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Was I raped??? watch

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    (Original post by AJ KO)
    You cannot be too intoxicated to consent yet be sober enough to remind him to use a condom.
    Not necessarily. For example, if you can form rational decisions over a 5 second period, but can't remember what happened 5 minutes ago, you don't have capacity to consent.

    To have capacity, you need to be able to:

    • understand information about the decision
    • remember that information
    • use that information to make a decision
    • communicate their decision by talking, using sign language or by any other means


    http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Consent.../Capacity.aspx

    The crying is a blurred line. If any tears immediately indicate lack of consent, then many people's first times would be rape. It's possible (though I'm not saying it was the case) that he was sexually inexperienced, had had a bit to drink, and misinterpreted the tears as a first time/vaginismus etc.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    Cheaters, rapists, murderers. All as bad as each other really. (Although I'm not so stupid as to completely equate cheating with the other two).
    Really? Sort your train of thought out. You are stupid to even put them all in a sentence together.
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    maybe you couldn't have gone drunk in the first place, am pretty sure you had control over that, but oh well whatever's done is done you just need to accept it and move on tbh
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    It's true, you don't take it seriously because you don't feel like it was violent enough. It doesn't fit the rape stereotype, but the truth of the matter is that it almost never does fit that exact stereotype. It's not always stranger hanging out at the back of a train station or bus stop. You've most likely walked past a rapist, or sat in a bus with one. Rape is more common than you would expect but it doesn't get reported. OP won't report this because it also doesn't fit the stereotype even though reading it, it sounds very much like a rape. "He didn't ask for my permission" says it all really. Night or morning? Does it make a difference? It was clearly rape in the morning even if she "consented" at night. So that makes him a rapist, doesn't really matter about the hour of the day that is happened.

    She cried, he didn't stop. That doesn't sound like rape to you? That just sounds like a silly little regret filled drunken mistake? Really???






    I don't know how you can even call this cheating. Do you think it sounds pleasurable for her? Do you think she enjoyed it? Op was clearly very intoxicated. Whether she got taken advantage by an older man or it a was a definite rape, I can see the lines how the lines can seem to be blurred but it certainly didn't stimulate any pleasure centres in her I'm sure.

    "I remember telling him to put on a condom cause I was not about to get pregnant or an STI just because I was drunk. He would stop every so often to "cuddle" and I just remember waking feeling like complete **** and seeing like 3 full condoms on the floor. He wanted to do it "again" in the morning but I kept refusing but he still tried and again I told him to put the condom on;. He wasn't like violent though but he was a complete stranger and was like a decade older than me (he knew my age). He didn't ask me for permission, he'd just stop for a bit if I started crying or stopped saying anything. I feel like I couldn't push him away"

    It doesn't sound like a pleasurable thrilling cheating experience? think about it...
    Im not sure if your real or a troll, but your points are pretty dead. You keep thinking he is thinking rape involves a dark alleyway, and you keep arguing that point.
    Most people know (male and female) that rape is when a person does not consent to sex, but is forced into doing so.

    From the evidence gathered, OP consented, and is having regrets about cheating, being able to remember so much detail and all...

    EDIT: Nonethelss the alcohol warnings were clear to OP. She shouldnt have gotten drunk like a young teenager.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Babble? lol really, you know it's true. You know that is exactly how you feel which is why you posed these questions in the first place. If OP was extremely intoxicated and a man grabbed her in an alleyway and the same thing happened (the condoms, the crying, drinking), you would label it rape in a matter of seconds. You wouldn't question it.
    More or less correct, but the difference in that case is that she went with the guy to his apartment, she wasn't just grabbed by someone in an alleyway.

    Consent is always in words, I understand that. But consent can certainly be apparent in how responsive someone is. She was crying, she was very drunk, that isn't consent.
    Wrong. Consent is not always in words.

    Yes, but she says she only started crying in the morning, hence my distinction of the events in the night, and the subsequent events in the morning.

    She was sober enough to not consent in the morning, that makes it rape, don't you agree?
    You've gone from saying in the evening she was not sober enough to consent, to saying in the morning that she was sober enough to not consent. What?

    Even if the night is blurry with whether consent was given or not, the morning certainly makes it clear she was raped. So I don't see why you still question it? "He didn't ask for my permission" says it all really.
    My presumption is that there was no rape (everyone is innocent until proven guilty). This is a rebuttable presumption. To rebut it, however, I need to see convincing evidence to the contrary. You seem to be approaching the issue from the opposite direction, which flies in the face of how our legal system works.

    The fact OP says "He wanted to do it "again" in the morning but I kept refusing" kind of contradicts her saying "he didn't ask for my permission". Regardless, as I just said in my previous response to you, "the vast majority of people do not "ask for permission" prior to having sex" - so that is not evidence of rape.

    I have already conceded that "the crying is the single-biggest factor that suggests this was rape", but we don't know the full circumstances surrounding this crying (see: the plausible scenario I outlined in my previous post in which her crying might not be evidence of rape). Therefore, "I am reluctant to commit to either side before assimilating the full set of facts".
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    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    Im not sure if your real or a troll, but your points are pretty dead. You keep thinking he is thinking rape involves a dark alleyway, and you keep arguing that point.
    Most people know (male and female) that rape is when a person does not consent to sex, but is forced into doing so.

    From the evidence gathered, OP consented, and is having regrets about cheating, being able to remember so much detail and all...
    No I don't keep arguing that point, I'm bringing to light that stereotype.Which is why most people on this thread haven't taken op seriously, calling her a cheater, it's because it doesn't fit the stereotype.

    Op didn't consent in the morning.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    No I don't keep arguing that point, I'm bringing to light that stereotype.Which is why most people on this thread haven't taken op seriously, calling her a cheater, it's because it doesn't fit the stereotype.

    Op didn't consent in the morning.
    Quote me where someone used that stereotype to discredit OP?

    edit: wtf she did consent in the morning. Its only that she "felt" she had to do it because she was smoking his cigarettes. but from what she wrote, she clearly consented in the morning.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Op didn't consent in the morning.
    So? Looking back at it, I don't consent to that time with my ex 3 years ago, it wasn't that great, should I go call the police?
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    There's potentially an argument for implied consent in the morning, given that her reasoning was only that she was staying in her house and smoking his cigarettes. The matter could be different if there was a real or genuinely perceived threat of harm though. (Or if at the point where sex begun, she reasonably felt he was going to do it anyway, whether she consented or not)
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    (Original post by AJ KO)
    In what world is someone who cheats as bad as a rapist/murderer?

    Regardless, you are saying that cheaters being raped isn't an issue, as they basically deserve it. That is completely indefensible and pretty disgusting.
    What's the point of twisting my words?

    I simply don't care what happens to those who betray someone who has complete trust in them. I want nothing to do with them. That's very defensible and sensible.
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    (Original post by JoeTSR)
    There's potentially an argument for implied consent in the morning, given that her reasoning was only that she was staying in her house and smoking his cigarettes. The matter could be different if there was a real or genuinely perceived threat of harm though.
    Agreed, but I believe OP should stick to it being a drunken mistake. Because its exactly that.
    IF she did not drink she would not have been there.
    Even if she was there I doubt she would have went near the alleged rapist.
    If she went near him, I HIGHLY doubt she would have intercourse with him.

    But. OP chose to drink. As an adult, she should be aware of the dangers of drinking too much.
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    (Original post by AJ KO)
    More or less correct, but the difference in that case is that she went with the guy to his apartment, she wasn't just grabbed by someone in an alleyway.

    Wrong. Consent is not always in words.

    Yes, but she says she only started crying in the morning, hence my distinction of the events in the night, and the subsequent events in the morning.

    You've gone from saying in the evening she was not sober enough to consent, to saying in the morning that she was sober enough to not consent. What?

    My presumption is that there was no rape (everyone is innocent until proven guilty). This is a rebuttable presumption. To rebut it, however, I need to see convincing evidence to the contrary. You seem to be approaching the issue from the opposite direction, which flies in the face of how our legal system works.

    The fact OP says "He wanted to do it "again" in the morning but I kept refusing" kind of contradicts her saying "he didn't ask for my permission". Regardless, as I just said in my previous response to you, "the vast majority of people do not "ask for permission" prior to having sex" - so that is not evidence of rape.

    I have already conceded that "the crying is the single-biggest factor that suggests this was rape", but we don't know the full circumstances surrounding this crying (see: the plausible scenario I outlined in my previous post in which her crying might not be evidence of rape). Therefore, "I am reluctant to commit to either side before assimilating the full set of facts".
    He was 10 years older and a stranger so...doesn't make the situation any better.

    It was a typo, I meant "isn't", consent isn't always in words.

    Yes she wasn't sober enough to consent at night (which means no proper consent). She was sober in the morning and didn't consent but he carried on anyway.

    I'm not calling him guilty, I'm simply stating it sounds very much like a rape, especially in the morning.


    "The fact OP says "He wanted to do it "again" in the morning but I kept refusing" kind of contradicts her saying "he didn't ask for my permission". Regardless, as I just said in my previous response to you, "the vast majority of people do not "ask for permission" prior to having sex" - so that is not evidence of rape."

    How is it contradictory? He wasn't asking permission but simply stating he wanted to do it again, which OP refused, then he carried on. That isn't asking for permission.

    Yes people don't ask for permission, but there is a difference between someone is stating that they want to do it again and not stopping even if the person refuses (which is what happened) and then there is someone who wants to do it again and doesn't carry on (that didn't happen). The first one would be classified as a rape, that did happen.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Really? Sort your train of thought out. You are stupid to even put them all in a sentence together.
    Why? What really separates them? They all harm and pretty much destroy someone's life. "Think about it."
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    What's the point of twisting my words?

    I simply don't care what happens to those who betray someone who has complete trust in them. I want nothing to do with them. That's very defensible and sensible.
    Ouch that brutality is admirable. Quit the PC second chances culture, some people don't deserve to be forgiven.
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    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    Quote me where someone used that stereotype to discredit OP?

    edit: wtf she did consent in the morning. Its only that she "felt" she had to do it because she was smoking his cigarettes. but from what she wrote, she clearly consented in the morning.
    No she didn't consent. Read it again.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    Why? What really separates them? They all harm and pretty much destroy someone's life. "Think about it."
    Cheating can harm you like a rape, or a murder?
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    Cheating can harm you like a rape, or a murder?
    Scars you for life. Destroys you mentally. Makes you suicidal. Instills fear and insecurity in future relationships...

    Have a guess which one I'm referring to.

    Murder isn't it.
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    (Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes)
    1. He was 10 years older and a stranger so...doesn't make the situation any better.

    It was a typo, I meant "isn't", consent isn't always in words.

    2. Yes she wasn't sober enough to consent at night (which means no proper consent). She was sober in the morning and didn't consent but he carried on anyway.

    3. I'm not calling him guilty, I'm simply stating it sounds very much like a rape, especially in the morning.


    4. "The fact OP says "He wanted to do it "again" in the morning but I kept refusing" kind of contradicts her saying "he didn't ask for my permission". Regardless, as I just said in my previous response to you, "the vast majority of people do not "ask for permission" prior to having sex" - so that is not evidence of rape."

    How is it contradictory? He wasn't asking permission but simply stating he wanted to do it again, which OP refused, then he carried on. That isn't asking for permission.

    Yes people don't ask for permission, but there is a difference between someone is stating that they want to do it again and not stopping even if the person refuses (which is what happened) and then there is someone who wants to do it again and doesn't carry on (that didn't happen). The first one would be classified as a rape, that did happen.
    1. Op chose to drink, at the legal age to drink, age shouldnt be a factor when communicating with people.

    2. As I mentioned, she clearly consented in the morning. Just because she felt like she had to do something didnt mean she had to.

    3. Im scarred to approach women because of girls like you, screaming rape at the slightest chance you feel uncomfortable.


    4. Kept refusing is quite vague. How did she refuse and how many times? How did he exactly say he wants to have sex again, did he say "Get your pants down and lets do it again NOW"...I doubt he did.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    So I drank A LOT (at least a litre)
    A litre of what?
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    (Original post by ripjonsnow)
    1. Op chose to drink, at the legal age to drink, age shouldnt be a factor when communicating with people.

    2. As I mentioned, she clearly consented in the morning. Just because she felt like she had to do something didnt mean she had to.

    3. Im scarred to approach women because of girls like you, screaming rape at the slightest chance you feel uncomfortable.


    4. Kept refusing is quite vague. How did she refuse and how many times? How did he exactly say he wants to have sex again, did he say "Get your pants down and lets do it again NOW"...I doubt he did.
    While your points are valid, it still doesn't excuse what a dip **** the guy was.

    I guess we really do have only enough blood to power one brain at a time.
 
 
 
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