Say a funny joke thread? Watch
- 15-12-2010 23:32
- 15-12-2010 23:40
Wing, instead of ring because Wing is a popular Chinese name.
Bad joke anyways
- 15-12-2010 23:44
What do you get when you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat?Spoiler:ShowThe Milky Baa Kid
- 15-12-2010 23:58
(Original post by ddua_dduges)
- 16-12-2010 00:03
you should change the 'wrong' to 'wong' too... so it would read "wing the wong number". wong is a common name and they can't say r's properly lol
Good call (Y)
- 16-12-2010 00:03
- 16-12-2010 00:05
what's brown and sticky?Spoiler:ShowPOO!
- 16-12-2010 00:07
A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"
- 16-12-2010 00:08
What does a ginger miss the most at a party?
The Invitation !
- 16-12-2010 00:13
Why did the Mcanns cross the road.....to leave their kids on the other side
I'm josef fritzel and no windows was my idea
- 16-12-2010 00:16
What do you get if you cross human DNA with that of a goat.........banned from the petting zoo
- 16-12-2010 00:28
Hmmm I dunno I usually charge rep or something for my jokes but...
This cracks me up everytimeSpoiler:ShowIron Man is a super-hero. Iron Woman, is a command
- 16-12-2010 00:34
- 16-12-2010 00:43
we've all heard of the saying 'safety in numbers' try telling that to 6 million Jews.....
what's better than winning double paralympic gold?
- 16-12-2010 00:59
Whats the difference between oral and anal?
Oral might make your day, but anal makes your whole week.
- 16-12-2010 01:10
- 16-12-2010 03:18
An old one but makes me laugh whenever I hear it:
Three guys in a desert, they meet a wizard who has a magical slide. The wizard tells them that if they yell out what they wanna land in, they will land in it.
First guy yells out: WAAAAATERRRR - lands in water.
Second guy yells out: BEEEER - and lands in some beer.
Third guy has a bit too much fun going down the slide and yells: weeeeeeee!
(Original post by RedGuy)Spoiler:ShowJoke 1
- 16-12-2010 03:31
A gorilla walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender finds this very peculiar and realizes he is dreaming. He then wakes up and tells his wife about the ridiculous dream he just had. His wife just ignores him, he rolls over and starts to sob because he knows his marriage is in shambles.
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables.
A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.
Your mother is so morbidly obese that she is at great risk for heart disease.
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.
Why did the deer cross the road? So it could stand in the middle of the ****ing road and kill my dad in a crash when I was 15. (RIP Kevin)
Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.
Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'
Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
A nun is on a plane, escorting a trained chimpanzee to an orphanage. After some time, the chimp won't sit still. The nun notices it's because of a man smoking a big cigar, and the smoke is going right in the chimps face. The nun asks him nicely to throw out the cigar, but he refuses. She pleads with him but the man refuses, and a heated argument starts. Finally, a stewardess shows up and demands he throw the cigar out. The man yells, "Fine, for heaven sakes!". He throws the cigar out of the window and the plane falls and crashes. They all die.
You: Have you heard that joke about no and me neither?
You: Me neither.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.
Whats worse than the Holocaust? 6 million Jews.
How does Bob Marley like his doughnuts? He doesn't, he's dead.
What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
Two bears are sitting in a bathtub. One says to the other - "I'm gonna f**k you in the ass".
What do a banana and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them is a police officer.
What's the difference between a lamp post and a cat? Motorcycles don't have doors!
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Why didn't Jimmy drive the tractor? Because he had no legs. Why didn't he have any legs? Because he was a potato.
What did the asian say to the black guy? "Hello"
Two whales are sitting in a bar. One turns to the other and says "Oooouuuuuuueueeeeeouuuoooe oeiieiiooaoaaaoaoeiieuaoaoooeeie eeeuaiaaaauuuuoooaaiiiiaiaaaaooo iiiioo!" The other responds, "You must be really drunk."
What's the worst thing about two black guys getting hit by a car? They were my friends.
Guy 1: Last night I saved a girl from getting raped at the bar!
Guy 2: Really! How?
Guy 1: I changed my mind!
You have beautiful eyes -- THEY'D LOOK BETTER ON MY BEDROOM FLOOR.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
Two guys were walking down the street, when one of guy said to the other, "I'm hungry, let's eat." The other guy (he was bald) said, "OK."
Why do women drink Diet Coke and wear make-up? Because they're fat and ugly.
A black man, an Asian man, and a Jewish man walk into a bar. What a fine example of a diverse and integrated community.
Royal Mail, sign for this please.
What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot.
A man decides he's going to build a big brick barbecue grill for his backyard. He decides to go buy the materials, but his wife says, "You'll buy too much junk and we'll have leftover junk littering our back yard!" So he promises he'll use every piece.
He buys the materials, builds the grill, and it's beautiful. But he winds up with one brick leftover. Afraid his wife will be angry, and not knowing what to do with it, he throws the brick into the air.(Original post by CB91)
Why should you wear pants in Russia?
Cos otherwise CherNOByl fall out.Spoiler:ShowI know Chernobyl didnt happen in Russia fyi, it just makes the joke flow better.(Original post by Blame)
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat *****."Last edited by lella_m; 16-12-2010 at 03:51.
- 16-12-2010 13:15
- 16-12-2010 13:32