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Female bullying in the workplace - what do I do Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah I know but I don't honestly see why I should have to? It's like telling someone "don't do this or you'll get bullied", here's an idea, how about you tell the bullies not to bully? I really don't understand why I should have to use a different bag and dress differently when my clothing doesn't affect them in the slightest because they've got a chip on their shoulder. It's ridiculous.
    Well you can carry on how you are now. Just be prepared to deal with it every time you get a new job lol.

    The recording thing will work. All the girls will end up hating you even more though once it's all done (if they haven't been fired).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How would you define jealousy? All I can think of is perhaps we define it differently.

    Lol. I have low social intelligence because I'm the one being targetted? No. I go out of my way to help others, I volunteer for charities, I give a lot of money to causes. I'm someone everyone comes to when they have a problem because I'm a good listener and good at giving advice, open minded and always willing to help

    I just don't see "jealousy" as a valid reason for being a **** to someone, and I have little time for someone as petty and immature enough to be a knob because I WANT WHAT SHE'S GOT MUMMY!
    Have a read: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...rives-jealousy

    I never said that jealousy was a valid reason; in fact I specifically said that it wasn't. Just that it would be helpful if you could understand why she feels that why and why some of your actions could have been perceived in a way you didn't intend.

    And no, I don't think you have a low social intelligence because you're the one being targetted. You're deliberately twisting what I'm saying. I think you have low social intelligence because you can't see anything from anyone else's point of view. Volunteering and donating to charities doesn't necessarily prove you are empathetic, although I would guess they usually correlate. being empathic towards friends and people who you consider in need is one thing; seeing things from the point of view of those we dislike is quite another.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    Well you can carry on how you are now. Just be prepared to deal with it every time you get a new job lol.

    The recording thing will work. All the girls will end up hating you even more though once it's all done (if they haven't been fired).
    Exactly.
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    Complaining to the manager is a past time in UK jobs.
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    (Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
    So nobody in the World can ever have anything nice? How do you know the people in that resort don't give away thousands of pound to charities for the poor?

    The OP has done nothing wrong by spending her money, and if she has a phobia of germs what do you want her to do?
    I don't think he's saying that I think he's just trying to show me it form their perspective. But I don't get it cause I'm not nasty lol. So even in that situation, I wouldn't want to be horrible

    But yeah I agree it's pathetic that anytime someone has something nice, people are dicks about it.

    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    Well you can carry on how you are now. Just be prepared to deal with it every time you get a new job lol.

    The recording thing will work. All the girls will end up hating you even more though once it's all done (if they haven't been fired).
    I don't care if they hate me I just want them to leave me alone. I tried to be friends with them but they're horrible people, so now I just want them to stop!
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    (Original post by UniMastermindBOSS)
    So nobody in the World can ever have anything nice? How do you know the people in that resort don't give away thousands of pound to charities for the poor?

    The OP has done nothing wrong by spending her money, and if she has a phobia of germs what do you want her to do?
    Eh mate. In my particular made up scenario the kid is starving to death and no one is going to give him any food.
    The point I was making is that if you were that kid you would probably feel jealousy towards the people who have food. Since OP said she doesn't feel jealousy.

    I didn't really imply any of the things you mentioned. I'm just being realistic. You'l work with difficult people in your lifetime.
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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    Have a read: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...rives-jealousy

    I never said that jealousy was a valid reason; in fact I specifically said that it wasn't. Just that it would be helpful if you could understand why she feels that why and why some of your actions could have been perceived in a way you didn't intend.

    And no, I don't think you have a low social intelligence because you're the one being targetted. You're deliberately twisting what I'm saying. I think you have low social intelligence because you can't see anything from anyone else's point of view. Volunteering and donating to charities doesn't necessarily prove you are empathetic, although I would guess they usually correlate. being empathic towards friends and people who you consider in need is one thing; seeing things from the point of view of those we dislike is quite another.

    I genuinely don't think I experience that :confused: I don't really feel "threatened" by other people.

    The thing is, usually I can. I usually understand people who do things that seem horrible, say for example someone who commits a crime, but then it becomes apparent they've had a terrible homelife, been abused, etc, I will feel really sorry for them. However I just don't think jealousy is valid :confused:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I genuinely don't think I experience that :confused: I don't really feel "threatened" by other people.

    The thing is, usually I can. I usually understand people who do things that seem horrible, say for example someone who commits a crime, but then it becomes apparent they've had a terrible homelife, been abused, etc, I will feel really sorry for them. However I just don't think jealousy is valid :confused:
    Whether you think it is valid or not is irrelevant; the majority of people do experience it so I would read up on it if I were you so I could understand what it is like for those of us who aren't superhumans. As the article says, jealousy often comes from feeling inadequate yourself so I guess if you're convinced you don't have any flaws you wouldn't experience jealousy.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I got a job a couple of months ago. My job involves retail and working closely with the public. Most of the people I work with are women. I've never got on well with women, not for me not trying, but because they tend to dislike me. There's a definite clique and for whatever reason, they have decided they hate me. This is long but I need to explain the full story.

    They were never friendly towards me, but issues started with changing the bins. I have generalised anxiety and I'm scared of germs (a family member is on chemo, if I get germs, I won't be allowed to see her..). I asked one of my colleagues if she could change the bin and instead I'd do a job she doesn't want to do. She shouted at me and said "I'm not being funny but we all have to do everything I don't know why you feel you get special treatment" I explained my phobia and she said "well get over it"

    I get on really well with the company owner. We'd been working together a lot and she kept commenting on how good I am, and that she wants me to help her. The other women were staring me down and giving me evils the whole time.

    A few days later I get called into the office by my manager. The girl who was rude to me about the bins has gone to get saying I don't do my job, I refuse to help, I make excuses and I look down on then. This is all untrue. I explained to my boss about my phobia and said it's literally just the bins. she said to go and speak to, let's call her Sam, about it and iron out our problems

    So I went to speak to her, and said "can you please tell me what your problem is? I've tried to be nice, there's one thing I struggle with but other than that I don't see the issue?" And she shut the door and said

    "you want to know what my problem is? You're new and you suck up to the owner,
    You talk to everyone and you're confident. You dress like you're going out every day and chat to everyone. When I was new, I was terrified. I couldn't speak to anyone and I was scared to speak to the owner. And then you come in like some diva and think everyone loves you. I don't see why it should be any different for you than it was for me"

    WTF. Obviously that really upset me. Since then there's been loads of snide remarks. She always comments on my makeup, and I use a designer bag for work and she says stuff like "how do you afford that?! Your boyfriend blatantly pays for you..." "God I wouldn't spend that much on face powder you must be minted..." And other stuff. She refers to me as "princess" behind my back.

    she's unpleasant towards me and has complained about me a few more times. I asked if we could use bin bags with handled because then I can do the bins and she said "no get over it". She shouted at me the other day which had me in tears, and she's now written a letter of complaint about me and got her cliquey friends to back her up, even though it's untrue (stuff like I'm rude to everyone, always on my phone, think I'm better than everyone etc)

    I even tried to be friends with her, I iffered to take her shopping with me and bought her some makeup she wanted to try

    I've been in tears over this, I love my job but she's really upsetting me.wtf do I do?
    She's just jealous of you lol, she's angry at herself cause she was so bad at her job when she started and you're really good! She just needed an excuse to put you down, she's also jealous of the designer bag thing etc which is her fault as you can spend your money on whatever you want


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    (Original post by ArtGoblin)
    Whether you think it is valid or not is irrelevant; the majority of people do experience it so I would read up on it if I were you so I could understand what it is like for those of us who aren't superhumans. As the article says, jealousy often comes from feeling inadequate yourself so I guess if you're convinced you don't have any flaws you wouldn't experience jealousy.
    Yeah I will read up on it, as it's something I don't really understand that well. It's not that I think I don't have flaws, more that I know what they are and I'm perfectly happy with myself. I don't compare myself to others in order to feel good, I'm not a 16 year old girl. My self worth isn't defined by how others perceive me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I genuinely don't think I experience that :confused: I don't really feel "threatened" by other people.

    The thing is, usually I can. I usually understand people who do things that seem horrible, say for example someone who commits a crime, but then it becomes apparent they've had a terrible homelife, been abused, etc, I will feel really sorry for them. However I just don't think jealousy is valid :confused:
    lol neither do I. That doesn't make any of our advice wrong though.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    lol neither do I. That doesn't make any of our advice wrong though.
    But why should I have to change when I haven't done anything? It's not fair
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But why should I have to change when I haven't done anything? It's not fair
    You don't have to do anything. It's just advice about avoiding situations like this.

    If you come across as very humble people generally like you. Only the really really insecure annoying people will be jealous and hate you because of humble-ness lol.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    You don't have to do anything. It's just advice about avoiding situations like this.

    If you come across as very humble people generally like you. Only the really really insecure annoying people will be jealous and hate you because of humble-ness lol.
    I don't understand how being confident is not being humble. Like I said I haven't really shoved it in anyone's face, she's made judgements about me
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    (Original post by Marky Mark)
    A lot of people use the term phobia loosely these days i.e. I have anxiety, I have a phobia to X. I assume this why the OP was called the diva i.e. someone that believes they are above others.This is why I said the OP needs to mention that she is has been clinically diagnosed in my previous posts.



    I have no clue what I'm talking about?


    You're a zoology student aren't you? :lol:
    Yeah, my dad and partner also work for trade unions so I'm pretty clued up as to workplace problems
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't understand how being confident is not being humble. Like I said I haven't really shoved it in anyone's face, she's made judgements about me
    Pride and being openly confident are the opposite of humble lol.
    And a lot of people are arrogant or insecure and don't like being humbled either. Generally no one has a problem with looking down on a person but some people have a problem with looking up at others.

    That's just life. Theres all sorts of stupid people lmao. You can be the nicest person in a community but some people will hate you because they dislike the fact that you're helpful and everyone else likes you.

    But if you're going into a new work place and everyone is dressed like a chav and you're dressed in expensive clothes. Shouldn't be surprising if it ends up in the situation you described. Especially with women. If you want to carry on adopting a certain image that provokes this type of situation you should just be prepared to do the whole camera/microphone thing so you can report all the problems to the management lol.
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    (Original post by ChickenMadness)
    Pride and being openly confident are the opposite of humble lol.
    And a lot of people are arrogant or insecure and don't like being humbled either. Generally no one has a problem with looking down on a person but some people have a problem with looking up at others.

    That's just life. Theres all sorts of stupid people lmao. You can be the nicest person in a community but some people will hate you because they dislike the fact that you're helpful and everyone else likes you.

    But if you're going into a new work place and everyone is dressed like a chav and you're dressed in expensive clothes. Shouldn't be surprising if it ends up in the situation you described. Especially with women. If you want to carry on adopting a certain image that provokes this type of situation you should just be prepared to do the whole camera/microphone thing so you can report all the problems to the management lol.
    I don't really see being confident as the opposite to being humble? But maybe.

    Yeah I'll just go with the recording thing. I think it's sad how horrible humans are that by wearing decent clothes can inspire hate
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    Any more actual advice other than record her? I will do that but wouldn't mind some more help, as we're not supposed to have our phones out so it will be quite difficult
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How would you define jealousy? All I can think of is perhaps we define it differently.

    Lol. I have low social intelligence because I'm the one being targetted? No. I go out of my way to help others, I volunteer for charities, I give a lot of money to causes. I'm someone everyone comes to when they have a problem because I'm a good listener and good at giving advice, open minded and always willing to help

    I just don't see "jealousy" as a valid reason for being a **** to someone, and I have little time for someone as petty and immature enough to be a knob because I WANT WHAT SHE'S GOT MUMMY!
    I've often been described as having a low social intelligence because I cannot for the life of me fathom why seemingly passive actions can bring about a negative emotion in other people (e.g, why does owning an expensive bag make someone else jealous? Why does having piercings and tattoos make people think I'm a low lifer with no job?) I'm also prone to reading facial expressions and tones of voice horribly wrong, had to actually teach myself empathy, etc.

    It has nothing to do with being a good listener or a nice person in general, just understanding other people's emotional processes I guess.

    If you're on good terms with your boss, have you tried speaking to him/her directly?
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    (Original post by Another)
    I've often been described as having a low social intelligence because I cannot for the life of me fathom why seemingly passive actions can bring about a negative emotion in other people (e.g, why does owning an expensive bag make someone else jealous? Why does having piercings and tattoos make people think I'm a low lifer with no job?) I'm also prone to reading facial expressions and tones of voice horribly wrong, had to actually teach myself empathy, etc.

    It has nothing to do with being a good listener or a nice person in general, just understanding other people's emotional processes I guess.

    If you're on good terms with your boss, have you tried speaking to him/her directly?
    See I don't get the first part, but I'm very good at reading facial expressions and tones etc. I can pick up on others feelings very easily. I just don't get why people are offended by harmless things, like piercings for example

    Yeah, I have, and she's apparently spoken to the other girl but she's still doing it
 
 
 
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