Is it unfair to judge a Woman on her past?

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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ~Tara~)
    Why not? Should be asking before having sex with all partners. I tend to say if you're not mature enough to have this conversation then are you mature enough to have sex?

    It doesn't have to be scary or offensive. Just, we should have std check before we have sex and I do it with all partners. Wouldn't you rather both know that you're clean and healthy than unwittingly pass to each other diseases which could make you infertile or even kill you if left untreated
    It's not about maturity, women get insulted lol
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    She is a walking red flag. Smash and dash or just skip straight to the taxi for one, my friend:chaplin:
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    How long have her past relationships been for?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    She is a walking red flag. Smash and dash or just skip straight to the taxi for one, my friend:chaplin:
    You dont think people can change then? (bearing in mind shes 30 now)

    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    How long have her past relationships been for?
    6 months to a year post uni, but Im not sure why. Maybe other guys think her past is a "red flag" too. Cos she says she wants marriage and babies.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    6 months to a year post uni, but Im not sure why. Maybe other guys think her past is a "red flag" too. Cos she says she wants marriage and babies.
    Short lived relationships are a very bad sign. You most certainly can judge someone by their past, as their past is what created them. My ex girlfriend, for example, told me about a week into the relationship that she wants marriage, then started getting really antsy about kids with me. Needless to say, her relationships only lasted <6 months for her whole life. If they have a history of short relationships, there's usually a reason why. Making herself seem very open to commitment and children is, in my experience, a manipulation tactic.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    Short lived relationships are a very bad sign. You most certainly can judge someone by their past, as their past is what created them. My ex girlfriend, for example, told me about a week into the relationship that she wants marriage, then started getting really antsy about kids with me. Needless to say, her relationships only lasted <6 months for her whole life. If they have a history of short relationships, there's usually a reason why. Making herself seem very open to commitment and children is, in my experience, a manipulation tactic.
    True. I'm not sure if she got dumped most of the time but the fact she often found a "rebound" after (at uni) seems emotionally immature to get back at him. She is spontaneous ive noticed, a bit childish (no sexism, I know guys like that too).

    I dont think shes doing it to manipulate me, she does squee over babies and stuff.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You dont think people can change then? (bearing in mind shes 30 now)
    1) Very few people have the capacity to fundamentally change, hence a leopard never changes its spots

    2) Even fewer have capacity + desire to

    3) Fewer still have capacity + desire + dedication to

    4) Any change in behaviour tends to be incidental, and may not reflect core change (e.g. behaviour < attitude < principles < values < morality < super ego) but, instead, things like circumstances/immediate needs/priorities in life
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    True. I'm not sure if she got dumped most of the time but the fact she often found a "rebound" after (at uni) seems emotionally immature to get back at him. She is spontaneous ive noticed, a bit childish (no sexism, I know guys like that too).

    I dont think shes doing it to manipulate me, she does squee over babies and stuff.
    Most manipulative behaviour isn't done consciously.

    If she's childish emotionally, then definitely do not pursue a relationship. Trust me. You don't want a relationship with an emotional 12 year old.

    Quick question: are her parents invalidating or emotionally distant? Any father issues?
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    Most manipulative behaviour isn't done consciously.

    If she's childish emotionally, then definitely do not pursue a relationship. Trust me. You don't want a relationship with an emotional 12 year old.

    Quick question: are her parents invalidating or emotionally distant? Any father issues?
    I wouldnt say shes like a 12 yr old, one of those baby voiced girls.. She can actually be really helpful and adult but then she complains about trivial things like I mentioned in OP.

    Idk her mum but I think she's the quiet housewife type from FB, I know her dad and he is a classy dude but one of those critical perfectionist types. He's a musician so I guess he has to. In family pics they're never hugging like my family is. She said her family's eccentric
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I wouldnt say shes like a 12 yr old, one of those baby voiced girls.. She can actually be really helpful and adult but then she complains about trivial things like I mentioned in OP.

    Idk her mum but I think she's the quiet housewife type from FB, I know her dad and he is a classy dude but one of those critical perfectionist types. He's a musician so I guess he has to. In family pics they're never hugging like my family is. She said her family's eccentric
    Being emotionally 12 means poor emotional intelligence. You can appear adult and helpful while still being maladapted and poorly adjusted.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    Being emotionally 12 means poor emotional intelligence. You can appear adult and helpful while still being maladapted and poorly adjusted.
    Good point.. what was your ex like?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Good point.. what was your ex like?
    Not fun
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    Whoops I kinda lost control and actually stopped making sense at some parts
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    Needy, obsessive borderline with daddy issues and a penchant for ****ing with my emotions and destroying my self esteem under the guise of wanting me to be more dominant and controlling. She was constantly flippant (a good example was when she apologised after breaking up with me and started to send nude pictures, then minutes later ****ged me off to a bunch of people I was at that moment talking to publicly). She constantly tested how much she could take from me, even explicitly asking me to sacrifice friendships and school life to be with her and because she was jealous I was talking to girls. Imagine having sex with an adult body but the emotional bond of a father/rebellious daughter. It all culminated into her ending it with me, once again under the guise of protecting my emotions, then showing off her new love interests (within weeks of breaking it off) and constantly putting me down for any moment of happiness I had. She even went as far as saying "don't fall out of love with me until I do to you" and that she didn't want me to stop loving her but she didn't want to be in a relationship, friendship or anything to do with me. By that point, it all seemed normal and like it was my fault. Suffice it to say, she's had 10s of partners and only been single for like a month maximum since she was 12. If you see any warnings that she's asking for sacrifices from you (a healthy relationships requires very little sacrifice), it's a power play. She seemed submissive, but she needed power over me and needed to control me. Constant sob stories. Even 2 days after breaking up with me, she said sorry and started crying then I told her to get some sleep and the next day she pretended like she was joking and basically told me to **** off. History of self harm, notably in one case with her ex boyfriend where she slashed up her legs and sent him pictures of it.

    Another example was she started talking about wanting to marry me and legitimately asking for promise rings and planning a marriage, but at the end said that me wanting to marry her was making her feel terrible and hating it. That, and she (on a daily basis) told me she loved me, and that she didn't love me explicitly and sometimes even in the same breath.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
    Not fun
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    Needy, obsessive borderline with daddy issues and a penchant for ****ing with my emotions and destroying my self esteem under the guise of wanting me to be more dominant and controlling. She was constantly flippant (a good example was when she apologised after breaking up with me and started to send nude pictures, then minutes later ****ged me off to a bunch of people I was at that moment talking to publicly). She constantly tested how much she could take from me, even explicitly asking me to sacrifice friendships and school life to be with her and because she was jealous I was talking to girls. Imagine having sex with an adult body but the emotional bond of a father/rebellious daughter. It all culminated into her ending it with me, once again under the guise of protecting my emotions, then showing off her new love interests (within weeks of breaking it off) and constantly putting me down for any moment of happiness I had. She even went as far as saying "don't fall out of love with me until I do to you" and that she didn't want me to stop loving her but she didn't want to be in a relationship, friendship or anything to do with me. By that point, it all seemed normal and like it was my fault. Suffice it to say, she's had 10s of partners and only been single for like a month maximum since she was 12. If you see any warnings that she's asking for sacrifices from you (a healthy relationships requires very little sacrifice), it's a power play. She seemed submissive, but she needed power over me and needed to control me. Constant sob stories. Even 2 days after breaking up with me, she said sorry and started crying then I told her to get some sleep and the next day she pretended like she was joking and basically told me to **** off. History of self harm, notably in one case with her ex boyfriend where she slashed up her legs and sent him pictures of it.

    Another example was she started talking about wanting to marry me and legitimately asking for promise rings and planning a marriage, but at the end said that me wanting to marry her was making her feel terrible and hating it. That, and she (on a daily basis) told me she loved me, and that she didn't love me explicitly and sometimes even in the same breath.
    Wow.
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    Thanks for sharing, brah. She sounds like an utter psycho.

    I genuinely hate people who start power plays, she seems needy also. My girl defo doesn't self harm but I know some Tumblrinas with daddy issues who turn it into an attention seeking thing.

    Might have had BPD no excuse tho :/
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Wow.
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    Thanks for sharing, brah. She sounds like an utter psycho.

    I genuinely hate people who start power plays, she seems needy also. My girl defo doesn't self harm but I know some Tumblrinas with daddy issues who turn it into an attention seeking thing.

    Might have had BPD no excuse tho :/
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    She was textbook borderline and actually blamed me for getting into a relationship with her because I knew she wasn't well (but I didn't know how bad it was because she never actually told me).
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
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    She was textbook borderline and actually blamed me for getting into a relationship with her because I knew she wasn't well (but I didn't know how bad it was because she never actually told me).
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    Best to stay away from those sorts.. Actually reminds me of my previous landlady . I lived with her and her daughters, she was menopausal and had mental issues too I think. Would moan about me behind my back then beg for me to stay wtf.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
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    Best to stay away from those sorts.. Actually reminds me of my previous landlady . I lived with her and her daughters, she was menopausal and had mental issues too I think. Would moan about me behind my back then beg for me to stay wtf.
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    I have learnt a lot from the experience, though. I recognise that I made a lot of mistakes both in the relationship and in my character judgement. I know now what kind of person makes a good partner and what I want out of a relationship. I'm still working on all of that, though. In the end, it was an experience and I'm either going to die or learn from it.
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by AlexLawrence1453)
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    I have learnt a lot from the experience, though. I recognise that I made a lot of mistakes both in the relationship and in my character judgement. I know now what kind of person makes a good partner and what I want out of a relationship. I'm still working on all of that, though. In the end, it was an experience and I'm either going to die or learn from it.
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    Best of luck mate. Yeah put it down to experience. Good riddance sounds like (no offence)
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    People change so no I don't think it's fair to judge a person by their past, unless they're a murderer or something. Seems to me though like she's proud of her past and has told you this stuff pretty early on? So perhaps she hasn't really changed that much...


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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Dkaurp)
    People change so no I don't think it's fair to judge a person by their past, unless they're a murderer or something. Seems to me though like she's proud of her past and has told you this stuff pretty early on? So perhaps she hasn't really changed that much...


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    Her friends are liberal arty folks, so maybe she thought it wasnt a big deal to most people. She has the same type of friends lol
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's not about maturity, women get insulted lol
    If someone would get insulted by that then would you really want to be with them? You could suggest getting tested together.
 
 
 
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