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Dumped by a bangladeshi guy Watch

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    (Original post by Zantetsuken)
    Considering he's depressed and trying to repeatedly call you, I think you should at least hear him out; I get the impression that he's quite confused and not sure what he wants, due to his family's influence (which can be very strong in any cultural family).

    Not that you should feel compelled to take him back, but just to give yourself and him some closure (if you do decide to end it) and an understanding of the situation. You also said that he's hurt himself in the past, so I think it's good if you let him down gently.

    Ending it after six years is tough, but you sound like a level headed person who knows what she wants. Good luck with everything.
    Sorry, but i cant cheat my future. I've already moved on. All this didnt happen overnight, its been going on for a year.

    Life changes. I'm looking back and really i had nothing in common with him. His fake i love you's were enough to keep me going.

    it's a hard lessson, but not only will it teach him, but it will impact his whole family. This decision will haunt him for the rest of his life.

    If he has any love or respect for me he would be ashamed and let me move on.

    if i saw him in a couple of years, i can safely say i will walk right past him.

    maybe my feelings may change. But for now, i want the pain to be felt and i dont want to go back.
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    Okay, that's understandable. It sounds like you've made your mind up for some time now. If you haven't already, you should just tell him that it's over then, and in no uncertain terms. Better to be straight up and not keep your anger bubbling underneath.

    Time's a healer (as cliche as that phrase is).
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    (Original post by Imy-95)
    OP, you shouldn't paint all Bengalis with the same brush lol, some of my family (bengalis) such as older cousins, both male and female married outside their ethnicities to pakistanis, gujratis, english, even though there was a slight opposition at first, the families get along perfectly fine together now. A 6 year relationship seems like a really long thing to throw away, although seeing as though the dude seems really weak, stalks you and threatens to harm himself, maybe you could lay down some conditions to him or something i.e. that you won't take him back until he sorts himself out, his issues, learns to love himself etc. lol.

    Maybe you should also try and look it at from his perspective, more likely than not, his family have been emotionally blackmailing him to leave you because of their izzat (backwards Desi thinking), come on, think about if your parents had threatened to disown you, the thought would be daunting, right?
    we discussed the possiblity of getting disowned. If it really mattered he would have stuck by me.

    Ask youself, would you want someone so weak. He should have stood up for himself. We wouldnt have been thrown out. We had a plan, we had a house to move into.

    i answered his call yesterday and he was upset, saying he doesnt want to live anymore, i didnt say anything. He kept asking if there is any chance, i said nothing. He does not know that i am already seeing someone else. I'm on a 24 month comtract with my phone, so wont be able to change my number.

    i'm praying he doesnt stalk me again.

    Once i get rid of the house, mobile and move in with my future husband, i can say it was all a distant memory.

    in life you either make your partner or you break them. I have helped him achieve success in his job. Ive always supported him. Helped him with cv's etc and he is on good money. He can easily get someone else. The problem will be him holding down the job ans stress of never seeing me.

    What ever happens i dont want to be around to witness it.
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    Mujhse Shaadi Karogi?

    Mere paas ghar hai, bungla hai, paisa hai aur ma bhi hai
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    (Original post by Kutta)
    Mujhse Shaadi Karogi?

    Mere paas ghar hai, bungla hai, paisa hai aur ma bhi hai
    Strong. I'd take this without a second thought.
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    I know loads of people in a Pakistani/bangladeshi relationship. Most where the girl is bengi. Dont really see why it matters in your communities alot when your both practically the same.
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    sorry but u can replace ur wives but not ur parents...

    parents>chicks.

    i know its harsh but its true, he might love you for how long? 10 years? 20? 30? but your parents will love you for as long as they live.

    it looks like hes made his decision, and its the right one, i know its hard for you but if you love him you wouldn't make him decide between you or his parents.
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    (Original post by Imy-95)
    It's not the right choice, your parents can't force upon you their choice of life partner for you with tactics like emotional blackmail and the OP seems like a really level headed lady, he'll probably regret that he didn't fight for her.
    your parents created you, why the hell can't they lol? all im saying is that parents are worth much much much more than a little crush when you're young.

    if he did fight for her and if his parents disown him.. im pretty sure he'll regret that much more if something goes wrong with the OP in a couple months/years time.
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    (Original post by Ribbit1234)
    I know loads of people in a Pakistani/bangladeshi relationship. Most where the girl is bengi. Dont really see why it matters in your communities alot when your both practically the same.

    It didnt to me. Yes i have seen alot of bengi girls that have married pakistani guys. I have not known many the otherway around.

    thats the difference, pakistani guys will stick by them. Bengi men are quite spinelss when it comes to standing up for their partner.

    Dont get me wrong, he was very protrctive physically, wouldnt let me pick up anything did everthing for me, but when it got emotional he was too weak.
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    (Original post by Imy-95)
    Umm because it's haram islamically? And it's also haram to give an invalid reason to reject a proposal of marriage such as because the ethnicity of the person who gave the proposal to your own is different? Islam vehemently rejects tribalism, nationalism, discrimination, racism etc. Islam does teach respect for parents but God also made it your right to choose your life partner.

    And speaking from what i've seen in desi families when things like this occur, these are just usually empty threats which no longer hold importance once the couple are happily married.
    yeah islamically the man can choose his wife but the woman needs parental consent.

    idk different people are different but for me, no one on this earth is worth more than a hair on my mums head, so if my mum says no to a girl then thats final, no discussion.
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    (Original post by Kabulkid)
    sorry but u can replace ur wives but not ur parents...

    parents>chicks.

    i know its harsh but its true, he might love you for how long? 10 years? 20? 30? but your parents will love you for as long as they live.

    it looks like hes made his decision, and its the right one, i know its hard for you but if you love him you wouldn't make him decide between you or his parents.

    His parents treated him like crap the whole time he was with me. He was cattle to them.

    if you have parents like that good for you.

    i look out for him, when his mum wouldnt make his food and told him not to go in the fridge and constantly complained. Plus when she met me, she was surprised to see me, she said what do you see in him. Meaning dark, overwight and short.

    is that how parents are?!

    my parents are the most loving you will find, they will move mountains for their kids happiness and expect nothing in return.

    and the fact your saying he made the right decision, he obviously is regretting it trying to chase me.

    i would have beena trophy to that family, even the mother is saying that now.

    i always believe in karma, but feels good i got out.

    also, it wasnt about choosing them over me, it was trying to convince both parties. The person i marry, i want him to have a good relationship with his parents, if they havent GIRLS dont touch them with a barge pole.
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    Erm well my friend's sister (Pakistani) married a Bengali and it didn't work out because of her being Pakistani. They'd complain about her not knowing the culture and not fitting in when she genuinely tried her best
    That may have just been an odd case though...
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    (Original post by Feelgood123)
    His parents treated him like crap the whole time he was with me. He was cattle to them.

    if you have parents like that good for you.

    i look out for him, when his mum wouldnt make his food and told him not to go in the fridge and constantly complained. Plus when she met me, she was surprised to see me, she said what do you see in him. Meaning dark, overwight and short.

    is that how parents are?!

    my parents are the most loving you will find, they will move mountains for their kids happiness and expect nothing in return.

    and the fact your saying he made the right decision, he obviously is regretting it trying to chase me.

    i would have beena trophy to that family, even the mother is saying that now.

    i always believe in karma, but feels good i got out.

    also, it wasnt about choosing them over me, it was trying to convince both parties. The person i marry, i want him to have a good relationship with his parents, if they havent GIRLS dont touch them with a barge pole.
    wow his parents seem to be quite cruel to him but nonetheless they're his parents and they want the best for him. its also quite arrogant to say

    'i would have beena trophy to that family, even the mother is saying that now.'

    anyhow, im happy that you feel good that you've got out, theres plenty of other guys with more accepting parents. you go tiger.
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    (Original post by Kabulkid)
    yeah islamically the man can choose his wife but the woman needs parental consent.

    idk different people are different but for me, no one on this earth is worth more than a hair on my mums head, so if my mum says no to a girl then thats final, no discussion.
    If your mum sees your happiness, she will do whats right for you.

    like i said. He didnt have a good relationship with his parents. That was the part that wanted to look after him, help him.

    If your mum ever meets your future misses and says oh what do you see in him? Do you think its respectful?

    If i was ugly, it would have been a different story. For her the exterior matters more.
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    (Original post by Feelgood123)
    If your mum sees your happiness, she will do whats right for you.

    like i said. He didnt have a good relationship with his parents. That was the part that wanted to look after him, help him.

    If your mum ever meets your future misses and says oh what do you see in him? Do you think its respectful?

    If i was ugly, it would have been a different story. For her the exterior matters more.
    his mum doesn't sound like a nice person but its his mum man. maybe sit down and have a serious convo with his mum asking why she doesn't approve of you?
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    (Original post by Biryani007)
    Erm well my friend's sister (Pakistani) married a Bengali and it didn't work out because of her being Pakistani. They'd complain about her not knowing the culture and not fitting in when she genuinely tried her best
    That may have just been an odd case though...
    Even more reason.

    how did her parents react to this.

    i want to move on am already speaking with someone else. I hope my past will not ruin my future.

    I was shocked to see that they were very backward, i was not expecting it at all. Being bought up by parents who judge people as human beings and not by their ethnicity.

    i had an easy escape god has been kind to me.
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    (Original post by Kabulkid)
    wow his parents seem to be quite cruel to him but nonetheless they're his parents and they want the best for him. its also quite arrogant to say

    'i would have beena trophy to that family, even the mother is saying that now.'

    anyhow, im happy that you feel good that you've got out, theres plenty of other guys with more accepting parents. you go tiger.

    Kabulkid, i dont want someone else going through what i been through. I lost friends, i have been alone for a long time. I was expecting a new chapter of my life with this family, i would have given a 110 % to make it work, but it wasnt meant to be.
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    (Original post by Kabulkid)
    his mum doesn't sound like a nice person but its his mum man. maybe sit down and have a serious convo with his mum asking why she doesn't approve of you?

    She 'didn't' approve purely on basis what will society think, and you are a pakistani.
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    (Original post by Feelgood123)
    Kabulkid, i dont want someone else going through what i been through. I lost friends, i have been alone for a long time. I was expecting a new chapter of my life with this family, i would have given a 110 % to make it work, but it wasnt meant to be.
    i feel so sorry for you, looks like you've been through a lot

    maybe this is a learning curve for you, unfortunately a lot of Muslim parents aren't accepting of people from different countries/cultures, we have to deal with it. inshaAllah the next generation (us) will be different.

    no im afghan.
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    (Original post by Feelgood123)
    She 'didn't' approve purely on basis what will society think, and you are a pakistani.
    im afghan, my mum tells me that she won't accept anyone that isn't afghan, i don't like it but i honour it because shes my mum and she means the world to me.
 
 
 
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