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    (Original post by lccy)
    I liked them not just physically but also emotionally/I had feelings for them/we would do romantic things together.... I even got to a point with one of them where I considered a relationship (but didn't because we wanted different things).
    It sounds like you were just friends with a bunch of guys....If you didn't kiss etc, then yeah, you just had a bunch of male friends :facepalm:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I have a more open view of what love is, what can I say? Somehow I've managed not to solely equate sex with love, and can in fact enjoy one with or without the other. I don't like to say I'm better than other people (say you for instance) but... I don't mind strongly implying it.

    Oh you did have a look through my post history? How delightfully creepy of you. No doubt you took note of my general bad character, what with the disgraceful working hard for my degree, abhorrent volunteering with the NHS, and absolutely vile intentions of studying occupational therapy with a view to helping out those suffering from mental ill health. Or did you dismiss me because I happen to be different to you and your itty bitty view of what's 'normal'?
    You haven't answered the ****ing question:
    How does it make you feel that you are not enough for the man you love?

    I actually didn't look through your post history (nice deflection attempt however after making the suggestion :facepalm: ) but mental instability and open relationships go hand in hand. I dismiss what you are saying because you haven't thought for a second about the root causes of what you are doing. Is it because you're a "free spirit" or because of something in your past? I'm not a betting man, but I'd put a huge sum of money on the latter
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    They do work, but (and this is a really big but) you have to establish boundaries before you start opening the relationship. What needs to be done differs, depending if it's a vee or a triad/quad.

    Vee - This one is more likely and this is the case if your bf sees someone outside the primary relationship with your consent but you yourself are not involved with that someone. I'd suggest that should you pursue this, communicate with your bf very regularly. If possible, establish and maintain contact with the person.

    Triad/Quad/N - This is the case if your bf brings a third partner in the relationship. Things get more complex as you would be juggling your feelings, your bf's feelings, the third's feelings and the overall feelings of the relationship. The last one is the addition to the triad complex. It gets more complex if that poly relationship is open, and a lot more people's feelings need to be taken into account.

    It's very difficult and only worth pursuing if you go in there, knowing what to truly expect and being ready to communicate until your voice becomes hoarse. It's rewarding, but very complicated and not for the faint hearted.
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    (Original post by geoking)
    Sure you can. But because you disagree, that doesn't mean you don't understand it. What I understand of it is that on the outside people proclaim they are happy, but really they are doing it because they have massive trust issue and it helps alleviate this insecurity by having not just fall back girls/guys, but having multiple at once. I've yet to meet someone who is mentally well adjusted who thinks that an open relationship is a good idea. However if you want to find goths and rock kids who have a history of self harm and abusive pasts who are into it, well there are plenty to choose from...
    That is some awful anecdotal evidence right there. In fact, it was so awful, it wasn't even evidence.

    What I understand of it is that on the outside people proclaim they are happy, but really they are doing it because they have massive trust issue
    Which is the exact opposite reason. Sift through the earlier posts, there are some good examples of people who weren't into open relationships but tried them anyway - they probably explain why you don't think they work. Mutually agreed open relationships and polygamous relationships are no less stable than conventional relationships, gay relationships and asexual relationships.
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    (Original post by geoking)
    You're perfectly at peace with yourself, and Russia isn't involved in Ukraine. Haven't you asked yourself why you're not enough for one person or vice-versa? Or about the links between those who participate in open relationships and mental health?
    You realise mental health problems affect around 1/4 people and actually correlate to higher intelligence?
    It also correlates to race, religion, sex where in the world you live and sexuality.
    And open relationships correlate to more sex (okay I made that one up but let's face it, probably true).
    Correlation doesn't imply any kind of causal link.
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    People in open relationships usually come from broken homes, they didn't get enough attention as kids so they seek love and attention with multiple people in adulthood to help fill the void they had growing up. Then they try to let the whole world know about how their way of living in superior and how amazing it is whilst preaching about how unnatural monogamy is. IMO you can't beat a true loving one on one relationship, when you love somebody so much not only do you not want to share them but you don't need others to be satisfied. Just my opinion though, everyones entitled to choose the lifestyle that makes them happy.
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    superwolf are you male or female? gay, bisexual or straight? i think theres a big difference when one or the other is gay/bi but without knowing what you are i cant get a clear view
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    (Original post by Harry Cooper93)
    superwolf are you male or female? gay, bisexual or straight? i think theres a big difference when one or the other is gay/bi but without knowing what you are i cant get a clear view
    Answers: probably, and none of the above. :teehee:

    I'll expand once I've heard why it matters.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Answers: probably, and none of the above. :teehee:

    I'll expand once I've heard why it matters.
    Most straight relationships are not poly that's why, just curious as to what you and your partner were.
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    (Original post by Harry Cooper93)
    Most straight relationships are not poly that's why, just curious as to what you and your partner were.
    Well online at least I prefer to remain gender-neutral (I would make up some pretentious reason for this, but really it's cos it lets me get away with murder :teehee:), and I would count myself as pansexual.

    I do have a good friend who's poly but completely straight (even to the point of being married! :eek:), and I know one or two others who're more than a little heterosexual, but most people I know would probably balk at picking one gender and one gender alone to copulate with.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Well online at least I prefer to remain gender-neutral (I would make up some pretentious reason for this, but really it's cos it lets me get away with murder :teehee:), and I would count myself as pansexual.

    I do have a good friend who's poly but completely straight (even to the point of being married! :eek:), and I know one or two others who're more than a little heterosexual, but most people I know would probably balk at picking one gender and one gender alone to copulate with.
    Fair enough that answers my question.
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    What was mentioned about the straight/pan sexual thing is interesting. Maybe it's that straight people can have more pressure to be more 'traditional' due to the fact that they are limited to one gender (pleasing to a large portion of the population but also competing so they try to mould into 'what is more acceptable'. So they may find the idea of open relationships strange or even threatening? I don't know...
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    (Original post by Bernana)
    What was mentioned about the straight/pan sexual thing is interesting. Maybe it's that straight people can have more pressure to be more 'traditional' due to the fact that they are limited to one gender (pleasing to a large portion of the population but also competing so they try to mould into 'what is more acceptable'. So they may find the idea of open relationships strange or even threatening? I don't know...
    I'd say that's a pretty good point yeah.
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    Well, if you don't want one and he is trying to pressure you into it, that's not a good sign... they you put it, it sounds like he's bored with you (sorry, that sounds really harsh, I'm sure you're NOT boring and he's just immature)

    Open relationships can work out if everyone in the relationship is either polyamorous or just okay with it. If one person isn't 100% comfortable with it, I can guarantee you it will end in tears. I've been there before, trust me, if you're not polyamorous, do not agree to it! It will just make you feel like you're inadequate. Go with your initial reaction. If you instantly think 'Yeah, open-relationships sound like fun!', then go for it, but if not, giving in to pressure will not end happily.

    If your instant reaction to it is negative, saying yes just because he's persuaded you to will only lead to jealously. Honestly, if a guy won't respect your initial decision and leave it at that, that's really not a good sign. He's probably quite selfish if he's trying to convince you to agree to something you're not comfortable with.

    I don't really know you or your partner, but by the sound of it, he sounds like a bit of a tosser if he can't back off when his partner says no... maybe it's time you guys split up if he wants to sleep with other people?
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    I wouldn't personally, no.
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    Maybe
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    (Original post by Mad Vlad)
    Successful in that all parties concerned have a desire for the relationship to continue. Who are you to impose definitions on what counts as success criteria?
    The definition of a relationship is perceived universally between two people; especially one that involves sexual intercourse. That's how it's defined unless you can alter this, it'll remain so. :rolleyes:
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    So he's basically asking your permission to cheat on you? You need to leave him.
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    (Original post by SMEGGGY)
    The definition of a relationship is perceived universally between two people; especially one that involves sexual intercourse. That's how it's defined unless you can alter this, it'll remain so. :rolleyes:
    I'm not sure what point of mine you're actually rebuking here, but there is nothing universal about societal norms of monogamy. Some people choose to live their lives how they want, which may include more complex relationships such as open relationships or polyamorous relationships.

    You're being very closed minded.
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    Yes.

    I'd probably want my bf to run past the ppl by me first.
 
 
 
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