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    (Original post by c.a1979)
    meh, your telling her not to care about it made no sense either. as you profess such wisdom, know that reactions and processing are subjective.
    I was obviously trying to be consoling you robot.
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    (Original post by Table dust)
    how ugly are we talking here

    on the time tested scale of 1 to 10
    Maybe she should upload her picture and we will tell her, think she's exaggerating like on every single bloody thread its all about her looks, the poor guy talking about his experience and she's turning the thread onto herself...attention seeking i think :rolleyes:
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    I go to QMUL too be my friend.
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    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    I don't even want to be successful anyway, I just want a best friend and a boyfriend :cry2:

    You're not ugly, I'd give you like a 6/7. The only reason you haven't had a girlfriend is because you said yourself, you don't try. I'd happily go out with someone like you.
    If you were a girl and you were ugly, you'd find it impossible not to care... a girl's worth is based on her looks. A guy's simply isn't, and there is not point arguing about that because it's fact.
    :sigh:
    Well that is kinda unattractive if all you want is just friends and boyfriend - imo I like a girl with ambition and goals, and a passion of course!

    thanks I suppose .

    ''a girl's worth is based on her looks'' - says who? society? media? - (all sources you really shouldn't care for)

    It's not fact lmao, as a mathematician you should know that that's an assumption rather than a fact.
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    (Original post by Robbie242)
    Well that is kinda unattractive if all you want is just friends and boyfriend - imo I like a girl with ambition and goals, and a passion of course!

    thanks I suppose .

    ''a girl's worth is based on her looks'' - says who? society? media? - (all sources you really shouldn't care for)

    It's not fact lmao, as a mathematician you should know that that's an assumption rather than a fact.
    Okay, my goal is to get a best friend and a boyfriend. :bigsmile: See, I have ambition.

    Says EVERYBODY. It's the unspoken rule of the world. Nobody will admit it's true, but it is. I have seen enough evidence of this cruel world to know that it is fact. People repulse at the sight of me and I will die alone and unloved.

    (Original post by chikane)
    Maybe she should upload her picture and we will tell her, think she's exaggerating like on every single bloody thread its all about her looks, the poor guy talking about his experience and she's turning the thread onto herself...attention seeking i think :rolleyes:
    I don't need you to "tell me", I know that I am ugly.
    I'm not turning the thread onto myself, people quote me and it's rude not to respond.
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    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    I'm not turning the thread onto myself, people quote me and it's rude not to respond.
    So tell them to PM/VM you. It's rude to derail the thread from what the OP genuinely needs help with to something as irrelevant as your looks.
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    OP, can you change uni?

    Different unis have different cultures. well all organisations do, right?

    I'd bet LSE or UCL as they are more international may be different. Most likely at QMUL it's the chavs who go there. Not saying there are no chavs at LSE or UCL, but there may be more of a diverse range of people. Maybe that's stereotyping a bit, but it's something I've noticed that the ex-polys/provincial unis tend to have more of the chav element and the prestigious ones are more enlightened.

    Also, I think people often say things they don't mean or distort their subjective view as absolute. To say "people will be different in uni" is true to some extent, but not universally. People who were cool in school want that to remain forever. Well, self-interest is the basic human motivation, right? So it's wrong to think that just because somebody left school/6th form, they'll automatically change in uni.

    And for Maid Marian. I won't be harsh, but what exactly do you expect people to say or convey to you? It seems you want the perfect solution, but not every problem in life necessarily has an ideal solution.

    If you think you're ugly, lose weight. Or get a haircut, or wear better clothes. If you can afford it, even get cosmetic surgery. Or learn to deal with it. It is true that the world is shallow, but this is not something you can change. It's probably also best not to hang out with shallow people. Maybe you are seeking friends with the socialite crowd, who tend to be quite shallow. it's not a stereotype, but people who tend to go out a lot, party, etc. tend to be very shallow. It's probably best to find people more suited to you. I'm not saying you can never party, anybody can do as they please, it's a free world. But it's perhaps your mixing with people of different values. it's like a radical atheist hanging out with a radical theist, most likely they won't get on.
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    (Original post by TheReckless)
    So tell them to PM/VM you. It's rude to derail the thread from what the OP genuinely needs help with to something as irrelevant as your looks.
    Exactly this
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by MrFlash1994)
    I don't know what everyone's on about QMUL having a problem with forming friendships? I've also just finished my first year and I've made some very good friends, but I did have to make an effort, and practically none of them are from halls. So I guess people may have a point about Queen Mary.

    I'm also not really one of the typically popular people, I'm not shy or introverted or anything, but I'm at the same time not the centre of attention. When I arrived at QM there was me and 1 other American girl in our flat, no one actually arrived till 2 days after. I did all the stuff that people recommend, left my door open, knocked on everyone's (empty) doors etc. But nothing worked. The US girl had her own mates she was meeting later so I was practically on my own. Luckily the people from the flat opposite knocked on my door to invite everyone on the same floor around for a party/pre drinks and I ended up meeting the majority of the first of my uni "friends" there. Honestly in that first month I must have met 30+ people who I got on with and I though it was great.

    But long story short cliques form, the excitement and friendliness of freshers dies out and a year later I don't actually hang out with any of those guys anyone. I get on with them and say hi and stuff but other than that, nothing. Since I was actually in my flat on my own it was always me making the effort to go over and knock on their doors and stuff, and I kept on thinking that I have to do this or else I'll make no friends. But then I realised that the majority of the times we went on nights out together I had just really found out via FB and turned up, I wasn't actually invited.

    My good friends came out of societies that I was genuinely interested and active in. And a lot of them are second and third year students, so I think there's still a lot of time for you and anyone else to make friends. But you have to make the effort in all cases, and not give up when one set of people fails to accept you, but at the same time don't waste time on people that clearly don't care about you. My advice is to explore the society scene as much as you can in September. They're all looking for new members and will be happy to take you in.

    Keep going and good luck.

    PS: I'm president of the Marxist Society next year so come round to our fresher's fair stall and we can have a chat about economics if you want!

    Man's gotta try and recruit you know?
    I thought that it was too late for me as groups have been already formed when I already started the studying in the second week. I've previously been social so I'm not sure why that "talk to loads of people" has gone for me. I'll definitely look into more societies - I'm thinking the ULU Harry Potter Society and possibly some sport ones.

    Thanks for the help, really appreciate it
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by c.a1979)
    OP, can you change uni?

    Different unis have different cultures. well all organisations do, right?

    I'd bet LSE or UCL as they are more international may be different. Most likely at QMUL it's the chavs who go there. Not saying there are no chavs at LSE or UCL, but there may be more of a diverse range of people. Maybe that's stereotyping a bit, but it's something I've noticed that the ex-polys/provincial unis tend to have more of the chav element and the prestigious ones are more enlightened.

    Also, I think people often say things they don't mean or distort their subjective view as absolute. To say "people will be different in uni" is true to some extent, but not universally. People who were cool in school want that to remain forever. Well, self-interest is the basic human motivation, right? So it's wrong to think that just because somebody left school/6th form, they'll automatically change in uni.
    Tbh I like my uni course, lecturers and class teachers too much to actually change uni.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Tbh I like my uni course, lecturers and class teachers too much to actually change uni.
    the best bet then may be clubs outside of uni. Take up a sport or a new hobby.

    what societies do they have at queen mary? maybe try something you wouldn't have before.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After having finished my first year at uni, I have to say that although I enjoyed the course, I have not made a single friend at uni. Everytime I go there, I'm mostly invisible. I do have a few conversations with some people sometimes, but never who I really go out with. None of the societies interest me and are mostly asking me to train for national championships (unfortunately I have commitments and can't leave London) or are race/religion based societies. I did decide to go to one event in the Economics society. Everyone was just drinking tons of alcohol and then some of them just left to get high on shisha. I feel that uni is not the best time socially for me. Maybe it's just meeting the wrong people but I feel that I will never will be able to get along with them.

    And it's really strange because outside of uni, I never usually struggle to make friends. Maybe I ruined it because I was laughed at before freshers. I don't know - maybe I was not destined to make friends at uni?
    mate i had the same problem. White people into their clubbing, drinking, shagging and all that ****. I'm indian and just never was into that stuff and found myself isolated too. Any society event i went to revolved around getting trashed.

    In the end I felt I left uni not really having made any good friends except this one guy who was similar to me and a fitness freak. I just hung around with him and *****ed about how **** uni was.

    I'm sure there must be someone like you around, but the problem is how on earth do you find them without there being a "i hate drinking, partying, uni" society? That I cannot answer, but I wish you the best of luck.

    My post was just to let you know that you're deffo not the only one out there in that situation! Uni was the worst time of my life and I NEVER EVER want to go back! Hell I turned down a MSc scholarship because i hated uni so much!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought that it was too late for me as groups have been already formed when I already started the studying in the second week. I've previously been social so I'm not sure why that "talk to loads of people" has gone for me. I'll definitely look into more societies - I'm thinking the ULU Harry Potter Society and possibly some sport ones.

    Thanks for the help, really appreciate it
    One of the main guys in debating society was under arrest in Hong Kong for the first two weeks of uni. If he can make friends you can too! Think of it like this, every year there is a new wave of people looking for friends, just be one of them. I'll probably make more friends this year too.

    It's not so much talking to everyone, it's just getting involved and contributing. And people will begin to like and respect you for that.

    ULU one's are a good shout, if you can be bothered going over there! I actually hear it's kinda dead sometimes lol.
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    (Original post by Maid Marian)
    Nobody on this website is uglier than me, therefore they do not have a harder life.
    I don't care if people find my posts annoying. :dontknow: And I don't want people to say "it's ok".
    "Nobody on this website is uglier than me, therefore they do not have a harder life." You're full of ignorance and flawed logic. Keep putting yourself down to make people feel sorry for you. I will not be wasting my time and I advise no-one else to either.
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    Start a Non Drinkers Society in your university
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    (Original post by rock_climber86)
    mate i had the same problem. White people into their clubbing, drinking, shagging and all that ****. I'm indian and just never was into that stuff and found myself isolated too. Any society event i went to revolved around getting trashed.

    In the end I felt I left uni not really having made any good friends except this one guy who was similar to me and a fitness freak. I just hung around with him and *****ed about how **** uni was.

    I'm sure there must be someone like you around, but the problem is how on earth do you find them without there being a "i hate drinking, partying, uni" society? That I cannot answer, but I wish you the best of luck.

    My post was just to let you know that you're deffo not the only one out there in that situation! Uni was the worst time of my life and I NEVER EVER want to go back! Hell I turned down a MSc scholarship because i hated uni so much!
    There are people who just sit by themselves in class, and play on their mobiles or listen to music. But I think it's rude to interrupt them like that so...

    (Original post by ElChapo)
    Start a Non Drinkers Society in your university
    I do drink the occasional glass of wine or Baileys once every few months so I can't really class myself as a 100% non-drinker. But I wouldn't say no to starting a Dance or Trance Music Society like the one on TSR. But it needs two leaders.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    After having finished my first year at uni, I have to say that although I enjoyed the course, I have not made a single friend at uni. Everytime I go there, I'm mostly invisible. I do have a few conversations with some people sometimes, but never who I really go out with. None of the societies interest me and are mostly asking me to train for national championships (unfortunately I have commitments and can't leave London) or are race/religion based societies. I did decide to go to one event in the Economics society. Everyone was just drinking tons of alcohol and then some of them just left to get high on shisha. I feel that uni is not the best time socially for me. Maybe it's just meeting the wrong people but I feel that I will never will be able to get along with them.

    And it's really strange because outside of uni, I never usually struggle to make friends. Maybe I ruined it because I was laughed at before freshers. I don't know - maybe I was not destined to make friends at uni?
    I'm still unsure of how I stumbled upon this thread but after reading your posts, I can see that you aren't happy. Make more of an effort to talk to other people, even if you believe that you're already trying your best.

    Just remember, it's what you can do and not what you can't do that counts.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The trouble is that I make all the effort in the world at uni but no-one wants to be friends with me.
    I couldn't believe that people at uni were like this when I went. I thought everybody would have grown up but they were just as cliquey as at school. All the time I would overhear people on our course making fun of the ones who weren't 'in' the gang. In the end it just put me off wanting to be their friend anyway.

    I think your real hope is with the societies. I can't imagine that there are only sports clubs and religious societies? At our university there was all sorts of random gubbins: Scouts club, juggling club, writer's club, hiking club... I get what you mean about clubs just being another excuse for everyone to drink alcohol though.

    Since you live in London, there's got to be other more mature clubs out there? Join a choir? Join a board game club? Volunteer with a Scout's group? If you have an interest of any kind I would bet that it's represented in London.

    Good luck and remember uni doesn't last forever - which is going to be a shock to most people there.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Khallil)
    I'm still unsure of how I stumbled upon this thread but after reading your posts, I can see that you aren't happy. Make more of an effort to talk to other people, even if you believe that you're already trying your best.

    Just remember, it's what you can do and not what you can't do that counts.
    Thank you - there are interesting societies out there. I could also join a religious society as I am Christian and I did manage to bond with someone in my last year of school because we had the same religion (albeit slightly different variations of it).


    (Original post by moutonfou)
    I couldn't believe that people at uni were like this when I went. I thought everybody would have grown up but they were just as cliquey as at school. All the time I would overhear people on our course making fun of the ones who weren't 'in' the gang. In the end it just put me off wanting to be their friend anyway.

    I think your real hope is with the societies. I can't imagine that there are only sports clubs and religious societies? At our university there was all sorts of random gubbins: Scouts club, juggling club, writer's club, hiking club... I get what you mean about clubs just being another excuse for everyone to drink alcohol though.

    Since you live in London, there's got to be other more mature clubs out there? Join a choir? Join a board game club? Volunteer with a Scout's group? If you have an interest of any kind I would bet that it's represented in London.

    Good luck and remember uni doesn't last forever - which is going to be a shock to most people there.
    I'm pretty sure now that cliques come and go. The second year will be a fresh start and I will reorganise everything in my life, including social life and studying. I still want to go clubbing once a week (or once a month) just for fun.

    Thank you very much
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    (Original post by Juichiro)
    Is Queen Mary that bad? I thought it was a top university. Russel Group and all that hype.
    Don't get me started on Russel Group status. It means nothing to us as undergraduates; at the moment it means that good teaching staff are being given the sack because their research isn't very exciting, and we're getting s*** teachers because they have more promising research. Does nothing for us in terms of our UG degree.

    But that's not really what I meant, more about the fact that QM is very different to universities like Manchester and Birmingham in terms of the social side.
 
 
 
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