I love my girlfriend but don't find her sexually attractive Watch

This discussion is closed.
Anonymous #7
#101
Report 3 years ago
#101
Some of you guys are dicks first of all but you can love someone and not be attracted. It's like loving your cat or dog but not wanting to have sexual relations with it, I hope. It's also about being a man and especially being younger and wanting sex. That's why a lot of guys watch porn.
0
iAmAwesome
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#102
Report 2 years ago
#102
First of all, it is totally fine to leave a woman if you are not attracted to her anymore. I myself had the experience of being with ugly women all my life, yet they got better each time.

The first one was morbidly obese with suicidal tendencies

The second one was very ugly facialwise but skinny and rather normal behaviourwise.

The third one was ugly facialwise, but skinny and well-toned with a character rather similar to mine.

I coming closer to my ideal, that is skinny, well-toned, with a beautiful face and great character.

No, you are neither an idi0t for wanting something better nor are you unsympathetic.

All those terms, "ass-h0le","you can get accustomed to it" come from a loser perspective, a weak mind that accepts low quality or a woman who wants to be accepted because she exists. Don't let anyone, especially not women, tell you that you have to settle for less.

Be warned, women will try to tell you that over and over. If women say, that they got accustomed to an averagely looking man, it is because women are rarely attracted by looks in men. Do not make the mistake of talking yourself into being a failure because of what you want. You are, because you are male, and they are not, because they are female.

Again, do not take advice from women about dating. Ever.

You, my friend, are coming from completely natural male biology.
0
SameenaRafiq
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#103
Report 2 years ago
#103
No matter who you're with you're going to get old and well not look as attractive. Looks are temporary, however if it doesnt feel right you should be honest to her. I think it will last if you really want it to, cos if you do something as little as looks wouldnt bother you.
0
iAmAwesome
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#104
Report 2 years ago
#104
SameenaRafiq You're going to get old and as a man be even more attractive. Looks are temporary, that's why you don't stay with one woman. Have you met those people who claim that you should stay with a woman? It always comes from women who don't want to be alone. Your goals and desires are NEVER part of the equation.

You can see that perfectly reflected here. "Watch her feelings" "Don't hurt her". Where do HIS feelings come into play on the same level as her feelings?

If it doesn't feel right you should be honest to yourself, not her. It will not last if you force yourself to. Relationships are there for your enjoyment, not for meeting a societal standard.
0
SameenaRafiq
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#105
Report 2 years ago
#105
(Original post by iAmAwesome)
SameenaRafiq You're going to get old and as a man be even more attractive. Looks are temporary, that's why you don't stay with one woman. Have you met those people who claim that you should stay with a woman? It always comes from women who don't want to be alone. Your goals and desires are NEVER part of the equation.

You can see that perfectly reflected here. "Watch her feelings" "Don't hurt her". Where do HIS feelings come into play on the same level as her feelings?

If it doesn't feel right you should be honest to yourself, not her. It will not last if you force yourself to. Relationships are there for your enjoyment, not for meeting a societal standard.

the dude said he loves her and its serious. jerks like you, wont understand. Lastly, the person who started a thread wanted opinions. i didnt want your (petty) comment on mine. Thank you very much.
2
ELVsLP
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#106
Report 2 years ago
#106
(Original post by Anonymous)

Can a realtionship work just based on being attracted to someone's personality? I am now a shallow person but I'm starting to learn that maybe you need to have that lust and passion to keep a relationship going.
obviously not if even being intimate with each other is causing you to cringe

(Original post by Anonymous)
Please don't just reply "Break up with her" etc, I would much rather hear a bit more if you think it can work or not or if you have experienced something like this yourself.
well what do you want us to say? yeah carry on staying with a girl who does nothing for you. what do you really thing will happen - that it will get better or worse? its only been a year and you're already complaining. what does that tell you?

you're wasting your and her time here. leave whilst you're still young, its only going to get harder if you let several years go by.


EDIT: CRAP WHAT IS WITH THESE OLD THREATS BEING RESURRECTED?!
0
iAmAwesome
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#107
Report 2 years ago
#107
@SameenaRafiq The dude says what he is supposed to say, not what he feels. Fools like you wont understand. Lastly, the person who started a thread wanted opinions to his real question, that he couldn't phrase better. I didnt want your useless comment on mine. Thank you very much.
0
emmakat3
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#108
Report 2 years ago
#108
I am not attracted to my boyfriend at all. I'm 21 and he's 22 and we have been dating for one and a half years too. I love him for his personality but I do not find him attractive in the slightest. He's nowhere near ugly just not my type looks-wise, if that makes any sense. First of all, I am a toned, lean, fit girl and I'm 5'8.5 and he's a very skinny guy who is 5'9. I don't even lift weights regularly, but when we go to the gym together I usually lift just as much as he does if not sometimes more. He's a really sweet, smart, funny and charismatic guy though. It just kind of turns me off a bit that I am stronger than he is and he also has a lot of feminine qualities. He screams and jumps when he sees bugs, he's afraid of the dark, and he's a wimp when it comes to pain (he got a small splinter and started crying out of nowhere). I often feel like the "man" of the house because I get rid of all the bugs, I don't care if it's dark out, and I went through two major surgeries without complaining nearly as much as he did about getting a tiny splinter.

Anyways, I always have to think about other guys when we are having sex in order to orgasm. It sucks and I hate it but I've tried not doing it several times and it has never worked.

I want to break up with him but every time I try he always makes me feel extremely guilty. I know breaking up with someone because you're not physically attracted to them is shallow, but like psychology says, one of the three main components to a successful relationship is sexual chemistry.
0
ChickenMadness
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#109
Report 2 years ago
#109
OP is a horrible person. Hopefully he's still alone.
1
1560qtyp
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#110
Report 2 years ago
#110
OP, there is a lot of awful advice on this thread. PLEASE don't make a decision based on anything being said here UNLESS you really feel it makes good points.

Why the hell is it OK to tell a man to kick a woman to the curb or that he's just too ugly? Here. I copied and pasted a post from a mostly women-centered magazine with a girlfriend with the exact same problem:

"This works for some women but leads to an unfulfilled sex life and boredom for others. You must ask yourself how important is the physical component in meeting your needs in the relationship.... You do not have to settle if you are willing to keep searching for that person. Before you totally kick your current friend to the curb, try to figure out why you are not physically attracted to him. If it is something that can be addressed and changed, it may be worth working through the issues."

Just switch the genders:

"This works for some men but leads to an unfulfilled sex life and boredom for others. You must ask yourself how important is the physical component in meeting your needs in the relationship.... You do not have to settle if you are willing to keep searching for that person. Before you totally kick your current friend to the curb, try to figure out why you are not physically attracted to her. If it is something that can be addressed and changed, it may be worth working through the issues."

Was that so hard?
0
neal95
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#111
Report 2 years ago
#111
time to get rid then
0
Goaded
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#112
Report 2 years ago
#112
Let's flip it over and think how it must be for her, I mean I'm assuming you haven't told her you don't find her attractive but man, it doesn't sound like you're all over and making her feel special and wanted. Sex can be a great way to express your feelings, and there's nothing better than someone that desperately wants you, needs to have you.

Personally I'd have never got myself in this situation but I really think you should end it, as someone else said it might be different if you were 40 and married, but this isn't a sustainable relationship 10 - 20 years in the future, is it?
0
Tkne
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#113
Report 1 year ago
#113
Go on reddit.com/r/deadbedroom and post there. These guys are carless *******s. Life's not so black and white for everyone. Sometimes figuring **** out is hard as **** and there is nothing wrong with that.
0
Cendolman
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#114
Report 1 year ago
#114
Hey bro, abit late to this post but, so how have you been up till now? Because I am having the same problem with u now. Are you still with the said gf? Or you guys found a solution for this issue?
0
NeonSun
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#115
Report 1 year ago
#115
If you find yourself feeling false, acting up, growing distant, treating her badly because you're lacking peace of mind then you need to back up and take some perspective. It's about a mutual respect, and a balance. These doubts you have now aren't going to get any better with time... Better you face up to them now, rather than when you have responsibilities and a ring on the finger.

Although ultimately the issues you have are superficial, they obviously matter. If they don't go away how can you possibly remain comfortable in the relationship in the long term. Its not fair on you or her.

You can't pretend to feel what she feels. You may even end up resenting her for having what you don't have in the relationship. Rather you go on a break and then realise what you're missing and commit to her, than carry on and walk into something more serious that you regret. If it's not meant to be after a break, then best for both of you surely?
1
Nicole79
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#116
Report 1 year ago
#116
I’ve got a related problem to yours. I’m a female. I remember when I was showing a colleague his picture she said “ your bf is ugly” that didn’t hurt me because I know he’s not good looking. Now that is haunting me I really don’t know what to do about the future. But I think I can’t see myself being with him for the rest of my life. My advice to you is it’s down to you really wether you want to carry on with your relationship. No one will tell you to leave her if you think it’s fine to be with her like that. I always struggle to be with someone I’m not sexually attracted to. I know being with someone it’s not all about sex.
0
Judge Jules
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#117
Report 1 year ago
#117
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 21 and we have been together for one and a half years now. We love each other and get on very well together, but there is also a big problem.

I was always taught that when it comes to a relationship looks don't matter, that's it's all about the personality. I then wen't for a girl who is an awesome person but who I don't really find sexually attractive.

We've been together for long and now this has really started causing problems to our relationship. I get quite uncomfortable when we get intimate and have sex as I'm not really sexually attracted to her. She has also always been very insecure about her looks and has been telling me that I'm out of her league etc, which itself is quite a turnoff. I sometimes think about other fantasies when we have sex which makes it a little easier for me but I realise this is very wrong.

I love her regardless and we do have a good time together in general and both love eachother.

Can a realtionship work just based on being attracted to someone's personality? I am now a shallow person but I'm starting to learn that maybe you need to have that lust and passion to keep a relationship going.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Please don't just reply "Break up with her" etc, I would much rather hear a bit more if you think it can work or not or if you have experienced something like this yourself.
No, it will never work. Get Out Now
It's very important to be sexually attracted to your partner but that doesn't mean they have to be good looking. I see lots of people who are ugly/unattractive who have partners but that's because some people prefer unattractive partners and are attracted to those types but your not.
Find a girl you really fancy not someone you only stay with that you feel sorry for and you see as really just a friend.
Everybody gets hurt in relationships at some point so you aren't doing her any favours by staying with her.
Just agree to be just friends so she can find a man who is attracted to her.
Plus everybody fantasises about other people even if they have a good looking partner they are attracted to.
And it is very off putting if someone is always telling you they are out of your league
0
Judge Jules
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#118
Report 1 year ago
#118
(Original post by voodoochild)
I wasn't being sarcastic.

I honestly think to date a girl you don't find attractive for even a day makes you a saint. I'm pretty sure no woman would date a guy they didn't find unattractive cause women are more shallow than men these days.
YES they would. I see so many ugly men with girlfriends/wives
0
username2538449
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#119
Report 1 year ago
#119
That’s gonna be a long and boring relationship. Sounds more like a friendship to be honest where you see the sleeping part as some kind of duty. You could find a friend to live with instead? Sorry to tell you but this girlfriend is probably not gonna make you happy.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
0
Judge Jules
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#120
Report 1 year ago
#120
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 23 and my girlfriend is 21 and we have been together for one and a half years now. We love each other and get on very well together, but there is also a big problem.

I was always taught that when it comes to a relationship looks don't matter, that's it's all about the personality. I then wen't for a girl who is an awesome person but who I don't really find sexually attractive.

We've been together for long and now this has really started causing problems to our relationship. I get quite uncomfortable when we get intimate and have sex as I'm not really sexually attracted to her. She has also always been very insecure about her looks and has been telling me that I'm out of her league etc, which itself is quite a turnoff. I sometimes think about other fantasies when we have sex which makes it a little easier for me but I realise this is very wrong.

I love her regardless and we do have a good time together in general and both love eachother.

Can a realtionship work just based on being attracted to someone's personality? I am now a shallow person but I'm starting to learn that maybe you need to have that lust and passion to keep a relationship going.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? Please don't just reply "Break up with her" etc, I would much rather hear a bit more if you think it can work or not or if you have experienced something like this yourself.
Have you ever tried putting a brown paper bag over her head before sex ? You can even draw a face on it
Watch a film called Dead Girl
0
X
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How did your Edexcel GCSE Maths Paper 1 go?

Loved the paper - feeling positive (132)
24.86%
The paper was reasonable (234)
44.07%
Not feeling great about that exam (102)
19.21%
It was TERRIBLE (63)
11.86%

Watched Threads

View All