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Family is stopping me from having sex before marriage Watch

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    I made that last post. I'm anonymous 6.
    My computer glitches too much.
    It keeps posting anonymously
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    i can't imagine what this must be like for you must be so scary. im guessing theres no way you are going to go completely against them and refuse to do what they say.... if i were you, i would be patient and make sure they understood that i want to have some choice in who i marry, but that i still respect their decision massively and do want their input... and then have to hope that together you can find somebody who is going to be kind and respectful of you and how you want to live your life, and then when you get round to having your own children you can try and make their lives much easier than your parents are making yours
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am in a similar situation to you, my mum wants me to wait until marriage. I am nearly 20 and I believe that this is the right path for me as guys nowadays are d*ckheads who will only sleep with you so that they can have something to talk about to their friends. Also I don't want to get pregnant before i'm ready and abstinence is 100% effective. Celibacy is not easy but in the end it will be worth it.

    Additionally, never use a tampon; have you heard of Toxic Shock Syndrome (a model lost a leg because of it). Moreover, I think tampons are unhygienic.
    i think it's silly not to use tampons because of worries over TSS. think how many millions of women use them, and how rare TSS is. simple common sense should tell you its about as use worrying over TSS as it is worrying over being run over by a cow on the side of the road. also, they are far more hygienic than any other method besides maybe menstrual cups.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You completely misunderstood my point.
    She minds if a man is not a virgin when he gets married
    But she believes she should be allowed to not be a virgin when she gets married.

    That's inequality of sexes.

    Of the Mentally Damned.
    "meanwhile the guy can have sex with as many girls as he wants" http://static1.tsrfiles.co.uk/57ced7...lies/frown.png "
    "Is it just me, or does that look like you mind the guy being allowed sex? "
    She is clearly saying that it is unfair that a "guy can have sex with as many girls as he wants" when she is not allowed to.
    That is the inequality between the sexes which she is unhappy about.
    She did not indicate that a man must be a virgin when he gets married.
    She is also correct in believing that she does not have to be a virgin when she gets married.
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    (Original post by I am 1/Cos(C))
    It blatantly does change through sex, but if the man is a virgin, how will he know, I expect piety from the brothers.
    because, the man will be lying about being a virgin. most of them do. and they aren't called out on it. just one of the examples of sexism in religion...
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    (Original post by p29)
    "meanwhile the guy can have sex with as many girls as he wants" http://static1.tsrfiles.co.uk/57ced7...lies/frown.png "
    "Is it just me, or does that look like you mind the guy being allowed sex? "
    She is clearly saying that it is unfair that a "guy can have sex with as many girls as he wants" when she is not allowed to.
    That is the inequality between the sexes which she is unhappy about.
    She did not indicate that a man must be a virgin when he gets married.
    She is also correct in believing that she does not have to be a virgin when she gets married.
    ^^ true
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    You are very young and naive. Your family are right. Listen to them. If you have sex before marriage, everyone will find out then no one will marry you because they'll see you as a ho for not saving yourself for marriage. If a Muslim guy has sex before marriage people are okay with it which is unfair. That's the way it is in the muslim community. Plus if you are Muslim, you should know sex before marriage is haraam.

    Also if you have a boyfriend and sleep with him, he is likely to disrespect you by telling his friends what you are like in bed or film it without you knowing or he could use you for sex then dump you or worse. If you marry first then that won't happen, your husband will respect you even if you don't love him.

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    Your parents sound smart and understand that its better for most women to wait for marriage instead of doing it with guys for fun thus ruining their chances of pair bonding with their husband and thus having an unfulfilling married life lusting over the guys who were much better looking that banged them but wouldnt wife cos they had higher standards. It ain't worth it. Evaluate your future.
    Theres a reason its quite common for a guy to want to marry a virgin.
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    i seriously suggest you avoid ever marrying into a family who want to see your bloodied bedsheets on your wedding night. i'm sorry but what the absolute **** ?! I can't believe a custom like that even exists?!

    so bloody unfair as well, why doesn't the son have to prove anything?!
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    Im assuming your muslim, sex in islam is a major sin and if i were you i would wait until i was married because thats the modest thing to do. However Islam also says, "theres no compulsion in religion" if you wanna have sex then go for but at the end of the day those 30 mins wont be worth the punishment. I hope you make the right choice.
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    (Original post by Allie4)
    i seriously suggest you avoid ever marrying into a family who want to see your bloodied bedsheets on your wedding night. i'm sorry but what the absolute **** ?! I can't believe a custom like that even exists?!

    so bloody unfair as well, why doesn't the son have to prove anything?!
    Double standards isn't it. Its the idea that a man who can get many women is successful because women are innately vauable due to their ability to produce a child whilst men have no innate value and are disposable soldier fodder, Thus a womans virginity is valuable in the economic sense and due to women bonding more with their first partner. Mens virginity is not and will never be valuable and is actually seen as a negative, for a man who loses it is seen as more succesful.
    But double standards init.
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    it's sad to see so many people who believe the right to choose your life partner is with your parents. Sure, you should be respecting their opinion and listening to your parents. But that respect goes both ways and they should respect you enough to go out into the world and make your own choices and mistakes and learn from them. Having boyfriends, discovering things about yourself and what you like and dont like is all part of that and its so sad so many women have this time in their life stolen from them by mistrustful parents who cant step back and let their children lead their own lives. what kind of parent are you if you can't trust the child you brought up?
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    (Original post by Portgas.D.Grade)
    Double standards isn't it. Its the idea that a man who can get many women is successful because women are innately vauable due to their ability to produce a child whilst men have no innate value and are disposable soldier fodder, Thus a womans virginity is valuable in the economic sense and due to women bonding more with their first partner. Mens virginity is not and will never be valuable and is actually seen as a negative, for a man who loses it is seen as more succesful.
    But double standards init.
    women don't bond more with their first partner, they bond the most with the person they are in love with so theres no reason for a man to feel threatened by how many people she might have slept with before him.
    had sex/had kids or not she'll still be valuable to him if she brought his child into the world
    but the thing i'm more disgusted by is the fact she'd have to prove it. is saying you're a virgin not enough, you have to show them your bloodied sheets to make sure you are definitely one?
    not all women bleed when they first lose it anyways and some women do still bleed even after losing their virginity a long time ago.
    the whole damn practice is pathetic and not just for double standard reasons

    i've even read that in some cultures its not the husband who need to see the bloodies sheets but the in-laws. anyone who agrees to marry their daughter into a family like that seriously needs their head testing!
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    my brother was really angry when he found out I wasn't a virgin, almost got into a fight with the boy and didn't talk to me for a while after, but hey he got over it and last year i did a reading at his wedding (as if he was a virgin, he had two kids!!! hypocrite)

    anyway moral is they will get over it
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    (Original post by Plantagenet Crown)
    Seriously? I'm not even a girl and yet I know that it's a myth that the pussy becomes loose after lots of sex, it doesn't.
    But don't they say that a non virgin vagina will feel different to a virgin one, I've heard this from many sources
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    (Original post by samzy21)
    You are very young and naive. Your family are right. Listen to them.
    She is an adult and has every right to live her life as she wants.

    If you have sex before marriage, everyone will find out
    Not sure how you came to that conclusion.

    then no one will marry you because they'll see you as a ho for not saving yourself for marriage.
    This is not true in the slightest. Why should she want to marry anyone that judgmental in the first place? The overwhelmingly large majority of people are not virgins when they marry, so clearly not being a virgin doesn't affect your chances of marriage in the way you suggest.

    If a Muslim guy has sex before marriage people are okay with it which is unfair. That's the way it is in the muslim community.
    Saying "that's the way it is" is a pretty poor attempt at justifying it. Why should a Muslim man expect a virgin when he is not one himself?

    By your logic, if Muslim men don't want to marry non-virgin women, why should Muslim woman want to marry non-virgin men?

    Also if you have a boyfriend and sleep with him, he is likely to disrespect you by telling his friends what you are like in bed or film it without you knowing or he could use you for sex then dump you or worse.
    This is ridiculous scaremongering. Most boyfriends do not "film it [sex] without you [their partner] knowing". Such disgusting sexism aimed at controlling women.

    What is "or worse"?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But don't they say that a non virgin vagina will feel different to a virgin one, I've heard this from many sources
    Unlikely. Vaginas are elastic, penetrating one once isn't going to remove some mysterious, magical tightness.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You completely misunderstood my point.
    She minds if a man is not a virgin when he gets married
    But she believes she should be allowed to not be a virgin when she gets married.

    That's inequality of sexes.

    Of the Mentally Damned.
    I'll tell you what I meant thanks, I meant how no one in Islam cares to tries to find out if a man has had sex with many people or not. And even if he has had sex with a plethora of ladies no one will bat an eye lid. It's not about whether he's a virign or not when I marry him it's about the principle here.
    Whereas girls have to tailor their lives to not break their hymen like how my life has been tailored by my mum and have no choice but to not have sex before marriage. If anyone so much as gets a wind that a girl has had sex she'll be stigmatised and be made an outcast by her husband and family. Just look at all the cases of the Yazidi sex slaves who have escaped from ISIS who go back to Iraq, lots of them are stigamatised by men and their families for no longer being a 'clean virgin' or lots of them are planning hymen reconstruction surgery because of this:
    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/wo...-10207352.html
    Some of them are even having to have their hymens checked by their families as proof they are still virgins. This is what makes me want to cry with frustration at how backward Islam is and our culture is with their obsession with virginity, it's just another way to control women. Open your eyes and see that. I love my mum very much but since I was young she's used these tactics to control my life, telling me I'll be worth nothing to a man and be second hand goods if I have sex outside marriage. It's gotten to the point where I'm not so much scared about having premarital sex because of God watching over me but because of the reaction from my family or future husband if they find out after my wedding night I'm not a virgin.
    In some countries they will even kill the bride if they find out she's not one
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    Funny how the male Muslims on this thread are trying push a narrative that says:

    1. It's okay/normal for Muslim men to have sex before marriage, but if a Muslim woman has sex before marriage no man will want to marry her.
    2. You can't trust non-Muslim men because they won't respect you, so you shouldn't have sex before marriage, but Muslim men are all fantastic people who will respect you and treat you well.

    The lengths Muslim men will go to to control/repress Muslim women...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'll tell you what I meant thanks, I meant how no one in Islam cares to tries to find out if a man has had sex with many people or not. And even if he has had sex with a plethora of ladies no one will bat an eye lid. It's not about whether he's a virign or not when I marry him it's about the principle here.
    Whereas girls have to tailor their lives to not break their hymen like how my life has been tailored by my mum and have no choice but to not have sex before marriage. If anyone so much as gets a wind that a girl has had sex she'll be stigmatised and be made an outcast by her husband and family. Just look at all the cases of the Yazidi sex slaves who have escaped from ISIS who go back to Iraq, lots of them are stigamatised by men and their families for no longer being a 'clean virgin' or lots of them are planning hymen reconstruction surgery because of this:
    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/wo...-10207352.html
    Some of them are even having to have their hymens checked by their families as proof they are still virgins. This is what makes me want to cry with frustration at how backward Islam is and our culture is with their obsession with virginity, it's just another way to control women. Open your eyes and see that. I love my mum very much but since I was young she's used these tactics to control my life, telling me I'll be worth nothing to a man and be second hand goods if I have sex outside marriage. It's gotten to the point where I'm not so much scared about having premarital sex because of God watching over me but because of the reaction from my family or future husband if they find out after my wedding night I'm not a virgin.
    In some countries they will even kill the bride if they find out she's not one
    Divorce your parents and find a nice, non muslim bf okay? You should be ableto do this at uni for crying out loud!
 
 
 
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