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Got a boyfriend and I'm having a sleepover (with my guy friend) watch

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    I'm astonished by the responses of most guys here...

    I really don't see a problem. AT ALL. I don't even see why a problem could be created?

    And people are saying dump her.... :|
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    (Original post by redferry)

    I'm really glad there's people still left on this site that aren't bitter towards women/humanity.
    I like to think it is a vocal minority. Hopefully.
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    There's no need to sleep over another guys house. Especially if your be isn't close with the guy.


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    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    I like to think it is a vocal minority. Hopefully.
    What scares me here is that it seems like genuine responses from random people in many instances. It's not the usual crowd. I just don't get it tbh.
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    (Original post by Jack182)
    Sleeping in a room with a person of the opposite gender is so disrespectful. If you want to do that, you shouldn't have a boyfriend to begin with imo! So I agree with u
    (Original post by macromicro)
    You have not provided any reasoning or analysis to support how this isn't indicative of lack of respect or conducive to cheating so I can only refer you back to my original reply to your post.
    You're the claimant, so surely the burden of proof rests on you, doesn't it? It's beyond my ability of comprehension to understand why sleeping in the same room (in separate beds) is indicative of a lack of respect or conducive to cheating. I was under the illusion that we're talking about mature, intelligent people who have control over their sex drives and don't jump each other as soon as they are in the same room and the lights go out.

    If you invite a random person of the other sex to sleep in your room, that might be worrying for your partner, however if this person is a close long time friend, then I see absolutely not problem whatsoever.
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    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    Which I'm sure devastates you.
    Not at all. One of the reasons that the west is superior to much of the world is that we consider them equals.

    Your mainstream feminist tendencies may be causing you to ascribe hyperbole to my views.

    (Original post by samba)
    I'm astonished by the responses of most guys here...

    I really don't see a problem. AT ALL. I don't even see why a problem could be created?

    And people are saying dump her.... :|
    Men (and women) have a right to agree the terms of their relationship and define what is and what is not acceptable.

    If a girl told me she'd go out with me but she'd be sleeping at other men's houses, i'd have passed on the relationship. OP is being unreasonable.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Men (and women) have a right to agree the terms of their relationship and define what is and what is not acceptable.

    If a girl told me she'd go out with me but she'd be sleeping at other men's houses, i'd have passed on the relationship. OP is being unreasonable.
    Why would it even bother you?
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    (Original post by Sir Fox)
    You're the claimant, so surely the burden of proof rests on you, doesn't it? It's beyond my ability of comprehension to understand why sleeping in the same room (in separate beds) is indicative of a lack of respect or conducive to cheating. I was under the illusion that we're talking about mature, intelligent people who have control over their sex drives and don't jump each other as soon as they are in the same room and the lights go out.

    If you invite a random person of the other sex to sleep in your room, that might be worrying for your partner, however if this person is a close long time friend, then I see absolutely not problem whatsoever.
    No, this is speculative from both sides about an external example, there can be no one burden of proof, only equal burdens. It's these same mature people you speak of who have contributed to the divorce rate and who have shown cheating to be prolific in relationships. Not to mention that teenagers are rarely mature nor intelligent. No one has said anything close to your exaggerated strawman argument that they will "jump each other as soon as they are in the same room and the lights go out." That doesn't correspond to anything I have said. Being in a relationship and showing mutual respect means there are certain things you can't do which you can when you're single. Inviting one man (presumably single too, as the OP would have mentioned this otherwise for her defence) specifically for a sleep over is, unfortunately, one of those things. It's beyond the boundaries of a normal friendship. Go for coffee, go for drinks, play sport, hang out, typically in groups but also alone, but have a one-on-one sleep over? No that is too intimate and undermines respect, regardless of whether you believe there will be cheating.

    You've made an assumption that the person is a "long-time friend". I can't see what you've based this on - it would make more sense that it's not a long-term friend otherwise the OP would have mentioned it to make the situation sound more reasonable.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Not at all. One of the reasons that the west is superior to much of the world is that we consider them equals.

    Your mainstream feminist tendencies may be causing you to ascribe hyperbole to my views.
    "Whilst they are not property" gives the impression that whilst they are still technically equal they should be subservient to you since you are the man. Which I find kind of a crappy attitude.
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    (Original post by SnooFnoo)
    I have many male friends who I love as friends but the thought of sex with them.....well let's just say I'd rather hump a cheese grater.

    Equally I have male friends who'd stick their penis is an electric pencil Sharpener than entertain the thought of sleeping with me.

    The common theme here....we're none-sexual entities to each other.
    It's also possible to be attracted to someone but sill not sleep with them due to them already being in a relationship etc. Just because someone is attractive to you does not mean that you have to sleep with them.
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    (Original post by samba)
    I'm astonished by the responses of most guys here...

    I really don't see a problem. AT ALL. I don't even see why a problem could be created?

    And people are saying dump her.... :|
    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    I like to think it is a vocal minority. Hopefully.

    I'm just going to go with hopefully they are all teenagers and will grow out of it in time.
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    (Original post by samba)
    Why would it even bother you?
    Because she'd be my girlfriend. As part of becoming exclusive, one of the unwritten rules is.. don't sleep with other men. Even if one trusts her, one may not trust him not to try.

    (Original post by ChaoticButterfly)
    "Whilst they are not property" gives the impression that whilst they are still technically equal they should be subservient to you since you are the man. Which I find kind of a crappy attitude.
    Not at all. Relationships are like any legal contract, terms and constraints agreed by both parties. The fact that she did not make sure her boyfriend would be okay with such behavior is her fault.
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    (Original post by samba)
    What scares me here is that it seems like genuine responses from random people in many instances. It's not the usual crowd. I just don't get it tbh.
    I hate to quote a popular movie here but...

    How can you people be so ****ing obtuse?

    Is it just that your mindset is permanently fixated on how women are so disadvantaged and men are 100% ALWAYS doing something wrong or are you unable to think of anything beyond your ignorant views?

    Guaranteed if this girl had sex with the guy, it'd be the guys fault. 'He took advantage' :L
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Because she'd be my girlfriend. As part of becoming exclusive, one of the unwritten rules is.. don't sleep with other men. Even if one trusts her, one may not trust him not to try.
    ergo, you're insecure as hell, and prefer to sugarcoat it as 'sleeping with other men' which it clearly isn't.

    You distrust women, and feel they have no self control. You therefore want to control them. You don't want other men to have an opportunity with your property, because she may find the grass is greener.

    That's all it amounts to really.
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    (Original post by jf1994)
    I hate to quote a popular movie here but...

    How can you people be so ****ing obtuse?

    Is it just that your mindset is permanently fixated on how women are so disadvantaged and men are 100% ALWAYS doing something wrong or are you unable to think of anything beyond your ignorant views?

    Guaranteed if this girl had sex with the guy, it'd be the guys fault. 'He took advantage' :L
    If you knew me at all, you'd know I'm a pretty ardent anti-feminist. How would it be his fault, if he's single he's well within his rights to have a go. It's not an issue about 'men' and 'women' - it's an issue about personal trust for your other half. Give her enough rope to hang herself. If she does, cool, less time wasted. If she doesn't, it's all good.
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    There is having an accidental sleep over [Guy may be stranded or have no place to stay after a night out] and there is intricately planning one - Which is purely tempting just from a human stand point.

    Why would a girl in a 'supposedly' serious relationship plan a sleep over with a 'friend'. First and foremost what is a sleep over? Isn't that what kids do? Are you telling me that there isn't enough hours in the day for you and your so called 'friend' to interact that you require an additional 8 hours in his bed to do so?

    I wouldn't dump you, I would tell you not to do so, but if you insisted on doing so then - Consider yourself single.

    That being said, I would never trust you again because if your supposed mature mind can come up with this whilst sober what on earth are you capable of whilst drunk?

    [Talking from experience guys] That whole sleep over with my male best friend thing is code for harmless flirting and meaningless sexual tension that will lead to eventual cheating.
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    (Original post by samba)
    ergo, you're insecure as hell, and prefer to sugarcoat it as 'sleeping with other men' which it clearly isn't.

    You distrust women, and feel they have no self control. You don't want other men to have an opportunity with your property, because she may find the grass is greener.

    That's all it amounts to really.
    Well to be honest unlike OP i've always discussed what is acceptable or not (for both me and women i've been with), if a girl wants to gallivant around having other men i don't know round then the relationship would simply not proceed. I trust women to have a degree of self control but unfortunately humans are irrational and many people are weak. That's not really the concern, it'd be her loss.

    For me i've reached a life stage where i want somebody long term, somebody who could be the future mother of my children. While i don't expect a slave, i do expect somebody who respects who i am, what i believe and respects the relationship. I'd expect somebody i deem fit to produce my children, would value that more than a night spent talking to a guy i didn't know nor trust.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Well to be honest unlike OP i've always discussed what is acceptable or not (for both me and women i've been with), if a girl wants to gallivant around having other men i don't know round then the relationship would simply not proceed. I trust women to have a degree of self control but unfortunately humans are irrational and many people are weak. That's not really the concern, it'd be her loss.

    For me i've reached a life stage where i want somebody long term, somebody who could be the future mother of my children. While i don't expect a slave, i do expect somebody who respects who i am, what i believe and respects the relationship. I'd expect somebody i deem fit to produce my children, would value that more than a night spent talking to a guy i didn't know nor trust.
    So your judgement is superior to hers?

    I'm still not sure how you equate spending a night with a guy if you're off doing your own thing or whatever as 'gallivanting around having other men'

    You're specifically saying it would be your concern, as you feel the need to control it. If it wasn't your concern you'd let events take their course and deal with it when it happened instead of speculating on worst case scenarios.
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    (Original post by samba)
    If you knew me at all, you'd know I'm a pretty ardent anti-feminist. How would it be his fault, if he's single he's well within his rights to have a go. It's not an issue about 'men' and 'women' - it's an issue about personal trust for your other half. Give her enough rope to hang herself. If she does, cool, less time wasted. If she doesn't, it's all good.
    So you admit that there would be nothing wrong with the guy in question 'having a go'. So do you not think it would be insensitive and irresponsible of the girl to put herself in a situation where there would be a real possibility of this happening? It can't always be a matter of 'testing' your partner to see if they'll be faithful, it's about feeling comfortable and safe in your relationship, not having to worry because your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is too immature to realise what is appropriate and what isn't.
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    (Original post by jf1994)
    So you admit that there would be nothing wrong with the guy in question 'having a go'. So do you not think it would be insensitive and irresponsible of the girl to put herself in a situation where there would be a real possibility of this happening? It can't always be a matter of 'testing' your partner to see if they'll be faithful, it's about feeling comfortable and safe in your relationship, not having to worry because your girlfriend (or boyfriend) is too immature to realise what is appropriate and what isn't.
    I don't see how she's putting herself in a position of a 'real possibility of it happening' - They are sharing a room and spending some time together. She's with you for a reason for god sake, not because you're the only man she knows or has contact with. Once more, it's attempting to control a situation because you don't believe she's in control of it. Attempting to control her for the sake of your own security.
 
 
 
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