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Muslim TSR users, should I marry this man? Arranged Marriage Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.
    be careful : the risk in giving up a career and becoming a housewife is also that, if the marriage fails, you will be left without nothing

    so, be sure to finish your degree(s) and, at least, be sure to have the marriage registered officially
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    wrong thread
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im 18, going on 19 and its at a point where i dont mind getting married if the right person comes along. My dad is my only guardian who acts as a wali, my dad family are hindu and my mums side of the family are useless. Hes found someone for me but hasnt approached him yet. the guy is 25/26, he is Somalian (im south asain) he has a PhD and is a hafith of the Quran. he is well established too. i pray five times a day and wear the hijab and abaya although i still talk/flirt with guys so maybe its best if i get married as my spouse will fulfil my desires.

    Generally when it comes to looking for a spouse i look for 1.Islam and 2.being educated so he ticks all the boxes.

    the thing is i dont know if im honestly ready for marriage, i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol) another thing is that i dont know if i am ready for sex its so daunting and i dont think i could lose my virginity on my wedding night.

    what makes a person ready for marriage?

    can anyone give me any advice as to weather i should marry this guy? my dad woul never make me marry someone i dont want to

    feel free to ask any relevant questions
    If he is from different culture dont do it sister.
    Not worth it in the long run
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by muslimstanisyed)
    If he is from different culture dont do it sister.
    Not worth it in the long run
    why?
    • #3
    #3

    OP, my advice would be - meet him, find out a lot about him, and judge him for yourself.

    Don't be afraid to ask for more out of your potential husband - there are hundreds of millions of men to choose from, after all. You are young, and there is plenty of time to wait for the right man to show himself.
    • #4
    #4

    I'm curious about how if he's only 25, he already has a PhD?

    The great majority of people I know with PhDs get them in their late 20s... :moon:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im 18, going on 19 and its at a point where i dont mind getting married if the right person comes along. My dad is my only guardian who acts as a wali, my dad family are hindu and my mums side of the family are useless. Hes found someone for me but hasnt approached him yet. the guy is 25/26, he is Somalian (im south asain) he has a PhD and is a hafith of the Quran. he is well established too. i pray five times a day and wear the hijab and abaya although i still talk/flirt with guys so maybe its best if i get married as my spouse will fulfil my desires.

    Generally when it comes to looking for a spouse i look for 1.Islam and 2.being educated so he ticks all the boxes.

    the thing is i dont know if im honestly ready for marriage, i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol) another thing is that i dont know if i am ready for sex its so daunting and i dont think i could lose my virginity on my wedding night.

    what makes a person ready for marriage?

    can anyone give me any advice as to weather i should marry this guy? my dad woul never make me marry someone i dont want to

    feel free to ask any relevant questions
    Alhamdulilah its great u practice ur religion

    im not 2 keen on arrange marriages . Hav u met the guy. U should choose the guy u love. Arrange marriages is a cultural thing not islamic. However since hes islamic thats great marry a religious guy. U can trust a religious man his eyes wont gaze at any other woman except u. He will never cheat on u if he is religious. He will love u and treat u with respect if he is religious . But having said that still get to know him more then decide.


    once u get married sex wont be an issue so it doesnt matter if your not ready for it. On your wedding night everything will be different u may want 2 have sex. Time will decide.

    Im 19 not ready for marriage yet lol i may get married when im 21-22 God willing
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    Personally, I would say let yourself see the world and be social for three years and then decide
    • #5
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    (Original post by muslimstanisyed)
    If he is from different culture dont do it sister.
    Not worth it in the long run
    Explain the differences between Somali and south asian culture (because everyone who happens to be south asian follows the same backwards culture right?)

    Whether you like it or not, most muslims (regardless of skin colour follow the same culture)

    You could of said not to do it because she was too young or if she should be with someone she's physically attracted to/has a great personality
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Explain the differences between Somali and south asian culture (because everyone who happens to be south asian follows the same backwards culture right?)

    Whether you like it or not, most muslims (regardless of skin colour follow the same culture)

    You could of said not to do it because she was too young or if she should be with someone she's physically attracted to/has a great personality
    Mindblown..South Asian culture is the same as a culture from Eastern Africa huh
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    Would religion and good education be enough to sustain a marriage that could potentially last 50+ years?

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im 18, going on 19 and its at a point where i dont mind getting married if the right person comes along. My dad is my only guardian who acts as a wali, my dad family are hindu and my mums side of the family are useless. Hes found someone for me but hasnt approached him yet. the guy is 25/26, he is Somalian (im south asain) he has a PhD and is a hafith of the Quran. he is well established too. i pray five times a day and wear the hijab and abaya although i still talk/flirt with guys so maybe its best if i get married as my spouse will fulfil my desires.

    Generally when it comes to looking for a spouse i look for 1.Islam and 2.being educated so he ticks all the boxes.

    the thing is i dont know if im honestly ready for marriage, i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol) another thing is that i dont know if i am ready for sex its so daunting and i dont think i could lose my virginity on my wedding night.

    what makes a person ready for marriage?

    can anyone give me any advice as to weather i should marry this guy? my dad woul never make me marry someone i dont want to

    feel free to ask any relevant questions
    you are sooo conservative kinda girl
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    im 18, going on 19 and its at a point where i dont mind getting married if the right person comes along. My dad is my only guardian who acts as a wali, my dad family are hindu and my mums side of the family are useless. Hes found someone for me but hasnt approached him yet. the guy is 25/26, he is Somalian (im south asain) he has a PhD and is a hafith of the Quran. he is well established too. i pray five times a day and wear the hijab and abaya although i still talk/flirt with guys so maybe its best if i get married as my spouse will fulfil my desires.

    Generally when it comes to looking for a spouse i look for 1.Islam and 2.being educated so he ticks all the boxes.

    the thing is i dont know if im honestly ready for marriage, i think i may be as i want to be a mother as soon as i can and i am ready to be a housewife (im fully trained too lol) another thing is that i dont know if i am ready for sex its so daunting and i dont think i could lose my virginity on my wedding night.

    what makes a person ready for marriage?

    can anyone give me any advice as to weather i should marry this guy? my dad woul never make me marry someone i dont want to

    feel free to ask any relevant questions

    I think you'll be ready for marriage when the idea of it is comfortable - 19 is absolutely fine if your okay with it However, you still have so much to do and see i.e travel, stay with friends, finish your studies etc. I'm no scholar lol, but this is my opinion. I think you should get to know the guy too because being well educated and praying are good, but what is the guy really like - does he respect you or is he marrying you for the sake of it? Sorry if it's long x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.
    You don't know that for sure. For all you know, you might be forced you to give up your education and then you'd basically rely on him.

    You want to be a good mother and good wife? Fair enough, it's admirable. But the fact you're about the same age as me and hoping to get married is creepy. If you were writing this thread and you were maybe, 23 or something, it wouldn't have been as bad because at least you would have your degree.

    I'd say wait for a while. Get your degree so you have something to fall back on if your marriage goes to pieces. But it's upto you I guess. If the guy respects your wishes, he'd have the decency to wait for you until after uni. You could get engaged and go for "dates" (no idea if you guys have chaperoned dates or not) to know each other better.

    Still, if you go for it, please be careful. My aunt was in a similar situation to you (but she was 20) and she met this guy who had a good career and he was well respected in the community and all that crap. She fell for him and married him even though she was doing an Econ degree at a great uni here. He took away her passport and literally kept her like a sex slave. She managed to get out my grandfather found out what was happening and he managed to get her out. The guy got a life sentence in prison (and a huge beating from my grandad) but at least my aunt got out of it.

    Not saying it will happen to you but it's possible.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    being educated and religious are big factors for me. personality is important to i forgot to mention. the age gap should bother me at all and i have family who have married to different cultures and its been okay for them. tbh my life goals are to become a good mother and a good wife. i am doing a degree at the moment but it will not be disrupted if i get married.
    are you okay with him eating bananas with his rice fam?
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    (Original post by muzi786)
    once u get married sex wont be an issue
    do you really think that "sex is not an issue" for married couples ?

    as far as I can tell, most failed marriages have sexual issues
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    love marriages arnt Islamic
    Love marriages are completely allowed in Islam.
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    (Original post by mariachi)
    do you really think that "sex is not an issue" for married couples ?

    as far as I can tell, most failed marriages have sexual issues

    true those men who watch porn marriage can fail . Ok it might be an issue for alot of people but she was referring to a religious man if he truly is religious it might be a different story.
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    If you're unsure you're obviously not ready. And most people in arranged marriages I know didn't have sex on their wedding night,
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    why?
    Indian racists.
 
 
 
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