Would it bother you if a potential guy you may be seeing still lives at home Watch

Ice Constricter
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#121
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#121
When I finish uni I'd be 22 at to girls like you I'd have to get a good paying job pretty much instantly to not be viewed as "pathetic" in your eyes. As has been said tenfold in this thread, moving like that just isn't financially feasible in this economic climate. And ironically, the only reason I can see someone desperately wanting to move out even when they clearly can't afford it would be to feel independent and "cool" in front of their friends. Yeah, real mature..
Or that they have a strained relationship with their parents, like in your case OP.

So I think the guy in question OP would be dodging a bullet by not dating you. If any guy decides to move out while barely making ends meat and living in a ****ty cardboard box, and just barely having enough money to live a normal life just to impress some shallow ***** has zero respect for himself in my eyes.

(Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse)
Poppy, it is easy to get sanctimonious as a student, asserting your 'independence' and 'maturity' and making derisive remarks about those who return home temporarily after university and how you couldn't possibly do that, but I really would like to see you hack it out in the real world. First you would have to get this job, and believe me, even the 'worst' jobs are difficult to get. It could take you months to find a part-time shelf-stacking job. All the jobs at the bottom which you think you can waltz into because you have a degree will be filled with 16 year olds because 16 year olds are cheap. Second, not many people live in areas in which £297 covers all living expenses, and the majority cannot afford to relocate to somewhere that cheap. Consider, for example, that your job would have to be close to your house otherwise you'd be spending a large chunk of money on transport. Consider also that your savings will run out. What happens if you get fired or are made redundant from your job? No job these days is secure and many people are on very short contracts.

If you make it, good for you. Just consider that every person has their own circumstances and that you should think long and hard before judging someone. I personally think it takes a great deal of maturity to move back in with the parents and make it work. I think that is possibly a true sign of an adult.
Very very very good post! +1
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Desperate Prayer
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#122
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#122
(Original post by rattusratus)
yes

my boyfriend is 28 and we have been together 6 years and have a child together yet he still wont move out of his mothers house, trust me men that live with there parents in there 20s have emotional attachment issues that dont change, my partner is a lovely guy and great father but completely emotionally backward with commitment

red flags should fly (unless its just a temporary thing i.e... hes moved in with his parents due to moving area after uni while looking for a flat ect...)

edit: why would i you neg me for giving you a fact about my life
OR maybe he "just isnt that into you"
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Charcharx
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#123
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#123
No of course not why on earth would it bother me
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superduper9
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#124
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This is a very interesting thread. Initially, I thought most people would come down hard on those still living at home with their parents. It seems, however, that the majority realise the difficulties of living away from home, especially when you're still in your early 20's. Funnily enough, I've had a few people give me the raised eyebrow, sometimes a lecture on being independent and in some rare cases, suggest where I could find affordable housing or financial help! I found this not only a bit strange and disrespectful, but sort of insulting. I know where I stand at the moment, both financially and personally, and I know I'm not in a position to move out.

To elaborate, I lived out during my uni days, but decided to move back in to my parent's house now that I'm doing my postgraduate studies. I get on really well with both my parents as well as my brother. I have my private space and I always help out around the house (e.g. I'm a fairly decent cook and can whip up something for a medium size gathering!). I don't feel like I'm a burden on my family, nor am I too "scared" to face the "real" world. The fact is, with my current funding, I simply could not afford to pay all my bills without a fair amount of stress each month. To avoid that and ensure my concentration is where it should be, i.e. on finishing my PG course and not on worrying how to pay my bills each month, I am, for now, living with my parents. This hasn't in anyway restricted my freedom either; I still go out with the boys, have my own social life, and importantly, I have enough money, through weekly pay, to fund myself for these smaller expenses. I have been able to talk to girls as I always have (whether the girls are interested or not is a different issue!) and even went out with one for a short period.

However, what bothers me about the people who give me the raised eyebrow, the lecture on being independent, so-called advice and threads like this, is that they are passing judgement without knowing the full story. I have future plans of owning my/our own house (with my girlfriend/wife) and by no means am I looking to my parents for everything. You can be independent and stand on your own two feet whilst still remaining close to your family - I don't see why the two have to oppose one another.
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Kage
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#125
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#125
I'm 25 and still living with parents. For one thing, its cheaper!
Not just that though. I haven't had any real reason to move out. Not been in any relationships to think I may want to move in with them, etc.

I wouldn't say I'm all that independant though. Girls grow up faster. If you are in your mid 20's for example, or even younger 20's, or 18-19, you will still potentially be older emotionally, than the guy. Girls do simply become adults at a much faster rate.
Some have to. I think you probably had to.

If that bothers you, and you think he is pathetic, then don't date him. He likes you for a reason.
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lascelles
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#126
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#126
(Original post by tweety_2479)
I'm talking to this guy .... seems like a nice guy ...into the same music as I which is important.

He's very handsome .... don't really get why he's taken an interest in me but anyway we've been talking and then he dropped something that really bothers me and I don't know why....

He said he still lives with his family, he's 22...... thing is I'm very very independent , have no family really, I don't rely on anyone and would like someone similar.

I think it says a lot about the person if they still live at home

I'm trying not to be picky as I know I can and trying to go along with it.

But would it be something that bothers you.

I know I'm going to get a lot of hate from this but I think it's just human nature that we need to accept but ..

I think I'm only making an effort because he is fit and if he wasn't that good looking I wouldn't have bothered is that wrong too?

Keep in mind I havent ever been in a long term relationship should I still get to know him?
I'm 23 in just less than 2 weeks and still live at home. Most of my friends still live at home, and some have tried to move out (rent) but it's just too hard around here. Rent is VERY high in my town and it's made me realise that I don't want to move out til I can actually buy my own place. The only person I know who has bought their own place has a very rich daddy who paid her £40,000 deposit. As far as I'm concerned, I'm better at home. Also, I'm going to uni in September, so deffo not moving out soon!
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roh
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#127
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(Original post by Popppppy)
I agree with you OP.
It would be so weird to have to hang out in his room with his parents downstairs in the living room, like being back in high school!

Even if I don't get a graduate job straight out of uni I wouldn't move home.

I've worked out that to pay my current rent and bills, I'd have to work 12 hours a week earning minimum wage. I could easily get more than those hours at my current part time job, so I would have no need to move home.

I guess some people don't mind living at home, but I much prefer the independence of not living with my parents and obviously would like a guy who feels the same way.
You can get a grad job and still need to live at home.

Where you live must be reasonably cheap, but at the other end of the scale my mate has a grad job and lived at home until last week (graduated last summer). His grad job? FO at JP Morgan.

He earns a shedload by most standards (about 35 nominally, but he gets a bonus and so on) but that isn't enough to get together the money for the (rental, not buying) deposit on a 1 bed in decent area of central London within a month.

He didn't want to live at home, in fact he ****ing hated the loss of independence and in his last year at uni spent one night at home (Xmas Day to Boxing Day). He could theoretically get a second part time job like you, but given he regularly works 100 hour weeks this seems a bit much to take on. He would have loved not to have to live at home, but it would have been ridiculously stupid to spend a load on the deposit for a flat he would only want to live in for 3-4 months before he got enough for the deposit somewhere nice.

Obviously this is an extreme example, but it shows that living at home can be the only option even for those who are very lucky getting a job out of uni, especially in the South East, never mind for those who aren't.
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tweety_2479
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#128
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#128
(Original post by Hooj)
In a crap council house with next to no real spending cash or did Daddy help you?
No it was a one bed flat I had rented out myself whilst working at Uni and for your information I was brought up in a single parent family and have been basically fending for myself since I was 16, I have never met my Dad.
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Kage
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#129
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#129
You have had to grow up fast living the way you have been. That has given you a different perspective on life than this guy that likes you. So its up to you how you carry on, but I don't think you two will be a good match, unless you can see into his shoes, as someone that lives with parents.
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Kaz310
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#130
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Excuse me for not reading all of your posts and the whole thread as you might have already mentioned this, but can I just ask, if you haven't or if already have left home, does that mean your mum is or will be living by her self once you leave/left?
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tweety_2479
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#131
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(Original post by Kaz310)
Excuse me for not reading all of your posts and the whole thread as you might have already mentioned this, but can I just ask, if you haven't or if already have left home, does that mean your mum is or will be living by her self once you leave/left?
I have left home I left at 18 never moved back I'm 24 now

and yes my mum lives alone but I haven't spoken to her in 2 years because we don't get on so who knows.
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Kaz310
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#132
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(Original post by tweety_2479)
I have left home I left at 18 never moved back I'm 24 now

and yes my mum lives alone but I haven't spoken to her in 2 years because we don't get on so who knows.
I see. Well each to their own circumstances then. If you don't get along with your mum, doesn't mean no one else should. Some people might still want to see their mum everyday, She is family after all. But then you have the emotional attachment issues which you seem to have a problem with. Not eveyone is going to be perfect for your needs. You may need to adapt in this world. On the other hand, just keep looking is all I can say.
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Enchanté
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#133
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Doesn't bother me.
My boyfriend lives at home still but he has the money for a deposit for a house. He's hoping to get one this yeah and I may move in with him. We are both 23.
But even if he was still at home for a for another year or whenever still wouldn't bother me. At least I know he's saving up lol and not sitting on his bum doing nothing.
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ed-
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#134
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You're thinking too short term. If he lives at home in exchange for going to uni he'll have a good job and stuff in the future.
Would you rather go out with someone who lives in a council flat for the rest of your life because you couldn't think beyond a few months?
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MedMed12
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#135
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not really
some people live at home and save money
okay fine maybe their mums may cook, clean for them, but if they've shown independence and maturity in other ways thats okay
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Snagprophet
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#136
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(Original post by phunky_fresh)
What does it say about people that still live at home? Who's to say he isn't saving up to move out? If he's parents don't mind him living there until he picks himself up I don't see an issue. Living expenses are a lot these days I would rather stay where I'm at until I am able to live without wondering where im going to get money for a bill. You know? It doesn't mean he depends on his parents or he's a mummy's boy. It happens, if you like him go for it. Obviously if he doesn't seem to fussed if he's living at home still when he's 30+, relies on his parents, has no ambition etc then I'd say that's more understandable. Get to know him a little better, just because he lives at home now doesn't mean he isn't on the same page as you. It could be a lot worst, he could be potentially the right guy for you.
Exactly, my dad's GF's kids live at home with their dad and gran and they're in their late 20s. They work and pay bills so it isn't an issue.
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