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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This really saddens me. I still want him and I have no idea what to do. I haven't told anyone about the incident because my friends/family all really like him and I don't want to paint him in a bad light, because I know he's not a bad person
    Sorry but plenty of people have given you good advice on what to do or at least how to go about resolving the issue. You have to be careful you dont end up being chief apologist for him becayse thats how abused people work.

    An event happened. He responded in a way which wasnt normal or illistrative of a healthy relationship. You can either sweep it under the carpet and make excuses for him or address the issue and resolve it with him. Imo he displayed characterisics of being selfish, untrusting, controlling and aggressive. People who love you dont behave that way. If he loves you he will wnat to put things right.

    Fail to deal with it, then you create the situation for what happens next..
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    (Original post by tengentoppa)
    So what if she's on good terms with her ex? Not every relationship has to end in a disaster.

    "texting your ex would really hurt his faith in your faithfulness"

    Why on earth would it? They've been together for 3 years, and it was an innocent conversation. How insecure does one have to be to make the leap from that to your partner cheating?

    And in what way is it normal and acceptable to forbid your girlfriend from having male friends? That's controlling and distrustful in the extreme.


    You have a warped sense of what is acceptable in a relationship.
    There shouldn't be any terms with your ex... Not while in a relationship.

    She didn't say forbid. She said disapprove. And if you're in a relationship you shouldn't really have close friends of the opposite sex.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    There shouldn't be any terms with your ex... Not while in a relationship.

    She didn't say forbid. She said disapprove. And if you're in a relationship you shouldn't really have close friends of the opposite sex.
    Why shouldn't there be any terms with your ex? Often you will have mutual friends with your ex, and if the break-up was amicable, it's far better to be on good terms with your ex.

    People in relationships shouldn't have close friends of the opposite sex? That's insane. So if you were in a relationship you would just expect your partner to discard those friendships? That's such an unreasonable request to ask of someone. It also points to huge trust issues
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    (Original post by tengentoppa)
    Why shouldn't there be any terms with your ex? Often you will have mutual friends with your ex, and if the break-up was amicable, it's far better to be on good terms with your ex.

    People in relationships shouldn't have close friends of the opposite sex? That's insane. So if you were in a relationship you would just expect your partner to discard those friendships? That's such an unreasonable request to ask of someone. It also points to huge trust issues
    You defo shouldn't be having conversations, no matter of what nature, with them unless it's completely okay with your so. Even if you're on good terms, doesn't mean you should be talking.

    Yes that's exactly what I expect, just as I would for them. And I'm saying this as they're in a serious relationship. I wouldn't expect that of someone who's just going into one. It's not about trust, it's about reality.
    • #6
    #6

    he shoves then nicks your car! dump him ASAP.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    You defo shouldn't be having conversations, no matter of what nature, with them unless it's completely okay with your so. Even if you're on good terms, doesn't mean you should be talking.

    Yes that's exactly what I expect, just as I would for them. And I'm saying this as they're in a serious relationship. I wouldn't expect that of someone who's just going into one. It's not about trust, it's about reality.
    If his issue is that she kept it hidden then I sympathise with that (though it obviously doesn't excuse his behaviour). To keep it secret is wrong and would create suspicion.

    So when you get into a serious relationship you get rid of any friends of the other sex? And you don't know any couples who have friends of the other sex?

    I find that really sad.
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    (Original post by tengentoppa)
    If his issue is that she kept it hidden then I sympathise with that (though it obviously doesn't excuse his behaviour). To keep it secret is wrong and would create suspicion.

    So when you get into a serious relationship you get rid of any friends of the other sex? And you don't know any couples who have friends of the other sex?

    I find that really sad.
    If he's okay with it then there's no issue there at all, as those are the terms of their relationship. But most people wouldn't be okay with that.

    And no. Not get rid of friends. I mean no close friends. Distance. My girlfriend should be my main priority (as a girl), not another girl, otherwise what's the difference.
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    dump him and report him to the police

    sorry but if you let him get away with this he WILL do it again

    he showed his true colours, this is how he gets when hes angry - leave leave leave!!!
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    (Original post by the bear)
    assault and battery is a criminal offence. taking and driving away a car without permission is also a felony.
    lol "felony"

    this isn't america.
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    (Original post by donutellme)
    If he's okay with it then there's no issue there at all, as those are the terms of their relationship. But most people wouldn't be okay with that.

    And no. Not get rid of friends. I mean no close friends. Distance. My girlfriend should be my main priority (as a girl), not another girl, otherwise what's the difference.
    but hey, all of this is just advice... do whatever the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF****... you wanna do!
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    (Original post by macromicro)
    but hey, all of this is just advice... do whatever the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF****... you wanna do!
    Lord @eden3 I found another believer mayne! Hallelujah!
    • #7
    #7

    What OP isn't mentioning is that she's been talking to an ex boyfriend and is a complete sexual progressive(ie likes to try everything).
    Hope he dumps you OP, cuck shouldn't be saying sorry.
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    LMAO

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    (Original post by Twinpeaks)
    Actually A. I'm pretty sure stores aren't allowed to contact the police if the product is under £10.

    B. We were discussing a USED CD that had already been bought and used by the person. Not a brand new one from the store.

    And C. You still think stealing a CD is akin to stealing a car? Hilarious.

    So you are an expert on domestic abuse now are you?

    You're telling me that a person isn't allowed to turn aggressive after 3 years? It has to be within a time frame of 3-6 months to be classified as domestic abuse?

    So any cases of violence must be wrong if they've been in a good relationship for the prior three years.

    Be careful what you say, talking rubbish as if you are an expert is fair enough when it comes to light topics, but when it comes to something such as domestic abuse, spreading such bs can be damaging.

    I was a juror last year and involved in two domestic violence cases where both defendants were found guilty, or admitted guilt.
    Guess what? They were both in long term relationships, and this was their first charge against the victim.

    You have absolutely no place to say that relationships can't turn abusive after several years. It's perfectly reasonable for them to, after three years relationships can deteriorate. And besides who you are three years ago could be very different to who you are now.

    look, i'm no expert on domestic abuse ...but neither are you. Watching a couple of cases in court is not a qualification

    I could say i've watched a couple hundred Jermey kyle episodes. Domestic abuse frequently comes up there, usually after the honeymoon period in the new relationship is over then the abuse starts ....but like I said neither of us are experts, ...watching Jeremy kyle doesn't make me an expert the same way sitting in on a couple of court cases doesn't make you some sort of domestic violence know it all.

    perhaps he may go onto beat her in the future if she stays,
    perhaps he won't.

    my opinion is that because it was shove, and i do not think he meant for her to injure her head she should perhaps not be too hasty over ending the relationship.

    tbh im not particularly passionate about the topic of domestic abuse and can't really be bothered going back and forth arguing like this. I'm not going to change your opinion and you're not going to change mine. I've not hit a woman before ...and have only known one couple where domestic violence took place ...and i don't even know all the details of how it started, all i know is that they were married 20+ years and eventually she left him, and apparently he would get violent sometimes.

    this post will likely be my last in this topic, i've said my peace on the matter. OP has heard enough debate to make up her mind. I'm not overly passionate about the topic of domestic abuse and if she dumps him over it I shall not loose any sleep. If i'm honest, when I was younger I thought the women who were getting abused were stupid for staying and not leaving the guy if he kept battering her. Although now I have come to appreciate it may not be so easy to leave in all cases due to things like finances/Kids ..I still do believe some women are stupid for staying. I personally would be reluctant to class this one as domestic abuse as this case is not so black and white, it's kinda in that grey area.

    However, If she feels she wants to go over it then so be it. I've said my opinion very clearly multiple times and this topic is taking up too much of my time.

    peace out
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    clap him back
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    (Original post by Shabarank)
    clap him back



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    (Original post by macromicro)
    but hey, all of this is just advice... do whatever the FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF****... you wanna do!
    (Original post by donutellme)
    Lord @eden3 I found another believer mayne! Hallelujah!
    praiiise GAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWD hallelujah macromicro dun made him sum MO GAIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS (all KIIIIINDS)
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    (Original post by eden3)
    praiiise GAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWD hallelujah macromicro dun made him sum MO GAIIIIINNNNNSSSSSS (all KIIIIINDS)
    (Original post by donutellme)
    Lord @eden3 I found another believer mayne! Hallelujah!
    Every time I see you two posting on the same thread it has me like :rofl: ngl
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    (Original post by lawyer3c)
    lol "felony"

    this isn't america.
    hush
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Sorry but plenty of people have given you good advice on what to do or at least how to go about resolving the issue. You have to be careful you dont end up being chief apologist for him becayse thats how abused people work.

    An event happened. He responded in a way which wasnt normal or illistrative of a healthy relationship. You can either sweep it under the carpet and make excuses for him or address the issue and resolve it with him. Imo he displayed characterisics of being selfish, untrusting, controlling and aggressive. People who love you dont behave that way. If he loves you he will wnat to put things right.

    Fail to deal with it, then you create the situation for what happens next..
    I know, I've being given great advice that has helped with my decision
 
 
 
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