When is it too late for the no contact rule?

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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    Yes some couples do get back together, but if she missed you that much and wanted to message you, surely she would have got in touch by now.
    She was messaging me all the time, but then I told her not to pop up to me anymore. I was very concrete about it as as far as she knows I'm never coming back. Hopefully in 18 days she'll be in for a happy surprise.
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    Halfway through no contact and it hasn't been broken. It's really hard sometimes, a massive part of me wants to message her, but I keep going because whether I do get her back, or even if I don't, this way is the best.
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    QUESTION: Did I majorly mess up by saying I was headed into the friendzone when I cut her off? I feel like I was stupid to use that word. Very stupid.
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    is this too late to be effective if it's been almost two months since breakup?
    Depends 100% whether you're a boss vs. whether they're a wallflower or not
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Depends 100% whether you're a boss vs. whether they're a wallflower or not
    I suppose when I come back I'll make sure to bring my A game
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    I suppose when I come back I'll make sure to bring my A game
    You can bring it all but if she doesn't want to get back with you then there is nothing you can do.
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    (Original post by Rock Fan)
    You can bring it all but if she doesn't want to get back with you then there is nothing you can do.
    It's possible that that could happen.
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    QUESTION: Did I majorly mess up by saying I was headed into the friendzone when I cut her off? I feel like I was stupid to use that word. Very stupid.
    All you needed to say was you needed space and you need to keep a distance from her to clear your head.
    When you said what you did you meant if you can't be with her you didnt want to be friends but for the past few weeks you guys were hanging out like friends and she knows what you want but isnt sure what she wants.
    If i were you i wouldnt have revealed too much emotion just cut her off without an explanation she would come running back if she cares.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    All you needed to say was you needed space and you need to keep a distance from her to clear your head.
    When you said what you did you meant if you can't be with her you didnt want to be friends but for the past few weeks you guys were hanging out like friends and she knows what you want but isnt sure what she wants.
    If i were you i wouldnt have revealed too much emotion just cut her off without an explanation she would come running back if she cares.
    I said "I still like you and if you don't want a relationship I think it's best if we don't talk. I don't want to say friendzone, but I feel like Im on a slippery slope to a place I don't want to be. I need a clean slate. Do you think you could not pop up to me anymore? It's not to spite you."

    Slightly botched job but what's done is done. At least this way when I come back super chilled she'll know my intentions.
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    She said sniffled a bit and said, "I don't know what to say. I don't want it to end. No [Im not currently interested in a relationship]."

    She then bargained a bit:

    "I suppose with school it's all been very busy". [I told her this wasn't why I wasn't why I was making the decision].

    "So you're saying you only want something if it's more than friends?" [I told her I wasn't ready either way, time off is best.]

    And

    "I'll see you later then" [at a party in a few months. She kept saying this I didn't have the heart to tell her that if we were still split by then there was no way I would want to talk to her.]

    So yeah could've been better, could've been worse. I suppose the important thing is that she knows she can't contact me and she's getting time to miss me.
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    Day 22. I miss her a lot sometimes but I'm less blinded by the situation now and I can see more clearly past the fog of post-breakup delusion. I have a chance, but I've really shot myself in the foot in many ways when I was clingy after the initial split. I try not to over-analyse her social media, but it's hard sometimes, it's now less sad than when I originally cut off contact, infact she makes a deceleration of her happiness every single post. I try not to look into too much or presume that it's all for show for me, but a little voice in the back of my head wonders sometimes.

    She put a photo on of the night out together I previously described, she didn't tag me but to be fair earlier I had done the exact same. My media posted by myself and others has been very happy and it's giving the impression that I've moved on,though sometimes I wonder if she can smell past this, like a sixth sense.

    I've re-done my wardrobe for when I meet her again and I'm going to do my hair next. I feel like a new person, and a much happier one at that, I've used this time wisely.

    I've tried "getting under someone" to get over her, but to be honest I've had one good rebound and apart from that it's been a lot of striking out.

    Last push now guys 😊
    #1

    (Original post by Lockra)
    Day 22. I miss her a lot sometimes but I'm less blinded by the situation now and I can see more clearly past the fog of post-breakup delusion. I have a chance, but I've really shot myself in the foot in many ways when I was clingy after the initial split. I try not to over-analyse her social media, but it's hard sometimes, it's now less sad than when I originally cut off contact, infact she makes a deceleration of her happiness every single post. I try not to look into too much or presume that it's all for show for me, but a little voice in the back of my head wonders sometimes.

    She put a photo on of the night out together I previously described, she didn't tag me but to be fair earlier I had done the exact same. My media posted by myself and others has been very happy and it's giving the impression that I've moved on,though sometimes I wonder if she can smell past this, like a sixth sense.

    I've re-done my wardrobe for when I meet her again and I'm going to do my hair next. I feel like a new person, and a much happier one at that, I've used this time wisely.

    I've tried "getting under someone" to get over her, but to be honest I've had one good rebound and apart from that it's been a lot of striking out.

    Last push now guys 😊
    Great to hear you're making progress, OP! Just try to avoid analysing anything you might have done wrong in the past.

    I don't see the point of getting into a rebound. If you have feelings for someone new, go for it, but don't do it just to get back at your ex.*
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    Today is an angry day. I'm glad I'm in no contact because if I wasn't I'd likely be picking up the phone and laying into her, burning any chance I have.

    It's crossed my mind that before our night out she went to a "friend's house" to get some drinks. It was a male friend and I'm not nïave enough to think the possibility that something happened is impossible. Bear in mind that this is total and utter hypocrisy on my part, I was at other girl's houses before this point, but the thought of something happening there makes me obviously very agitated.

    She also told me on the last night that she didn't know who someone was at one point but now was "like talking to him". Again this may have been innocent and even if it wasn't total hypocrisy on my part to get upset, but I would be, and conveying that to her would not be at all attractive.

    I also saw loads of boys on her phone. I'm honestly just so glad I cut it off before I became someone who was there for her only when another boy broke her heart.

    Also a thought has crossed my mind. If I cut her off from my life immediately after she gave me her other ticket she won to go to a gig could she be annoyed at me for that? I have a feeling she may be.
    #2

    (Original post by Lockra)
    Today is an angry day. I'm glad I'm in no contact because if I wasn't I'd likely be picking up the phone and laying into her, burning any chance I have.

    It's crossed my mind that before our night out she went to a "friend's house" to get some drinks. It was a male friend and I'm not nïave enough to think the possibility that something happened is impossible. Bear in mind that this is total and utter hypocrisy on my part, I was at other girl's houses before this point, but the thought of something happening there makes me obviously very agitated.

    She also told me on the last night that she didn't know who someone was at one point but now was "like talking to him". Again this may have been innocent and even if it wasn't total hypocrisy on my part to get upset, but I would be, and conveying that to her would not be at all attractive.

    I also saw loads of boys on her phone. I'm honestly just so glad I cut it off before I became someone who was there for her only when another boy broke her heart.

    Also a thought has crossed my mind. If I cut her off from my life immediately after she gave me her other ticket she won to go to a gig could she be annoyed at me for that? I have a feeling she may be.
    no idea what youve posted in this post about a gig.
    she hasnt explictly said she likes this guy, but "talking to someone" in that context could mean romantically.
    Anyway how is the no contact going?
    i'm in a similar sort of situation but broke the contact a few days ago.. it had been about 3 weeks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no idea what youve posted in this post about a gig.
    she hasnt explictly said she likes this guy, but "talking to someone" in that context could mean romantically.
    Anyway how is the no contact going?
    i'm in a similar sort of situation but broke the contact a few days ago.. it had been about 3 weeks.

    She didn't say that no. I'm going to repress all my emotions for when I do message her soon so I can be very chilled out and gradually edge in.

    What did you say to them? Did it go well?
    #2

    (Original post by Lockra)
    She didn't say that no. I'm going to repress all my emotions for when I do message her soon so I can be very chilled out and gradually edge in.

    What did you say to them? Did it go well?
    Basically i saw him after 3 weeks of not seeing or speaking, then I went home and couldn't stop thinking bout it and messaged him
    I just said.."hey (his name) hope youre well and good, can we talk?" and he responded within a minute saying yes, about how he saw me earlier but didnt know if he should say something blah blah.

    We havent spoken about "us" or anything serious, just general chit chat kept to a positive tone. We havent stopped talking but replies arent as quick as they used to be when we were together obviously. Its been three days and one of us just falls asleep and the other continues the convo the next day
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    (Original post by Lockra)
    She didn't say that no. I'm going to repress all my emotions for when I do message her soon so I can be very chilled out and gradually edge in.

    What did you say to them? Did it go well?
    She told you she dosent want to get back together with you and if she is dating/speaking to other guys then she has every right to as she is single. She sees you as a good friend.
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    (Original post by chikane)
    She told you she dosent want to get back together with you and if she is dating/speaking to other guys then she has every right to as she is single. She sees you as a good friend.
    I've already told her I'm not interested in just friends and left her life. Even so I experienced what that was after the breakup and I promise you it wasn't friendship, it was still hanging out sometimes to ease the pain of loss.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Basically i saw him after 3 weeks of not seeing or speaking, then I went home and couldn't stop thinking bout it and messaged him
    I just said.."hey (his name) hope youre well and good, can we talk?" and he responded within a minute saying yes, about how he saw me earlier but didnt know if he should say something blah blah.

    We havent spoken about "us" or anything serious, just general chit chat kept to a positive tone. We havent stopped talking but replies arent as quick as they used to be when we were together obviously. Its been three days and one of us just falls asleep and the other continues the convo the next day
    Maybe soon would be the time to get your ex out on a date? I intend to do that not too long after no contact.
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    Once someone has said it is over there is usually no going back.
 
 
 
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