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Relationships before the age of 25 are pointless. Discuss. Watch

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    (Original post by Rump Steak)
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    I'm inclined to disagree almost entirely, on the grounds that life is about enjoying the ride rather than reaching some kind of ultimate goal. That said, I do agree that too much emphasis is placed on people (not just young people) having relationships, or being expected to be seeking a partner if they're not.

    I fell properly in love for the first time when I was 17. Years later, I'd still call it that. Though we had a horrendous break up and were really upset, I wouldn't change what happened for the world, as spending that period of my life with that person was amazing, and totally worth the pain at the end.

    Other reasons why I don't think it's pointless:

    - They can shape you as a person and you learn more about yourself by engaging with others.
    - The sometimes childishness/awkwardness of relationships is not magically going to disappear when you turn 25, but having some experience might help alleviate it
    - Some people mature faster than others; Some will never mature at all, and waiting won't change that
    - Sometimes it's impossible to prevent developing feelings for someone. Trying to ignore or suppress that until an arbitrary age would probably be more harmful than persuing it and learning to deal with hurt.
    - You said sex can be obtained by one-night-stands, which is true - But for most people *better* sex is going to be obtained by a relationship with someone who cares about doing it well for you
    - Relationships aren't necessarily about finding one person and trying to be with them forever. A person can work for a period of time, whether it's a week or a year. The fact it doesn't last or have a future does not make it any less valid in terms of enjoyment.
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    (Original post by LavenderBlueSky88)
    Out of curiosity... How old WAS your boyfriend when you got together?!
    25, why?
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    Most relationships dont work. There isn't a set age where suddenly they all start working out. it depends on you and the other person thats it.
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    Relationships for the sake of being in a relationship are pointless, but relationships with someone you have a good connection with and care about are not. And for most people, those make you very happy. Even if the relationship doesn't last, nothing that makes you feel happy is a waste of time, and you learn from it.

    I've been with my (first) boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and I don't feel tied down, or like I want freedom or like he's stopping me from doing the things I want to do in life. My chosen career will probably mean we have to have a few years of long distance which neither of us really want, but my boyfriend knows it's a job I'd be happy in and is willing to support me and stay with me because of that. He makes me very happy and he says the same about me. I don't feel like I've missed out on much at university because I've been with him for pretty much the whole time I've been there (he's about to graduate). I doubt my time at university would have been as good if it wasn't for him.

    If you meet someone and the connection is there, then why waste that when it's something that doesn't happen very often? Personally, if you feel that a relationship would (or is) limit your opportunities in life or tie you down, then you haven't met the right person yet.
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    (Original post by antipathy)
    It's practise for the relationships that you don't balls up later on.

    If people only started dating at 25, all the teenage/early twenties dating drama would just happen later in life.
    Bingo
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    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    If antipathy doesn't reply its because the paedo police have tracked his IP address and taken him away for "questioning".

    That is what i am suspecting :lol:
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    (Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
    25, why?
    Oh it's just you said he was 'over 25' when you got together I was just being nosy (secretly hoped you were going to say 40 or something)
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    There is another good reason that the OP may be on the right track in his proposition. Many men would not dream of taking up with a divorced woman or a woman with a child for their serious life long "big relationship". By the same token the same type of men are wary of girls coming out of long relationships started at a young age. It feels like living with a ghost. The very word "my ex" gives them a kind of permanent lingering presence for ever after. So not only are women and men wasting their most dynamic years they are also making it much more difficult to settle in the long run.
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    I disagree. You can be in a relationship and go to uni, succeed in life and travel the world. This 'either/or' attitude people adopt is infuriating, and boring. Why not have it all?
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    (Original post by LavenderBlueSky88)
    Oh it's just you said he was 'over 25' when you got together I was just being nosy (secretly hoped you were going to say 40 or something)
    Sorry would probably have been better to say "not under 25" for the purposes of the age mentioned in the original post! He's now 30 so that's old, right??
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    That's the kind of thing that someone who has never been in a committed relationship says.

    You fall in love with someone when you do, you cannot choose when, it just happens.
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    (Original post by Rump Steak)
    I'm of the opinion that serious, committed relationships before reaching your mid-twenties are pointless. What's the point? People are literally wasting their time, and indeed their lives, being in relationships. And it's pathetic. The number of people breaking down, and claiming their lives have "fallen apart", and all this **** - why do people do it? You're young, you've got your whole life ahead of you? Why not use the time to earn some money, get a decent degree, travel the world, succeed in some way or another - why do you choose to waste your time with someone who you are almost definitely going to break up with (badly), and leave you feeling depressed and insecure for ages afterwards? I know loads of people who've done badly in exams, missed uni offers, job opportunities, the list goes on, because they've spent all their time focused on their relationship.

    I understand there are upsides, but you DON'T need to be in a relationship to get them;
    1. Spending time with someone you get on with: You've got friends/family for that. Why spend so much time with one person, when you could use your time better and use it to meet more people and make more close friends? Plenty of people I know have isolated themselves from their friends to be in a relationship, and once they've broken up, they've got none left to turn to.
    2. The sex - you don't have to be in a serious, time-consuming relationship for that - there's one night stands, or friends with benefits (if you want to be exclusive)
    3. Conforming to social expectation: "All my mates are in relationships, so I should be too". if you're in a relationship for this, you're a right pleb.

    Now, I'm not against relationships in general. It's just I believe they should be after Uni at least, or when people are stable and independent in their lives, because at least then there's a chance of a future together. (The 25 in the title was an arbitrary figure; take it with a pinch of salt). Before-Uni relationships very very rarely work out. So why put yourself through all that effort?
    (And finally, before anyone says I'm saying this because I'm bitter, I'm not. I've been in a few relationships; with people I've properly clicked with, and ended them because I hated the commitment; realising how many hours it was taking out of my life, and for what?)
    So answer me this TSR, why do people invest so much time, effort, emotion and money into something that invariably is going to end in tears anyway?
    I know this is a controversial opinion, but I feel I've given reasonable enough reasons to show why I don't think it's a ridiculous standpoint.
    1. how many people make mistakes e.g. screwing up exams, isolating from friends, in their first relationships? doing these things when you're young and have time to fix your mistakes is good, and it gives you a better idea of what you want in a partner

    2. sex is farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr better with someone who knows you well

    3. I'm 22 (nearly 23) and have been in a relationship since I was 19, I have got the degree I wanted (with first class honours), travelled as much as money would allow, and basically done anything I think I would have wanted to do had I not been in a relationship, I'm still continuing to pursue my chosen career path

    4. if you meet someone who makes you very happy why on earth would you turn around and be like 'no this is the wrong sort of happy', that's just silly, maybe me and my partner will break up, but I have had (so far) 3.5 happy years, experienced a lot and have no regrets so far
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    What if one person is under 25 and the other is over 25? Is the relationship pointless for one and wonderful, meaningful thing for the other?
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    I was in a relationship from 18-20 whilst I was at uni. It failed, but I learned a huge amount from it, about compromise, fighting for what you believe in and making sacrifices.

    Ive now been in a relationship from 22-24. I own a house with my partner. I manage a shop and a team of 8 people. I have a decent income. Without my previous relationship I would have made far more mistakes in this one. This relationship hasnt stopped me from achieving anything, it has only helped mw to prosper. Why on earth would a relationship have to be a negative.

    Yes priorities change, but changing directions dont always mean bad changes.

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    One friend's parents have been together since he was 17 and she was 15 and they are married with two children and very happy. Another friend's parents got married when they were both 18 and are still very happy. I personally have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we are both under 25
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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    How is it naive?

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    Divorce can happen for any number of legitimate reasons, especially when people marry young.


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    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    Divorce can happen for any number of legitimate reasons, especially when people marry young.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Yes and sometimes it can be sorted and divorce avoided. And why with young marriages in particular?

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    (Original post by donutaud15)
    Yes and sometimes it can be sorted and divorce avoided. And why with young marriages in particular?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    You said there was no reason why people should divorce...

    People who get married in their teens and early twenties are far more likely to make a mistake.


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    (Original post by LightBlueSoldier)
    You said there was no reason why people should divorce...

    People who get married in their teens and early twenties are far more likely to make a mistake.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Actually this is what I said '
    the point is if a couple wants to stay together and are willing to work through their problems then divorce shouldn't really happen. it's up to the people at the end of the day.'

    Key phrase: up to the people.

    A lot of problems can be sorted if people are willing.

    Can you give an example of those mistakes?

    Posted from TSR Mobile
 
 
 
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