Angola manage? How do the (heterosexual guys) in the construction industry in Abu Dhabi, Dubai, Sharjah, Oman, Saudi and Qatar manage?
    They shag each other. There have been several cases of man on man rape in these places.
 
 
 
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