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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    There's nothing inappropriate about that email whatsoever, I wouldn't worry one iota
    I wish I had your confidence bro! I really appreciatee this advice, will check out your threads later. Confidence is definitely key for me. I can talk to women I'm friends with and they all ask why I'm still single haha, just can't seem to be as forward with someone I like the look of suddenly. I'm a good presenter too, so can't fathom it out?!

    I may have found a slight spanner in the works though. My HR girl, I just looked her up on FB. She was very flirty just to me at the networking events (of which I went to 3) and also in the corridor and the smile and I gave her the salute. Thing is I just saw on FB from her profile (I haven't friended her btw, I don't erm have FB, just had a glance) that she has a boyfriend and she has had one for about a year. That means, between the last networking event and meeting her again at the firm, she has been with someone.

    Does this mean that her flirting means nothing then? I feel lost, argh, wish I had got her number at the networking event, but I felt nervous as I thought it might be inappropriate!
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    (Original post by datpiff)
    Just go for it. Worry you'll just make things worse. Take control and be straight to the point.

    You need to think about the 'crossing the line' issue. That's for you to call. Is it gonna clash with your career? Can you deal with the concequences? Your call.


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    Okay I'll try! Thing is, I've never had a girlfriend even though I just graduated and started work. That's also why I'm nervous.

    She's not HR for my department, but I think maybe she's nervous too, she's a junior in her department, so maybe she can't be seen to be dating someone in the firm? Inter office relationships aren't forbidden, and this would be cross-departmental.

    I really like her, I have since I first saw her, and even then I thought she was another student like me!

    She was also flirty with just me, not everyone, so she didn't seem to be a fake just talking to all candidates. Thing is I just saw on FB by googling her that she is in a relationship. Between the time I saw her at a networking event and I came to work for the firm, she has met someone sigh. Does this mean her latest flirtations mean nothing?

    It could explain her lack of response on email though..
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    (Original post by pshah2)
    Okay I'll try! Thing is, I've never had a girlfriend even though I just graduated and started work. That's also why I'm nervous.

    She's not HR for my department, but I think maybe she's nervous too, she's a junior in her department, so maybe she can't be seen to be dating someone in the firm? Inter office relationships aren't forbidden, and this would be cross-departmental.

    I really like her, I have since I first saw her, and even then I thought she was another student like me!

    She was also flirty with just me, not everyone, so she didn't seem to be a fake just talking to all candidates. Thing is I just saw on FB by googling her that she is in a relationship. Between the time I saw her at a networking event and I came to work for the firm, she has met someone sigh. Does this mean her latest flirtations mean nothing?

    It could explain her lack of response on email though..
    All you can do is ask. She will just say: "sorry I have a boyfriend". Most girls are actually flattered when genuine guys ask them on dates in a polite way.

    **** happens. Happens to me. She says: 'I have a boyfriend'. All you can do is respect her response and move on.

    Some people are just flirty by the way. Some just aren't aware how much they lead on others.


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    (Original post by pshah2)
    1. Although she was really really bubbly to me, if she wasn't interested and was just being friendly, am I crossing a line, by propositioning a member of HR on work email?
    You’re not propositioning anyone. Even if she hadn’t suggested the catch up it would be absolutely fine as ‘catch up’ =/= date necessarily, even with an ‘x’ at the end, this can be interpreted as just being friendly

    Worst case scenario: she’s got a boyfriend/not interested and will either ignore you or let you down gently. In life, the SAS motto applies: ‘who dares, wins’

    2. If she says no, I would be crushed. I am afraid she will just reject
    Why? She is one girl in several billion, and the world doesn’t owe you interest from the first girl you take a shine to. Good things don’t come easy, and rejection galvanises/strengthens us, and risking it sets us apart from other men

    3. I'm not sure how to impress this girl
    Where did you get the idea that you should be falling over yourself to impresss her? :confused:

    afterward I think I should have said this or that
    That’s natural, and constructive criticism is good, if it leads to personal development

    "Finished the final day today and received the job offer. I'm so excited! Just wanted to say a big thank you for all of your advice, really appreciate it. Hope to see you when I'm back"
    I would have broken that up into several messages myself. If you send long messages like that it shows you are investing too heavily and appear a little keen (no problem if she’s hot for you but if she’s undecided it’s a definite no no)

    let's catch up after you've had a rest. Best,"
    A rest from what?

    (Original post by pshah2)
    I wish I had your confidence bro!
    If you get to my age and you don’t have something approaching my confidence I’ll be surprised. It’s not just innate, it’s a function of experience and related learning/organic growth in self-confidence

    I really appreciatee this advice, will check out your threads later
    From what I’ve read I’d check them out as a matter of priority, and if you need further help you may PM me if you want to enlist my services on a more profound/detailed basis (among other things, I’m a dating/life coach)

    just can't seem to be as forward with someone I like the look of suddenly
    Again, this is only natural

    I'm a good presenter too, so can't fathom it out?!
    Then you’ve already won half the battle. It’s all about ‘getting in state’, which again, is a function of experience and learning, as well as raising certain things (mindset) to the conscious level and being brave

    she has a boyfriend and she has had one for about a year. That means, between the last networking event and meeting her again at the firm, she has been with someone
    Ah well, I would still pursue the catch up and work at making her a friend – it’ll enable you to get into the following state: ‘this girl has a boyfriend, I have absolutely no chance with her but I’m going to befriend her anyway’

    It’ll be good practice socialising with someone who really does it for you, and you never know, if things don’t work out with her boyfriend you may be able to swoop in and catch her fall (just don't for God's sake become one of those wet, infatuated fanboy types); equally, she may have hot HR friends

    Just make sure you make reference to the last girl you were seeing e.g. 'I've been seeing this girl on and off but [voice reservation/excuse]' before the topic of her boyfriend comes up, but only at an appropriate juncture. This way she'll feel less awkward about the could-be-construed-as-a-date scenario, and also impressed that you're so open about such things and not trying to shark her when she'll probably know that you have chemistry

    I would also advise making it a group meet, if either of you have any work pals you could bring along

    Does this mean that her flirting means nothing then?
    HR girls are well rehearsed at establishing rapport, and the attractive ones typically play upon their feminine charms to an extent (which may be confusing for young guys, no doubt)
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    (Original post by datpiff)
    All you can do is ask. She will just say: "sorry I have a boyfriend". Most girls are actually flattered when genuine guys ask them on dates in a polite way.

    **** happens. Happens to me. She says: 'I have a boyfriend'. All you can do is respect her response and move on.

    Some people are just flirty by the way. Some just aren't aware how much they lead on others.


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    Okay yeah. Feel a little lead on especially given the first encounter at the firm when she saw me she seemed overjoyed to say the least.

    How do you just ask her out on the spot?!
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    You’re not propositioning anyone. Even if she hadn’t suggested the catch up it would be absolutely fine as ‘catch up’ =/= date necessarily, even with an ‘x’ at the end, this can be interpreted as just being friendly

    Worst case scenario: she’s got a boyfriend/not interested and will either ignore you or let you down gently. In life, the SAS motto applies: ‘who dares, wins’

    Why? She is one girl in several billion, and the world doesn’t owe you interest from the first girl you take a shine to. Good things don’t come easy, and rejection galvanises/strengthens us, and risking it sets us apart from other men

    Where did you get the idea that you should be falling over yourself to impresss her? :confused:

    That’s natural, and constructive criticism is good, if it leads to personal development

    I would have broken that up into several messages myself. If you send long messages like that it shows you are investing too heavily and appear a little keen (no problem if she’s hot for you but if she’s undecided it’s a definite no no)

    A rest from what?

    If you get to my age and you don’t have something approaching my confidence I’ll be surprised. It’s not just innate, it’s a function of experience and related learning/organic growth in self-confidence

    From what I’ve read I’d check them out as a matter of priority, and if you need further help you may PM me if you want to enlist my services on a more profound/detailed basis (among other things, I’m a dating/life coach)

    Again, this is only natural

    Then you’ve already won half the battle. It’s all about ‘getting in state’, which again, is a function of experience and learning, as well as raising certain things (mindset) to the conscious level and being brave

    Ah well, I would still pursue the catch up and work at making her a friend – it’ll enable you to get into the following state: ‘this girl has a boyfriend, I have absolutely no chance with her but I’m going to befriend her anyway’

    It’ll be good practice socialising with someone who really does it for you, and you never know, if things don’t work out with her boyfriend you may be able to swoop in and catch her fall (just don't for God's sake become one of those wet, infatuated fanboy types); equally, she may have hot HR friends

    Just make sure you make reference to the last girl you were seeing e.g. 'I've been seeing this girl on and off but [voice reservation/excuse]' before the topic of her boyfriend comes up, but only at an appropriate juncture. This way she'll feel less awkward about the could-be-construed-as-a-date scenario, and also impressed that you're so open about such things and not trying to shark her when she'll probably know that you have chemistry

    I would also advise making it a group meet, if either of you have any work pals you could bring along

    HR girls are well rehearsed at establishing rapport, and the attractive ones typically play upon their feminine charms to an extent (which may be confusing for young guys, no doubt)
    You sir a Barney Stinson himself! Incredible, really appreciate this great advice. Will take up on the coaching! I know I just need that extra confidence to get into that 'state'.

    I think I put it all in one email, because I was worried about a response.

    Who dares definitely wins applies! I love that motto.

    I will check out your advice pages for sure. Coaching is something I'm up for.

    I was a bit surprised to find she had a boyfriend in terms of her flirting back with me. But I mean she is a hot fun girl, so no surprise that she wouldn't be single forever. I would like to befriend her so will work on that. And you're right about the swooping and also other hot HR friends! I've only seen her with relatively pretty girls so yep!

    Rest from the constant assessment in desk placement fortnight I think is what she meant.

    In terms of mutual friends, I'm new to the firm and not in her department or the one she covers alas.

    How would you play it from here? Email again or just when I bump into her in the corridor or something again, just go for it and say how about a coffee?

    Thanks bro!
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    (Original post by pshah2)
    I think I put it all in one email, because I was worried about a response
    This is true in most walks of life: never let fear be a main motivating factor

    I mean she is a hot fun girl, so no surprise that she wouldn't be single forever
    Correct. High value women tend to value/command high quality relationships

    I've only seen her with relatively pretty girls so yep!
    There you go then.. even if she has a boyfriend and absolutely no interest in you, you should see her pleasant friendship as a real result, and networking potential as a real bonus if you handle things reasonably smoothly

    In terms of mutual friends, I'm new to the firm and not in her department or the one she covers alas
    They don't have to be mutual friends, just work pals who are decent company and aren't going to show you up or anything in front of her. The thing about HR girls is they are all about the social side of life, and big into 'social proofing' (something I steer clear of, out of necessity, personally)

    Email again or just when I bump into her in the corridor or something again, just go for it and say how about a coffee?
    Either is fine, whatever feels natural to you - just make sure it doesn't sound like a date 'catch up over a coffee'
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    This is true in most walks of life: never let fear be a main motivating factor

    Correct. High value women tend to value/command high quality relationships

    There you go then.. even if she has a boyfriend and absolutely no interest in you, you should see her pleasant friendship as a real result, and networking potential as a real bonus if you handle things reasonably smoothly

    They don't have to be mutual friends, just work pals who are decent company and aren't going to show you up or anything in front of her. The thing about HR girls is they are all about the social side of life, and big into 'social proofing' (something I steer clear of, out of necessity, personally)

    Either is fine, whatever feels natural to you - just make sure it doesn't sound like a date 'catch up over a coffee'
    Gotcha and thanks! Will give it a whirl over the coming weeks!
 
 
 
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